SEBASTIAN
"But I have to see him!", someone yells, and I immediately recognize Esther's voice. She sounds upset.
I get out of the office, thankfully I have no patient, and I see her trying to bypass Ava and a male-nurse whose name I keep forgetting. But I don't approach them immediately. Instead, I stand and observe her. She's not trying to push them, nor she's yelling the way she used to yell when she first came here. She seems more mature, as if she knew how to deal with people now. Except she still doesn't. She still needs to work on it.
"There he is!", she squeaks, pointing her finger at me, and runs like a kid who's scared or hurt. Hurt, yes. Scared, I don't know.
"Get in the office", she orders, eyeing me quickly, and I can't help but chuckle. She still has her attitude, and honestly, I don't want her to lose it. Ever. I nod at nurses, and signale for them to leave us alone.
I come back to office, and close to door to find Esther pacing through the room, nervous.
"Hey", I touch her forearm gently, "what's wrong? What happened?"
"I can't with people, Sebastian. I can't." She shakes her little head multiply times.
"Wait, wait. Sit." I try to help her sit, but she refuses, still shaking her head, and trying to push my hands softly. I back up, and let her do this her way. At least, I have to appreciate that she decided to come to me, and let me help her solve the issue that is bothering her.
"I'm listening. But tell me directly, without any hiding."
She shakes her head again, and looks up at the ceiling as if she's trying to hold back the tears. I hate when she does that. It hurts her even more.
She sighs before she speaks. "I can't let people meet me. The real me. And I don't have the strength to pretend either. And I'm also scared of being alone. I want...I can't believe I'm saying this", she mutters, looking away, "to meet new people. To be able to do the things other people do. I want to...I want to be normal, Sebastian."
I take a step back, not thinking if it could be too much in this moment. I place my hands on her shoulders, trying not to put too much weight on her petite frame.
"Esther," I glance down at her green puffy eyes that show how much she's been crying before she came her, "you are normal. You are just scared of people. You are scared of yourself."
"I am", she admits, whispering, and lowers her head down. I lift her chin, and feel under my fingers how it's shaking. She closes her eyes, and finally the tears she's been holding fall.
"I don't want to pretend."
"Then don't." I fondle her chin, and she doesn't seem to notice. Or she pretends not to.
"They wouldn't like me", she sobs quietly now.
"Have you tried?"
She wipes her tears, and smiles briefly. "Not really. But I know."
"How? I like you."
She lifts her eyes, and focuses them on me, perplexed, her lips parted. I fight with every cell in my body not to glance at them, so I distract myself while I play with her hair that has fallen on my fingers.
"You do? No, you're lying."
"I would never tell you a lie, Esther. You know I've been nothing but honest with you."
"I know", she whispers.
"So?" She shrugs. "I mean each one of us has some flaws, and we tend to change them, or not, but you will change something with my help, and something you will keep, and that's okay. You don't have to change yourself completely, Esther. You just have to learn to love yourself."
"I can't."
"You can. Because the person who is telling you this, learned to love himself. Alone."
I let my hand slip to her waist, and within the second, casually, her head falls on my chest.
Then there's a knock on the door, and before Esther moves from my grip, the door opens, and I snap my head to see Wendy.
"Oh, um, sorry..." She walks out of the office as fast as she entered it.
Esther doesn't seem bothered that Wendy caught us together, her gaze is lost in the scenery of high buildings that can be seen through my window.
"I..."
"I...I should go", she rambles, and runs to the door, but stops just as I open my mouth to say something, still not sure what. "Um, thanks."
With that she dissapears, and I nod to myself, take a deep breath, and release it, while I run my hand through my messy hair.
Esther, Esther, what do I do with you?