Monday
I'm sort of half asleep, half awake, I can feel Donovan's hand gripping mine so tightly that I'm scared to sweat in case he lets go.
I'm also constantly looking at the update TV through half peeked eyes but nothings happening.
She got to six centimetres dilated at around eight and then stagnated again. It was nine now though, so I guess maybe she didn't need a c-section, which was good as it meant she was less likely to have further complications, she was just in a very long period of labour which she had finally come out of.
When my mom was having Sade, she was in labour for twenty hours.
I'm trying to look at my watch but my left arm is within the confinements of Donovan's and I, for one, don't want to let go.
Finally, another update comes through on the screen, seven centimetres dilated and I start to sit up.
She's making a lot more progress now.
I want to look in the blinds but that feels a little personal now and also, I really don't want to let go of Donovan's hand.
A nurse knocks and walks in and I pretend to just be getting up to look at him.
"I hope everything is okay in here?" He asks and I nod. Donovan is actually asleep again and couldn't let go of my hand if I wanted him too. "I just came to tell you from Miss Rosling will be going through with the natural birth as having a c-section when she is finally dilated so far along would pose risks to her and her babies. She said she's going to go ahead with the epidural." I nod and shake Donovan awake to tell him the news and he smiles and says that's good.
I suddenly feel super embarrassed that I'm holding his hand.
Again.
I can't let go, I'm so nervous about this whole situation that I physically can't let go or I feel as if I might die.
Hospitals also kind of scared me so that's why I'd been pacing these halls so much. Standing in one place meant that the anxiety would get to me quicker and I clearly couldn't handle that.
I start to feel tired again and I reflexively lie down on the sofa before immediately jumping up when I realise that Donovan is obviously there.
"I didn't meant to do that, sorry." I yawn at the end of the sentence.
"I can see you're tired. If it helps you sleep, you can lay down." He says and I do so, getting comfortable.
He doesn't mind that I'm lying down in his legs and the whole width of the couch.
I try my best to get comfortable but just don't move in case I annoy him or something.
***
I wake up shaking and shivering and there's nothing around me.
I can hear a faint beep but I can't see past the black and I walk aimlessly in a circle.
"Help! Help me! Help! I need help! Someone hurt my parents! Someone hurt them! Help!" I run towards the sound but then it sounds like it's coming from behind then to my side and then everywhere.
I can't find the person.
I run and run and run and finally start to see something.
Two men run past me as if they don't see me and I see a girl on the floor.
"Hello? Are you okay? Excuse me, are you okay?" I tap the girl and she turns around and when I see her, I scream.
It's me. It's me on the ground, dead.
I don't know what's happening.
I scream and scream for help.
I run all the way back to the house and it's quiet and peaceful.
No one seems to notice me as I walk in.
Everyone's here, playing in the living space.
I check the date on the calendar.
It's the day my parents die but it's past the time that they died.
"Where's Verity?" Vincent asks and my parents shrug.
Suddenly I start to hear a voice calling my name.
***
I wake up in terror and Donovan is calling my name, asking if I'm okay and I just burst into tears.
I realise that somehow my arm is wrapped behind his back and the other one still managed to make it's way into his.
He hugs me and I take a minute to calm down.
"I had a nightmare." I say as I look at the ceiling.
"You were moving around a lot, I was trying to wake you up but you were terrified. I hope you're feeling better now." He says and I nod.
He points to the screen.
"10CM DILATED." I sit up and let go of his hand and look through the blind and see that Maisie is pushing as we speak.
It looks like she's in a lot of pain so I close them and sit down and I wait.
We sit there for a while and I get up and look into the room again and see Carter.
I thought I was going crazy but no, it was him.
I realised he must have got off work just to see Maisie and I smile.
Eventually, a nurse comes in, beaming.
"Miss Rosling is ready to be visited now." She says and Donovan and I stand up immediately.
I look at myself in the mirror, I look defeated and tired.
I go into my bag and grab some concealer to make my under eyes look less sullen.
"No, Giana. Come on." Donovan says and he gently takes it out of my hand and puts it back. "You look as beautiful as ever."
I walk in and see two babies and I gasp.
"They're so beautiful." I say as I look at Maisie and kiss her on the cheek.
"They remind me of someone when they were a baby. Sit down you two and everyone else please leave for a minute." Maisie says and I sit down and look at everyone else. They smile and leave.
She takes a picture from her bedside table and shows me and then her babies.
"Why does that photo look so old?" Donovan asks and then he looks at me and the babies and then the picture again. "That's you and Vincent."
I nod.
"Hmph. Exactly as I thought and I'm offended that you didn't tell me Giana." Maisie says and now I'm confused. "Actually no, Donovan, you're more open with your feelings, how come you didn't tell me that you liked her."
I look at Donovan. Now I'm REALLY confused. He's blushing though.
"Oh come on Giana, you knew." She says and reaches for my hand.
"I didn't." I say as I hold it but all of a sudden one of the babies giggle. "Wait you haven't told me anything the babies."
"This is baby boy number one, Shane Toby Rosling Shepherd and baby boy number two Scott Theo Rosling Shepherd." I light up.
"You used my name suggestion." I say and Donovan smiles even harder when I look at him.
"You used mine as well." He says and he seems really happy. "Wait but you didn't ask us for a letter requirement."
"No, you guys did that all by yourself." Maisie says and hands us each a baby.
As I'm holding the baby, I start to tear up a little bit but I start to notice someone else actually crying already.
"They're so beautiful." Donovan says as he starts crying while holding Shane and I look at him and then look at Maisie who has also started crying.
"What the fuck is going on right now?" I ask and she laughs while she cries.
"It's an emotional moment." Maisie says.
"Not that I wasn't going to stop before... this is more than enough to make me stop drinking..." Donovan says as he cries and holds the baby closer.
I smile and hold Scott a little closer.
He's right. They're blessings.