Chapter Six:
In the morning, I was hit with the reality that last night really did happen and I was still a stupid girl. Prayers couldn’t do everything. There were no missed calls or unanswered texts. I groaned.
“Bay, please answer me,” I said, as the familiar rings played from my phone. Bailey didn’t answer, not that I was expecting anything different. I lay back down, throwing my phone across the room. I rolled over and turned on my radio. Music flooded out, filling the oppressive room. I fell asleep, letting my conscious mind forger about her, only if for a few hours. Luckily when I woke up, I couldn’t remember my dreams so she couldn’t pollute my mind further.
I groggily stumbled out to the living room. Maddy greeted me, chirpy as usual, jumping up and down. Mom was still in her pajamas and on her laptop.
“You’re awake?” Mom snorted. I nodded, too tired to speak. “Did you drink last night?”
“I wish,” I mumbled, going into the kitchen. I grabbed a pop tart and made my way back to my bedroom. Leo cornered me on the way there.
“It’s two o’clock,” He said, crossing her arms over his chest.
“Thanks for the announcement,” I said, sarcastically and trying to push my way through him.
“What’s your problem?”
“Nothing.”
“I’m your dad. You can talk to me about anything.” I glared at him. He wasn’t my real dad. He wasn’t even a real dad to Maddy, his actual daughter. Anyways I’m not even going to tell my real dad what happened. It was too embarrassing.
I walked away and went back to my room, locking it. I tried studying, but I ended up watching Family Guy on Netflix and staring at my phone. No calls ever came. The next day was agonizing.
I normally hung out with Bailey, but I was pretty sure that wouldn’t happen. I just hid out in the library, doing the studying that I didn’t get done yesterday.
Chemistry was the worst. Bailey was sitting right there within arm’s reach and we just sat there like we were complete strangers. Through my curtain of hair I watched her. She looked so sick and frail. Dark shadows were under his eyes like she hadn’t slept much this weekend. Her skin was so much paler where it was bruised. Small red dots painted under her skin giving her some color. The whole time her hands were shaking. I wanted to hold her hand and comfort her, but fear stopped me. I wanted to talk to her, do something, but I had to wait for her to come to me. This was going to be the death of me. By the end of the class, I burst.
“Bailey, I’m sorry,” I whispered. Her tired, brown eyes glanced over at me, but she didn’t say anything. Then the bell rang. She got up without a goodbye and left.
“Desiree, the bell rang,” Mr. Matthews said, shuffling papers from behind his desk. I nodded, getting up and leaving. My mind didn’t understand what was happening. How could I have offended her so badly she couldn’t even speak or hardly look at me? Was being kissed by a girl that bad? Why was I so stupid? Bailey needed me and now I had just freaked her out so much she didn’t even want to look at me! She was so scared and I let her down. I had no idea what I could do to fix it. I knew I wouldn’t stop trying until it was fixed though.
The rest of the day went downhill from there. All anyone could do was complain about their problems. None of them tried to fix anything. What to do about the guy who you like says he likes you too, but won’t stop bending over backwards for his ex? Obviously, he isn’t ready to be in another relationship and if you did date, he would just be dating you to move on. Why put yourself through that? No girl needs a guy who can’t stick with one girl. Show some self-respect. Also to the girl who keeps dating the same guy over and over, and expecting different results, that is the definition of insanity. Dump him and separate yourself from that. You’re too good for that. Lastly to the boy who is too afraid to stand up to his crazy girlfriend, if someone is making you so miserable and won’t let you lives your life: leave her. I know it’s hard, but living a lie is worse. Do whatever you can to be happy, at least try. It’s your life, not his, hers, your parents, or anybody else’s.
Continuing my internal rant, I left my last class of the day. Unfortunately, I had a follower: Katie.
“Hey,” She said, coming up from behind and wrapping her arm around me.
“Hi,” I said, shortly. I didn’t have time for this crazy girl today.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to walk home,” I said, annoyed.
“I don’t have band practice until 4:30 so I’ll walk you home,” Katie said, excitedly.
“Um…no, I’m fine,” I said. No way in hell was I letting her know where I live. She was crazy with a capital C.
“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind at all,” Katie said, oblivious as always.
“Well, I do,” I said, yanking myself away. Katie didn’t listen to a damn thing I said; she just kept walking like nothing had happened. I stared at her in disbelief, but didn’t say anything. If she tried to put the moves on me, I would punch her and run. Sounded like a good plan to me.
Katie kept on talking about wrestling and band. I had no attention to waste on her. All of mine was saved for Bailey. I loved her: plain and simple. I couldn’t deny it. Admitting that lifted weight off my chest.
“Dezzy, what’s the matter?” Katie asked, interrupting my internal revelation.
“Um…nothing,” I said, shaking my head.
“Come on, Dezzy,” She whined, pulling me in front of her with her hands enclosing my wrists. I pulled away and turned around without saying a word. Through my anger and frustration, I heard Katie’s footsteps following mine. Luckily I was only a block away from my house. She would be gone soon enough.
I walked up my driveway and still heard her footsteps following me. I stopped, turning around, slowly.
“Bye, Katie?” I said, slowly.
“Can I come in?” Katie asked, smiling that creepy smile of hers.
“Uh…no. Girls aren’t allowed inside when there is no one else at home,” I said, grateful for my mom’s crazy rule.
“Not even for a minute?” That would be two minutes too long, I thought.
“No, they’d be pretty pissed if they found out,” I said, backing away. She frowned as if that would change anything. “Well, bye.”
“Bye, Dezzy.” She said, standing there. I went inside the house and locked the door, in case. I leaned against the door, sighing. I flipped through my phone, searching for missed calls and texts. It wasn’t a surprise, but it was disheartening when I found none. With one last look at my place, I started on my chores and another mountain of homework.
The nest day came. No Bailey. The same on Wednesday and Thursday. I messaged her, called her. No response. People kept asking me where she was. I guess I wasn’t the only person she was ignoring. She wasn’t on Facebook either, and hadn’t shown up to softball as well. It was as if she fallen off the face of the earth. It wasn’t until Saturday morning that Bailey showed any existence of life on this earth.
My phone vibrated next to my ear, shaking me out of the dreams I was having. I opened my eyes, sleepily. Then they widened to the size of saucers when I realized it might be Bailey. Okay, Dezzy chances are it isn’t her. It is probably just my dad or Coach. Prepared, I flipped my phone open. My heart skipped a beat when I saw who it was: Bailey.
Dezzy, we need to talk. Can Linda pick you up in an hour?
Yes, I typed back without thinking. I’m sure my mom would let me go out and she trusted Linda, Bailey’s foster mom. I got up without waiting for a text back. Mom was out in the living room, sitting on the couch with the laptop. I could hear Maddy in the kitchen, eating breakfast.
“What are you doing up so early?” Mom asked, looking up at me. What was it? I looked at the clock. It was only seven thirty. Ugh, it was too early.
“Um…Bailey texted me. She wanted to know if I could come over in an hour,” I explained.
“Will her mom pick you up?” Mom sighed.
“Yeah, she said Linda would,” I told her.
“Okay, yeah. Fine,” Mom said, not paying attention anymore. I felt slight annoyance that whatever was on the computer screen was more important than me, but at least she paid attention long enough to let me see Bailey.
The next hour went be so slow. I got ready, which only took ten minutes. I ate breakfast with Maddy. Then I did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. The whole time my mind was racing. What did she want to talk about? Well, I knew along the lines of what she wanted to say, but was she going to reject me completely? Did she never want to speak or see me again? My heart couldn’t handle that thought. Then I heard a car horn beep, saving me from my torturing thoughts. It was Linda. I ran out the kitchen, grabbing my coat and yelled,” I’m leaving now.” I didn’t wait for an answer; I just left. I was expecting Bailey to be in the passenger said so I opened the back door. It was only Linda in the driver seat.
“Sweetie, you can sit in the passenger side if you want,” Linda said, sweetly. I nodded and got in the front seat. Up close I could see how tired her hazel eyes and aging face were. She always looked so young and vibrant, even with six children.
“HI, Ms. Linda,” I said as I put on my seatbelt.
“Hello, Desiree,” Linda said, smiling. That was all we spoke to each other. Did she know that I kissed Bailey? Speaking of Bailey, where the hell was she? We were long past her house. Why wasn’t she here? And where were we going? We were long past her house. Why wasn’t I asking any of these questions? I knew the answer to that one: I was scared. I was scared of the answers I might receive. I think I deep down I knew what was going on. I had dread in my stomach. The kind of dread I got right before a math test, but it was a thousand times worse. But consciously I would never admit it because when Linda pulled into the hospital parking lot, I didn’t even bat an eyelid. It was as if I already knew. My stomach grew a little tighter and the ball of dread in my chest grew a little bit bigger. I got out of the car and followed Linda, silently. She led us to a doctor’s office that read: Dr. Jonathan Sharpe, M.D. Pediatric Oncology. My heart skipped a beat at the unfamiliar word.
I looked around the waiting room. The walls were a warm, inviting blue with fish swimming on the wall. There was a TV hanging in the corner of the room playing children’s cartoons. Actual fish were swimming in a fish tank in the wall. There were frail, sickly kids waiting. Some were playing with the toys that the doctor had out for them.
One kid, a girl about six or so, was playing with a Thomas the train toy. She was giggling and looked overall happy. Then there was a boy around twelve, reading a book. It looked like that was all he had energy for.
“Hello, Mrs. Cavanaugh. Bailey is still in room 7,” a young, red headed receptionist said. I couldn’t breathe anymore.
“Thank you, Jackie,” Ms. Linda said with a polite smile. We walked through the white, double doors. The hallway was bright and almost friendly looking, but in my mind, it was anything but.
Bailey’s room was the last one of the hall, of course. My knees felt weak and shaky. Every part of my body knew something bad was going happen. I didn’t think I could face it, but I had to; I needed to. I couldn’t be selfish. I wanted to, but whatever Bailey was about to face, she was going to need me. That is if she still wanted me.
Ms. Linda stopped me when we got to the door. She gave me a sympathetic smile.
“She wants to talk to you first,” Ms. Linda said. I gave her a weak smile and grabbed the door handle. I turned it slowly.
The room was small, but still inviting. The walls were colorfully decorated like the waiting room. There was a hospital bed with Bailey in it. Well, at least I thought it was her. She looked like Bailey, just really sick. Her skin was even paler, making the red dots on her skin even brighter. She looked so tired and weak with the dark shadows under her eyes.
“De-,” She started to croak, but she cleared her throat. “Dezzy.” Her voice was back to normal and she was smiling.
“Bay,” I said, taking a step towards her. Then I felt more nervous and stepped back.
“Please, come closer.” I did what she said until I was only a foot away from her bed.
“Bailey, I’m sorry-,” I started to say, but she cut me off.
“Don’t apologize for Saturday. I like it.” I looked up at her in shock.
“You…you mean you…What?” I asked, utterly confused.
“I treated you like shit. I don’t know why I ran away. Well, yes I kinda do. I was scared, so scared,” She whispered, ashamed. Her eyes were looking down at her pale hands. I looked down at them too. I noticed a slight bump on her left wrist that was there before.
“Of what?” I asked, matching her tone.
“I didn’t want to be in love with a girl. I was supposed to love boys, but I couldn’t; I can’t. I was scared of realizing that I wanted to be with you. Now, I realize that it doesn’t matter.” Tears started to fill her eyes. I just stared at her beautiful face. Everything I ever wanted to hear, she just said. I was so…happy. That didn’t seem adequate enough of a description. Blissful. Elated. Overjoyed. None of these described how I was feeling. Not even all of them combined seemed enough. Bailey loved me. Nothing else in the world mattered or even existed. Nothing could compare. It was love.
“Dezzy, please say something,” Bailey whispered. Her voice was shaking as much as her hands were. I grabbed her hands and squeezed them gently. Leaning in I kissed her on the lips like I had been dying to all week. My lips curved upwards, craving more of her taste. My heart was running a million miles per hour. She felt just like I remembered. I pulled away.
“I’ll always be her for you,” I whispered.
“They think I have cancer,” She whispered. My insides turned to ice. Cancer. Every part of my body lost feeling, numb. My heart and stomach wounded up tighter than a drum. Cancer. I couldn’t breathe or move. I couldn’t think of anything else, but the word: cancer. Then the floodgates of thoughts let loose. Was she going to die? What type of cancer? What stage? Was it treatable? How much longer did she have? What were her odds? Could I take care of her? I couldn’t lose her. I needed her. It was selfish, but she was my Bailey. I needed her. Why her? She was only sixteen.
I needed to pull myself together. I couldn’t break down in front of her. She needed me. It wasn’t my wants or needs right now. It was hers and right now she needed me to be strong.
“You’re going to be okay,” I whispered, looking into her warm, brown eyes, finding some strength and comfort there. I squeezed her hand and kissed it.
“I know,” She whispered with a shaky smile.
Sorry it took so long to update! I hope the wait was worth it. Please comment and give feedback along with votes! Anything is greatly apprecitated!