I can't sleep tonight, so I slip on my shoes and head out the door. I iced my knee for two hours, and it feels like I numbed it entirely, but I'm still limping when I walk.
A light breeze welcomes me as I head down the driveway. That's when Grayson catches my eye, sitting in the back of Grandpa's old pickup truck that I don't even think starts anymore. I stop at the side of the car, and Grayson blows out smoke from his lips.
"I didn't know you smoke."
"Hey," he says, finally seeing me. He stares at the cigarette between his fingers. "Only when I really need to. Are you going somewhere?"
I shrug. "Not really, but I can't sleep."
He jumps out of the back of the truck and tosses the cigarette butt on the ground, crushing it with his shoe. Then he picks up the crushed butt and chucks far into the air.
"Nice," I smile.
"Sh," he smiles back. "It's my dirty little secret."
I start walking down the driveway again, and Grayson follows me. "Hale doesn't know?"
"God, no. I've received enough lectures from him in this lifetime. Smoking kills, Grayson. You're better than that," Grayson laughs, making a damn good impression of his uncle.
"He's just looking out for you."
We reach the end of the driveway, and I sit down on the curb. Grayson clears his throat and joins me, and when I look at his face, my heart feels heavy. His father made him watch. There is so much about him I don't know.
"James said something about your father earlier. Before you got to the house."
Grayson avoids my eyes, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. "What did he say?"
I feel nauseous just thinking about it. I can't even imagine how Grayson will feel when he hears it. "He said your father made you watch." I see an immediate reaction to those words as Grayson's face transforms. His jaw turns stiff, and his eyes change within seconds. Angry and hurt? I don't need an answer. I know it's the truth.
"I'm sorry." It's all I can give him.
The anger grows, but he still doesn't look me in the eyes. "Don't feel sorry for me." I've never heard his voice like this, ultimately fragile.
When I reach over and hug him, it catches him by surprise. At first, he remains completely stiff, and his hands stay where they are. But I pull myself closer and hold him tighter, and I begin to feel him melt. His arms wrap around my waist and draw me close, so close I can feel how fast his heart is beating as our chests are pressed against each other.
I don't know how long we stay like that. When Grayson pulls away, there are unshed tears in his eyes. Reluctantly, I let go of him, but I only want to hold onto him long enough that all his hurt goes away.
"So that's why James and Noah don't like you? Because of what your father did to you?"
Grayson wipes at his eyes and shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about James and Noah right now."
"The wedding is coming up quickly," I say after a brief moment of silence, shifting the topic. "I was thinking about inviting Kade since I don't think Liam will be coming anymore."
Grayson smiles slightly. "I think he'd like that. Just to show off his moves on the dance floor."
I laugh at that, an image of Kade breaking it down on the dance floor floating into my imagination. "He totally would."
"How does your mom feel about getting married?" Grayson asks, staring into the night sky.
I think about that for a moment. "She seems happy, but I think she has the right to hesitate."
"Why's that?"
"For a long time, she was certain my dad would propose. But then, instead of proposing, he was cheating on her. It messed with her for a really long time until she met your uncle. I just pray every day that he doesn't break her heart."
"He won't," Grayson says seriously. "If I know anything about my uncle, he loves your mom. A lot."
"Does love really stop a person from doing terrible things, though? I mean, sometimes you have to question it."
"True," Grayson nods in agreement. "Your dad never married your mom?"
I shake my head. "No. He always said that marriage is the kind of commitment he might never be ready for. But he was willing to have kids with her. It never made sense to me."
Grayson wraps his arms around his knees, and as he moves, I can smell the cigarette on him, mixing beautifully with what he usually smells like. I don't know why I like it so much.
"You don't need to worry about James. But, please, stay away from Noah," Grayson says suddenly, surprising me. "He's probably the one who forced James to do whatever that was tonight."
"How do you know that?"
Grayson sighs. "James texted me. I don't know how he even got my number. But he wanted me there. I realized tonight that he might actually have a soul inside him."
"But not Noah," I say.
"No, not Noah. And a part of me is telling me that James will do whatever Noah wants him to. He just won't like doing it."
I wait before speaking up, hoping not to upset Grayson. "Did something happen between you two? While you were living with him?"
"He's in love with me."
My jaw drops at Grayson's sudden confession. "What?"
Grayson stretches his legs out in front of him. "James. He says he's in love with me. When I first got to the Elliot's place, he took an immediate attraction towards me, probably because of who my father is, as fucked up as that is. And because of that, he made my life hell. I guess he's still trying to."
I'm so shocked I can't even manage to form a sentence.
"They tormented me for a whole fucking year. All because James hated himself and assumed I had to be punished for it. And then, of course, he knew the things I had already seen, and it was just another reason to get people against me."
"Shit." It's all I can get out; surprised Grayson is even opening up to me about any of this.
"The Elliot's tried to hide me as long as possible. I don't know how I ended up with them. Someone had to have screwed up massively. I was fourteen, Layla, and they couldn't even look me in the eyes. They would watch my every move. They would check my room once a week. I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone or any personal belongings. They saw me, and they saw my father, and that was it."
I let out a sigh.
"Everybody does. Hale. Even Kade, as much as he tries not to, I still see it at times." Grayson faces me, his legs brushing mine.
I scratch my temple, thrown off by his proximity. He was fourteen when he had to live with the Elliots. I was twelve. That was the summer my parents were splitting up. I don't remember much from that summer because Nate acted out almost daily, and my family situation was in shambles.
"I don't," I say softly. "And neither does my grandpa."
Grayson's hand finds that spot on my thigh, and my breath hitches.
"You don't?" He asks, a look of vulnerability flashing over his face. His body leans toward me as his hand continues to inch farther up. I let out a small gasp.
"Of course not." I can feel my heart racing, and I have to wonder if it's loud enough that he can hear it.
Grayson looks at my lips in a way that makes me want to close the distance between us and spend a generous amount of time figuring out how good his mouth feels on mine.
The thought makes me sweat behind the neck as Grayson's eyes find mine. He's asking me for permission to kiss me with his eyes. I almost give it to him because his fingers continue brushing my inner thigh, and I don't know how long I can go without him.
"Layla!" I abruptly turn around to find my mom on the porch with her phone. "It's your dad," she yells, pointing to the phone.
"Sorry," I mutter, slightly breathless. Confused, I push off the ground and speed walk to the porch. This is the second time we've almost kissed, and I'm unsure what to make of it.
And I'm especially confused because, for some reason, I feel disappointed that nothing happened.
I grab the phone from my mom's hand and head straight for the backyard, avoiding her eyes.
"Hey, Dad," I say, walking through the house.
"Layla!" He replies, his voice slightly cheery. "How's my girl doing?"
I clear my throat. "I'm fine."
I can hear some shuffling in the background. "I'm just heading into work right now, but I thought I'd call you."
I sit down in front of the fire pit. "Okay. How's work?"
"It's good! This trip will help financially since Martha is taking time off to care for her mom. I really wish I could pass it up. I know how much you wanted me at the wedding, princess. But I hope you understand why I couldn't be there."
I find myself gripping my mom's phone tight in anger, her beaded phone case pressing into my hand. "Yeah. Sure."
A car door slams, and I hear someone faintly speaking Spanish in the background. "How's Hale?"
I trace the bruise forming on my knee. "He's fine."
"I hope he and his guest are not causing you much trouble."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
My dad sighs on the other end. "I've met Hale, princess. That's all I'm saying. And I can't imagine the son of a serial killer is good company to have around my daughter."
"I should probably get to bed, Dad."
I can almost see him nodding like he always does. "Right. I'll let you get to it. We'll talk soon, okay?"
Will we?
"Sure. Bye."
"Bye."
Where's my I love you? After I stare into the fire pit for a good thirty minutes, I place my mom's phone next to her at the table and head upstairs to my room. Grayson is watching Sweet Home Alabama in my bed when I get there.
I press the heels of my hands into my eyes. "What are you doing, Grayson?"
"I'm kind of invested in the movie now."
He changed. Grey sweats, a black T-shirt, and his hair still damp from a shower. I have to stop myself from staring at him.
"Whoever will Melanie Smooter end up with?" His deep chuckle follows me to my closet, where I grab pajamas.
Once again, he's here, and I don't know why. And once again, I'm not going to tell him to leave. I've found his presence comforting, and I need it. Especially tonight.
"Would you mind if I showered?"
Grayson smirks. "Not at all, baby."
"If you don't stop calling me that, I'll tell Hale you're a dirty chain smoker." I laugh, whipping my towel at him.
He holds a hand up, protecting his face. "Secretly, you like it."
"Secretly, I want to punch you in the balls."
"Go shower, Hands. You're distracting me from my movie."
I roll my eyes with a smile and head to my washroom, clicking the door shut, smiling.
(Sorry for the late update!)