I let Jay lead me back across the street and into the lobby. We waited silently on the elevator and took a silent ride up to the third floor. I knew he was shutting down, shutting me out. And I didn't know how to stop it. I just squeezed his hand tighter, hoping I could hold on to him for just a little longer.
When we walked in the apartment, Ashely was on the floor wearing yellow dish gloves and her corset, scrubbing up the blood
"Ash, you don't have to do that." I said.
Will rushed down the hall with a bottle of peroxide. "Found it."
"Pour it in." Ashley nodded towards a bucket full of soapy water beside her. Will obliged. Ashley pushed a strand of hair out of her face with her forearm and forced a smile at me and Jay.
"It's the least I can do."
"Let me help." Jay stepped forward and started to reach into the bucket, but Ashley stopped him.
"We've got it. You two go lay down for a while."
Jay sighed and stood back up. "Thanks, Ash."
"No problem." She dunked the sponge into the water. "Em, do you think I could borrow a pair of sweats and a t-shirt?"
"Yea, sure."
I headed to my room and Jay followed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands. I quickly pulled out a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt and rushed back out to the kitchen.
"Here."I laid the clothes on the counter. Ashley looked up from her scrubbing.
"Thanks."
"Are you sure you don't need any help?"I asked her.
"I'm sure. He needs you right now. Go."
I nodded and forced a smile in thanks. I would have stayed if she needed the help, but my heart was in the other room with Jay. I wanted to do everything I could to comfort him while I had the chance.
I stepped back into my room and closed the door. He looked up at the sound. His blue eyes were darker than usual and redness rimmed his eyes. I hesitated for a moment. Part of me was afraid that he would push me away. But I crossed the room and sat down beside him. I wrapped my arm around him and rubbed his back, letting my head rest on his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Emmy." He said. "I'm so sorry it turned out this way."
I didn't say anything. I got the feeling he didn't want me too. So I continued to rub his back and pray that he wasn't about to walk out on me for good.
"I shouldn't have brought you into this mess." He continued. "You deserve so much better than I can offer you."
"That's not true." I quietly said, my heart starting to break again.
"I can't be the boyfriend you deserve. I thought I could, but I can't."
Tears started to pour down my cheeks.
"Please don't say that."
"Can I just hold you until I have to go?" He turned those sad blue eyes on me. "Will you please, just let me do that?"
I nodded, knowing I wasn't going to be able to get any words out. He scooted back in the bed and I laid down with him, resting my head on his chest. I wrapped my arm tightly around his chest, hoping that I could keep him here with me.
"I love you, Jay."
When he just kissed my head and didn't say anything, I knew it was the end.