❝did i fall out of line when i called you?
when i told you "i'm fine", you were lied to
how could i think that all that i gave you was enough?
'cause every time i get too close, i just go mess it up❞
-mess it up, gracie abrams
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chapter twenty one, THE CHURCH BELLS
"AJ!" Pope called out as he followed after the girl. He almost passed where she was sitting, right outside the stables on a hey bail starring forward.
"AJ" He let out, moving over to her and resting a hand on her arm. Unsure of what to do.
"I'm fine, really JJ's just upset and worried about Kie. I get it" She breathed out. Her stare stayed forward, she didn't want to show how it was affecting her.
She didn't want to admit how much she cared about JJ and to hear that he blamed her for Kiara's kidnapping, even though she knew he was just taking it out on the first person he could, it hurt her.
AJ felt like she had a connection with JJ, the two understood each other. They were so similar which is why AJ kept beating herself up for getting upset. She would've done the exact same thing he just did.
"no, it isn't fair for him to do this to you. He shouldn't take it out on you when you're just trying to help" Pope tried to assure her.
"Pope it's fine. I'm okay." She finally looked at the boy. So much had happened since they left the island and the pair didn't have many moments to spend together.
AJ tried to push past what her nerves were trying to tell her. The way her stomach did flips when he was around. And now felt like an even more inappropriate time to let those feelings come to light.
The girl very rarely had crushes. It was a fact, something she was comfortable in. They were messy and complicated and the feelings never made sense to her. Her instincts screamed to run far. But her instincts pleaded and begged for her to say something, anything.
Just a quick, 'Hey, I know things are shit right now but you give me butterflies' or 'Hey the only boyfriend I ever had was when I was twelve so I don't even know how this works' or 'Hey, you make me feel things that I do not understand' or 'hey, Pope I know we haven't known each other long but-'.
Oh, it was pointless! Amelia Jade Whitlock knew nothing about love or feelings or communication and crushes. She knew of no way to approach the situation. She wasn't even sure if she actually liked the boy or not.
She couldn't say what she was dying to. She couldn't express whatever feelings wanted to come out. She just couldn't. So she turned away again. She didn't want to look at him and suffocate herself all at the same time.
What worse to do than confess unreciprocated feelings and ruin a friendship at a point in time when another friend was kidnapped and everyone was on edge? What a selfish way to break your own heart.
"you should go back with the others," She said but after a moment or two, Pope still hadn't moved.
"Pope?" She turned back to him, meeting his eyes and fighting the urge to fall apart. He looked lost in thought as he looked at her, his eyes staring into hers. She couldn't look away. She couldn't pull away.
Pope Heyward's lips were chapped, due to dehydration or sun exposure, AJ couldn't tell what, but his chapped lips brushed against hers as he leaned closer.
AJ sucked in a breath. A moment of shock washed over her before she had the chance to kiss him back. She wanted to. She screamed at herself to do something but she sat still and he pulled away.
Pope didn't meet her eyes this time and AJ felt shame and anger wash over. All at herself. Why didn't she just kiss him back? She forced herself to move, to make a move.
AJ reached forward, grabbing Pope's arm before he walked away. She wanted to pull him closer and kiss him. She tried, he turned and she leaned her head to meet his eyes. She stood on her toes and-
"Guys! I got something!" JJ's voice broke the pair apart and Pope stared at AJ for exactly two seconds before turning and walking into the stable.
AJ knew she needed to follow after him and see what was going on but she was standing in self-pity and cursing herself out. "Meet me at the pin at 6:15 P4L" JJ read off the phone as AJ entered behind Pope.
"We're supposed to believe that's Kiara?" Sarah let out as John B grabbed the phone from JJ.
"I mean, yeah?" AJ got out, the girl not being able to look over at Pope.
"I don't know. This all could be a trap. It's exactly how he set us up last time" Pope explained and the pogues spun out this web and Cleo shook her head.
"Sometimes you guys can be so stupid"
"I'm sorry?" Pope turned to Cleo.
"You get beat so bad you flinch even when someone's trying to help. P4L it's Kiara, man! No way she sent that as bait. They'd have to kill her. We gotta help her. Come on, man. You all just sitting there, just flinching. let's go" AJ was ready to follow immediately behind the girl but the pogues stalled.
"I don't know man, it could still be a trap"
"Like Cleo said, no one knows about P4L. She would never give that up" AJ added, looking between the others with a scoff. Kiara was leading them to her and now they took the second to think.
"We gotta check, right?" Sarah asked, less of a question and more of a statement.
"Let's go," John B said, he, Cleo and AJ were the first to run out of the stables.
Making it to the docks wasn't the easiest thing they had done but they stayed together and had made it in one piece. The six pogues ducked behind bins as they scanned the area.
Pope was next to AJ and she wanted to talk to him.
"You got boats?" John B asked JJ as he also looked around.
"Yeah, you got windows?"
"Singh's men could be posted up literally anywhere" Pope pointed out and his eyes eventually met AJ's. She chewed the inside of her bottom lip. She couldn't get anything out.
"Guys, is that her?" JJ's question stole Pope's eyes from the girl and over to where JJ was pointing. AJ let out a sigh and shut her eyes. She didn't understand why she was freezing up.
"Gimme the phone. I'll take care of this" Cleo looked from the phone before looking back up. "That boat, that's the pin. The white one right there" She pointed to one of the boats.
JJ pulled the gun from his pocket before cocking it and putting it in the waistband of the pants he was wearing. Sarah was the first to notice.
"what are you doing?" Sarah asked and AJ shot him a look.
"JJ, what the hell?" AJ watched as he stood and she went to grab his arm but he moved forward.
"There's one way to find out" He shrugged, told them to stay there and walked forward.
"hey better to stay hidden in case he needs help," Cleo told John B and Pope as they tried to move forward. They listened to the girl as they all leaned around the cans, trying to see what was happening.
AJ couldn't stop thinking about Pope kissing her. It invaded every thought. Reminding her every three seconds that she fumbled. She fucked up and she couldn't even muster the courage to say anything. She was a coward, freezing every time she got close.
"JJ?" Kiara's voice met AJ's ears and she looked up, her face stilling as she looked at the girl. JJ and Kiara were entwined, the pair tightly holding each other as the rest of the pogues ran over.
"oh my god" AJ let out as she and the others wrapped their arms around the pair.
"We thought you were dead" Pope shook his head and AJ willed him to steal a glance at her. But she knew it was no use, she would just freeze again. She was hopeless.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Come on" Kiara signalled them along as they ran towards the white boat docked. John B was next to AJ and she watched his slow out of her peripheral vision.
The bell tolling further away catching her attention again too. "John B?" She called out, turning to watch the boy. His face twisted and he shook his head before following the blonde onto the boat.
The seven pogues worked to get the boat ready to leave. Their destination over fifteen hundred miles away. OBX. The thought of going back, actually going back filled her mind before it washed away and the shore pulled Pope and their kiss back.
"We're really going back" She breathed out as she moved closer to Pope. It wasn't so difficult if she just strayed from the topic of their kiss.
"yeah," He didn't look toward her and she sighed. She didn't want to get overwhelmed but with it being impossible for her to speak about it. No matter how much she screamed at herself for it, she walked away. The bell tolled meeting her ears again.
"-Maybe you get beaten enough, you aren't able to see the miracle in front of you I mean that's exactly how he used to call me home. Maybe it is him. Maybe the universe is trying to give me a gift and-" John B rambled, AJ only catching the last of it as she passed.
"Okay," Sarah nodded.
"What?" John B questioned.
"Okay, I get it. You wanna got to the tower to go look? Go look okay?" AJ didn't mean to eavesdrop.
"You sure?"
"I'm, I'm serious, hurry" Sarah pulled the phone from her pocket and handed it to him "and take this with you"
"Are you sure?" John B asked
"Yes yes, you don't think I know what you're like? You're gonna drive us both insane if you don't look, so go look" The idea of going with him popped into AJ's mind and once it was there, she couldn't get it out.
"No wait, I love you, Sarah Cameron. I'll be back"
"go go I love you" Sarah called after him and AJ grabbed his arm before he got off the boat.
"you down for an adventure buddy?" She asked and the boy gave her a shrug, a slight smile appearing on his face. He turned back to the boat
"I love you" He called again to his girlfriend.
"Hey John B?" Pope called out, the boy leaning over the side of the boat as he watched not only John B but also AJ start to run off. "- AJ, what are you doing?"
"We'll be right back!" AJ called, keeping her pace with the boy.
"where are-" Pope didn't even finish repeating the question.
"be right back!"
"I love you Sarah" He grabbed onto AJ's arm to drag her along as they sped up.
"so you think this is your dad?" AJ asked as the two slowed down at the bottom of a hill that lead to a church. Where the bell tolling was originating from.
"I know it sounds crazy but those bells, that pattern it is the exact same way my dad used to call me home. Exactly the same." He caught his breath and the two started to walk again.
"what if it's not?" She asked, not wanting to make him feel bad but just curious about what the plan was.
"I don't know" He answered and she nodded, following behind them. He stopped at the path up, the wall behind him supporting his weight as he leaned against it.
AJ couldn't deny the fact that Big John being alive meant answers for her too. Even if it wasn't everything, she could find out a bit more. So as John B prayed for it to be his dad, Amelia Jade Whitlock did too.
✿
(NOTES)
first kiss... kinda
this chapter was originally
going to have an actual
first kiss but when i wrote
it, this fit better.