"𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄
𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘑𝘜𝘚𝘛 𝘏𝘈𝘝𝘌 𝘛𝘖 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘚𝘜𝘙𝘌 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙'𝘌 𝘐𝘕 𝘊𝘖𝘕𝘛𝘙𝘖𝘓"
𝙻𝙾; 𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙲𝙺 𝙲𝙸𝚃𝚈, 𝙱𝙰𝚃𝙾𝙽 𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙶𝙴 𝙻𝙾𝚄𝙸𝚂𝙸𝙰𝙽𝙰
𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙴; 𝚄𝙽𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆𝙽
Groaning, I grip my pounding head with both hands and tentatively crack my eyes open. The temperature is warm. Low lighting fills the small room. Sitting up straight, I look around as the blanket slips down my body. The door is open. I get up running towards it.
My vision blurs as the blood drains from my head. I fall sideways, my body hits the wall, and my head rolls to the side.
How long have I been in here? I don't remember much, just being hot and then cold. Beyond that, my memory is a blank. I take a minute and focus on the rising and falling of my chest. When I don't feel like I'm going to hit the floor, I take a step.
I run out of the door and along the hallway. I push the door open into the clothes room and lunge for a bag marked S. This is why they have so many bags hanging up. Replacements.
Will I end up in only my underwear in each room? (A/N: shii maybe shawty)
I tear at the opening and pull on the clothes. Once the soft material covers every inch of skin, I breathe easier. Tears sting the back of my eyes. I look up, willing them not to fall. They've taken so much out of me, I don't want them to see me cry, too.
Nardo is quiet. No one tells me to go back to the room with the others, but they don't need to. It's not like Nardo is going to open the front door and let me go free. I can't even promise them I wouldn't go to 12 if they let me go. Not after that.
The curving hallway feels longer. My body shivering from the last cold. I think they changed the temperature six times, but I can't really remember. When it was hot, I passed out, every time. All I really know is that I always woke up freezing.
The door at the other end opens. Ja is the only person to walk toward me, but Yaya, Malu, and Melly are behind him.
My best friend is nowhere to be seen. I wrap my arms around myself, pushing back on the ache in my stomach. "Are you okay?" Ja asks. He stops just a few feet from me, and I do the same. I meet his eyes. "I don't..."
Am I okay? I mean, not really. I'm weak, my body doesn't know if it's warm or still ice cold, and mentally I'm done. They saw you without clothes. That might even be the worst part.
It's a reminder of the power they hold. I'm just along for the ride, and if I want to live, I have to do whatever they want.
"It's all right, come on," Ja says.
"It was so hot...then so cold."
"Last one was cold, right?" Ja asks.
"Yeah." So cold.
He turns away. "Malu, can you put the kettle thingy on?"
"The kettle?" I ask. My grandmother used that shit but no other black person did around me.
Ja's face twists in sympathy as he glances back at me. "It helps to warm up from the inside."
"Oh," I reply. Maybe Grandma is on to something.
I follow Ja back into the main room. Malu hands me a blanket and gives me a sympathetic smile.
"Thanks," I say, taking it from her and curling up on a single chair. Kayla is nowhere to be seen. Where is she?
"She's in bed," Malu offers, somehow guessing I'm thinking about my friend. "She was upset and feeling guilty that you were going in her place."
"Right." I honestly don't know what to do with that. I just need her to be here. "I don't think she's asleep, if you want to go and see her?" I shake my head and touch my freezing lips. The skin feels rough.
"I just want to warm up." Malu sits on the chair closest to me. "Drink your tea, and then I'll get you some lip balm."
"They're chapped? They feel it."
"Yes, always happens. Don't worry, they'll be back to normal in a day or so." I don't want to think about that now.
"How many times do they change the temperature? I couldn't keep up." She shrugs. "I don't know. I always pass out. The heat is...overwhelming."
Yep, that's a pretty accurate description. Knowing the heat is coming back is hell. There's very little reprieve. The cold, although torturous, doesn't last as long. It's all about the heat, about making you feel like your body is on fire and your life is slowing burning out.
"I need a shower." Hot sweats and cold sweats have left me feeling gross. "Warm up first," Ja says, putting a mug of tea on the coffee table. "Trust me. You're only going to feel worse if you get into a hot shower when you're still shivering."
I raise my hands and sure enough, they're shaking. "What time is it?" I ask.
"Early hours of the morning, I would guess. It's been dark a long time."
"My parents will be looking by now. They'll have the police out looking." Ja and Malu share a glance, their expression holding an entire conversation. Melly let out a whistle before cackling loudly.
"What?" I ask.
"Well, no one has found anything on Nardo, Toosii, and KD, and it's been over a year."
"Right. But that doesn't mean we won't be found nigga."
"No, it doesn't," Ka replies, but there is nothing about his words or his tone that makes me think he believes them.
"God," I breathe. What if there is no evidence again? No clues as to where we could be. I didn't see anyone else when I spoke to Nardo or when he picked us up. Who is going to know?
Malu laughs. "This is what they do, and they're damn experts at it," she says, gesturing in the air, her spanish accent coming out heavy. It was kinda hard to understand her.
"They're not going to make a mistake and risk being found."
I dip my head, embarrassment blowing air into my mouth making my cheeks puff out. "Right." But I shouldn't be embarrassed to have hope.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound mean," she murmurs.
"No, it's okay." I lift my eyes and give her a smile. "I'll just have this and then take some water to bed. I want sleep." Malu's lips twitch as if she's trying to smile but can't quite make it. She doesn't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight.
I'm fine, though. I mean, I know the situation I'm in, but I'm not going to sit back and allow them to win. Somehow, I'll find a way out, and no matter what they do to me before that happens, I'll deal with it. I'm stronger than they give me credit for.
I don't give up when there is hope—not ever. Picking up my tea, I hold it in both hands, letting the heat from the mug seep into my skin. My arms are pebbled with goose bumps still. I take a sip. "You're doing so well," Ja says. "But remember, if you need to talk or cry or shout, that's straight too ma ."
"Thanks, I appreciate that, but I'm all right." What's the point in breaking down? It's not going to help. Nardo and his crew have no empathy; they don't care if someone is hurt. They relish in the pain of others. If I fall apart, they win.
Maybe I have watched one too many true crime shows...or maybe I've saved my life by watching them. I feel the cold deep in my bones, but the tea is taking the edge off it. When I'm finished, I take my cup to the sink and go to the bathroom. In the cabinet are new toothbrushes, so I tear one out of the packaging and brush my teeth.
You are fine. They may well have hurt me, but I'm still here. I'm still fighting, bitches.
I finish up in the bathroom and make my way toward a bed opposite the ones claimed. I don't have much energy left, but I need to get to the top bunk. My legs are weak, my body still adjusting to the drastic changes in temperature, and my head throbbing with a headache.
I pull myself up, gritting my teeth as my muscles strain in protest, and slump down on the mattress. Kayla is in the bed below mine. She doesn't say a word or even move, so I assume she's knocked out.
Curling the blanket around me, effectively making a cocoon, I close my eyes and wait. I can see the white walls of the torture room, and my body feels red-hot. I flick my eyes open again. Okay, so Malu might be right about not being able to sleep. The image of that room needs to leave. Think about something else. Stranger Things. Nicki Minaj. Becoming a super-successful detective and putting weird ass niggas like Nardo behind bars.
I've always been curious about people who turn to crime. I love getting a glimpse into the minds of the most infamous murderers. When I'm out of here and finished with school, that's what I'm going to concentrate on.
One day I'll be catching niggas like Nardo, Toosii, and KD. I just have to survive them right now. I close my eyes again, repeating in my head how I'll win. This time, I don't see the room. I clutch the quilt, holding onto something real, something that grounds me to this room. I'm here, not back in there. I'm still cool
but warming up. My body won't get too hot this time. As I'm drifting, soft music fills the air. I want to listen, to place it because I don't recognize the song, but my eyes are too heavy, and my mind is drifting. You've got this, keep breathing. With a long exhale, I let my body loosen, my muscles relax, and I sink deeper into the mattress. I will win.