"It feels strange to be back here," is the first thing Porchay says when they step through the gates of his and Porsche's house. The garden is overgrown with weeds and even Kim is sad to see the house and garden like this.
"Porsche should have some of his men come over here for maintenance."
"He says he doesn't want anyone in here and I feel the same way. I don't want strangers coming here without us," Porchay tells him. Kim can only nod. He has to admit that he wouldn't let strangers into his own apartment either. It's his sanctuary, and Porchay feels the same way about this place.
Men had swept the area before Kim and Porchay entered, but they had left as soon as it was clear that there was no immediate, obvious danger.
"Let's check the gate before we go in." The door is already closed behind them and the old steel gate doesn't look like much, but Kim wants to take a closer look anyway. "Do you know if security was ever installed here?"
"Not that I know of. I mean, who would have paid for it and why? The loan sharks always found us here anyway and were able to break the door down."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Kim fiddles with the lock on the gate.
"It's not your fault."
"My father could have protected you from all this. He's the one responsible for your parents not being around anymore. It's my damn family's fault. It ruins everything it comes into contact with."
Kim feels a hand on his shoulder and turns his head, looking up from where he is inspecting the locks on the door. Porchay looks him straight in the eye. "It's not your fault," he repeats.
Strangely, now that it reaches Kim, because he is forced to listen, he feels better, at least a little. The guilt he always feels when he looks at Porchay diminishes.
"Okay," he says, swallowing hard to get the word out and accept the fact. Then Kim turns back to the lock. "That's not the original lock. Did you have it changed?"
"I don't know. Maybe someone broke it?"
"Maybe." Kim nods, because it's a possibility. "Let's go inside?"
They stop in front of the front door and on closer inspection Kim sees something he has never noticed before: There are small holes in the wall from screws. He points to them and raises his eyebrows in question at Chay.
"There were screws in there?" Chay speculates correctly.
"Mmh, it's the perfect position for a surveillance camera of the courtyard. There were similar holes at the gate as well."
"I don't remember any cameras here."
"You were very young when your parents disappeared. But we know that you all lived here together when your mother was still part of the family. Your father must have known as well. I don't think your parents would have lived here without some kind of security. But let's go in and see what else we can find.
As they enter the house, Kim pauses at the flashbacks; everything looks the same as the last time he was here, only dustier. The couch they cuddled on, the pictures and books on the shelves, the homely feel. Kim understands why Porchay wants to move back into this house.
"I've missed being here," Porchay whispers into the silence, and Kim allows himself an encouraging squeeze on Porchay's shoulder, because he still doesn't dare to initiate another hug.
"Are you ready to do the bug and laser check on your own for the first time?" Kim takes the small tool from his pockets.
"Really? I get to do it?" Porchay sounds excited.
"Of course, it's your house," Kim smiles and hands him the glasses as well. "Let's darken the rooms."
It doesn't take them long to close all the blinds.
"Can I say it?" Porchay smiles and Kim chuckles, knowing what he is asking. "3,2,1, lights out," Porchay says instead of Arm or Chan this time.
Much to Kim's relief they find no lasers or trackers, but when they turn the lights back on they find a surprising amount of old bugs around the house and wires where cameras must have been.
"See these wires?" Kim shows Porchay, who looks interested. "I don't think they were planted here. The wires are built into the electrical system of the house and these transmitters were state of the art about twenty years ago. The way they're laid out is something I've seen before. Your parents must have had them put in place."
"What do you mean you've seen them before?"
"We can't be sure, but the way everything is set up, I think my uncle Gun designed or installed the system. Setting up a security system is a bit like leaving a fingerprint, and this one screams 'Gun'".
"Wasn't he the one who shot my father and hurt my mother?" Porchay remains sceptical.
"That's what my father said," Kim points out.
"Do you... do you think there are cameras that filmed what happened to my father?" Porchay looks a little hopeful when he asks this question.
Kim feels bad again for dashing his hopes. "My father would have shown the tapes to your brother if there were any of Gun shooting your father. He would have destroyed everything else." Porchay's face falls. " Porchay's face falls. "There is still a small chance of finding something in the rest of the house, but what would it change? My father and Gun are dead. There is no justice for your parents," Kim says.
"I know that. I just want to know," Porchay shrugs.
"Understandable." Kim doesn't know what to say or do to wipe the sadness from Porchay's face. But he has to do something, because he can't bear to see him sad or upset. Very slowly and tentatively, he reaches out to Porchay and takes him by the upper arm. To Kim's surprise, Porchay comes willingly, and after the first few centimetres he falls against Kim and clings to him in an embrace. Kim holds him, rubbing his hands up and down his back in a slow rhythm. Porchay tucks his face into the crook of Kim's neck, making himself small. Kim feels the puffs of his breath on his skin, his warmth seeping through their clothes into his body. Porchay's arms are wrapped tightly around his neck and Kim loses track of how long they have been standing there. More and more of Porchay's weight is being carried by him, and he wonders if Porchay is falling asleep on top of him when he stands upright.
"Do you want to continue or go back to the compound?" Kim asks him after a while, running his hand up to Porchay's neck, touching his bare skin and hair. Porchay melts into him even more with a sound that sounds suspiciously like a moan. Kim is sure he will lose his mind and his inhibitions at any moment if Porchay continues to behave like this. With anyone else, Kim would suspect that they were leading him on in a vicious way, but Porchay is too pure and kind to even consider that.
"No, let's keep going," the younger man sighs and steps out of the embrace. It takes a moment for his shoulders to straighten and he's taller than Kim again.
"Let's go through the house and you tell me what you think it needs to make it safe?" Kim takes a second to compose himself and shake off the chill.
"Ok," Porchay nods and Kim is happy to see a small smile on his face again.
Porchay has learned a lot in the last few weeks and Kim is impressed when Porchay manages to put together a decent plan for a security system on the fly. He has a good idea of camera angles and signal range. What he misses the first few times is the access points to the rooms. He knows how to secure the doors, but forgets the windows and the roof on the upper floor.
"Did you design the security system for your apartment yourself?" Porchay asks when they are back in the living room.
"Yes."
"I never noticed anything when I was there, except for the porter down in the entrance area."
"You weren't trained to notice anything back then. And the porter is not one of our men, he really comes with the building."
Porchay wrinkles his forehead and his nose at the same time. He's so cute, Kim thinks, and is glad that no one is around to see the undoubtedly affectionate expression on his face.
"But I could walk right up to your door."
"Because I wanted you to. But I always knew you were there. The system is designed to be undetectable."
"You designed it to keep even your family out, didn't you?" Porchay smiles knowingly.
"My father never managed to visit me, though he tried at first. He annoyed some of my neighbours, though," Kim laughs, remembering the tricks he played on his father by changing the apartment numbers not only on the doors but also on the system several times. At the time, none of the guards knew the way to his real front door because he kept entering and exciting apartments on all the floors that were empty but led to corridors and exits.
"I'd really like to see what you've done now that I know what to look for," Porchay laughs along with him, but takes Kim by surprise.
Porchay hasn't been in his apartment since... since before the kidnapping, when everything went to hell. For days and weeks after, Kim would find the Polaroids Porchay left all over the place, each one a reminder of what he lost when he lied to Porchay. And now Porchay is commenting as if it's the most normal thing to go back there, to his place, and... Kim's heart almost beats out of his chest, as it flutters and dances and goes out of time.
"We can..." Kim clears his voice because it is shaking so much. "We can go there if... if you want." Since when does he stutter? Kim wants to slap himself for being such an idiot all of a sudden.
"You'd really let me look at your super-secret security system?" Porchay giggles as he speaks and Kim wants to squeeze his cheeks or give him a kiss.
He can't do either, so instead he says: "Sure. See how it's done and if it's what you want for here.
"Yay," Porchay grabs him in another hug, this time a playful one. "We could grab lunch on the way and then eat at your place?"
"Let's go," Kim nods and leads the way out of the gate and to his car.
Porchay insists on buying noodles where they used to buy noodles when Kim was around a lot. Even when they hung out in the studio or at Kim's place, they always got noodles from that one special stall, because Porchay was right and they were good and cheap, not that money was ever an issue for Kim.
Kim drives them silently through the city, Porchay holding the noodles and humming along to the songs on the playlist. Kim looks at him from time to time, hoping that his disbelief or nervousness doesn't show on his face. How is it possible that Porchay is so calm and relaxed and even happy when they are driving back to his house? It's all a strange scene of déjà vu, only this time Kim isn't lying to Porchay. Porchay must really be over it, and over Kim, if he can sit here in this car in Kim's presence, totally relaxed, as they drive back to where it all came to a head. Kim still remembers how he walked away with cruel words and heard the sobs that haunted his dreams for weeks afterwards.
Kim is the only one still affected, judging by Porchay's reactions and general behaviour. Porchay has no problem touching or hugging him again, he eats with him and invites him out, all completely platonic. Kim has moved from the enemy zone to the friend zone, and honestly, he can't decide which is worse. When Porchay hated him, at least he knew there were still some strong feelings. Now there's nothing left but friendship, and Kim should be happy about that, but he can't be. He can't get all teary-eyed now, though, because he has to drive and he's pretty sure Porchay would notice.
Kim parks the car in front of his apartment building and waits for Porchay to walk around the car before he heads for the lifts.
"Man, I'm really hungry now and I haven't had these noodles for ages! I miss them! I mean, how can you miss food that isn't even your favourite? I bet the kitchen in the compound is much better, but these still remind me of home. Maybe that's it? You know, I used to hate them when they were the only thing I could buy because money was tight. I had them three times a day, or sometimes just two, or once if things were really bad. But Porsche always made sure I had at least one meal a day, even when he was hungry, and he always refused to share my noodles." Porchay fills the way up to Kim's apartment with his chatter, and Kim nods and "mmhs" accordingly.
Kim used to resent Porsche when he left Porchay to fend for himself and became Kinn's bodyguard and later his lover. It seemed to Kim that he had traded Porchay's safety and happiness for his own. Now that he knows Porsche a little better, and has heard more stories about the brothers' lives, and more insight into the lengths to which Porsche went to keep Porchay safe, fed and in school, he respects him greatly, while the hatred he feels for his own father and family grows exponentially. There are not enough apologies that Kim can say or money that he can give to both Porsche and Porchay to ever make up for what has been done to them.
Every word Porchay speaks about the horrible circumstances in which he grew up makes Kim more ashamed of his surname and the family he comes from.
He wonders how Kinn copes with the guilt when he loves Porsche so much. How does it not eat him alive every day? Maybe it does, but Kinn can't help being with Porsche and trying to make him happy because, like Kim, he just can't stay away.
"Nice camera selection in the hallway, Phi," Porchay giggles as they stand outside his door and he looks around the hallway. "Twelve?"
"Twenty," Kim corrects, letting Porchay look around for a while before pointing up. "The chandelier. Most of the crystals are wired."
"That's crazy! How did you do that?" Porchay exclaims, still looking in awe at the chandelier as they enter Kim's apartment.
"I know people who know people..." Kim takes off his jacket and drapes it over the armchair. It feels both good and strange to be back here. He hasn't been here for almost four weeks, and then only for a weekend. No one had ever made him stay on the compound for that long before, but now that he has something to do and his brothers aren't too bad to hang out with, he doesn't mind so much, even though this is still home.
"Let's eat first before I let you explore?" Kim takes out two plates and chopsticks for them and sets them on the table.
"Explore? You're really going to let me look around?" Porchay's eyes are wide and incredulous. Kim has no idea why he said that, but Porchay's reaction is worth it.
"Sure. See if you can find out what I built in here," Kim confirms with a nod. Porchay's face lights up with excitement.
"This is going to be so much fun," Porchay grabs Kim's hand on the table and shakes it up and down as he squeezes it. Porchay is literally vibrating with excitement. Kim wants to point out that he's been here before and knows the place, but he bites his tongue because that's a can of worms Kim doesn't want to open.
"First we eat. You said you were hungry," Kim says instead and is about to take back his words when Porchay drops his hand.
"Right... eat!" Porchay is not really eating his food, more inhaling it, gulping it down and slurping loudly as his cheeks bulge from the amount of noodles he is stuffing into his mouth.
"Slow down!" Kim laughs and grabs a napkin to wipe some of the broth off Porchay's chin. "Now you look like a hamster."
But Porchay doesn't slow down. He's finished with his noodles before Kim has even started to eat. "If your stomach hurts, don't complain to me!
"I can eat really fast if I want to. But can you hurry up? I want to see what kind of security you have in here!" Porchay is now bouncing in his seat.
"Go! I'll finish my meal and then join you," Kim smiles. It was as if he had just let go of a little puppy's leash, because Chay got up and ran into the living room.
"Anything off limits or dangerous?" He stops and slips back on his socks.
Kim thinks. "Not really. Be careful under the bedside tables and around the desk. There are loaded guns there."
"Ok." And off he goes again, under Kim's watchful eye.
Kim doesn't mind Porchay checking the security in his place. He knows he will check the lights and look for cameras in the walls. Kim starts to eat again and sees Porchay walk past the door frame a couple of times, then hears him cheer when he apparently finds something.
"Cool camera in the trophy, P'Wik," Porchay calls from the other room with a laugh in his voice.
"Just one of my good ideas," Kim calls back as he finishes his meal. He stands up and puts their plates away, then starts the coffee machine.
"Um, Phi Kim... can you come here?" Porchay sounds calmer and less agitated. Something is wrong, Kim knows and hurries into the living room. He is shocked to find that Porchay isn't there. Instead, he finds him in his office, in front of his murder board, that is back in his apartment for safe keeping reasons. Porchay has managed to find it behind the large painting Kim has of himself, courtesy of his eldest brother.
"Oh," he says stupidly when he sees Porchay taking it all in.
"Is that... why you were spying on my brother?" Porchay asks, pointing at the board.
"Something like that. That's why I was suspicious when your brother suddenly showed up with no credentials and became Kinn's head bodyguard because of my father. I knew my father was up to something, I just didn't know what." Kim stops next to Porchay, giving him time to read everything and look at the pictures.
"I didn't know there was a newspaper article about my parents' death," Porchay touches the paper carefully.
"I'm sure my father planted it. As we now know, there was no car accident."
Porchay nods, but remains silent for a while, taking it all in. It's unsettling for Kim because Porchay is rarely quiet these days. Kim hopes he hasn't ruined their friendship with the proof of what he did right in front of them.
"I actually respect you more now for what you've done, even if it's strange," Porchay says, turning slightly towards Kim. "You were the only one who had any idea what your father was up to, and you tried to find out what he'd done to others. And if you'd found my mother first, I know you would have tried to help her. I've talked to Kinn recently and he told me how hard it is to let go of everything he thought your father was. You did that on your own, you beat his mind games and managed to see through him. You just tried to protect everyone else from him and others. That's what you do. You protect the ones you care about, even if you don't show it".
Kim doesn't know what to say without blurting out a confession of love. So he looks down and shrugs.
"Mmh."
"Are you still investigating the rest?"
"Yes. Chan is helping me and Kinn also knows what I am doing now. We are checking everything that comes out of my father's old house, especially for these connections." Kim points to some of the connections on the board.
"I wish I could help," Porchay mumbles, then sighs. "But I think I should continue now. Okay?" When he looks at Kim, a small smile plays around his mouth again.
"Sure, go ahead," Kim nods, puts the painting back in its place and then goes back to the kitchen, where the coffee machine is now ready. He grabs two cups and waits until they are both filled with coffee. He adds a lot of milk and sugar to Porchay's cup and goes to look for him.
He's not in his office or the living room. Kim passed the door to the balcony until he realised it is open.
"I made coffee," he announces when he sees Porchay standing there, looking at something with his back to Kim. But Porchay doesn't react. "Porchay?" Kim worries. He sets the cups down on the balustrade and walks over to where Porchay is standing in front of the small cupboard. Kim gasps when he sees what Porchay is staring at.
The small black box is open and all the Polaroids Porchay has ever given him are spread out on the top of the cabinet. In Porchay's right hand is the guitar pick Porchay made for him. Porchay has found Kim's most treasured possessions, which he left out here in the cabinet.
Even more disturbing than Porchay staring at these things, knowing now that Kim has kept everything, even the receipts from the films they watched together, is Porchay's silence.
"I... uh... " Kim is tempted to tell Porchay that he simply forgot about these pictures and the guitar pick, but the lie just won't leave his mouth.
Porchay turns slightly and Kim can see that there are tears in his eyes.
"Chay..." he whispers and takes a step towards him, then stops. He has no right to ... what? Before Kim can finish the self-deprecating thought in his head, Porchay is suddenly in his arms, his body pressed against his once more. This time it's not a hug, though, as Porchay's lips find Kim's in a kiss that's both tender and desperate.
Kim stops thinking for once and it's bliss. All he can feel is how he wraps his arms around Porchay, pulling him closer as he deepens the kiss. Porchay moans as Kim begins to explore his mouth, now controlling the kiss. Kim wants this so much that he can't stop now that they've started. Porchay must feel the same as he gives as good as he gets and Kim feels drunk on his scent and taste. Kim has never really kissed people more than necessary because he's never really enjoyed it as more than the first step to real sex. But now that he's kissing Porchay, he feels like an addict, he doesn't want to stop this high. The sounds Porchay makes when their tongues slide together, when their lips touch or when Kim brushes his teeth gently over Porchay's lips are enough to make Kim hard in his pants. And yet he doesn't necessarily have to go any further. This is not about quick sex, this is about Porchay and being able to kiss him and... Kim thinks he might actually start to cry. It really is too good to be true. Does Porchay know what he is doing?
Kim's worries bring him out of his daze and he realises that Porchay has now pinned him against the door frame to the living room. Kim doesn't even remember them moving.
"Chay..." Kim kisses back when Porchay's lips move again.
"Porchay?" Another few minutes have passed and now they are in the living room, moving towards the couch. Porchay's hands are under Kim's shirt and Porchay's sweater is on the floor by the door.
"Hm?" Porchay nibbles on Kim's neck, then licks over the same spots, causing Kim's eyes to roll back, distracting him for another moment.
"Are you... are you sure you want this?" Kim is about to slap himself when Porchay suddenly lets go of him and rests his hands on his hips.
"P'Kim, how much clearer can I make it? You're so... " Porchay's hands fly up and he looks pissed and beautiful with his kiss swollen and pouty lips and his eyes twinkling dangerously. "How many times do I have to ask you out or hug you until you get the message? I've been trying for days... no weeks! I even took you on dates to the aquarium and hot pot, and you still didn't get it! God, my brother was right: you're an idiot!" Porchay huffs.
"Your brother?" Kim asks dumbly, like the idiot he had just been accused of being.
"He knows everything and has been giving me advice on how to show you that I still like you and have forgiven you. But nothing works!"
"You still like me?"
"Kim!" Porchay sounds dangerously close to losing his patience.
"Chay." Kim becomes breathless and thinks he is going to faint, his heart is beating so hard. "I..."
"Yes?"
"I like you too," Kim finally says the words out loud and a second later finds himself in Porchay's arms again. He laughs into Kim's shoulder.
"Was that so hard to say?"
"Yes," Kim admits, but stops Porchay from teasing him any further by kissing him this time. Their lips smack loudly as they stumble over to his couch. Kim's legs catch on the seat and he falls onto it, with Porchay falling on top of him. They laugh, loudly, and then kiss again, deeply. Porchay's weight on top of him feels so right, his lips on Kim's neck and ear and his hands in his hair or under his shirt, wandering up his stomach and abs or up his back.
Kim explores him too, listening to the sounds he makes, just as uninhibitedly as he laughs or cries or loves. Porchay is a wonder, a miracle, and Kim can't believe he is now allowed to kiss and touch him.
They both get more and more impatient and their shirts are in the way, so they have to go.
"Look at you," Kim murmurs against Chay's skin as he kisses down his chest to his belly button. Porchay is so built now, but still somehow soft.
"Says you," Porchay half says, half moans, and tightens the grip he has on Kim's hair before pulling him back up and kissing him again, sucking on his tongue and Kim is faintly aware that this time he's the one moaning and grinding against Porchay.
It tickles when Porchay fumbles with the button on Kim's jeans and tries to unzip them. It isn't easy because they refuse to break the kiss.
Kim reaches down to help him and pull his own jeans off when a loud, shrill noise echoes through the apartment.
"Fuck," Kim curses.
"Why now?" Porchay whines, but still reaches behind him for Kim's jacket on the armchair and pulls his mobile phone out of his pocket. "Make it quick," Porchay pecks Kim on the lips before handing the phone back to him.
"Chan?" Kim replies, breathless and no doubt sounding as pissed off as he feels. Porchay lying on top of him and sucking on his neck again is not helping P'Chan's problem, whatever it is.
"I'm sorry Khun Kim, I know you and Khun Porchay have plans today, but we need you back at the compound right now."
"Why?" Porchay, having heard what Chan said, has sat up and Kim now follows him, quickly putting the phone on speaker.
"We managed to find out what was hiding behind the bathroom walls in the library. It's a staircase that leads from Mrs Namphueng's bedroom down to the secret basement. We haven't found an entrance to the basement yet. We need your help. We need to know what lies beyond these walls."
Bare chest against bare chest, Porchay collapses against Kim. He wraps his arms around Kim's waist and plants a kiss on Kim's temple.
"Fine. We'll be right back," Kim mutters and hangs up before kissing Porchay once, twice... a few more times before he manages to stop. "Ok?"
"Ok," Porchay nods, smiling as Kim pulls him into a tight hug. It's a hug Kim desperately needs.
"To be continued," he sighs against Porchay's shoulder.
"Soon," his younger boyfriend chuckles, and they allow themselves a few more minutes in each other's arms before putting on their shirts and making their way back to the compound.
TBC