Characters: Hero, Sunny, Basil
Ships: Past Picnic Sandwich, Minor Sunflower (Can be interpreted as platonic or romantic)
Warnings: Ships you may not like, Omori spoilers, Duh, Discussions of Murder, Yet again, Y'all know the drill by this point, Headcanons galore, It's me we're talking about here this isn't a new thing, Part 2 to 'When starting over isn't as easy as it seems', Am I adding to my pile of drafts to continue this 'talking about the incident and reconnecting as a group' saga? Yes, Yes I am, I apologize but a story is a story as long as something is being produced here lol, Someone help, Sunny thinks no one likes him, Sunny's brain is the only one who actually doesn't like Sunny, The same applies to Basil, More talk of self-deletion, Did I reference the Neutral and Hikikomori endings here? Yes, Was that on purpose? No, Hero is also slightly self-deprecating here, Poor dude
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For a normally loud, chaotic household of five, it was unnaturally quiet... and empty.
Kel was out for basketball practice with his team, Mr. Vasquez was at work, and Mrs. Vasquez was out visiting family along with Sally.
The silence, however, didn't mean that the house was empty. The eldest of the Vasquez siblings, Hero, was the only member of the household present, but he was accompanied by two of his childhood friends, Sunny and Basil.
The three were preparing meals for a picnic they planned to have with the rest of their group later. Well, that and Hero was teaching Sunny how to cook, because apparently the teen still had no idea how.
They had already made a handful of meals and were finishing their respective tasks for their current dish. Hero was testing the consistency and temperature of the dish he'd just pulled from the oven, Sunny was grating cheese (It was one of the only tasks that was the least likely to seriously hurt him unless he was actively trying to get hurt), and Basil was slicing some vegetables that he'd ever so helpfully gifted them from his own garden (Unfortunately, the kitchen was a dangerous place no matter what you did, so Hero had given Sunny all of the easiest, least dangerous tasks since he had never cooked before but still wanted to be helpful, and just prayed that Basil's experience with cooking, plus his supervision would be enough to keep any disasters from happening).
When Hero had found himself satisfied with the finished product of the chicken he'd cooked in advance for his dad to eat when he eventually returned from work, he placed it on a free cutting board on the counter to cool. As he did, he felt a tug on his sleeve. He turned to see Sunny holding the cheese grater out for him to take.
'I think I grated enough, is that good?' The teen signed once the cheese grater had been taken from him.
Hero opened it to take a look inside.
"Yep, this is great, Sunny, thanks for your help!" The med student praised, giving the black-haired boy an appreciative pat on the head, handing the grater back to him, "Alright, now can you sprinkle some of that onto the baked potatoes we made earlier please?"
Sunny nodded and went to complete the task. Meanwhile, Basil picked up his cutting board and dumped its contents into the big glass bowl they'd prepared to mix a salad in.
"Alright, I-I'm done, too," The flower boy announced, placing the cutting board and knife in the sink.
"Thanks, you two, you've both been a lot of help," Hero replied, going through a shelf containing most of his many cookbooks.
"Is there anything else we're making?" Basil asked.
"Yeah, there's one more thing. I found an old recipe I've been waiting to try for a while now, but I think it might be good to try out, what do you say?" Hero answered.
"O-oh, alright! I think it could be fun! What is it you wanted to try?" Basil questioned.
"Ah, here it is!" The med student exclaimed, pulling out an older, somewhat dusty book.
'Here is what exactly?' Sunny signed, staring at the object as it was placed in front of them.
"Take a look and see for yourselves," Hero spoke.
Basil picked up the book, Sunny standing behind and resting his chin on the blonde's shoulder so he could see too.
Both boys blinked a few times disbelievingly as they flipped through the pages.
"These are all the recipes we all kept begging you for when we were little. You said they were a secret! How long have you been writing them down?" The gardener gaped, quickly scanning each page excitedly, yet still not entirely believing that what he was seeing was real.
Sunny gave him a slight look of betrayal as if to silently say 'How dare you keep this from us'.
The older boy found their reaction to the item immensely amusing, though he supposed it was an appropriate reaction, he had never told the kids that he was writing his recipes down, in fact, he had done the exact opposite and teased them every time he was asked about them. Every time someone asked they were shot down and told that they were top secret, never to be revealed to anyone.
Of course, that was to cover up the fact that he was secretly compiling them for the kids to follow when they got older.
"I haven't touched it in years. To be honest, I forgot it even existed up until last year, but at that point, I felt bad even touching it, so it hasn't been updated for who knows how long. I started it years ago. I was planning on giving it to you four when you got older," Hero answered.
"Hm? Why'd you feel bad about-" The photographer cut himself off as he noticed a certain page, "Oh..."
Sunny glanced at his best friend curiously before following his line of sight and flinching slightly.
The page featured the words 'Mari's Chocolate Chip Cookies!' in Mari's neat, cursive handwriting, heart beside the title and all.
"Yeah, it uh... it took me a while to look through it again once I'd remembered she'd been writing in it, too," The brown-haired boy elaborated, rubbing the back of his neck as he gave the boys a bittersweet smile, "I still haven't tried to make them yet, I was kinda afraid of not making them perfectly like she always did, so I kept putting them off, so how about the three of us try it out together?"
Basil blinked up at Hero for a moment, trying to figure out why Hero wanted them to help him. After all, he was the chef, not them. Sure Basil could cook, he was quite good at it, too -though not as good as Hero obviously-, and Sunny couldn't cook period. He wasn't sure how the two of them helping him possibly improve their chances of perfecting Mari's recipe. Besides, Hero knew what Basil and Sunny had done to Mari, so why? Was he just choosing to ignore it? Had he simply forgotten? No, Basil himself was painfully aware of just how impossible forgetting was.
Sunny was still silent, which wasn't abnormal, the black-haired boy was nearly always silent, but he hadn't looked up from the page since he'd first seen it. Looking over his shoulder, the blonde saw his best friend staring at it with an almost unidentifiable mix of emotions.
Keyword: almost.
From what Basil could read, sadness, joy, confusion, grief, recognition, love, and even a slight tinge of fear were present in Sunny as he watched none other than their deceased friend's beloved baby brother's eye gloss over with the beginnings of unshed tears.
"Sunny? Are you alright?" Hero asked gently, also aware of the youngest friend's current state, being careful as if one wrong word would shatter the small teen.
The boy began to cry, clinging on to Basil -who just happened to be closest- for support and comfort as he sobbed.
The flower boy placed the book back on the counter and shifted himself around in Sunny's arms so that he could face and properly comfort the boy, wrapping one arm around the boy's back and placing his free hand in his hair, combing his fingers through as he allowed the boy to grieve properly for once. Hero didn't waste time in joining, pulling both of the boys into a group hug. The three stayed like that, remaining silent save for Sunny's cries and soft shushing and murmurs of comfort from both older boys.
"Hey, it's okay if you aren't ready. Honestly, I'm not so sure if I'm even ready, but I want to try regardless. I know none of us have taken the time to grieve properly just yet, so maybe the three of us could use something like this to help, even if just a little bit." The med student spoke once Sunny had quieted slightly.
"What do you say, Sunny?" The photographer asked, attempting to gauge whether or not he was still with them or if he had dissociated.
"I-I wanna help, but-" Sunny sniffled, startling the other two slightly at the unexpected third voice. The baby of the group had been attempting to make an effort to slowly start using his voice more, though it was still scarce and infrequent, so it still spooked the others on occasion, "Why us, though?"
"Hm? What do you mean?" Hero asked.
"We were the ones who... hurt her, why do you want us to help?" The younger boy whimpered, almost hesitantly as he elaborated.
He felt guilty saying 'we', especially while the other half of that 'we' was the blonde he was clinging onto for comfort, but he knew Basil would immediately interject saying he was just as much to blame for 'the incident' as he was, which was true, Sunny could admit that, but he hated saying that the other was also 'at fault' like he blamed him for it or something, he didn't. He could admit that Basil did something wrong, obviously, but he didn't hate or blame him for it, the only person he hated for that incident was himself, but what else was new?
Besides, his best friend was easy to read, at least for him. Maybe not so much for everyone else, but Sunny knew both of them were thinking the same thing, Basil was just too kind to put it into words, always ever so cautious with his words in case someone could feel hurt by it.
What he felt most guilty for at the moment, was the fact that he could sense his friends' hearts shattering (even more so than they already had by this point) when he'd said it out loud. The black-haired boy still had no idea why they always felt so upset, or even guilty, whenever Sunny expressed things like this. He was usually just telling the truth, so why did they always make it seem like he was saying something wrong?
"Oh, buddy," Hero sighed, pulling both of the younger boys closer, "Suppose we're having this talk today, huh?"
"S-seems like it," The flower boy replied, leaning his head against the older boy's chest while continuing to cradle the younger in his arms.
"You both okay with that?" The med student asked. Sure, he'd been near desperate to have this conversation since the truth about Mari's death came out, but he could wait if said conversation would only serve to make the poor boys suffer more.
"I-I mean, we're already here, so we might as well," Basil responded.
Sunny nodded in agreement.
"Alright, then first off, I'll answer your question, Sunny," The brown-haired boy started, "I wanted you two to help me because of what happened. Out of the five of us, it's us three who have the hardest time even just hearing or mentioning her name. I know that's not something that'll go away just like that, trust me. It's been four years and I was never able to do it, but I figured something like this could help us all get better at it. Besides, something like this is a good way to let ourselves grieve properly."
Both boys looked up at their older friend and seemed to contemplate his words for a moment. Seeing as they weren't going to talk on their own anytime soon, he decided to get the ball rolling.
"What made you ask that, Sunny?"
The black-haired boy hesitated for a moment before giving up on covering anything up when he realized the entire point of the conversation was to stop doing that and talk everything out.
"I dunno, I just- It feels wrong for me to do it. Like it's disrespecting her memory, having her killer try to take something of hers."
"Sunny, don't- Don't talk about yourself like that, okay? You aren't a killer. What you did was wrong, and it did result in her death, sure, but calling yourself a killer implies there was intent. You said it yourself back at the hospital, it was an accident, we all know that. I don't think it would be disrespectful at all, in fact, I'd like to see it as honouring her. Instead of trying to forget everything all over again, you're trying to come to terms with what you did, you're accepting what happened, accepting her, and making an effort to get better, because I know that's what she would've wanted," Hero replied.
"H-he's right y'know, what happened wasn't your fault," Basil chimed in.
Sunny frowned at that. Was Basil still in denial?
He went to speak up, but he was promptly cut off before he could even start.
"N-no, Sunny, that's not what I mean. I know what happened that night. You did push her, but you didn't mean to. You did something wrong but you weren't the only one. What you did doesn't mean you're a bad person," The flower boy finished.
Sunny shot him a playful glare.
"Base, if you don't start taking your own advice I'm rioting."
The other two laughed at the retort.
"I think that has to be our group's one quote to live by from now on. 'Take your own advice'. Because God knows none of us do," Hero piped up.
"Agreed," Basil spoke.
"Anyways, what did you mean by 'That's not what I mean', Basil? Sunny didn't say anything," Hero asked.
"I just knew what he was going to say, that's all. We ah, w-we had a bit of a 'talk' before our fight a few months ago. Or- I guess it was really just me yelling at Sunny, but that's not the point. I ended up uhm- saying something similar, that it wasn't his fault, but for... different reasons," The blonde explained.
"What exactly were you talking about that night, anyways? Kel got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and woke the rest of us up when he heard Sunny scream, so none of us knew virtually anything about the fight. Well, except maybe anything you told Aubrey when you both talked to her, so I guess it's just Kel and me that don't know," The med student questioned.
"I-I was mostly just freaking out over him leaving, both back then and... when we thought he was moving. After that, it was just a big denial spiral. At first, I didn't- I didn't believe that Sunny could've done... that, so I came up with this u-um... creature... thing? In my head I blamed for everything that went wrong. I can't remember if I saw it while everything was happening, but at some point, I did start seeing it following the both of us around," The gardener responded, stuck between almost crying due to the subject of conversation and almost giggling at Sunny's quiet, disbelieving "How the-" as the black-haired boy struggled to comprehend just how their friends had managed to sleep through Basil screaming at the top of his lungs for about 10 minutes straight.
"Were you seeing them that night? during the fight?" Hero asked, face falling at the revelation that things were a lot more complicated than he'd initially thought. Which, granted, he didn't get far in figuring out, as he had no idea how or why the two boys would get into a fight like that. Sure, he could see Sunny getting into a fistfight, while the black-haired boy was usually quiet and preferred to be on the sidelines, Hero could recall him being quite vindictive when he wanted to be. Basil, on the other hand, had always cried or even had straight-up panic attacks when he so much as witnessed a fight, physical or not, so how the hell did the blonde end up not only getting into a fistfight but stabbing his best friend in the eye?
"Y-yeah, I was. That night was... um- rough, to say the least. I was in the hospital all day with Grandma until she ah- passed, and then after that I guess I just kinda... lost it? Just locked m-myself in my room when the hallucinations got bad. S-sorry I didn't respond while you were all talking to me, by the way. I could hear you guys I just- thought I was still hallucinating. I still have a hard time trying to figure out what's real and what isn't, but I've gotten a little better since then," The photographer answered.
"I see, sorry to hear that, Base. Sorry about your grandmother as well, by the way. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. Have you found anything in particular that helps with your hallucinations?" The brown-haired boy offered.
"I-I'm on medication, but other than that, usually physical contact helps. I have visual and auditory hallucinations, so touch kinda helps ground me and pull me back," Basil explained.
"Alright, I'll keep that in mind. That aside, what happened for you two to start fighting?" Hero continued.
"I woke up in the middle of the night after I remembered... the truth, and then I went to check on Basil 'cause I felt like something was wrong. I kinda ended up walking in on something I wasn't supposed to, which freaked him out more, the hallucinations got bad for both of us, he tried protecting me from the hallucinations but fought me instead, I freaked out and fought him back, I got stabbed, passed out, and I dunno what happened after that 'cause I was out for who knows how long before I woke up in the hospital," Sunny summarized.
"Wh- okay, ignoring the immensely concerning but actually somewhat straightforward information for the moment, what did you walk in on exactly?"The med student asked, becoming increasingly concerned as the conversation continued.
Basil and Sunny shared a look momentarily, the latter nodding before the former took a deep breath.
"I um... I kinda just- snapped... that night. I was already holding my gardening shears before Sunny walked in. H-he panicked when he saw them and then everything... escalated... from there."
The oldest took a moment to piece together the implication. The younger two winced when he finally realized, a look of horror appearing on his face as he did.
"What- Basil you- Oh god," Hero swallowed, attempting to process the statement.
Basil felt awkward now that the topic had shifted directly to an uncomfortable fact about himself, and a bit scared of what exactly Hero would do with this information.
He jumped when he felt the grip around him tighten significantly. The brown-haired boy had pulled him closer into their hug and was now refusing to let go as if they would just disappear if he did. Fair enough on his part, the two teens supposed, considering they've both almost died multiple times in a frighteningly small amount of time, but still.
When they both realized Hero was now crying, they felt guilty. True, he was the one who wanted to start the conversation, but they were starting to think this was a mistake, there was worse they had yet to talk about, after all.
"Please, for the love of god, neither of you try anything like that again, you hear me? I- None of us can take losing anyone else. We all care about both of you. If there's anything we can do to help just talk to us. It won't ever be a bother, trust me. We'd much rather take the time to help you, no matter how long it takes, than lose either of you. Promise me you'll do that, okay?" The med student pleaded.
"O-okay... I'll try," The gardener whispered, getting dangerously close to crying himself as he just barely managed to bring himself to answer.
Sunny, on the other hand, could only nod.
"That's all I ask, thank you," Hero responded, feeling reassured enough to loosen his grip, but still didn't let go completely, "Well then, that's the fight out of the way, what else is there while we're having this conversation?"
"The only thing I can think of is the um... the incident," Sunny piped up.
"Right, we haven't talked about that yet. I suppose we start with the incident itself?" The brown-haired boy asked.
Sunny nodded again and attempted to get his thoughts together.
When the boy was quiet for what the other two thought was too long, they both began to question the direction that this conversation had taken once again.
"Sunny? Are you okay? We don't have to keep going right now if you aren't ready," Hero offered.
"No, it's fine. I'm just trying to remember what I have and haven't told you already." Sunny spoke.
"Ah, I see. From what I remember, you told us that you broke the violin, fought with Mari... her actual cause of death, and how she got where we found her, but that was it. You didn't tell us anything about the fight itself or... why this was the route that was taken..." Hero recalled.
"Right, I guess I can start with the fight and then let Basil take over because I still have no memory of pretty much everything in between, and I can't really speak for Basil's thought process or anything," The youngest decided.
When he received a nod from both of his friends, he began.
"You already know about me throwing the violin, so I guess I can start from there? Um..." Sunny drew in a deep breath, "So I wasn't really... aware? I guess? That I broke the violin until..." Sunny paused, face scrunching up in thought for a moment, "I don't actually know when I realized that I'd thrown it, or that it was even broken in the first place, I was... uh... I dunno how to describe it... Y'know that feeling when you get so mad you just black out and act on impulse?"
"Yeah, I get what you're talking about, kinda like blind rage, right?" The med student replied.
"Yeah, that. I ended up getting stressed out over recital practice, which made me mess up a lot, which made Mari really mad and it just, um... escalated from there," The black-haired boy explained.
"Escalated how?" Hero asked, becoming slightly afraid of what answer he would be given.
"Um... When we first started practice we messed up a lot, which I guess was to be expected since I hadn't played the violin in years and we hadn't ever played together either besides when we played piano together for fun a few times, and it was fine at the start. When I messed up she'd just stop and correct the mistake and tell me it was ok, and then we'd start from the beginning, but over time she started losing patience with me and got... meaner? I don't wanna say she was being mean because I know she was really stressed and it was important for her but um... She started getting passive-aggressive, saying stuff like she'd heard me play it before so she knew I could get it right, and just kinda started talking like I was messing up on purpose or something. It felt kinda off but I didn't really pay attention to it all that much, then she stopped trying to hide the fact that she was annoyed at all and kept saying that she thought I was just messing around, which I guess is where I started getting upset 'cause I was trying as hard as I could but she was talking to me like I wasn't and it hurt, and then we both got worse. She stopped talking to me at all outside of recital practice, and I stopped cooperating as much 'cause I didn't want to do it anymore, which made her even madder. That kept going until the day of the recital. I messed up again during practice and she just... snapped at me. She started yelling at me about how I was messing up on purpose, how she did so much for me and all I did was ruin things for her, and... that's... all I can remember her saying before I ran out of the music room. I tried going into our room to hide but she followed me up, that's when I got mad and blacked out and then... threw the violin. She yelled at me more after that but I wasn't registering what she was saying, I stopped being mad and just started getting scared and overwhelmed 'cause I didn't know what was happening anymore. I tried running away, but she stopped me and kept yelling, so I panicked and um... pushed her down the stairs." Sunny explained.
"Oh, buddy..." Hero spoke as Sunny gradually broke down recalling the incident and the events surrounding it.
Sunny definitely didn't feel as good as he did getting all this off his chest last time. Hero wanted to know, he had the right to, but it felt wrong to talk about Mari this way. Sure, they had a rough relationship for the last few months of her life, but Sunny still adored her, she didn't deserve to be remembered this way.
"I-I'll pick up from here then, Sunny was only fully aware of the situation for a few minutes in between before he started d-dissociating anyways, so I might as well," Basil chimed in, earning a nod from Hero signalling him to go ahead.
"Right, so um... I got there in the middle of the fight, b-but I couldn't get myself to leave the doorframe to stop it. I heard them fighting but I just froze. Then all of a sudden everything was happening too fast for me to process, and the n-next thing I knew Mari was on the floor right at my feet. Sunny must have snapped out of it when she hit the bottom because, after a minute of staring at each other, we both started freaking out. Sunny ran d-down the stairs and we both started trying to call her and shake her awake. We were convinced she was just unconscious, so we picked her up, carried her to their room, put her in bed, and waited for her to wake up on her own. She... um... never did wake up... We both e-eventually realized that and that's when Sunny broke down and dissociated, and I started panicking trying to figure out what was going on and how I could get Sunny out of the situation. I was convinced that we couldn't tell anyone, that no one would believe it was an accident and that something would happen to Sunny if I didn't do something, so I went with the first thing that came to mind. I- I know why and how I thought of doing what I did, but I don't know why it was the first thing I thought of, or even why I decided to go through with it," Basil explained, avoiding eye contact as he fidgeted with his hands.
"Why... why did you think to do that?" Hero questioned, ensuring that his tone came off more inquisitive than accusatory.
"I guess I just... I saw how upset she seemed before she fell, and I h-heard the things she was saying to Sunny, so I guess I just... I-I don't know, I guess I just felt it was a plausible connection to make, y'know? Sure, it felt kinda out of nowhere for you guys because none of us had seen how stressed out she was getting since she stopped coming to hang out with us after a while," Basil winced disapprovingly at his own unfortunate choice of words before continuing, "But at the moment, seeing how she was acting, it didn't feel that way, y'know? I-I know she was happy in general, but at the time, I was just desperate to find a way out for Sunny a-and it just- clicked, like- what if she wasn't happy, what if she'd been feeling this way for a long time before the recital and all of a sudden she just couldn't do it anymore and... ended it. Then Sunny wouldn't have pushed her, she wouldn't have died during that fight, a-and nothing would happen to Sunny because he wouldn't have done anything,"
Hero took a moment to think about what Basil was saying, now that he had the perspective of the one who staged the incident, he could certainly see where it came from. It had always felt like such a random thing to happen back before he knew the truth, even if he knew she'd always been a bit overworked. He never would've thought that it could ever warrant something like... that, but hearing Basil put it all into place made everything start to make sense.
"Yeah, it- it makes sense why that happened now... On the other side of things, though, I already have an idea what the answer is going to be, but... have things always been like... this... for you? How you even jumped to suicide in the first place back then bugged me ever since it came up in the hospital, but hearing what you've been saying now, I... I'm starting to see the answer for myself," Hero spoke up.
"I... I-I'm not exactly a hundred percent sure myself. I mean, I haven't always been this... um... yeah," The blonde trailed off, gesturing wildly as he searched for a word to use that wouldn't get him scolded for 'degrading himself', "I haven't always been hallucinating, or having random violent outbursts or anything, but I don't think I could ever classify myself as 'n-normal'? I've always been jumpier than other kids, I was always a bit more on the careful side, I-I was always more reserved, and I know I had a lot of depressive episodes that other kids d-definitely didn't have. I guess what I'm saying was the past four years made everything a whole lot w-worse, but it didn't all just happen after the incident, y'know? I've always had... issues,"
"I understand what you're saying, yeah. I did pick up on the fact that you were always a bit different than others your age. Not in a bad way, of course! You were always fun to be around, you still are, it was just... jarring, sometimes, seeing how different you were even just compared to Aubrey and Kel, let alone other kids outside of our group. Was it always that bad, though? Did it ever actually get to the point where you considered... that?" The oldest questioned.
"I-I want to say it was never this bad, that the thought never crossed my mind, but... I guess that'd be a lie. It wasn't as bad as it got over the past four years, but there's... there's always been something that wanted to p-push me over the edge. The bullying would hit a particularly bad day, or grandma would get sick again out of nowhere, or I'd end up thinking too hard about my p-parents again, just... things you would think really shouldn't bug me that much ended up getting to me and I would just- I-I'd just cave, y'know? It got better after Aubrey introduced me to you guys, I-I wasn't left alone with my thoughts as often, I had you guys, so I wasn't alone anymore, you all kept me as safe as possible from the kids who liked to pick on me, so there weren't a-as many bad days, and they didn't hit as hard, but... it also just kinda brought on a different set of fears. That was something I could never stop doing, there's always something to be afraid of, and if there isn't, my head will invent a b-billion different things that could go wrong so that there is something to be afraid of, so some days that would... get to me," The gardener explained, holding Sunny close again as the younger started clinging to him as tight as he could once again, having a harder time listening to just how much his best friend had suffered, both with and without him.
"Did you ever actually... attempt anything?" Hero asked warily.
"N-not... not quite," Basil responded.
"What do you mean by that?" The med student queried, not knowing if he actually wanted the answer to that question.
"I did... research on the matter, and I obviously ended up learning things, but the farthest I'd ever gotten was figuring out how to tie a noose before realizing what I was doing, freaking out, and hiding it in my closet so it wouldn't tempt me, so I never really got far with it,"
"Well, that's... good, at least..." Hero replied, attempting to remain optimistic about the situation.
Hey, at least he wasn't dead, that's a win!
The conversation ended up making him feel worse in other ways, though. When Sunny had told them all the truth in the hospital, one of the biggest things that he'd felt was relief that Mari hadn't actually ended her own life, there were no signs that he missed or things she refused to tell him about.
But now, he was slapped in the face with just how much he did miss.
Apparently, he wasn't good at hiding it either, considering the fact that he'd been quiet for too long and now had two pairs (Or a pair and a half?? Sorry, Sunny) of concerned eyes looking up at him.
"You okay, Hero?" Sunny piped up for the first time in a few minutes.
"Y-yeah, I just..." He began, attempting to make an excuse instinctually before giving up when he remembered the entire purpose of the conversation. Sure, it was mainly for Sunny and Basil to talk about what happened from their perspectives, but they had both shared so much with him, and it was all so personal to them, it wouldn't be fair to allow himself to hide things from them while they had to answer this much, "God, I feel so stupid now. All these years I was upset that I'd missed signs from her that weren't there, but now I get to see so many signs that were there that I actually did miss. I noticed that Basil always acted off, but I just ended up convincing myself that it was just the way he was and that there wasn't anything off about it. I never even noticed how upset Sunny got with the recital, and if I had, could I have done anything to prevent all of this? What else could I have missed?"
Sunny made a small noise of discontentment before latching himself onto the oldest.
"You keep making excuses for the four of us, saying that 'we were just kids', but the same goes for you, too. Just 'cause you're older doesn't mean you're the exception. You're only three years older. You were fifteen when she died, and even before that, you didn't know. I stopped coming to hang out with everyone the same time Mari did, so how could you have known how I felt about it, especially since I never told anyone about it? And as far as I know, I'm the only one who knew about Basil's depression and anxiety, since I'm the only one he ever talked to about that kind of stuff, but even then I didn't realize what it was or how serious it could've gotten. I never knew he'd tried to hurt himself like that, and even after the incident I never even questioned how he knew all of that until four years later when I realized that shouldn't have been a normal thought to have back then. You aren't the only one who didn't notice stuff, and it isn't your fault for not noticing, either. I don't think there's anything anyone could've done to prevent Mari's death from happening except for me, but I don't wanna think about that anymore. It happened and there's nothing I can do about it now. We just have to live with the fact that she's gone. Things happened that we can't change, but I don't wanna change anything." Sunny lectured.
"You don't?" Hero asked, curious as to why exactly Sunny didn't want to change the way that things played out.
"No. 'Cause every time I try to think about what could've happened differently, I end up thinking about what else it would've changed, and that fact that I don't know is scary to me. I'd rather live with what I know for sure happened rather than change things blindly hoping it'd turn out better. There are some things I know for sure would've changed if I'd done things differently, like what would've happened if I hadn't gone to check on Basil the night we fought? He would've died, and I don't want that. Or what would've happened if I hadn't answered the door when Kel was knocking? I'd be stuck in a new house by myself in the city and only Basil would know the truth if he'd even still be around, and I don't want that either, so I'm okay with the way things turned out." Sunny answered. "Obviously I don't want Mari dead, I want her to be alive and happy with us, but if I could actually make that happen, what would it change? There's too much I don't know, so even if I could change anything, I don't think I would."
"Huh, I guess I understand what you're saying." The med student spoke, smiling warmly all of a sudden, "That's a good point, and it's really mature of you to say, Sunny. I'm proud of you."
The youngest became flustered at the unexpected praise he was receiving, burying his face in the oldest's chest too late as both of the older boys caught a glimpse of his face flushed bright red, drawing a giggle from Basil.
"Really, though, I am. You'd be surprised at how many people would just jump to answering a question like that without thinking about what might happen, but most of all, you've recognized your mistakes, and you're owning up to them. You aren't just trying to erase them from existence, because that can't happen, no matter how hard you try. Instead, you're facing them with the full intent to do everything you can to make up for what happened. I'm proud of both of you for that. You've both been through so much, but you're still here trying to get better, and you're trying to make things right. You've both grown up so much. It makes me miss back when we were kids, and I regret not being able to see you both grow up and reach this point, but that just means we have a lot of catching up to do, doesn't it? We'll all be able to make up for lost time, won't we?"
Hero watched in amusement as now it was the gardener's turn to be flustered, Sunny simply burrowing further into his chest as he kept speaking, now out of a mixture of embarrassment and comfort at his words. The oldest roped the blonde back into their little group hug upon seeing him watch him with a slightly red face and teary eyes, the small boy immediately returned the hug as he was pulled in.
After a few minutes, the three separated, and Hero stood up and stretched for a moment before retrieving the tissues to place on the counter. He helped both of the younger boys stand up from the floor and allowed them to gather themselves the rest of the way before he spoke up again.
"Alright, now that that's over with and everything is out of our systems, how about we try making these cookies? We should have just enough time before we need to pack up and leave for the park, so what do you both say?"
"I-I'd like that, how about you, Sunny?" Basil replied immediately this time before turning to the younger.
Sunny nodded determinedly, seemingly having lost his voice for the rest of the day, but having gained a bit of confidence from the earlier talk.
"Great, now let's get to work."