10 - hate you so
THE RESTAURANT TOJI LEADS YOU INTO is completely empty, only one staff member stands to the side. He didn't make eye contact with you or Toji. The lights were dim and lit candles were scattered across the empty tables. Toji pulls out one of the chairs from the middle table for you to sit down. He takes his seat and you busy yourself by looking at the menu, in complete silence. Toji stares at you, making it even more uncomfortable.
Sure, you've had dinner with him multiple times but this one felt so much more.. intimate than those which ended in you escaping to your room until morning. There was no escaping tonight.
"Do you already know what you want?" you ask without looking up since he insisted on being obvious, and you would as well.
Toji doesn't get embarrassed, he only hums in agreement. "I always know what I want."
That makes your eyes snap to his, he hadn't stopped looking and by the look in his eyes, you didn't know if you were still talking about food. Once again, your neck heats at the attention and you fight with yourself to break the eye contact. But you don't and instead lean toward, "Which is?" you ask.
"You'll know soon enough," he tells you before raising his hand to call over the waiter who hadn't moved. After ordering drinks, Toji takes the liberty of ordering an appetizer you've never heard of and when the waiter leaves, silence is back.
Toji was right, you did like to pretend he didn't exist most of the time. Normally that wasn't a problem but if he was trying to be a better quote-unquote husband, then maybe you should be getting to know this Toji, not the one he was before.
Aren't they the same?
Of course, he hadn't actually changed in that short amount of time but the attempt was enough for you since you quite literally had nothing, besides yourself to lose. But, Toji already had that in the palm of his hand as well.
Before you have a chance to make conversation, Toji speaks. "Your father contacted me,"
That one sentence was enough to make you think the worst but you try your best to not jump to conclusions. "And?" you question. After Toji went away your father never mentioned his name again, no one else ever mentioned him either which you had expected, except you didn't know what he did to deserve that harsh treatment. And knowing your father is a hardheaded man, he must really be desperate if he's once again in contact with Toji for the sake of you, it was making you anxious about his plans.
"He offered ten million for you." The number makes your throat close immediately and you brace yourself for the heartbreaking news that was you going back to the loving arms of your parents. Part of you wanted to throw your water in Toji's face because he knew you could never offer that much to him and sadly, Toji's first love is money.
"Wow..." you let the word float out there, already thinking about what your parents might do once you are returned. You needed to escape once again. "Well, I guess —" You try not to let the uneasiness show but you weren't sure how well that was going.
"I told him I don't trade wives like cattle and to shove five million in his ass and the other five in Geto's." Toji cuts you off and just as you're about to internally breathe with relief, he adds "But twenty million, we can talk."
By the look on his face, you could tell he was joking and you force yourself to remain serious when saying, "Geto doesn't seem so bad now," you shrug.
Something flashed in his eyes as he brought his glass of liquor to his lips. Toji downs the rest of his whiskey and waves it in the air for the waiter to refill since his manners are so good. "You should see his last girlfriend, it'll give you a pretty picture of your future." You could tell by his tone that it was something not to be desired at all.
"You mean he would hit her?" you didn't like to assume but it was the first thing your mind came to. Toji grabs his now-filled whiskey glass and gulps down half as the waiter silently places down the appetizer. Suddenly you weren't so hungry.
"Hit, cheat on, yell at... the list goes on, has some real issues, that one." Toji is the first to eat but all you could think about was how that could've been your life. Your parents were willingly handing you over to someone who how no problem hitting a woman, possibly their daughter. You think back on your private meeting with Geto and how easily his had closed around your neck. Suddenly your throat closes and you stand up, pushing your chair back. Toji looks up at you with furrowed brows and low eyes, he is drunk. Or getting there.
"Sorry, I just need to get some air, it's kind of hot y'know." You don't wait for an answer and toss your cloth napkin on the table and begin to walk towards the exit. Toji doesn't follow you.
The restaurant was on the beach so you decide to occupy an empty chair on the empty beach. It was exactly how you felt, empty. As you watch the waves crash you try to hold in your tears because crying seemed a little dramatic even though you were alone and very sad. But you've spent enough time feeling sorry for yourself. It's also been months since you've seen your parents, and thinking of how they now hated you for wanting what was best for yourself is enough to turn the sadness into cold hatred.
"Koneko," a voice comes from behind, you don't turn around to greet him because you hear his footsteps in the sand. You look down at your feet in the sand, freshly painted toes, and wonder if Toji was the kind to wear socks on the beach. When he takes a seat next to you, you see he hadn't even taken off his expensive shoes that were now half covered in sand. "Tell me what's wrong. I apologize if I ruined the night by mentioning dumb and dumber."
You couldn't stop the laugh that came out at his attempt of a joke, "Nothing's wrong. I guess I always thought of my father as my protector, and knowing he would've given me to him... for money... I got a little sick." you admit and talk to Toji more than you have ever before. You break your eyes away long enough from the ocean to look at Toji when there is nothing but silence.
Your cheeks heat when you see him already looking at you. Melina's words run through your mind and you get even more flustered. Toji was hot, he was somewhat mature and had a hell of a lot more money than your family. It's apparent that he's getting his needs met by someone else who isn't me. You try to ignore the slight sting at that thought and turn your attention back to the ocean. "I'll protect you now."
Your eyes go back to his, they were still low and all you could think about was how that made it even harder to look at him. "You're drunk. You want to ruin me, not help."
When Toji comes closer, you struggle to breathe, you're scared but don't want to move away. "I'm not drunk, tipsy, yes." he corrects you and then inches closer. He was close enough for you to smell the mix of whiskey and cologne. "That doesn't change what I said." he ignores the last part of what you said because yes, he did want to ruin you. In a way, he knew you would like and your father would hate.
"It doesn't matter, I don't expect you to help me past whatever this is." You raise your left hand and lean against your right one.
"We're helping each other." Toji leans back in his chair and finally, since he was too preoccupied before, looks to the ocean and the now-setting sun.
You two sit in a comfortable silence, watching the sun go down. "Toji," you say, turning your head at the same time he does. His eyebrows raise in question and you take a deep breath, anxious for what you're about to say. "I know I said what I said about not protecting me but... if anything ever happens, please don't give me back." It was the first time you had been vulnerable in front of this man of stone and you hoped it wouldn't blow up in your face. He gets out of his chair to stand in front of you and crouches down to get your eye level. His hands cup your cheeks gently and you want to pull away because it has been way too intimate already. But, you stay in his hold.
"I never once spoke of taking you back. They offered, I declined without thought, you know why?" he asks as if you were a child.
"Because you don't trade your wives like cattle?" you answer back and watch the way the ends of his lips turn up into a small smile.
"Exactly Koneko, so, don't think that's an option," he assured you, swiping his thumb over your cheekbone in a soothing manner.
"Are you serious?" you whisper, knowing you were in no place to trust anyone but Toji would be an ok start.
"I'm always serious," he tells you.
Toji and you end up back at the restaurant and eat without any more trouble. You even have three glasses of wine that make you feel amazingly drunk. On the way back to the villa you walk close to Toji, eyes glued to the ground to make sure you don't snap an ankle in your drunk state. Your body swayed with each step, causing your arm to brush Toji's. It was dark now and since he didn't trust you enough on your own, Toji lifted you up and over his shoulder.
"Toji!" you try to keep your voice down since other people were probably long asleep but hit his back repeatedly. He doesn't slow or speak but his hands gripped the back of your calf and thighs tightly as if he was scared of you jumping down. "I can walk, thank you very much," you say in a sarcastic tone that did have a slur in it which made Toji worry about you possibly needing to throw up from the pressure on your stomach so he switches to carrying you bridal style. The change had your cheeks warming at being so close once again with this man.
It was more comfortable than before but at the cost of now being held against his firm chest. "Humor me." is all he tells you to which you choose to ignore and close your eyes to avoid admiring your husband who had more to drink than you but you would never be able to tell since he walked with grace and his head high. Something you clearly lacked and you wondered how he could hide it well.
The rest of the walk was quiet besides the sounds coming from the ocean which made you more sleepy in Toji's arms. You refused to let yourself give in and fall asleep around this man before getting adequately ready for bed yourself. Toji didn't deserve the pleasure of undressing you since you were too drunk to do it yourself. So, to keep yourself from succumbing to sleep, you try a different approach in an attempt to be civil with Toji. "Dinner was lovely, you know how to wine and dine."
Toji wasn't used to hearing something positive come out of your mouth he was taken aback. He didn't say anything for a while, only holding you close until he got to the door of the villa.
Once again you were on your feet as Toji searched through his pockets to find the key. His arm was still around your waist, keeping you tight against him. You assumed that he still thought you wouldn't be able to walk by yourself and drunk you wanted to prove him wrong because you have a feeling he doesn't feel that often. When Toji opens the door you elbow his side lightly and walk before him. Your first step was wobbly but you were able to stabilize yourself on the second, you quickly took off your shoes and could feel Toji's eyes on your back as you walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. Like a bee to honey Toji follows but only watches your movements from leaning on the doorway.
"Can I help you with something?" you question, feeling flustered that all his attention was on you. You knew he was thinking something but nothing came out of his mouth, it was frustrating to be talking at him instead of to him.
"Yes, but you wouldn't like it." he crosses his arms over his chest and you couldn't help but begin to gulp the water down because what do you say to that? "You would love it," he stated in a promising tone that made your stomach tighten up in a way that made you more frustrated. Your drunk body was responding to him in a way that was too shameful to think about at the moment. You needed to exit. Toji was blocking the only exit.
After putting the cup in the sink you walk to Toji, keeping the eye contact that made you tense with something every step you took. His body turned to give you room to pass and you hated how good it felt to feel his front press against yours. You quickly shook your head from any body or mind reactions you got from Toji. I'm drunk.
When you entered the bedroom you heard a door open and shut, making you believe he had left. With a sigh, you get out of your dress and into the bathroom where you get ready for bed. When exiting you almost scream at Toji sitting on the bed, already in sweatpants but no shirt, he looks up from his phone to you. Quickly you grab the nearest shirt on the dresser and put it over your half-naked body. "I thought you left," you mumble embarrassingly since it's been twice now that Toji has seen you naked and you had yet to see anything. Did I want to? Of course, he's gorgeous. Stop.
"Why would I do that?" he questions, setting his phone on the bedside table the getting onto his feet. When he passes by you his fingers tug on the fabric of the shirt you were wearing. "Nice shirt, Koneko," he murmurs and then walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
Looking down sure enough the shirt you wore wasn't from your wardrobe but is the plain black shirt Toji wore on the plane. Now the scent of his cologne comes to your nose and you begin to look around for your suitcase for a shirt of your own. Toji comes out of the bathroom minutes later to see you still rummaging through your belongings, a smirk coming to his lips. "Leave the shirt on, come to bed," he tells you as if you were his actual wife, and wearing his shirt to bed is normal. It should be simple to just wear his shirt yet once again, giving him the satisfaction was weighing you down, but being drunk made you more compliant.
Still yet to say anything you shut your suitcase and get to your feet to shut off the light. Toji was as always watching your every move with no shame and waited until you were under the covers to rest his head on the pillow beside yours. Part of you wanted to offer to sleep on the couch since the bed you laid on was a queen and not an Alaskan king that gave you the space you needed from Toji which was about three feet, now he's only three inches away. But the thought of getting up once again was too much on your brain and the bed had a cloud-like feel that kept you in place.
"Koneko," he whispers into the darkness and if it weren't for you tensing at the name, he would've thought you were already fast asleep.
"What does that mean?" you ask in a low whisper. "Bitch?" you add and Toji couldn't stop the chuckle that comes out. Your cheeks get hot at the thought that he's been calling you a mocking nickname this whole time right under your nose.
"That would make it easier to hate me, yes?" he questions, his voice louder this time but tone the same. You opened your mouth to protest but then closed it when you realized he was right. Part of you did hate him. "It doesn't mean bitch, none of those degrading words." he sounds almost reassuring.
He still didn't tell you what it meant and you assumed it would stay that way until he decided to give it up. "Maybe I should give you a nickname, oh wait, I already have one."
Toji then turns on his side and you feel his gaze on the side of your face. You don't turn to meet it but focus on keeping your breathing steady. "Tell me." he all but demands, tone light.
You shake your head against the pillow. "Until you translate mine, I'll be calling you yours behind your back," you say and smile to yourself at the fact that not knowing would most likely eat away at Toji. It felt nice holding the power for once.
"Damn Koneko, you really don't play fair," he tells you in a sleepy murmur. "Don't worry, I'll get it out of you one way or another."
"Don't hold your breath or do." You counter and flip onto your side. You hold your breath when hearing Toji situate himself and only after do you say. "Night."
Your eyes closed, intending to sleep off this feeling that was flowing through you. Now you knew getting drunk around Toji was dangerous. Seconds later your eyes open and you flinch at the feeling of a fingertip touching the bottom of your neck and running down gently to your tailbone. "Goodnight my sweetest Koneko," he tells you in a whisper.
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