Truth or Dare
I wake up in the morning as soon the the fervor of rays blast my eyes.
I then hold tight to my crutches and walk slowly to the bathroom and wash my teeth, one of the crutch on my right falls.
"oh come on!" I groan irritated , nothing is seem to be that simple for me and I hate it for that .I gradually extend my right arm and try to reach to the fallen crutch.
It's still painful though, I walk out from the lavatory to heldan's room, I don't know why I'm going to his room. Maybe to peeve him a speck? I don't need to open up his door room as it's already opened.
Is he awake?
I continue to walk and I stand on his door threshold.
I find him getting dressed, I don't close my eyes and I don't say a word I watch him as he put his white pantyhose on , he is half naked — still with his black underwear that fit like a glove .
I freeze and he does not notice my presence.
The way his body looks when he is naked is to die for ——i am crazy for these, he has a body of a soccer player , but more like a young male model. Athletic.
Doctors never looked so good!
I bit my lower lip and my eyes traced on his behind, it's sexy — I now want to see it from the front.
A minute after, he pulls his grey trouser and turns directly at me he finally notice my presence. My eyes grow big when I peek over his front. . .
Fuck!
"Oh shit, can't you at least knock?" I roll my eyes. Why should I knock?
"The door was opened." I tell him, I've never seen him these irritated before, his forehead furrows and his lips curled."You were supposed to knock then."
"Come on don't be gay, you seem to forget I once saw everything down there." I grin and turn to walk to the passage as he says something under his breath .
He follows me to the kitchen , he help me sit on the counter and start to prepare our breakfast.
"So since I missed the movie of last night, I want you to tell me what happened."
"Well I didn't quite give it all my attention."
I shrug my shoulders.
Yeah. I do not remember what happened his cute is to blame —— and if I did I would still not tell him what was going on.
"But you said it was a awesome movie. . . I heard you mumble last night." I rose my eyes as I hear him say.
"What? Really. .. .when?"
"I came to your room last night, just checking up on you and baby girl you need to go to the therapist."I clear my throat, the 'therapist' part chokes me, he doesn't know that I had therapy _or does he. . .
"What's wrong? You good?"
"Of course I'm okay just uhm I uhm nothing."
"Oh okay."
"You sound gay." I tell him, a fake grin on my face .
"If I sound gay then why did you let me fuck you?"
this time I cough, how dare he say that? I don't want to remember my stupid 17 year old me getting laid by heldan. . . I was so damn young and stupid which had me end up. . . Oh god! My cheeks are burning a smile threatens to show up, I should not let this fool make me blush .
I ignore the feeling pounding of my chest.
"Yeah that's right." he gains a victory to shut me up, wow .
"Well I uhm I just uhm.... "
"You just uhm what?"
"My leg hurts."he laughs .
"You such a stubborn stupid woman."
"Don't say stupid."
"Yeah you are stupid."
he moves toward me and grab me into his arms I look at him right into his stares as he look at mine too,
we make a eye contact , something that we've never done when we were together as partners, his eyes are beautiful and tells something beautiful about his dark eyes—something I cannot read , whether understand, why does my heart bump everytime I look at him? What is this feeling im experiencing right now —do I really hate him or pretending to be ? I cough again in a strempt to stop this silliness.
Heldan doesn't deserve my heart, and why am I so concerned about these? Why is these happening now, no I don't want to break their relation ship, he is now dating the blonde girl and I don't have to destroy that.
We sit in the settee together, I desperately want to ask him these if it is not illegal to him .there are so many questions that I want to ask him, I want to know him more, I want to know his darkest secretes and his dreams in future.
I want to know everything.
To me heldan is like a closed book. We never shared a honest bond but it was never real, it was full of——— misunderstanding , empty promise and lack of communication.
"Why you looking at me like that."
"Let's play a truth or dare."
"Oh my god why that."
"Because I like it, it's kinda like a grown ups game."
A blink of my eye leave him in awe .
He sighs and says "Okay you first."
"Heldan truth or dare?"
"Truth." just what I wanted.
"Did you ever loved me?" his delighted face utterance slowly evaporated.
He takes a moment before he can answer a "No."
"No?"
"Yes, now baby girl truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Did you fall in love with me?"
Should I say yes or no?
Saying yes will make him feel like he can play any girl and have her fall for him at any time he want, if I say no then why did I fall in love with him and why am I mad at him that he played with my feelings?and ran away ?
"Yes." my tears threatens to come out, only a bit of glass of tears reveal themselve to heldan.
No do not cry do not dare cry.
"My turn now truth or dare?"
"Truth again."
"Is that blonde girl from the hospital your girlfriend ?"
He sighs before he leaves an answer "Yes."
"Do you love her."
"I surely do love her."
my heart is completely unsteady, I feel like he did not take a moment of his spare time to even think about my feelings, his words are vicious.
He is still the same heldan I know, he made me fall in love with him over a bet , played with my feelings, ran away and left me bare the upshots.
"okay that's awesome right, you won love again and I'm a loser." my tears jog down my cheeks.
He extend his hand to my shoulder trying to comfort me "No please don't I'm okay."
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I feel sick of men sometimes. . .if I knew him better I wouldn't be in this situation, sometimes I ask myself why did I ask him all the negativity that is always on my mind? I hate him so much!
I hate him with all of my heart and with everything of me.
I scroll down trough my phone and look at the pictures of my mom and little sir on the picture, he is so adorable, I smile to myself as I scroll to more pictures of sir, from his first birthday and second —he is growing up so fast, mom is really raising him well. I have never seeing my mom this happy before after sir came into our family.
"You already asleep?" heldan speaks out, standing on my door, I quickly turn my phone off and peek over him from the door.
It's so awkward that I am staring at someone whom I barely want to see right now _what it is that he wants now?
"not really." now why did I say that?
"Well I can put you back to sleep." huh?
"Really it's not a big deal, I'm a big girl."
"Big girls too have to be taken care of."
he shrugs his shoulders and sit on the bed next to me ——everytime I see him, feel him next to me I start to remember the first night of the two of us, so young and innocent and did not know what we were doing, I still remember that terrible kiss we had on that night, I want to forget it because it is so embarrassing even now.
"Hannah you know I..."
"No don't say it, I know you meant it." I tell him, I know that he feels bad for whatever he said earlier but that won't change anything. I am so hurt by him.
"But I loved you."
"I don't believe that."
"Why not? Hannah what wrong did I do to you that is so difficult for you to forgive me?"
Why is he acting like he doesn't know?
He knows what he did to me.
And I am not going to forgive him for that.
"You know what, I don't want to argue with you right now."
"So you saying we shouldn't speak about it? So how am I going to solve matters with you?"
"Good night heldan."
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