CADEN
I think I started falling.
Those words replay in my head way after Nini and I both went back to our rooms. They replay because they are true. I am falling. For her. And it's a feeling I have never felt before. It's like playing with fire. At the beginning, you don't know what it is. How it would react. You just merely tingle next to it, afraid of what might happen. Yet you're curious for more. You get closer. And it starts getting all warm and cozy. You get too close and make a wrong move, you're burned. You get too far away; it starts getting cold again. But you still like that feeling of warmth. And you keep on trying until you've reached that.
What I feel for Nini, I don't think I have ever felt it before. Not even with Tessa. Our love was physical. Every problem could be fixed in bed. What I feel for Nini, it's different. I care for her on so many different levels. I want to kiss her and mark every spot of her body with kisses, yet I also want to be there for her, see her smile and make her happy when she cries.
I started falling.
~
The next morning, Sofia and Alec insist we have breakfast with all the other guests at the hotel. We agree, since the food was good. I make it quick though. And after kissing Nini some more, I get in my car and have one destination in mind. Tessa. To end this deal.
I find her at her apartment. It doesn't take long until she opens the door and almost throws herself on me, eager to kiss me. I push her away, since I clearly do not want to kiss her. I don't want to kiss anyone rather than Nini.
"We need to end this deal", I hiss through my teeth. She raises an eyebrow surprised, yet quickly hides her shock.
"You like her", he whispers. I can hear the warnings in her voice. The way she makes it clear that if I would say yes, she'll make Nini's life a living nightmare. So I do what I started to do best. Lie.
"No. I don't."
"Then why do you want us to end this deal?"
"Because it takes too much of my time. Between training and games, I don't have time for dating."
"That for sure hasn't stopped you to go to her celebration party last night", she remarks.
"How do you know?" I ask her confused.
"I do have social media. And you did post some stories from yesterday."
Right. I did that. My mistake.
Silence installs between us. I wonder if she would let it go and agree. But of course, she doesn't. She would never accept defeat.
"The deal stays", she says in a harsh tone.
"We never signed any contract or anything." I tell her.
"No, but we shook hands."
Did we? Shit, we did. On the way to the bedroom the night we first agreed on the deal.
"I can't do this anymore." I add.
"And I don't care", she replies.
"I really can't. My schedule is full", I lie again, trying to convince her.
"Then make time. You said hockey wasn't more important than me. Prove it."
"I told you. If you ever loved me, you would believe me."
"I do believe you", she sighs exhausted. "But I need proof. The deal stays."
"I won't do it."
She comes closer and goes with her fingers down my chest. And for once in my life, I don't feel a thing. I feel nothing. All I know is that it is wrong and that she's not the one whose fingers I want to feel on my skin.
"The deal stays", she whispers, brushing her lips against my ear. "You know the person who organizes your little girlfriend's play? That's a very good friend of mine. One word from me and Nina loses her part as Juliet."
I sigh, not wanting to believe what I've just heard. "You wouldn't do that."
"Oh, but I would. End this deal and Nina says goodbye to her acting career. And we both know what a big chance this is for her. There would be producers and directors from all around the world coming to search for talents."
She kisses my earlobe. "Do you want her to lose her chance?"
"No", I let out. She smirks.
"Then I guess we have an agreement. The deal stays."
I look at her, wanting to let out my rage. But I don't. So, I just storm out of her apartment, with her voice saying "Bye, sweetie" laughing in the background.
~
In my car, I drive lost in thought around the city. I don't want this deal. I don't want it anymore. All I want is Nini. Yet, I want her to reach her dreams. And without this deal, that is slightly impossible.
Not minding where I'm heading to, I try to come up with a plan. What if I would break up with Nini, suffer from heartbreak and then try to move on.
Come on, Caden, you know you can't live without her anymore. And besides, you aren't even together, how can you breakup?
That's it! We're not even together.
If Nini and I continue being like this, without being an actual couple, the deal doesn't officially begin. Tessa said the deal begins the moment Nini and I come together. But she didn't say we can't see each other, without being officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
I just have to make sure I make Nini understand I want her, without asking her to be my girlfriend.
Seems like the perfect plan.
Overwhelmed with joy, I send her a quick text.
ME: Hey, how are you?
NINI: Fine. I'm out shopping with Nessie. Why?
ME: I miss you.
NINI: I miss you too.
ME: When can I see you again?
Her text comes later than usual.
NINI: Are you close to your car?
ME: In it. Why?
NINI: We're at a bookstore and she almost bought two entire shelves. There's no way we can carry all of these books home with the subway.
NINI: Can you maybe come pick us up?
NINI: I asked Nessie and she wouldn't mind stopping for some coffee on the way.
Do I honestly want to hang out just with Nini and her friend, talking about books and probably romance? Not really. Am I still going to do that to be close to Nini? For sure.
ME: I'll be there.
NINI: Great. I'll send you the address.
And the moment I get her share location, I start driving to her.