Theia just wanted a distraction. It felt like that's all she wanted nowadays. It's the reason she took Nicholas up on his offer and why she was walking to his house. He lived on the edge of the camp, and Theia would have to pass Nyx's house to get there. She grimaced, pulling her cloak tighter as she made her way down the street. The dagger felt heavy in her pocket as her eyes lifted to the dark house. She wondered if Nyx was in bed; if she could slip into the house and end his life for good. She didn't want to deal with him anymore.
Her throat felt tight as she turned her head back down the street. Theia had snuck several glasses of the remainder of the wine stash in the tavern during her shift, so the wind wasn't as cold as she made her way to Nicholas's. She remembered how good it was once, when she shared him and Adonis. Though, she had been drunk that time as well.
Her boots kicked at the snow as she descended the hill, her eyes set on the house with the firelight in the windows. She was sure Adonis was going with Elena tonight, but perhaps he would surprise her and be with Nic.
She knocked after climbing onto the rickety porch. Her brows furrowed when she heard multiple voices, hazy eyes glancing to the covered window. The door opened, revealing a shirtless Nicholas. Theia forced a smile and stumbled into the entrance, which was the sitting room. Her smile dropped when Nyx was on the couch, leaned back and legs spread with a bottle of whiskey on his thigh. Adonis was beside him, though he stood as Theia came in.
"Look who's here," Nic cooed, brushing Theia's hair to the side as he stepped between her wings and pressed hot lips to the back of her neck. Her eyes didn't leave Nyx, and the dagger felt like lead in her cloak. That same dagger made a sickening thump against the floor when Adonis untied the cloak and let it drop from around her. Nyx's eyes flicked to the cloak, to the handle revealed beneath the pooling fabric.
"We invited Nyx over. Stopped by his house on the way here," Adonis cooed, his hand on Theia's throat as he tilted her chin up. His tongue ran along the curve of her neck, making a shudder run through her.
"Hope you don't mind. I know you don't," Nic spoke as he moved to her other side, his hand slipping beneath her shirt. Theia couldn't breathe. Her eyes were locked on Nyx, even when Nicholas's hand teased her breast and Adonis's teeth nipped at her throat. Her gaze was torn from Nyx when Nic took her chin and turned her head to face him, immediately taking her mouth with his.
"Come on, Nyx. She's good at sharing," Adonis chuckled. Theia's eyes squeezed shut when his hand moved to her pants, slipping beneath the fabric. She wanted it, she wanted them, but she didn't want Nyx to watch or partake.
Nicholas's tongue flattened hers. Theia couldn't speak, couldn't say she wanted Nyx gone. His mouth pulled away as he lifted her shirt higher. Adonis's hand had made it to her core, cupping her before running a finger along her heat. She shuddered, turning her head back to Nyx.
How it happened so quickly, Theia didn't know. She wanted to lose herself in the pleasure they offered, with Nicholas pulling her breast free and wrapping his lips around the peaked tip. Her leg shook when Adonis's finger circled her nerves, his tongue hot on her throat. What she didn't want was Nyx, and now he was standing. He was standing and walking forward.
"I don't want you," she tried to say, but only her lips formed the words. His eyes had already been watching her mouth, so he caught the words immediately.
"She doesn't want to," Nyx snarled, his eyes shooting to Theia's. Her stomach dropped. He misunderstood. She wanted to share these two males like she had before, to end the night calling out to the goddesses in pleasure and forgetting every horrible thing that has happened. The alcohol was just the start.
To her displeasure, Nic and Adonis immediately pulled away. Damn their respect.
"You don't want this?" Nic asked, pulling her shirt back down. Adonis slipped his hand from her pants, stepping back to meet her eyes. Her tongue felt heavy, head nodding forward.
"No-"
She was cut off by a hiccup that had Nyx's eyes flaring with anger. "She's drunk. Get off of her, I'm taking her home."
Theia tried to fight his grasp when Nyx took her by the arm. The bastard grabbed her cloak from the ground, tucking the dagger into the fabric.
"I'm sorry, Theia. I just assumed," Nic tried to say, but Nyx was dragging her out the door. She was sure her fist was slamming into his arm, but with the state of her mind, she was probably causing as much damage as a feather.
"Let me go," she slurred, tugging at his fingers wrapped around her arm. Nyx ignored her, staring straight ahead as he dragged her up the hill. She wanted to stay. Theia wanted to get lost in the heat of pleasure like she had so often with Silas. She struggled, tripping over herself only to be held up by her arm. Theia recovered her footing, clawing at the fingers Nyx held her by.
"Damn it, Nyx. Get off of me," she cried. Nyx ignored her, his jaw popping. In a last desperation, Theia reached up and threw her palm against his cheek. As soon as her hand hit his face with a sickening smack, Nyx shoved her away from him. She lost her footing, falling backward into the snow.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you getting paid to fuck them?" He snarled, stepping up to her. Theia stared up at Nyx looming over her, eyes focusing and unfocusing.
"No, I just wanted it-," she started, but Nyx cut her off with a sarcastic laugh.
"Them? You wanted them?" He used his hand with her cloak to point towards Nicholas's house.
"Yes! Damn it, yes! Anyone, I want anyone but you," she spat. Nyx looked terrifying, more so than when he hid beneath the cloak. The cloud-dusted moonlight brightened half of his face, leaving the other hand to be nothing but indistinguishable shadows.
The snow was already melting beneath her body heat, seeping into the fabric of her pants. Her teeth began to chatter as she glared up at him. Nyx rolled his eyes and threw her cloak and dagger beside her.
"Are you just running through the village looking for the first cock to suck? Come on, Theia. You're better than this, you were better than this. You're so fucking pathetic."
"You could've just left me there. You could have left that house and saved me from having to be scolded by a male who is no fucking better!" She nearly screamed, her entire body lurching with the force of her voice.
"No better? Look at yourself. You're sitting in the snow drunk out of your mind after being fucking fondled by two idiots. I don't know if you can even comprehend what life I'm living, but it's far superior to whatever the fuck you're doing to yourself," Nyx spat, kicking at the snow to make it shower over her.
Perhaps it was the alcohol making her insane, or the mere presence of Nyx that had Theia losing her mind. Theia didn't stop to think before she tore her dagger from her cloak and gripped the blade, holding the hilt up to him. The blade was sharp enough that pain was nonexistent, only the trail of blood climbing her arm from beneath her sleeve. She gave him a wide smile, motioning to the dagger.
"You think my life is so pathetic, Nyx? You want to save me from myself? Use the fucking dagger. I'm begging you to shove it into my chest. You are a terror in my life, and if you're around, I'd rather be dead. Do me a favor, won't you?"
He stared down at her, shadowed eyes flicking to the blade in her hand. She heard his deep inhale and the way he swallowed harshly.
"You can't even say that without crying." His voice was so soft, she almost didn't understand what he said. Her other hand rose to her eye, feeling the warm drops on her lashes. Her smile dropped as she met his eyes again. His tongue ran along the inside of his cheek as he glanced down the street.
"Nyx," she whispered, though Theia didn't know what she wanted. She lowered her hand to the snow, letting the blade slip from her skin. He looked down at her, face dancing between emotions as though he was fighting with himself.
"Do you truly hate me that much? Enough that you'd rather be dead than kill me? You tried twice, so why not try again?"
"Only one of us has something to live for," she ground out. The cold of the snow bit at the fresh cuts on her hands, making her wince and tuck her hand into her lap. Nyx sighed and turned away from her.
"Have a good night, Theia."
She watched him walk down the street until he climbed the porch and disappeared into his house. Her body trembled, from shock, or alcohol, or cold. Theia didn't know how long she sat in the snow, but by the time she had the strength to stand, her wool pants were soaked through. She gathered the cloak and dagger, almost stumbling forward as she leaned down.
Theia trudged down the street, slowing as she made it to the bottom of the hill that Nyx's home was on. She stared up at his house, feeling herself swaying. With one last attempt at an offering, Theia climbed the road and stabbed the bloodied dagger into the wooden column of the porch stairs.
Nyx had been right. Theia had never felt as pathetic as she did on her walk back home. She begged the male she hated to kill her. She cried in front of him. She allowed herself to be touched in front of him. Her legs nearly gave out as she made it through her front door. Theia immediately threw the cloak on the couch and began peeling her wet clothes off of herself.
She prayed that she would either wake up to Nyx no longer in Windhaven, or not at all. She didn't want to see Rhysand after all these years. She didn't want to hope for Rhysand to be truthful, or wait for Nyx to slaughter her in their home. She didn't want to return to Velaris, because if she lived, Theia didn't know if she'd have the nerve to come back to Windhaven.
Theia lowered herself into the steaming bath, watching the blood on her hand combine with the water. She had been so confident, so happy, before Nyx returned. It was as though anywhere he went, her life would crumble in his presence. She wondered if he was cursed, or if she was cursed.
Theia laid her head back, letting the sorrow take over. Her body shook with her sobs, her tears soaking into her hair. She felt like the girl who had lost her mother and was begging for a certain male to put her back together. She had told him it before, that only one of them had something to live for.
She had gotten out of her depression on her own after so long, and Nyx threw her back to the bottom. She hated him, more than ever, she hated him. Nyx was one of the wicked creatures she hears myths about. He was one that stalked his prey and showed them how weak they were, just for the prey to crawl into his claws. He brought his victims to him willingly, rather than chasing. Theia didn't want to be his victim any longer, but after tonight, she wasn't sure she had a choice.