Training, sleeping, trying to eat. That's what the last week has consisted of. Nothing but toast and peanut butter has appealed to me. Roman at least went and got an herbal ginger tea from Blair so I'm not nauseous all the time from the anxiety.
Anxiety is eating at me, I jump and call my twin blades or dagger to my hand when I hear any kind of noise, thinking it's the alarms signaling an invasion. It makes me just want to train more, and I'm already training morning to night with my dad, Azrael, and Aylin being here. I even sparred with Roman and Seth a couple times when I was feeling restless. Then, I crawl into bed and fall right asleep, sometimes even without a shower, or without Roman there. The last time we even had sex was in the shower while we were in the Underworld.
I've barely talked to Tamisra either, she's unusually sleepy. Even when I'm training, she's snoring in my head and I have to block her out. Something is up, I've had anxiety since my parents died, but never like this. Maybe it's messing with my physical health, and in turn affecting my wolf. Roman even commented that Adonis is worried, which means Roman himself was ready to put me on bedrest and call a pack doctor over.
Despite all that, the excessive training was worth it. My mental shields have stayed intact throughout the day, and I've learned more about what I can do with my magic. Aylin taught me how she incinerated the vampires on the spot, Azrael how to call forth fire and ice from my fingertips, and my dad, well. My dad taught me everything else. He's let me into his mind several times, and there was even a couple times where I managed to break through his mental shields.
The abilities I already knew how to use felt as easy as breathing, it took a fraction of a second for me to strip anyone's senses. Then he taught me how to slow and completely stop time, set up physical shields, become invisible for long periods of time, and manipulate light and dark.
I was ready for Silas to come for me, I was ready for anything the vamps or even the angels had to give me. They just needed to come so I could get this over with.
Currently, I'm laying in bed. Roman is in his office, and I have an hour until training with Aylin starts. I debate on sleeping for another fifteen minutes but decide that would just make me more tired. Ugh. The nausea hits me right on schedule too. I run to the bathroom and puke nothing but bile into the toilet, dry heaving after a few minutes. Goddammit, Roman usually has my ginger tea ready for me as soon as I wake up, which prevents this, but he had said yesterday he used the last of it, and he had to leave early today to meet the Fae army and get them settled in, so he wouldn't be able to get more. I'll have to run to Blair's to get more before training.
I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste, although that has become quite a chore too. I gag every time the toothbrush touches my mouth, it's gotten a little better since I went and got a cinnamon flavored toothpaste instead of the mint, but I still have to talk myself out of puking every time I'm done with just my teeth. I gave up completely on brushing my tongue, that was impossible to do without puking.
As expected, the brush hits my mouth and I gag again. A knock at my door distracts me from the momentous task at hand and Aylin walks in, this isn't unusual, she's been coming to hang out with me while I get ready, and then we portal to the battlefields together.
"You look...unwell" she says, stepping back
"I don't have the plague. The anxiety over all this is killing me slowly." I say, trying again to brush my teeth and gagging but powering through
"Something isn't right" she says
"No shit. I just wish they would come already. My body can't take much more of this" I say, spitting out the toothpaste and hastily rinsing my mouth.
I at least got rid of my morning breath, that's all I can ask for these days. Aylin stays quiet as I walk over to my wardrobe and pull on a shirt. I groan when it feels too tight and I throw it to the corner
"Motherfucker, I haven't been eating, I know training will make me gain muscle but why in the bloody fuck don't my shirts fit!" I yell in frustration
"Artemis' tits, Amara, you have impeccable timing" Aylin curses, I look at her confused
"What is Hades' Hell are you talking about?"
"Shut the fuck up and listen. How many heartbeats in this room do you hear?" she yells
My mind goes blank, utterly blank, complete silence as I take in what she means. No.
No.
No.
No.
Not now. Not this month, not this year. No.
"LISTEN!" Aylin yells when I realize I'm hyperventilating.
I know what I'll hear, but I listen anyway. In the silence, there's my heartbeat, her heartbeat...and a third, faster heartbeat.
"Goddess, no!" I yell. I clutch my stomach, and I think back. No, we never used protection. Idiots, we were bloody idiots. This was the worst possible time to be pregnant, my child would be born in the middle of a war.
"You need to see a doctor. We have no idea how long you will carry for. When did your symptoms start?" Aylin says, pacing around the room
Fuck, when did they start?
'You couldn't brush your teeth the day of the meeting with everyone else' Tamisra says
'You couldn't have clued me in?!' I yell back at her, I'm in a panic. How could I let a child be born into this chaos?
'I wasn't positive! This could have easily been anxiety like you said.' she says back
"FUCK" I yell, moving my hands from my stomach to my head.
Aylin is in front of me in an instant, grabbing my shoulders and stopping me from falling to my knees.
"Breathe Amara '' she says, it's only then that I realize I was holding my breath. "I'm...I'm going to go grab dad, he'll know what to do. Please just stay here. It'll be okay" she says.
"No. Dont, don't leave me" I sputter
"This is out of my element, I'll come back, but I'm bringing dad with me. I'm only portaling, this will take not more than a minute" she says and disappears.
I break down as soon as she's gone. I'm going to have a baby in the middle of a war, I could be captured pregnant. Maybe it's better if I just go to the underworld, nothing can get me there. But then, I'd be leaving everyone to deal with my mess in my wake. How is that fair to them? But what do I care more about, other people fighting in a war I created, or my child who didn't ask for any of this.
I don't answer my question, I already know the answer. But I won't leave everyone to fight while I go hide, that's not an option. I'll figure something out, if nothing else I'll somehow manage to stay on the side and use my magic from there during battle. Maybe in a tree. I laugh at that, the irony. Always a tree. I take another breath and listen again
'Badumbadumdadumbadum' such a sweet sound, but so menacing at the same time
I let it calm me, it sounds like horse hooves hitting the ground. I listen for a couple more seconds, my arms hugging my belly. No, I will not let anything happen to this little bean. We will figure something out.
When I finally look up, I see my father and Aylin standing there, they're both pale. They probably match me.
"When did your symptoms start?" my father asks right away
"A week ago" I say
"When do you think this happened?"
I think for a second, I really don't know. We went at it like rabbits almost every night since I came here 2 months ago
'When was the last time we bled?' Tamisra asks
'A week or so before we found out we were mated to Roman' I tell her
'So, we could be anywhere from a week to a couple days under a month along' she says.
Werewolves are more fertile than humans, where humans can only get pregnant one week out of a month, we can get pregnant 3 weeks out of the month, the only time we can't is when we have our periods. Then, if we go into heat, the chance of getting pregnant is over 90%.
Goddess Selene, why didn't you give at least one of us a brain? Maybe even a brain to share amongst each other? We never even thought about protection, it didn't cross my mind a single time. Stupid, stupid, we are so stupid.
"Amara?" Aylin asks. Oh right, I was in the middle of a conversation
"I could be anywhere from a week to a little under a month" I say
"We don't know how fast this baby could grow, angels are pregnant for 8 months, werewolves 6, and demons 3. We don't even know if you'll follow any of those patterns, you're technically your own species" Dad says, I level a glare at him, well that's one way to make me feel like a freak
"What? It's true" he defends himself "You know what I mean, we need you to see a doctor. We should have you seen by several doctors! One of mine and one of the pack doctors. Fuck, maybe a healer too. Hades' hell, I can't believe you're pregnant, I am too young to be a grandpa"
"Seriously? You're 700! Why is that what worries you, out of everything else?" Aylin snaps, and smacks him upside the head. "No more hand to hand training, Father can continue to train with your magic, but until we understand this pregnancy better you need to take it easy. I'm calling a pack doctor over now, you need to call your mate, and you" Aylin pauses looking at dad "go get Dr. Debake." Dad nods before he comes up to me and hugs me
"I know this isn't ideal timing, but I will do everything in my power to keep you both safe, as will your mate. Hades and Selene blessed you with this light during a dark time, and when you hold your child in your arms for the first time, there is no joy that can compare. I promise you that." he says
I can't stop the smile that graces my face. Despite everything, the idea of chasing a mini Roman around the house is perfect, seeing Roman be a dad...holding our baby, teaching him how to fight, being there for his first shift. Yeah, this definitely isn't so bad. Bad timing, yes, but we just have to deal with this threat sooner rather than later.
"Gross, please if you're going to both get sappy give me a warning so I can exit the room" Aylin complains
"Complain all you want, who do you think I was talking about anyways?" my father teases her as she glares at him
"How about we deal with the matter at hand and get her to a doctor?" she says back, trying to look bored, but her lips twitch upward for just a second
"Can we just...pause for a minute. Just give me some time to go on a walk to Blair's. I need more ginger tea and to just absorb all this. Then I'm going to have to find Roman and tell him" I say and they nod
"Do you want me to go with you to Blair's?" she asks
"No, I just need a few minutes alone. She's not very far. I'll portal back, just give me half an hour." I tell them both, grabbing my phone and zip up. I decide on sending Roman a text instead of mindlinking, not wanting to disturb him while he's with the Fae warriors.
Heading to Blair's to get more tea. I need you to come home as soon as you're done with the Fae.
Exiting the pack house, the cool air kisses my cheeks and I inhale deeply, the nausea starting to ease up. I keep my hoodie unzipped, loving the cold. I definitely prefer winter over summer, and I'm grateful I won't be pregnant in the middle of July. I've been running hot for the last week too, I can't imagine what it will be like when there's eight whole pounds of baby in me.
I shake my head, I can't believe I was so dense. The 24/7 nausea, the morning sickness, and how I was sweating profusely after 5 minutes of training outside in the cold? Pregnancy didn't even cross my mind for a minute. I wish ignorance and stupidity were a form of birth control, because I would surely be completely fine and un-knocked up then.
I'm violently ripped out of my thoughts when I feel someone come up behind me and yank my hair back, throwing a hand over my mouth. I instantly panic, elbowing my attacker in the stomach and dropping my weight. I guard my stomach as I hit the ground and roll, and call my dagger to my hand just as I stand up. I look around but I don't see anyone...what the hell?
'ROMAN!' I scream through the mindlink just as a face I never thought I would see again materializes right in front of me and blows a powder in my face.
I cough, and I instantly feel my magic fizz away. I try to mindlink Roman again, but I can't make the connection, and Tamisra doesn't come forward either. Fuck, I feel so empty. I'm utterly human right now. Well, looks like I'll have to rely on good old hand to hand if I want to escape him.
"Hello again, little mate," Felix purrs. I growl
"I'm not your mate, last I checked he killed you" I snarl back
"Yeah about that, it's rather adorable that you both forgot incubi like me can shape shift. Although, I was rather sad to hear that you killed my brother. But, we all had to make sacrifices here. Now, you have two choices. You can come with me willingly, or if we must fight, then I'll just have to knock you unconscious and drag that sweet little ass out of here. Which will it be, little mate?"
Hatred like no other burns through me as I don't waste a beat before I lunge at him. Instantly, he portals behind me again as I almost stab my dagger into nothingness. He clicks his tongue
"Ah, still always so difficult." he says just as the alarms start blaring "I hope you weren't expecting that hybrid dog to come for you, he'll be a little preoccupied for the time being."
Not even half a second later, he materializes in front of me and punches me across the face. I grab his fist just as pain blooms in my jaw and twist his arm back, kicking him in the side. It's to no avail, he grunts, but rips his arm free and he grabs a fistful of my hair, yanking my head to the side. I feel a pinch in my neck just as everything goes black.