+ + +
R.HAMILTON
River didn't get an opportunity to mourn for long. In fact, she was surprised her parents allowed her the evening and the night she spent at Alden's house after she left Cancun with Harry.
She decided to take control back, and prior to the meeting her father had called, she met up with Charlie. He was as ecstatic to be in this situation as River which was news to her. As far as she knew, he was glad to do whatever his parents asked of him.
Of course, she should've known she wasn't the only one who could play into a certain part.
"I had as much freedom and voice in the matter as you, River," he clarified over a steaming cup of coffee. It was seven in the morning, and raining. A true turn of events from where they were yesterday. "Less, I would say since I heard you gave your father an ultimatum."
She scoffed. It wasn't an ultimatum. And it didn't matter now that she thought about it.
"That pushed him," he continued. This made River frown as she stirred her coffee. Charlie seemed lost in his thoughts as he shared them with her. "I was supposed to be with... I was supposed to be away when I got the call from my father, ordering me to Cancun. He said circumstances have changed, and plans have accelerated. I had no joy in asking you to marry me, knowing you had someone there with you."
A pleasant surprise. The entirety of their conversation, if she had to be honest. River almost felt guilty for being so relieved to get to know this side of Charlie. Perhaps she never gave him a true chance. Not that he ever tried to show his true self.
"I always had a certain preconceived notion about you because I felt I had to dislike you, and you have surprised me more in less than a day than I ever would've expected," she admitted because she had no reason to play it safe anymore.
This man was going to get to know her one way or another, and this likely would've come out at some point.
"I acted on those preconceived notions, and used them to shield the part of my life you readily shared in your own."
He meant Harry, and whoever Charlie's Harry was. River could understand. The protectiveness over his person. She most certainly felt that way with Harry but she only ever wished to shout about it from the rooftops. She didn't want him to be a secret.
"Why?"
"Women get a lot more judgement than men ever do. It was the last thing I wanted someone close to me to have to deal with every day."
Charlie was right, of course. It made all the sense in the world.
"I feel like a victim in this situation, and I don't think I have the right," she admitted, something she had no one to talk to about. Her friends wouldn't have understood. Harry had no idea about her life, and duties, if she had to be frank. Charlie was the only person, the most surprising person, who could relate.
"You have to find a level of compassion for yourself," he said. "I have seen you give away so much of it to other people, and almost refuse to save some for yourself."
"How can I have compassion for myself when I knew I would be marrying you yet I still allowed myself to fall for someone else?" she asked desperately.
"The same way I have compassion for myself," he shrugged. River sighed inwardly while he drank some of his coffee. His eyes never strayed from hers. "You can't control the way you feel, and you most certainly should never deny love from yourself."
"I couldn't even identify love from someone other than my siblings until very recently," she commented.
Deflected, she realised. Anything, to make Charlie's statement less impactful.
"Anyway," she sighed. "I have no idea what this meeting is going to be about but I do know there will be plenty for us to do now that the news of our engagement is public knowledge. I imagine you've been vetted on all Hamilton traditions?"
Charlie nodded. "Your father sat me down a while ago, and discussed a few things with me, yes. Partly what would follow this engagement."
"So, you know what to expect today?"
"More or less," he hummed. River leaned back in her chair, speechless for a moment. Of course, her father had spoken to everyone but her about this. The meticulous planning was standard. "We have a celebratory dinner tonight, which will likely be discussed this morning. I hope you have no plans."
The knowing look on Charlie's face revealed what he truly meant. This was his way of checking whether River sorted everything on her end with Harry, and if she didn't, she should've done it very soon. Thankfully, she spent the entire night wrestling with her emotions, and the clear ruin of her life.
Eventually, when she forcefully pushed past her negative thoughts, she readjusted herself on the chair, leaned on the table between them, and intertwined her fingers. The movement made the bracelet around her left wrist come in contact with the wood, and it was a painful reminder of who had given it to her.
"I propose we build our own alliance. I propose that we go in there, and into this partnership, as a team. I propose we make the best of this god-awful situation, and do our duties, so that one day, if we are lucky enough to get another chance, we get to be with the people we are forced apart from," the words flew from her mouth like she practiced them, and while there was a moment where she thought it would be a good idea, she realised she needed this conversation between her and Charlie to be as honest as possible.
He nodded after she got her point across, and tasted his coffee. It had to be a lot to take in. This was the moment they both completely cut themselves off from the lives they lived, and likely enjoyed more than what would come.
Of course, River hoped they could make the most of it. Enjoy what they could as friends, if not lovers. River had decided a long time ago that she'd never love the man before her the way he deserved to be loved, and as of late, she learned that was ok because he would never love her the way she deserved to be loved. To her, there was only one person who could do that.
"I would like that very much," he confirmed, a small smile fanned across his face. River copied his gesture, and nodded with relief spreading through her body. "I have always respected you—hell, I've always liked you, River. And this isn't going to be easy on either one of us, so I am completely committed to us being on the same team."
"Even if that means speaking against your family?"
"Even if that means speaking against my family."
River smiled. "And mine?"
Charlie's eyes widened for a second. This made River chuckle. The sound was almost unfamiliar, and wrong considering what was happening. "And yours—as long as you hold my hand."
"Sounds like a good compromise," she reassured him.
+ + +
The meeting had everyone present.
All side of Hamiltons. All side of Radcliffes. It seemed each person had an assigned role in the very-much-upcoming wedding to leave River and Charlie to 'enjoy their pre-honeymoon phase' for a while.
Except that when Dexter's personal assistant started to list off all the obligations the new couple had to do before their big day, it sounded very little like a honeymoon period.
"Tonight, you are attending the Charlotte Clay's birthday celebration as an officially engaged couple. Both of you have been scheduled appointments for fitting at twelve-thirty so please have an earlier or later lunch where possible," she went on, and on, and on.
River schooled her expression into indifference. A smile with no thought behind her eyes. She found the engagement ring around her finger to be a great distraction as she twisted it and turned it but Charlie seemed against it. He gently pulled her hand from her lap and fitted it in his so her fingers laid against his, arm on the edge of his seat.
Safe to say, it felt wrong. Harry should've been the one holding her hand, and caressing her knuckles. Harry should've been the one to pull her from her mind, and help her find her way back to reality.
"Thanks," Charlie said. "It all sounds great. We have a reservation for lunch today, and since we have to rearrange our plans to fit around the fitting, we need to get going."
It was the cue River needed to up the level of her smile. Attach it to her eyes. Especially when her attention slid across the section of the table where her mother sat. Beautiful as ever, Natasha sported the greatest false smile ever known to man. If River wasn't related to her, she wouldn't have known it was not real.
Still, the pressure she felt from being perceived by her mother caused her to fidget in her seat until, of course, Charlie extended his hand to her and helped her up. Together, they left and River could finally breathe again.
+ + +
"Riv on the front page of VOGUE is certainly a sight to see."
A few days later, Alden barely walked into the living room before he threw the heavy newspaper onto the glass coffee table, his other arm secured around his daughter. Barely moving, River lifted her eyes from the television across from her and glanced down the bridge of her nose to take in the photo she knew all too well.
Some of the photos were from the photoshoot she'd done a week or two before her birthday trip to Cancun, when Harry still warmed her bed, when she promised endless nights like that to him, when she thought she could get out of the promises she was forced to make for the benefit of the Hamilton legacy.
Bitterness coated the inside of her mouth as she sighed and looked away from the magazine.
The exclusive interview she gave shortly after she attended Charlotte Clay's birthday celebrations with the diamond ring that Charlie gifted her solidified the unhappy, loveless marriage she was going to cage herself in. No one to blame but herself for the lack of backbone which was required to fight for someone she loved, to fight for the only person she will ever love.
The ring weighed down her left hand, its diamond band burned a ring around her finger until there was no skin left just exposed flesh.
River grew up with the skill of compartmentalisation so she had no problem reigning her facial expressions in, keeping herself calm and collected, as the world around her—family included—read of the lies she spewed. Lies that the world believed to be true. Lies that helped build the family she grew into, and soon her children would also inherit.
"It takes hard work to get on there, brother," she smirked while her forefinger traced the edge of the sofa, her eyes slowly finding her brother's as she addressed him. "Perhaps I'll have to give you some tips."
"Perhaps you'll have to," he agreed with the slight dip of his chin. River followed the way he lifted his daughter and positioned her on his lap, the baby face to face with her. The perfect mix of Alden and Jade, the twinkle of Hamilton already in those bright eyes.
River hoped her niece wouldn't have to grow up and marry someone she didn't love.
"And... how are you?" he asked, softer than how he announced the magazine cover. Careful, she noted, like Alden wanted to know the honest answer, rather than what she was taught to say when asked about the pending marriage.
"I'm good," she answered and confirmed it with a firm nod. River wasn't dying. She wasn't hurt. Had no troubles. So, what if she had to marry someone with an inheritance almost as grand as hers? People had it worse.
"Good at lying, sure," he filled in the blanks, blunt as ever as he fished for the information he came for. Not that River could blame her brother. If anyone, Alden knew how things had gone down between River and Harry, and if anyone in the family, Alden would've jumped at the opportunity to rip River from her obligation and help her flee to be with Styles.
Face emotionless like it had been all this time, River refused to let the façade break. "I'm excited for dinner tonight."
Alden snorted and gave his head a shake, obviously displeased with the response River chose to give. Truthfully, River didn't know what her brother wanted. There was nothing to be done about what was going to happen before the end of the year. If Alden had any super ideas that'd surely work in River's favour, he certainly didn't jump around the living room with an itch to share it.
Not too long after this, as River refocused her attention on the television, Alden excused himself and his daughter with the intent to change her nappy. For one, River was glad to be rid of her brother. Regardless of how well he meant, it did everything but calm her mind.
River had always known she would marry someone who had great influence, and could build the Hamilton legacy, as opposed to someone who made her heart sing. The fact that it had come this early—then again, she supposed her parents were lenient with this time frame—shouldn't have brought such shock to anyone.
People like them married for political matters through generations. Somehow, they all managed to fall in love, and while River didn't have the advantage of dating Charlie—she supposed that was her own fault for not accepting the man's advances—she supposed she would eventually learn to care for him. Give him a couple of children to raise, and hopefully continue the family legacy. That would be the end of her duty.
Well, besides the continuous upkeep of faces and family name, but that had always been her job. It was the one thing she excelled at.
"River, darling, the photos look magnificent," Natasha beamed as she walked down the freshly polished steps of the living room, her heels loud in the otherwise busy environment. She tiptoed over while River stood from her seat, and placed her hands on her mother's shoulders, kissing each of her cheeks in greeting.
"Thank you, mother," she smiled, somewhat pleased to know she didn't fail at this task. There was plenty to live up to in the eyes of her mother, though maybe now that she was engaged to Charlie, she was closer to being the perfect daughter Natasha had worked so hard on.
Shortly after her vague conversation with her mother, Dexter entered the hallway. Suited and booted, he looked ready to talk business. He also complimented the photoshoot, and said 'very well done on the interview' before he pulled River aside for a more private chat.
There was something Dexter wanted to show River, something that wasn't in their home, so they left. It was a surprise when Dexter stated he was going to drive because River couldn't recall the last time it had happened.
"I realise we haven't had much time to talk since your birthday almost a week ago," Dexter started. River just listened because she had no interest in a pretend heart to heart. "How are things?"
"Things are the way things meant to be," she replied.
"River."
"I had a busy day today, and this sudden errand has not come at the right time."
Dexter explained he didn't want to weigh her plate down further but he felt he had to get her alone. According to him, they had plenty to discuss—mainly where he felt guilty for the things he had to do.
"I don't believe I know what you mean," she sighed.
He slid his hand across the leather steering wheel as he said, "Your birthday is something I have been thinking about for a few days. I feel I owe you an apology for the way the engagement happened."
"Sure."
"The Radcliffes were adamant it happened sooner rather than later, and it wasn't something I could stand against considering how long ago the agreement was signed," he continued without the apology he felt he needed to share.
It didn't surprise River. She also didn't need it. She simply let it go like she did most of the time.
What Dexter said also didn't make sense, though. It contradicted what Charlie had told her. Should she have trusted her father or her fiancé? In the end, it didn't matter so she stopped dissecting it.
"That's great but is there a reason we're heading towards the Clubhouse?"
Dexter took his time to respond. He seemed lost in his thoughts as River switched her attention between the road ahead of them and the side of her father's profile.
"I know how hard this past week was on you with the responsibility of the Clubhouse, the committees, and the additional events you were invited to attend with Charlie. You haven't had any time at all to evaluate everything, and get your head on straight—I take full accountability for this because my actions put you in this position."
Every word coming from her father was a shock to her core. Dexter was vulnerable and open, something she hadn't experienced with him in a long time. Odd occasions would arise but days after something had gone wrong, or not at all for a couple of months until enough had happened between them for Dexter to apologise for everything.
River felt ready to be the same way.
"I don't see why you suddenly care about how I feel or what position I am in because of your actions," she shrugged, and turned to look out the passenger side window. "It never truly stopped you in the past, or any time when mother felt it right to stand against me."
"This is different."
She scoffed.
"Why did you make Charlie drop everything to propose to me in Cancun?" she asked bluntly.
Dexter stayed quiet.
"Is it because I invited Harry? Did it make you angry to see me be with someone I love?" she asked, her voice gradually quieter. Tears blurred her vision but she fought hard against them and kept them at bay.
"Of course not, darling," he sighed. It sounded heartfelt. "Your happiness has always been my utmost priority. Mine and your mother's."
"Incredible way of showing it. My hat off to both of you."
"River, I have told you about something I've never shared with anyone because I felt you could understand," his voice had gone a little colder, slightly more serious. River immediately recalled the conversation he hinted at. She didn't know how—it was a gut feeling. "You are the love I share with your mother. You are all of my good, and all of your mother's good. It... I know it was asking everything of you to leave the person you love, and deep down, I knew you couldn't do it."
"Wow," she laughed. "Is there any other way you can hurt me?"
"Darling," he reached over and grabbed her hand. River burned to pull away. At the same time, her heart wept because she couldn't remember the last time either of her parents held her hand with so much care. "I love you. I only ever wanted to protect you."
She sniffled and shook her head. Funny way of showing it, she supposed.
"You didn't think I could leave Harry so you cornered me in front of him."
"It wasn't right," he squeezed her hand. Until then, she didn't notice her hand was shaking.
"You told me you'd let me deal with it on my own—do it when I was ready."
"River, I knew you'd never be ready to leave him."
Her heart nearly stopped. Dexter was right. River never planned on leaving Harry.
"I was in your position once. The decision to do what was required of me was the hardest thing I have ever done," he admitted. By now, River didn't care for the fight against her emotions. She cried freely. "Without that decision, you wouldn't be here. Your brothers wouldn't be here. We all have to start following the path before us at some point."
A sudden wave of understanding washed her to a calmer state of mind. Again, she could relate to her father in a way she didn't think possible. His experiences and stories were untold, a part of himself she never knew existed but perhaps would've made him more human to her.
"And?" she asked, voice broken. "Was it worth it?"
Dexter gave her hand another squeeze. "It was worth all the pain in the world, and more, darling."
Silence sat all around them for a moment. He didn't let go of her hand. River noticed it was because she held her father's hand with a near death grip. She almost told herself to let go but decided against it because she didn't know when she'd get the chance again.
"There is a reason," he added.
River turned her head. "Hm?"
"There is a reason why I am taking you to the Clubhouse."
"What is it?" she asked. Her heart was already beating five times faster than a second ago.
"To get some closure."
Because that was all she would get now. A moment to put the last nine months of her life to rest once and for all.
+ + +
Happy Friday!
Apologies for the delayed update, I was at F1 this weekend and I (very understandably if you ask me) forgot about posting lol but it's here now!
I know we got no Harry in this one, besides the mentioning of his name, but I thought it was an interesting and definitely important chapter to include.
We got more of Charlie, and his relationship with River. A little moment with Alden. Another conversation with Dexter. I feel like these were so crucial in helping River get to a better place, even if she is going through it all right now!
The next one will be... sad. Can't lie lol. Final chapter has to go out with a bang, you know? And then an epilogue. Let's not mention that yet, though :)
Love, B xx