(I'm sorry guys it's been taking me so long to get over this writers block, I'm trying really hard, i just can't figure out what to do. I hope you guys aren't upset that I'm not giving chapters out daily. It's been a struggle. I have Ch 113 for you, enjoy.)
Well it's been a couple months since we started the whole surgency thing and wow it's been emotional, it's been hectic and just draining but it will be worth it in the end when i get to hold my little baby.
With all the testing we've all had to do it was finally time for our first insemination.
Me, Chris and Carly were all sitting in the exam room waiting for Kelly. My nerves were beyond crazy. I was pacing the floor so much I thought I was going to put a groove in it.
"Honey, you have got to calm down." Chris said
I just looked at Chris and then Carly grabbed me.
"Hey i know your nervous but listen I'm just as nervous as you are, i want this to work too but you have to remember what Kelly said this might not work on the first try. That's why we did all the testing, ok so just take a deep breath and calm down." Carly said
I did what Carly asked. I took a deep breath and I felt a little bit more calm but not completely. It was nerve wracking waiting for Kelly to come in.
What felt like forever was only a few moments.
"Hey guys sorry to keep you waiting, So you guys ready for this." Kelly asked.
"Yes we are more than ready."
"Alright why don't we get started." Kelly said
After about 45 minutes Carly was finished.
"Ok so now what."
"Now Carly, I need you to go home and rest, and in a couple days you can take a pregnancy test and then we will take it from there." Kelly said
We all thanked Kelly and then we took Carly home.
"Ok now you heard what Kelly said, rest." Chris said
"I know and I promise I'll rest." Carly said
I gave Carly a hug and thanked her.
"Thank you Carly."
"Don't thank me yet, thank me when I give you that little baby you've always wanted." she said, hugging me.
After we dropped Carly off we headed home, once we got there I couldn't stop thinking about things. I guess I was off in my own little world.
"Hey you alright." Chris asked me
"Huh what did you say honey. I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention."
"I asked if your ok. You seem a little off." he asked.
"I've just been thinking about things."
"Oh like what." he asked.
"What if this doesn't work, what if none of this works. I worried about Carly, what if this hurts her, and if it does work, i don't know the first thing about taking care of a baby, what if i forget to feed the baby or i leave the baby on the roof of the car or worse i leave the baby outside, how will i be able to take care of the baby when your away working, and then there's dodger what if he hates the baby, what if he." I didn't even finish when Chris grabbed my face and kissed me.
When he broke the kiss he said .
"Now do you know why i kissed you." he asked
"Cause I'm rambling."
"And do you know why your rambling." he said
"Causing me to worry too much."
"Yes, honey i know your worried I am to, this has a 50/50 shot of working, i just don't want you to get upset if this doesn't work." he said
"I know that, I know that this may not be successful, and we could be trying for a while before we see any results."
"This is the first try and Kelly said that 95% of the time it doesn't work on the first try." he said
"I know that but there's that 5% chance that it could work."
All Chris could do was nod.
We spent the rest of the day and night on the couch snuggling and just enjoying each other's company. I was about to say something to Chris when I turned and saw he was sleeping a light snore coming from him.
I smiled, I got up from the couch and grabbed the blanket and placed it on him, took off his glasses and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
I grabbed my phone and decided to go sit outside, when I got out there I sat down on the steps leading down to the yard. I looked up and the sky was clear. I could see the stars.
I closed my eyes and made a wish. Then my phone started buzzing when I looked at the caller ID. When I saw who it was I smiled. It was Ana.
"Hello."
"Hi gorgeous." she said
"Hi Ana, how are you?"
"I'm great, how are you?" she asked.
"I'm good."
"I haven't talked to you in awhile, what have you guys been up to?" she said
"Well do you remember we talked about having a surrogate."
"Yeah. How's the search going? Have you found anyone yet?" she said
"For the longest time we couldn't find anyone, everyone we looked at was just in it for the money or to get close to Chris. So we just decided to just put it on hold, we took a little break and went away for a couple weeks, but before we came back Janey called us and asked us to come see her before we went home."
"Ok so what happened when you went to see Janey." Ana said.
"When we got to her office she said even though we decided to put a hold on looking, Janey had put out some feelers and she found someone perfect for us."
"Oh my god really well don't keep me suspense, who is it?" Ana said
"It's Chris's sister Carly."
"What, his sister, that's unbelievable." she said
"I know it is."
"But you don't sound too happy about this." she said
"Oh no of course I'm happy, I'm just scared."
"Scared of what honey." she said
"Well Kelly said there's a 95% chance that this might not work."
"But there's still a 5% chance that it might work. And you don't wanna get your hopes up." she said
"Yeah, I'm just scared of being happy that I might have a chance to be a mom."
"Oh honey you can't think that way, I know your scared but don't think the worst." she said
"I'm trying but it's really hard Ana, I'm acting my ass off in front of Chris."
"So what happens next?" Ana asked
"Well we had our appointment today and now we wait a couple days and then Carly can take the test."
"I really do hope everything works out for you and Chris you guys deserve this." Ana said
"Thanks Ana."
"I have to go honey, I'll call you soon, love you." she said
"Love you more."
After I hung up with Ana I looked up at the sky and just sighed.
This was one thing I wanted to work. I just don't know what I would do if it didn't.
A few days later and I was chomping at the bit, I couldn't wait to hear if Carly took the test or not.
It was so hard to sleep so I got up and headed downstairs. I didn't wanna wake Chris. He was up all night reading scripts for some upcoming projects.
I was sitting at the kitchen counter and all I could think about was Carly and if she took the test yet. I kept watching the time move so slow, I thought to myself do i call her, is it too early, or should i just go over there.
That's when I realized I was going in a circle, I was worrying when I shouldn't be. So I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes and I felt more relaxed.
I decided to go grab my cup of coffee and sit outside and soak in the morning sun. As i was sitting there i found myself daydreaming what it would be like to hold my sweet little girl or my handsome little boy in my arms as we watched Dodger and daddy play in the yard and it brought a smile to my face.
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear Chris sit down next me, when I felt his arm around my waist I jumped a little.
"Oh baby I'm sorry i didn't mean to scare you." he said
"It's ok."
"Couldn't sleep." he asked resting his chin on my shoulder.
"No."
"I guess i don't have to ask why." he said
"Is it that obvious."
"Babe you've been bouncing like a ping pong ball for the last 3 days around here." he said
I just laughed a little.
"I guess i have been a little on edge."
"A little, honey you are so on edge, that every time the phone rang you almost tackled me to get it." he said
"Oh god baby I'm sorry."
"It's ok." he said kissing my forehead. "So i was thinking why don't i make breakfast and than we can go over to Carly's." he said
"Yeah I'd like that."
He gave me a kiss on the cheek and headed into the house to make us breakfast. After we had breakfast we headed over to Carly's place.
When we got there my nerves were bouncing off the walls, Chris knocked on the door.
"Hey guys come on in." Carly said, greeting us with hugs and kisses.
"So where are the kids?" Chris asked.
"They are out with their dad, he thought we might want some privacy." Carly said
"So have you taken a test yet."
"Nope, I was waiting for you guys before I took it." She said
Carly smiled and then headed upstairs to take a pregnancy test, Chris and I headed into the living room.
It felt like hours but it was only a few minutes when Carly came back down with the test in her hand.
"Ok so not it says we wait 3 minutes and if there's a plus sign it's a yes and minus sign it's a no." Carly said, placing the test on the table.
Chris set the timer on his phone for 3 minutes.
And now we wait.
This was going to be the longest 3 minutes of my whole life.
3 minutes felt like 3 years, when the timer went off we all jumped.
Carly went over to the table she placed the test on, she had her back to us so i couldn't see the expression on her face.
"Well Carly what does it say." Chris asked.
Carly turned around but her face told the story.
"It's negative isn't it."
"Yeah it is honey I'm sorry." Carly said
"It's ok it's not your fault this one didn't take, Kelly said this could happen."
I put on a brave face but on the inside I was dying, i wanna to run out of the house crying but i didn't i had to be brave.
"We should call Kelly and set up an appointment just to make sure the test is accurate." Chris said
"Yeah that's a good idea."
A few days later we saw Kelly and sure enough the test was accurate Carly wasn't pregnant.
"So now what."
"Well i wanna give Carly's body a few weeks to rest up, we do another exam and we try again. But Lisa you have to remember it could take a few times before this works, you guys could be at this for awhile, you guys sure your up for this, you only have a small amount of eggs to use." Kelly said
I looked at Chris and than at Carly, Carly nodded her head yes and smiled.
"Kelly I'm up for this, yes I know it's gonna be hard, so does Carly. But this is something I've wanted for so long and if Carly's up for it then so am I."
"Count me in for the long haul sis." Carly said, holding my hand.
"Ok then in 3 weeks we do it all over again." Kelly said
We all agreed, Kelly set up the appointment and we all headed home.
After we dropped Carly off we headed home ourselves. Chris headed into the living room and saw dodger waiting for him.
"Hey babe I'm gonna take dodger for a walk wanna join us." he said
"No thank you honey I've got laundry to catch up on."
When i was about to head upstairs i felt Chris grab my wrist. I turned around and looked at him.
"You ok." he asked.
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Lisa." he said
"Chris."
"Look me in the eyes and swear to me your ok." he said
I placed my hands on his shoulder and looked him square in the eyes.
"Sweetheart, I'm ok, i promise. Now you better take dodger for a walk before he chews a hole in the door." i said walking upstairs to get the laundry.
Once i got into the bedroom i gathered up all the dirty clothes, when i heard the front door close i sat down on the edge of the bed and that's when the flood gates opened.
"I'm not ok. I'm not ok. I wanted this so badly." was all i could say to myself.
My mind was racing, was this ever gonna happen for me, yes i know it was only the first try and if I'm like this after the first try how was i gonna be after all the other tries if this doesn't work.
I took a few to collect myself, than i got back to work, nothing better than occupying your time with work.
But how long could i keep this up without tipping my hand that I'm worried this might be all for nothing.