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R.HAMILTON
It seemed the Clubhouse was closed. There was not one single car in the visitor car park. The restaurant was empty. No sound of golf balls being hit caught River's attention, either.
Shortly after they got out of the car, Dexter revealed he ordered the Clubhouse be closed down early for the day.
"I thought you made me the boss," she glanced at her father.
Dexter hummed. "You are, darling."
River hummed back in response. Sure. How could she forget her father would always hold a heavier weight in any room, in any conversation, amongst all people?
Eventually, when the pointless conversations ended between them, Dexter hurried River along to do what she needed to do. He told her Harry was expecting her, and something about that statement made her stomach lurch.
It had been one week since they last saw each other and too much had happened already to know how she needed to behave around him. Something shifted between them back in Cancun, when she found him in their shared bathroom, and she knew whatever was going to happen between them that afternoon wouldn't be easy.
River suspected Harry would be in his office, no doubt buried beneath as much work as he could find. It was what she would've done if her schedule didn't get filled with cake tasting appointments, and meetings around colour schemes for her upcoming wedding.
Anxiety gripped her throat as she diverted her route at the last minute. She headed towards the gazebo like the raised seating area would help her find her cool. It worked before so she had no reason to believe otherwise.
Except that she didn't expect Harry to be there.
River stopped dead in her track as she watched his back. It was impossible for her to not know it was Harry. She could've picked him out of a crowd with ease. The curve of his shoulders. The curls on the back of his head that seemed as frantic as ever. He leaned against the back of the chair, and rested his other arm on the one next to him.
The smell of rain blocked everything from her senses until she closed in on him, and then he was all she could pick up.
"Hey," she said softly as she stopped just beside him. River felt incredibly awkward as she made her appearance known which made the entire interaction awkward. Her skin crawled.
"Hey," he echoed her with no surprise on his features, more acknowledgement that she finally arrived. One word seemed enough to make her believe this was not the same man she left a week ago. There was an obvious change in the way he sat—more reserved. Cautious in the way he took her in. An invisible wall between them that kept them apart.
River's heart almost broke and she could barely keep it together. Desperately wishing for a warmer welcome. It was ridiculous to have to remind herself why he chose to keep her out. Harry started to look out for himself and she should've been glad he knew to protect his heart.
"May I sit?" she asked. It felt wrong. She never had to ask such a thing. Not because she felt entitled but because Harry would've pulled her down into his lap by now.
"Sure," he nodded.
Harry had a mug of something before him and she didn't notice until then. A plate that had a wrapper on it, and a crumpled-up napkin. Harry had to have sat out there for a while. When did Dexter order the Clubhouse closed, and Harry essentially prisoned?
"I didn't know you were out here," she mentioned to fight the urge of explaining how she ended up there. It certainly wasn't because she stalked him. The last thing she wanted was to freak him out after everything that happened. River thought she had done enough to cause him pain.
He nodded again as if to confirm he heard her. "Your father called and ordered the place closed. I thought it was interesting but I couldn't exactly say no to him."
"I'm sorry."
Harry chuckled. "For what?" he asked. "I'm glad to not be working."
There was nothing else he said. No reasoning behind why he was glad to be out here, alone. A little while ago he would've confided in her without even having to ask.
"I didn't order it."
He frowned. "What?"
"For the Clubhouse to close," she clarified. Harry breathed a quiet 'oh' as he understood what she meant. "I didn't want to come because I'm likely the last person you want to see but my father thought otherwise."
"That's not true," he claimed. The small bundle of hope began to blossom in River's chest—until, of course, she realised there was no point in feeding this hope. "I always want to see you. I'm glad you are here."
"You are?"
Harry nodded again. It seemed like the words refused to come to him. "Yeah. I'm used to having you around."
The comment made her smile. It was impossible to control so she chose to embrace it instead.
"You haven't been keeping up with the news I take it?"
"Nope," he said almost immediately.
"I think that may be for the best," she mumbled. Subconsciously twisted the engagement ring around her finger. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say."
"Yeah, I'm not sure what there is to say, to be honest," he agreed with a smile that seemed more forced than genuine, and most certainly nowhere near founded upon joy.
"My father dropped me off to get some closure," she revealed. If Harry didn't know how to open up to her anymore, she could show him the way they used to talk. Perhaps she needed it more than he did. "I'm not entirely sure why he thought this was the best way to do it but I can't fault him for doing something relatively nice."
"I wouldn't say it was relatively nice," he laughed. River frowned, and he sighed. "River, they forced your hand when you least expected it, and now they are basically saying you need to cut me out of your life completely. I wonder if you were sent to sack me."
"Darling, no," she said. Blood rushed to her cheeks immediately because she forgot she had no right to refer to him with that name now. Harry's eyes flickered up to meet hers instantly, brightened with recognition, and something else—familiarity. Instead of focusing on it more, she moved on quickly. "If they wanted you out of the business, they would've done it themselves."
"So you believe your father had pure intentions with this."
River nodded. The look on Harry's face reflected the question he wanted to ask. "He shared something with me, something about his past, that truly made me view him differently. I believe him, and that he had true intentions with this—regardless of how uncomfortable it may be for us right now."
"That's new."
"What's new?" she asked. Started to get defensive. Harry never showed such outright distaste for her family before. Didn't question things so adamantly to where she felt she needed to side with her parents rather than Harry. Did he keep it under lock for her sake? Diffused his own feelings to avoid problems with her?
"The overprotectiveness of your dad and his actions," he said.
"I love my father. My family," she said. It was true. "I'm not sure I understand why you are being negative about this."
"I guess I'm looking out for myself."
River couldn't help it when she blatantly asked, "Are you suggesting I didn't do that for you?"
"You did your best," he replied coldly. Left the part about it not being enough unsaid. It was like a slap to the cheek.
A lot of thoughts, and a lot of words could've been said after Harry revealed how he truly felt. At least, how he claimed he truly felt. If he told the truth, it retracted everything that ever happened between them, the words shared, the intimate moments they kept close to their hearts. It couldn't have all been pretend or simply good for the time being.
River needed to exercise all of her patience and critical thinking to realise Harry was in fight or flight mode. The further he pushed River the safer he likely felt. The pain of their reality was difficult to handle for her, and she knew how to compartmentalise. Harry on the other hand had always struggled with bottling up his emotions rather than dealing with them in the right way. In the past, he'd burst out of nowhere without explanation, and it seemed to be happening right then and there.
The possibility of River not knowing Harry well enough was terrifying to her. There was so much love in her heart for him that she simply refused to believe she didn't know him. River never would've imagined to do what she had done for him and with him while they were in a relationship, and it didn't sit right with her to acknowledge she may not have known Harry enough for him to deserve any of it.
Taught to put herself and her family before everyone else was her only rule until Harry came along. Somehow, he pushed himself to the top of that list but River was fine with it. Thinking back on their time together, she suddenly began to question if it was the right thing to do.
"I know you are paying for Chris's treatment," he said randomly.
"I am," she confirmed. No point in lying, right?
"Well, I'd like to pay for it from now on."
"You can't," she said.
"Pardon?"
With an exhale, she adjusted her position on the chair. The wind blew her hair softly, and the fresh air in her lungs was almost freeing. She said, "He found out I was the one who got him his doctor—I don't know how since I never hinted, and I specifically requested it wasn't discussed if anyone ever asked. Nonetheless, I agreed with Chris that I will continue to pay for everything, and anything he needs, until he gets better. He believes it is the only way he will be able to keep himself accountable to get back on track."
"I'm sure he won't notice anything different."
"I also agreed to meet with him monthly to catch up on how things are going, so, yes, he will notice if anything changes," she explained. She didn't mean to sound mean or derogatory but the way Harry wished to cut her from his life so completely was difficult to accept. Understandable but difficult.
This visit was messing with her head already. She didn't know what she wanted or what she didn't want. Anything that came up between them was going to confuse everything, and the small progress she made was already chucked to the side.
Harry was the only thing she'd be thinking about for the foreseeable future and seeing him in the flesh again made it worse.
"How am I supposed to get over you?" he asked with such seriousness that River felt a little guilty. They were in the same position so she didn't have an answer for him. "You're sitting across from me yet I find it difficult to even form a sentence without having you closer. You remain my boss because you won't fire me, and I can't afford to quit on my own. And now you're telling me you'll be seeing my brother twelve times a year?"
"I don't know how to advise you," she said honestly. "I suppose your best option is to do whatever you did to get over your ex."
Harry scoffed. "She cheated on me with my best friend. This is not quite the same, is it?"
"Perhaps not," she answered, but wondered if this situation was at least similar.
Harry's ex betrayed him. River betrayed him, too, in the sense that she got engaged to another man, right in front of him, on her birthday, in a country he didn't know with people around who didn't care for him. While she claimed to fight for him and their happiness, she willingly accepted a proposal to someone who may as well have been a stranger to her. It would've made sense if Harry believed her to be untruthful, and therefore felt hurt by everything.
Eventually, River averted her gaze from him. Harry couldn't stand to look at her, she concluded, as he observed the bare trees around them, the gloomy sky—anything and everything that wasn't her.
The wind picked up as they sat in the gazebo, quiet, and lost in their thoughts. It was familiar to previous encounters, days where they enjoyed the silence but it was unfamiliar in the way River started to feel uncomfortable.
"I could crash your wedding, you know," he spoke randomly. It was quiet. Like the words were half a thought, half verbal admissions. Harry didn't seem to know whether to really say them. It drew River's attention, her eyes settled on him again. Still, he focused on the view behind her. "Turn up and object as they are about to seal the union."
River chuckled softly. "Sounds like a movie."
"Except that it turns out to be a successful move in movies," he answered. Glanced in her direction briefly then away again. River needed him to pay attention to her with his every part but he refused, and it was the worst form of rejection. "I don't know—," he said as he moved in his chair, adjusted his posture slightly. "I'd get escorted in the best-case scenario. Shot by a sniper in the worst."
She could barely contain her gasp. "Shot by a sniper? This isn't some royal wedding, Harry," she chuckled, slightly entertained by the ludicrous thing he said. Again, he glanced in her direction for a quick second, perhaps in awe of her actually using his name. She knew he was used to being address differently.
"Might as well be," he shrugged. "The infamous millionaire socialite and the golden boy of the upper circle marrying by the end of twenty-twenty-four is already the talk of the town. It is no doubt the event of the year—and every one that is to come after that. I'd say security will be top-notch, and unless you're on the invite list, I'm certain you'll get kicked."
One thing about Harry—he was realistic. River couldn't have denied what he said. The engagement, and the upcoming wedding was all people talked about from the moment it was confirmed, and if she had to be honest, she was sick of it.
"I'll put you on the invite list."
Harry looked at her immediately. Almost frantically. "Don't."
"Why?"
He laughed. "Why?" he asked. "Do you really have to—River, it's the last place I'll want to be."
"So you won't object?"
"If you think it'd make a difference, you're naïve," he stated. "Of course, I won't make a complete fool of myself."
"Right," she nodded, somewhat disappointed he only humoured her with the possibility of him showing up. How could she expect that from him? Did she really think he'd go against powerful people for her? Please.
When he sighed, she felt his hopelessness, and the frustration that boiled inside him. Their relationship was never easy and she knew this but she couldn't have imagined how the end of it would affect them.
"You will always be a very special person to me, and I will always hold the memories we created close to my heart," she said. "Just because I'm marrying someone else for political gain, I will not forget the time we had together, and I will likely never spend a day without wishing we had more of it."
Harry nodded but said nothing because the tears she felt well in her own eyes, were reflected in his.
"I have so much I've wanted to share with you but everything I have had time to share, I hope you'll keep safe," she continued as she fondly recalled everything from the past nine months. It was a challenge for they shared so much but the gist of it was there. She wanted him to keep her love pure and true just as she felt it so strongly for him. "I wouldn't like to assume you would but please—do not wait for me."
"I don't want to be with anyone else," he shrugged.
River smiled, sadness in her eyes, in the lines by her lips. "I understand. But if love shows up at your door, please invite it in. Let it fill you until you're happier than you've ever been. Let it give you the freedom you have given me."
"You have no idea what you are asking."
"I'm asking you to put yourself first."
He scoffed. Pushed himself back in his chair. Then stood when he couldn't handle his emotions. River watched him curiously. The hand he shoved through his hair then planted on his waist, followed by the other soon enough.
"Look, I know this is not easy. This is very difficult," she clarified, hopeful that her own view on this will help him. River truly didn't know what the best course of action was here. Was this considered closure? Making sure Harry would be okay once she left here today? She'd never had to do this before.
Like him, she rose to her feet. Harry leaned against the railing, his head between his shoulders. River's hand itched to run down his back but she knew she couldn't do it. Not without repercussions.
"I want you to move on," she stated. Lied. She didn't want him to move on. Selfishly, she wanted him to wait for her on the odd chance that once she married, had children, and her family was satisfied with her, she'd leave and spend the remainder of her life with the man she loved. "There is—" she stopped. Prepared for whatever was going to come out of her mouth. Closed her eyes for a moment to rethink the decision. There was no way she couldn't say this. Not if she wanted Harry to let go. "There is no chance for us. Maybe there never was but—I'm engaged. I'm going to be married in less than a year. I can't be with you."
Slowly, he turned around. River wished he hadn't done that. For the tears that streamed down his face were the ultimate knife to her heart.
"I know," he whispered. Sniffled as he wiped at his cheeks. "I know all of that but I can't let you go. I may never let you go."
"Harry—"
"There is no one else out there for me, and I believe that wholeheartedly. I may find someone who can make me half as happy as you have done, who I may end up caring for, but what we had..." he shook his head. "There is nothing, and absolutely no one, who will ever amount to it."
The words resonated with her. Everything he described was how she felt for him.
But they had to be realistic. They had to stop hurting themselves. This had to have a finish line and they needed to cross it because it wouldn't help either of them in the long run.
"I love you," he added, tears brightening his eyes.
River smiled but her tears rolled down her cheeks. She responded, "It will pass."
Deep down, she knew the words had no true foundation. The love they shared would never pass. Not completely. It would remain, as tiny bits of painful memory that their heart remembered with every single beat. How could it not? Their love was evergreen.
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Happy Friday!
I cannot believe I finally got to write that final scene between them. I have literally been dreaming of the moment I got to use the book title, and we are here. Absolutely heartbroken and soul forever tainted, but we are here.
THEIR LOVE WAS EVERGREEN.
This is detrimental to my wellbeing. I cannot believe I created something so insanely painful but here we are.
We do have an epilogue coming up next week. It turned out much longer than initially planned but I absolutely loved it. It is the kind of content I will be focusing on in my new story, but I will talk about that next week.
For now, let's just enjoy (perhaps not the right word lol) what we have left of Riverry. I hope this wasn't TOO painful. Remember - pain is always good. Keeps you aware, shows you're alive :D
See you next week.
Love, B xx