Part 25: Yearning
With a racing heart, Anya opens the door to her apartment. She and Kyun have been separated for almost a week! It was unbearable. Especially in the last two days, she had to restrain the urge to call his name almost ten times a day. She knew she missed him a little too much for her own good.
The moment she enters her home, a huge smile appears on her face.
He's here. Anya can feel his presence.
Leaving her heavy luggage in the hall, she hurries through the door to her kitchen.
There he is. He's sitting on the kitchen counter, in his fancy suit as usual, a peach in his hand, smirking.
"Well, hello, babygirl!"
Her heart almost explodes in her chest and she feels her cheeks turning rosy.
"Hi!" she breathes and Kyun jumps off the counter and throws the pit into the trash can.
"Missed me?"
God, yes. She missed him so much that she's not even able to lie to him about it.
"A lot..." she mumbles, and he snickers. "Did you...miss me too?"
"Longing isn't on my list of feelings" he says casually and walks up to her. "But if you want me to, I can lie to you..."
"But desire is, right?" she asks, trying to ignore the sting of his words. "Desire is a part of lust..."
Kyun tilts his head and she can see it in his face that he doesn't want to answer this question. But she doesn't care. She's missed him and she needs to hear that this isn't a one-sided thing. Just for a moment she wants to feel... loved.
"Lie to me!" she whispers and grabs his jacket.
Grinning, he cups her cheeks and pulls her closer. "I've missed you like crazy, babygirl!" he whispers.
Anya's knees are getting weak. Even though he literally just told her that he would lie to her, she can't help but hope that there's a little truth in his words.
Yearning for his touch, she wraps her arms around his waist and pulls him into her embrace, resting her cheek against his shoulder. For a moment, she feels his body tensing; then he chuckles and returns the hug, holding her tightly.
Suddenly Anya feels so safe again. So much like home. For a long moment, she clings to him like a toddler to their plushie, inhaling his scent, his alluring scent of ebony and peaches, while he lays one hand on her back as the other one glides over her cheek. She's grateful he's giving her this moment of closeness, that he's giving her what she needs right now without complaining.
"How was it at home?" he asks eventually and she lifts her head to look at him, shrugging.
"It was okay..."
"Just okay?" He raises his eyebrows and looks at her keenly. This serious look vanishes when he seems to realize that she really tried her best to enjoy every minute of it. "Did you bring my peaches?"
Grinning, she runs over to her luggage, pulls a plastic bag out of her suitcase, and walks back to him.
"Look!" She puts a bottle on the counter.
Kyun furrows his brows and eyes the bottle. "What is that?"
"It's peach schnapps!" she says, her voice shrieking with excitement. "It combines your two favorite things in this world: booze and peaches!"
The moment she saw this bottle, she had to buy it.
"Babygirl..." A huge smirk decorates his face as he leans closer. "No offense but this is disgusting!"
Her jaw drops. "How can you say that?"
"Ever tried peach schnapps?"
Chewing her lip again, she shakes her head and he chuckles before walking over to the cabins and pulling out a shot glass. With amusement in his eyes he opens the bottle and pours her present into it.
"Do it!" He grins. "Drink it!"
Gulping, she stares at it. His reaction makes her hesitate. For a second she's scared it might be poisoned, until she remembers that she bought this stuff.
With further hesitation, she grabs for the glass and swallows its contents in a single gulp. The moment the sweet, artificial peach booze touches her tongue Anya grimaces and gags loudly.
"Fuck!" she whines. "This is horrible!"
Kyun laughs while closing the bottle. "But I appreciate the effort!"
Disgusted, she spits into the sink, so eager to cleanse the gross taste from her tongue before she takes a deep breath.
"Okay. Sorry for that. But luckily I also got you this!" With a proud smile she grabs the paper bag filled with peaches. "Chose them all by myself! All according to your criteria!"
Kyun's eyes sparkle as she passes him the bag. While he opens and scrutinizes it, Anya stands on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek, softly. "Thanks for the necklace!"
With his face so close to hers, her voice is barely a whisper. He turns his head and looks at her for a long, breathtaking moment.
"You're welcome!" he replies in an equally low voice and her heart skips a giant beat. Again she restrains the urge to hug him.
She increases the distance, clears her throat and walks over to her luggage.
"What are your plans for tonight? It's New Year's Eve!" Kyun says and watches Anya sitting on the floor in the living room, rummaging through the pile of stuff in her suitcase. Unpacking is almost unnecessary since she basically lives out of a suitcase, but she should at least make sure to take out the dirty laundry.
Tired, she lifts her head. "There's a reason I came home early. Because all I want is to sleep! Seriously. Out of all holidays on this planet, New Year's is the worst. Even worse than Valentine's!"
"Why?" he asks and she shrugs without looking at him.
"Because everyone expects the night to be epic! New year, new me, ew!" She cringes. "I wanna stay at home!"
And she's so not in the mood for another New Year's where she has to watch everyone in her surroundings getting their New Years' kiss while all she gets to kiss is her champagne glass. She really doesn't mind being single. Not even on Valentine's Day. But on New Year's it always hits her hard and she has no idea why.
"But I don't want you to stay at home!" the demon complains and Anya throws her head back, groaning.
"Oh Kyun, come on!"
"Look at all these invitations!" he says and takes the envelopes from the kitchen counter. "There's even one from Taylor! You love her! You should go!"
Bringing Taylor into this is such an unfair move. Yes, she loves her. One of the superficial friendships she actually cherishes. But Taylor is taken too. As happy as she is for her, she can already see her making out hardcore with her boyfriend at midnight. She only worsens Anya's distress.
"But I don't want to!" She's becoming pissed. But she doesn't seem to be the only pissed person in this room because suddenly Kyun crouches down to her and grabs her jaw a little ungently.
"You will go!"
Once again Anya has reached a state at which she seems to forget what he truly is. She knows how dangerous this is. So many times in the past weeks she asked herself how she could become so reckless. For years she built a wall, hid her fragile heart behind it, promised herself she would notice the signs, the warnings, the red flags next time. Well, she does notice them. Kyun is full of them but her heart just decided to ignore them. How could she let this happen?
"Will you come with me?" She smiles sugar sweetly at him while he's still holding her jaw.
"No!" he says. "You'll have fun and I'll spend the night at suicide hotspots again!"
Again she whines. "Kyuuuuuuunie!"
The demon growls, lets go of her jaw and gets up. "Don't make me carry you there!"
Smirking, she collects a few more items of clothing from the suitcase.
"I'd fancy that!"
"Oh, the fine lady would fancy that?" he repeats in a British accent. The quality of the impression doesn't match the mocking tone in his voice. "Look at you!"
Yeah, he definitely made her desire for him even bigger with this move. She bites her lip. Damn it, he's good at that accent. Why is he good at it?
"I'll come when my work is done, okay?" he suddenly says and tilts his head as their eyes meet.
"Fine!" She rolls her eyes.
He won't show up anyway. Just like he didn't show up the past six days. Maybe she has to get herself into trouble...
Hm. She could also spend New Year's making a few more deals...
She gasps. "Oh god, I almost forgot!"
A little clumsily because her leg fell asleep in her position on the floor, she gets to her feet and walks to the purse she left in the hall. With a dramatic flourish she walks back and puts three signed contracts on the counter.
"Tadaaaa!"
Kyun freezes and looks at the papers.
"What the fuck is that?" he asks and she's confused about the angry tone in his voice.
"Contracts!" She smiles. "I've been busy!"
It's true. Kihyun wasn't the only one she fucked this week. She kind of enjoyed taking a little belated revenge on two more dudes that didn't treat her very nicely in the past. The fact that she went to this party, where everyone saw her, made this so easy for her. They literally lined up in front of her house to "talk about old times"—and she couldn't resist. The power she had over them without them noticing was so damn satisfying.
Kyun picks up the papers and flicks through them before looking at her with furrowed brows. "You've been away for six days!"
"So? I had some..." She pauses and smirks again. "Let's call it unfinished business with a few of my high school buddies!"
"Goddamn, babygirl!" he yells suddenly, slams the contracts on the counter and she flinches a step back. "I told you to enjoy your fucking time with your family! Not to fuck around!"
"I did!" she says, so confused at his outburst. "I enjoyed the time and made the best out of it! Why the fuck are you so mad? You're the one constantly reminding me of the job I have to do!"
"But this time this wasn't what I meant!" he snarls and looks at her, pissed. "There was a reason I didn't show up even if I would've loved to!"
Wait, what was that?
"I wanted you to have some real vacation! A few days off from your responsibilities, from the job, from the underworld! Fuck Christ!" his voice gets louder and louder. "Is it too much to ask for you to keep your legs together for six fucking days?"
Her jaw drops and she feels her pulse quicken. "Excuse me? I did this for you, so you'd stop pestering me about all this stuff! I did this to make you proud..." Her last sentence falls to barely a whisper. She's so hurt by his words, by his outburst. "I can't believe you're turning me into a cheap slut now..."
With s trembling body she stands there, trying everything to get her anger and the pain in her chest under control.
"Babygirl, that isn't what I meant..." He sighs and his voice is so soft again. "I'm sorry!"
She growls at him through clenched teeth, and pushes him roughly. "Stop this bullshit! You're not able to feel sorry, so don't pretend!"
"Okay, you're right, I can't feel sorry!" he says in a calm voice. "Now what?"
She never thought that the first time he'd actually hurt her, it would be emotionally. And she hates herself for how much this hurts. Hates herself for her weakness, for letting it come this far!
"Why did you say that?"
Kyun sighs and looks at the ceiling for a moment as if he needs to remember what caused this.
"I don't know..." says eventually. "Because I thought you'd be safe and sound with your family instead of... I don't know..."
This is so not satisfying for Anya. The only good thing about Kyun not being able to feel the way humans do was that everything he said and did in the past was always reasonable. Because everything he says and does gets decided by his reason, not by emotions. So the fact that he's not able to give her a reasonable explanation now hurts even more.
"I was looking forward to seeing you again," she says in a low voice, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "I want you to leave!"
With these words, she turns around. This is the first time in seven months she's said these words to him.
"Babygirl!" He grabs her wrist, which she immediately rips out of his grip.
"I played by your rules for seven months!" Her voice shakes. "But I'm not your little doll that you can let your anger out on. In case you've forgotten, I'm a human being. And I promised to never let myself get mistreated by a man again. Dead or alive. So leave!"
Kyun clenches his jaw and looks at her. There's no way for her to read what's going on inside his head, but given that he's not able to feel and probably finds her outburst ridiculous as fuck, she's glad he doesn't dare laugh at her now. He remains silent, and she turns again and walks into her bedroom.
Kyun stays. Anya feels his presence in the apartment long after she buried herself in her bedsheets, as anger and frustration at his words infect her like poison.
The longer she thinks about this fight the more she realizes that his words weren't what hurt her the most. It's the entire situation. While she was gone, separated from him, she created a picture in her head. While missing him, she daydreamed about laying in his arms, about feeling his lips kissing every inch of her skin.
She was fantasizing about someone that isn't real.
Beyond the fact that he's not able to have these kinds of emotions for her, she simply doesn't mean that much to him. She's someone he's known for seven months. How little is that compared to the 125 years he's been living? Plus the sixty years he got tortured in hell...
She's just a soul that made a pact with him, a demon. Although he never made romantic moves in her direction—at least not intended—she was stupid enough to fall deeply in love with him.
Anya curls up like a cat underneath her blanket. In the darkened shelter of her sheets where it's just her and the insufferable void inside her chest, she starts weeping.
~*~
I don't know how you feel about this, babes, but our demon definitely crossed a line here!
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