I hated Atlas Griffin and I hated myself more for agreeing to his proposition.
What the hell was I thinking? That I could somehow change him like those doormat female leads from sappy romance novels? But then again, I was never looking for a relationship with him. I was using him as much as he was using me.
I didn't want to change him. I knew I couldn't and had no interest in trying. Still, I'd expected him to be at least a bit nicer. Which he was initially. Never once did I feel like he was disrespecting me in any way throughout our...whatever that was. But that night at the penthouse, everything that he said just triggered me more and more. To the point one moment I was talking to him and the next I saw my parents hurling names at me.
A part of me knew that I wasn't anything that they had said, that my mind was playing tricks on me but I couldn't help it. Years of work I had put into building myself from the bottom up went down the drain the moment he repeated those words. So I did the only thing I knew that would take me out of those thoughts and that situation. Run.
As much as I wanted to maintain a brave face in front of him and not break down, I lost control of the tears that welled up in my eyes. Looking back, I died a little on the inside every time I remembered how I almost cried like a baby in the foyer of his penthouse.
"Evelyn!"
I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt someone shake me by my shoulder. Blinking a few times, I turned in my seat to face Tyler who was looking at me with a frown. "The class is over. We can leave," he said.
I whipped my head around to see everyone leaving. "Sorry. I just... I'm out of it today," I said, packing my stuff.
Tyler's lips quirked into a small smile. "I noticed."
Once I was done, we both left the lecture hall and started walking toward the exit. Tyler shoved his hands in his pockets as we walked, a comfortable silence around us. That's what I loved about him. He brought the calm energy into my life that I needed most of the time.
"Is everything okay? You have been..." Tyler trailed off, pursing his lips as he thought about it. "Pretty distracted lately."
Let's be honest, I was a mess. Tyler was just trying to spare my feelings. Not only was I distracted most of the time, but I was also sad for no reason at all. And that just drove me crazy because it wasn't like I was in love with him or anything. But I had gotten used to his company and now I just felt like there was a void that wouldn't go away. I was back to being the sad and lonely high schooler again.
"I'm fine," I replied even when my brain was screaming to pour my heart out in front of him. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of yet another person.
Tyler stared at me for a long while, saying nothing and just observing like I was some microbe he wanted to analyze. Just when I was about to start shuffling on my feet, he turned away. "Okay," he said, shrugging his shoulders and starting to walk again.
Again, I was grateful for him to not push me and just be there. We went to the cafe together to get coffee before we had to head our separate ways. Tyler came back to our table with our order and then placed a cupcake in front of me which I had definitely not ordered. He slid the white icing-topped delicacy toward me and sat down on the chair opposite mine like nothing happened.
I couldn't help but smile at his gesture to cheer me up. He won't talk much but would always do these little things whenever anyone from the team was struggling. "Thank you," I said and picked up the cupcake, bringing it to my lips. The icing melted on my tongue and I almost let out a satisfied groan. His trick worked.
Tyler watched me with an amused smile as he sipped on his Americano. "Are you excited to go for the next away game with the team?"
And just like that what little happiness I had derived from the cupcake vanished. I hadn't come face to face with Atlas for over a week now. He didn't text or call and neither did I. I let my team handle the photoshoots by making some excuse about being busy and taking up extra shifts at the store.
So far, I had avoided him successfully but I couldn't avoid him anymore. Not when we were going to travel with them at the end of this week for their game. The team was doing well and we were getting good traction on all our accounts. The board was happy with the increase in people's interest in our University and so they wanted us to cover more of the team's activity. Hence the travel plans.
"You're zoning out again," Tyler commented and I looked away, clearing my throat.
"Sorry," I mumbled, taking a sip of my drink. "To answer your question, not really. I'm going to miss three days of my shifts which means three days' pay."
Tyler's forehead creased in worry. "You need rest too. You have been tiring yourself out. This will be a good change of pace."
I hummed non-committedly. Not sure how it would be after everything that had happened but okay. Besides, I never ran away from my responsibilities; the trait that distinguishes me from my parents. This project was my responsibility and I was going to see it through.
Tyler and I parted ways, heading to our separate classes and I spent the rest of the day stressing over the upcoming trip. We were going to be together all the time. There was already a common group chat for deciding which places we would go for lunch and dinner and if anyone wanted to hit the local clubs later too. It was starting to resemble the long-awaited besties' trip.
By the end of the day, I had exhausted myself by thinking in circles about the whole Atlas situation. Not that I had done anything else in the past few days but I was ready to drop on my bed and sleep until it was time to go to work.
I was exiting the social sciences building when I saw a familiar broad back and my steps halted abruptly.
It was Atlas.
I didn't need to see his face to recognize him anymore. There could be a hundred men of his physique and I would still recognize him from the lot. That's how attuned I had become to him.
And right now, all my senses were screaming that something was wrong. The way Atlas was walking like both his legs were tied with boulders of lead, his figure tense and shoulders hunched awkwardly were enough to raise questions in my head.
A part of me wanted to go to him and ask if he was okay but was I in a position to do that? While I was contemplating whether to approach him or just walk past him like I didn't see him, Atlas suddenly staggered and slumped against the wall.
The moment I saw that all hesitation flew out of my mind and I rushed forward, grabbing hold of his bicep. "Are you okay? What happened?" I asked.
Atlas opened his bleary eyes, blinking at me as if even that was causing him pain. "Rosy?" he croaked out. He placed a hand on the wall for support and tried to stand straight. "What are you doing here?"
"I...I was going home. Then I saw you... What is wrong with you? You don't look good," I mumbled. His face was extremely pale, a sheen of sweat had formed on his forehead and his eyes were scrunched shut.
"I'm—" He couldn't finish his sentence as his phone started ringing and he groaned, clutching his head tightly. "Fuck!"
He shoved his hand in his pocket, pulling out the ringing device. But before he could pick up the call, the device slipped from his hand and fell to the floor with a thud loud enough to make me wince. Atlas swore loudly and tried to bend down to pick it up when I stopped him.
"I'll get that," I said, bending down and picking up his phone that won't stop ringing. "It's someone named Gracie."
Did he already have someone else? It had been less than a week. A pang ripped through my chest at the thought but I shoved it away. What did I care? He could have as many women dialing him as he wanted. We weren't in a relationship.
"Hang up. That thing's worsening my headache," he said and scrunched his eyes shut as he leaned his head back against the wall.
I did as he said and held his phone out to him but he was in no condition to take it back. I reached out my hand and touched his face. It didn't look like he was having a fever but he was still sweating a lot. "Do you need to go to the hospital?" I asked.
Atlas shook his head. "It's a migraine. I took my medicine but it's not working."
My brow furrowed as I looked at him, thinking what to do. One of my colleagues at my previous job used to get migraines and she would always go and rest in the dark storage room for a while until it subsided. The fluorescent lights of the building must be killing him. Not to mention it was a bright sunny day today.
"You need to lie down," I said, more to myself than to him.
Atlas snorted despite everything. "That's what I was trying to do, Rosy. I couldn't make it to my car."
"You can't drive like that!" I said and Atlas winced at my loud tone. "Sorry. C'mon, I'll drop you home."
Wrapping my arm around his waist, I pulled his hand over my shoulder to support him. I wasn't that short but Atlas was still way taller than me. My 5'7 self didn't stand a chance in front of a giant like him.
"I'll crush you," Atlas muttered and tried to pull away from me.
"I know," I said, a small smile forming on my lips. "Let's just walk as fast as you can."
Thankfully, I had parked my car in the spot nearest to the entrance and Atlas didn't have to walk in the sun for long. I quickly made him sit in the passenger seat before getting into the driver's seat. Even my car was too small for him. Seeing his legs folded awkwardly because of the limited leg space made me feel even more bad and gave me another reason to drop him home fast.
"We'll be there in no time," I said, firing the engine. Maybe even my Honda felt bad for him because she started today on the first try without any fuss.
"No one's home. And I do not have my keys," Atlas said. "I think I dropped them somewhere. Fuck I can't remember."
"It's okay. We can figure that out later," I said as I started driving through campus. I wondered if I could call Kris and ask him to come home and let Atlas in. But he would be in class and he always switched his phone off during classes. Making Atlas stand out and wait in the sun wasn't an option and he wouldn't be able to rest in my car which would soon turn into a microwave.
The penthouse crossed my mind but one glance at him told me that he wasn't in the position to be up for the long drive. That left only one option. So I swallowed my insecurities and started driving toward my apartment which was only a fifteen-minute drive.
Once we reached it, I parked my car in its usual spot and got out, opening Atlas's door for him. "We are here."
He opened his eyes which had now turned slightly red. "Where are we?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
"My place," I said, helping him out. Atlas tried to look around only to scrunch his eyes shut due to the bright light. "Don't try to look around."
"I do not want to fall and crack my head open, Rosy," he said, his tone laced with amusement, despite everything. "It will make all your efforts to help me go to waste, don't you think?"
"Shut up and walk fast," I said and led him up to my floor. Once we were at my door, I quickly opened my door and pulled him inside. "Let me just close the curtains."
My apartment was pretty presentable today so at least I had that saving grace. I could only imagine what Atlas would think after seeing my tiny studio apartment. Thankfully, he was in no condition to make judgmental remarks.
Pulling my curtains shut, I walked back to the door where he was leaning with his eyes shut. I grabbed both his hands and tugged them a little, prompting him to walk. He squinted in the dark, taking slow steps as I led him to my bed.
"Your home smells nice," he said suddenly. "Like you."
I didn't know what to say. "Thanks... I guess."
I gently laid him down and covered him with my duvet before rushing to the kitchen to dampen my handkerchief with cold water. I had seen my colleague do it and I hoped it would help him too. Grabbing a bowl filled with cold water and my clean handkerchief, I came back to bed and sat beside him.
I squeezed the excess water out of the handkerchief and placed it neatly over his head. Atlas jolted a little, opening his eyes wide. "Sorry. I thought it would help. My colleague used to do that. You can remove it if you want," I said immediately.
Atlas stared at me for a long time before gently shaking his head. "No. It's okay."
Silence settled heavily around us after that, neither of us saying anything. I removed the handkerchief from his head every once in a while to dampen it and place it on his head again.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked out of nowhere.
"What do you mean?"
"This," he said, gesturing around with his hand. "We were not on good terms. You could have walked away."
I sighed and replaced the handkerchief on his head again. "I could not just walk away after seeing you like that. Believe me or not, I'm not that cruel, Griffin."
He stared at me again, without saying anything. In the darkness of my room, I couldn't really tell what his expression looked like but I knew he was frowning. I sighed again and gently shut his eyes with my hand. "Go to sleep. You'll feel better."
I sat beside him until his breathing evened out and I was sure that he'd fallen asleep. I tiptoed to my desk and sat in my chair, placing my head on the desk. Shutting my eyes, I felt tears prick my eyes as the memories from the past came back with full force. I would never walk away from anyone like that.
I would never let myself become like her.