[WARNING] "That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt." - John Green. That's the warning. I won't reveal anything else to not spoil readers. If you're ready... you may continue reading.
It was a few minutes past midnight. You were in your room looking at your cellphone checking on twitter and your other SNS. You have been following BTS, and other unofficial BTS fansites. Your feed started to fill with links to this black and white video of Taehyung recording a song.
"Oh! I thought promotions ended? I didn't know they recorded a song.." you said to yourself as you clicked the link.
The video started.
It was the most beautiful song you have ever heard Taehyung sing. You knew he had an amazing voice but this just took his singing to a whole new level.
You were suddenly reminded of the times he would spend the night at your house and sing you to sleep. Those times when you cooked dinner for him and he watched you over the counter while singing his favorite ballad. You never asked him to sing to you. He just loved doing that for you because he knows you like it. And because every time he does sing to you, you listen intently and smile back at him. He really loved to sing.. and he was good at it.
The song you just heard was sad but it suited his voice. He was almost teary when the song ended and it made your heart hurt to see him like that. Oh? Was he acting? Was it real? You'll never know unless you ask him.
You then went to BTS's twitter.. Oh! He tweeted a few seconds ago.
"How was it? (referring to their cover)" he twitted with a selca.
"Are you going to hug me?" he twitted again.
Should I reply? I want to. No one would know anyway. No one would know that you are Taehyung's girlfriend with just a tweet unless you reveal yourself. Your SNS accounts are private and you never use your real name but he will know it's you. You hoped that he will know its you.
You replied '*hug*'.
After a few minutes going over your other SNS accounts, you decided it was time to sleep.
You lied down your bed, one arm on the bed with your hand supporting your head and the other hand grabbing your iPad. Before you slept, you decided to watch the video again.
'How can this song be so emotional? And why this particular song?' you wondered.
You then heard sounds coming from downstairs.
'Oh?! what was that?' you thought as you paused the video and sat up to listen to the sounds coming from downstairs.
"Meeeeeeooow!!" you heard. Followed by what seemed like a hundred cats running on your porch.
'Oh, those cats are at it again!' you complained to yourself. "*sigh* CATS! Of all the porches on this street?! why do you always choose my porch?" you complained as you plopped on your bed. You have nothing against cats but these cats particularly took a liking to your porch. And you would walk out to a mess every morning.
You grabbed your earphones and connected it to your iPad. You resumed watching the video. You used a stand to place the iPad on the bed and you just watched it with your elbow and side on the bed.
You were so absorbed in the song. You were watching Taehyung. The way he sings and how his eyes move... that you didn't notice someone walk inside your room and sneak up behind you.
He walked in. And plopped himself on the unoccupied side of the bed.
"Yah!" he said shaking your shoulder with his hands.
The sudden movement behind you shocked you.. so you tried to look back. But before you could, he cuddled you from behind. He shook his nose against your nape and hugged you tight.
You paused the video. You tried to look back and see his face but he buried his head between your shoulder blades.
You smiled and said a little 'hi' to greet him.
Although everything was so sudden, you felt comfortable and happy knowing that Taehyung took the time to see you. He shifted a bit and reached his hand towards your iPad to resume the video. You disconnected your earphones and turned the volume up. Now with his chin on your shoulder you continued watching the video together. When it ended, he said "How was it?"
"It was nice. So heartfelt. I bet all your fans are emotional watching this too. I bet they appreciate it as much as I do." you responded as you faced him.
He replied with a soft giggle and that signature smile of his.
"..but wait, why are you here?" you asked him.
"I wanted to get your hug in person.." he said as he smiled at you again.
"huh? Oh! you knew that was me?" you asked.
"Of course y/n, I cannot follow you on twitter but I do know your username.. You favorited every single one of my posts and I saw you comment earlier.. and, voila! I'm here."
You suddenly heard footsteps and mumbling downstairs. Taehyung heard it too.
"Ah! I forgot to mention, I'm here with Jimin and Hoseok hyung... They were the ones responsible for the cat fight outside..Haha!!! They tried to feed one of the cats but they didn't expect the other cats to jump in and take the food away from their hands.. and from the other cats.." He said still laughing as he remembered Jimin and Hoseok's faces.
He calmed down a bit and continued talking...
"..They're here to make sure I go home.. I have to sleep at our dorm because we have an early schedule tomorrow.." he said. He was frowning now, clearly, he didn't like the idea of not sleeping over your house today.
"hmm.." you said in response sounding a bit disappointed. It was nice that he came over but now that he's here, you felt like its a shame that he's not sleeping over.
"hmm? you still didn't hug me yet." he said, sitting up and looking you in the eye with furrowed brows.
"Are you trying to be cute?" you ask him and he pouted. "Come here.." you said as you sat up, held out your hands to grab his shoulders and pull him closer.
He hugged you tight. And when he let go, he shifted his position so that he can place his head on your lap.
While you're playing with his hair, the two of you talked about how you both spent the 5 weeks you were not able to see each other. He told you stories about their broadcast performances.. and you told him about the new employees at your work place and how they reminded you of yourself when you were the new employee. The conversation went on until he talked about recording the cover video.
"I really really liked the song in your video. It's sad but I'll want to listen to it again..specially because you're the one singing.." you praised him for the wonderful rendition of the song. He responded with a faint laugh, he was getting sleepy.
You said you didn't know the song but it was beautiful.
"Can you sing me the part you liked best?" He asked you. His eyes now closed, as he was waiting for you to sing.
"umm..." you said as you tried to remember the lyrics. You took a deep breath as you prepared to sing.
"Nan noreul saranghae, nan noreul saranghae.." you sang.
He opened his eyes and looked at you.
You continued singing.
"gin chimmok sokeseo... sori nae wechilge...
eoriseokgo... nayakhagiman han nae maeumeul.." you paused a lot because you didnt know the lyrics but managed to finish as he guided you on the next words to sing.
He proudly clapped his hands as he looked at you with the cutest eye smile.
He stood up and took out his phone to show you the original song and artist. It was on his most frequently played playlist. You listened to it both.
During the bridge part, he asked you to stand up as he took your hand, put his other hand on the small of your back and pulled you closer. His affectionate gaze never leaving your eyes. You were surprised by his actions but you cant deny that your heart was beating so fast that it just might explode any minute. You kept your calm outside though your heart was racing inside. You just went with it and went with his flow. 'He's so spontaneous.' You thought to yourself.
The song was almost over and the last verse was coming up..
He sang the I love you part and you listened intently. You leaned your head against his shoulder, closer.. you were hugging him, and he was hugging you.. and you were swaying from side to side.
You felt like time had slowed down and you wanted the moment to last. You didnt share any words but when he held you and you held him, you felt secure, complete, you felt loved. And it was the most wonderful feeling ever.
His player was on repeat so the same song played again.
The door creaked a bit and you looked through your peripheral vision who it was and you saw Jimin at the door. He just peaked, was about to say something but he stopped when he saw V and you hugging. He said sorry for disturbing anything. He signaled he was going to wait, he then went out of the room but door was still slightly open.
When the chorus came again you pulled away a bit and you noticed that Taehyung's cheeks were wet. You immediately cupped his face.
"Are you crying? What's the matter? Are you okay? Why?" You keep asking but he was just shaking his head and forcing a smile but still crying..
"I just.." he said "..I love you too much."
You were surprised to hear his reason so you chuckled and wiped away his tears.
"Don't cry, huh? Don't cry. I love you too.. I really do. Always.." You said as you put your hands on his waist.
He then looked at you and cupped your face.
He kissed you but you were surprised that he didn't pull away immediately. You haven't kissed for this long before. He moved his lips and kissed you again and you moved your lips as well. It was the perfect kiss. His lips pressed against yours and yours against his. It was slow and almost magical as the song still kept playing in the background. But something was wrong. He wouldn't stop crying. You can feel your cheeks also get wet from his tears.. He held your face a little bit tighter as he deepened the kiss and pulled away.
You looked at each other's eyes. You were a little embarrassed because it was a new experience for the both of you.. but to take the awkwardness away, he sniffed, he smiled and looked at you. "I love you, always remember that."
"But why wont you stop crying? What is it? Tell me.. You're making me nervous."
He smiled again and said.. "I already told you.. It's because I love you.. Too much.."
You stood quiet, paused for a while.. trying to think if he's being honest or if he's hiding something.
You sat down the bed.
"y/n, will you hug me again?" he said as he sat beside you.
You opened your arms and he leaned closer and he went straight to your arms, making you lay down on your bed. He rested his head on your shoulder and scooted closer.
"You seem weirdly touchy today.." you whispered and yawned because you were sleepy.
"What do you mean? I'm always touchy.. And I just like hugs okay.. Especially hugs from you.."
He sat up a bit and shifted beside you. Taehyung made you rest your head on his chest and softly ran his fingertips through your hair and said "..you should sleep now y/n.. I love you.."
He looked at you, touching your hair and your face as he sang 'Hug Me'
"geunyang nal anajwo nareul jom anajwo
amu mal malgoseo naege dallyeowajwo
werobgo buranhagiman hanmameuro
ireohke neol gidari go itjanha"
(Lyrics Translation:
just hold me, hold me a little
don't say anything and please just run to me
with a heart that's nothing but lonely and anxious
I'm waiting for you like this)
You felt so relaxed that you fell asleep.
- Taehyung POV -
'She fell asleep in my arms, as I sang to her, I wished we had more time, but I have to leave now..."
I heard someone enter the room. It was Jimin. I slid y/n's head from my shoulders to the pillow on her bed and tucked her in.
I stood and went over to Jimin as I pushed him out of the door into the hallway and gently down the stairs.
"So, did you tell her?" Jimin asked.
"No, why would I tell her? It's better if she knew nothing.." I answered.
"..did you umm.." Jimin asked but he hesitated to continue.. ".. break up?"
'Break up?'
I know that that's what I was supposed to do here... but I couldn't. I cant. I wont. but I have to.
I sat down the floor and held my head.
"I couldn't look at her and tell her that.." I whispered.
"So what are you going to do now? You can't just leave her here and ignore her forever..." Jimin said as he sat beside me. "...she deserves some kind of explanation."
"I know.. I know.. but I can't tell it to her face and see her hurt by the words I'm going to say.. I don't want to see her get hurt.." I said.
We were both silent for a minute.
"..but you might lose her forever if you don't.." Hoseok hyung said as he sat beside Jimin.
"Hyung..." I said surprised by his statement.
"Your words, not mine.." Hoseok hyung said. "Remember? That's what you told me when we were at the studio recording the song.."
"yeah, I know.. I made this decision but its not that easy.." I responded.
"If its that hard, then don't do it.. fight for her, protect her.." Jimin said.
"you know I would do that, anything I can.. for y/n.. but I can't... I don't have the means to do that.." I responded. My voice almost breaking from holding back my tears in front of them.
"Maybe we can do something... Manager hyung can.. umm.. or maybe BigHit can... or we can call the police..." Jimin said holding on to my shoulder.
"yah! If Taehyung could do anything, he could have done it already. He's smart and he's also considerate.. He already thought about asking for our agency's help but that would only create chaos.. and involving our names in a police case would put our careers in danger..." Hoseok hyung explained. I talked to him on the way home after the recording a few days ago and told him the things he just said to Jimin.
"but this isn't right!" Jimin said.. "We could maybe.."
"Didn't you see those threats?! They are already stalking her! They sent me pictures of her wherever she goes. Even at night, when she walks to get home, they sent me pictures of that too.. Threatening to hurt her if I don't break up with her! I won't forgive myself if she gets hurt because of me." I said, angry and frustrated that I can't do anything to protect y/n.
"I have to do this.. I'll regret this forever but I have to.. for her." I said as I pulled my head down between my knees and let my tears flow. Jimin and Hoseok hyung stayed quiet as the two of them pat my shoulders to somehow show empathy. But there's nothing they can do to remove this heavy feeling inside me. I'm about to lose my everything.
- back to original POV -
The next day.
You woke up alone. Feeling weak and tired.
You rubbed your eyes and stretched your arms. You looked at the clock placed on your bedside table and saw a letter beside it.
You grabbed it.
It read:
Y/n,
I'm sorry that I'm leaving you with a sad memory. I tried to smile in front of you so you can remember me as a happy memory but I failed. I cried in front of the girl I love because I couldn't tell it to her face that I would have to break up with her.
Y/n please know that I am doing this because I have to. Do not ever think that it was because of you because it isn't. I was the happiest when I was with you and I will treasure those moments forever. Please forgive me because I can't protect our relationship. I can't protect you. That is why.. I am breaking up with you. This will be for our own good.
Staying with me will hurt you and I cannot let that happen. I cannot let you get hurt.
It is better for us to not be together. but I'll always support you. and you'll always be in my heart. Always.
Taehyung.
You shed tears reading the letter but little did he know that you heard everything last night.
-Flashback to last night-
(just a repeat of last night with y/n POV)
You didn't intend to sleep but you were tired from a long day so you did... but you we'rent fully asleep yet. You heard the boys talking downstairs.
'Maybe they'll leave soon.' you thought.
You went out of your room to see if they left and to lock up , just in case Taehyung forgot. but when you were in the hallway, you heard Hoseok say: "..but you might lose her forever if you don't.."
What?! What are they talking about?
"Your words, not mine.." Hoseok said. "Remember? That's what you told me when we were at the studio recording the song.."
"yeah, I know.. I made this decision but its not that easy.." Taehyung responded.
What decision? Are they talking about me?
"If its that hard, then don't do it.. fight for her, protect her.." Jimin said.
Fight for her? protect her? from what?
"you know I would do that, anything I can.. for y/n.. but I can't... I don't have the means to do that.." Taehyung said. His voice a little softer but I can sense his agony.
I have to know. I have to ask them.
You then started to walk slowly towards the stairs.
"Maybe we can do something... Manager hyung can.. umm.. or maybe BigHit can... or we can call the police..." Jimin said.
Police?!
You stopped walking. You couldn't believe what you heard.
"yah! If Taehyung could do anything, he could have done it already. He's smart and he's also considerate.. He already thought about asking for our agency's help but that would only create chaos,. and involving our names in a police case would put our careers in danger..." Hoseok said with a louder voice.
This is serious. but I'm still confused. Are they in danger? Am I?
"but this isn't right! ....We could maybe.."Jimin said.
"Didn't you see those threats?! They are already stalking her! They sent me pictures of her wherever she goes. Even at night, when she walks to get here, they sent me pictures of that too.. Threatening to hurt her if I don't break up with her! I won't forgive myself if she gets hurt because of me." Taehyung said.
You froze. It was all clear now. Why he was crying earlier. Why they mentioned the police. It is all because of this. This is messed up! But who are 'they'?
"I have to do this.. I'll regret this forever but I have to.. for her." Taehyung managed to say. You can hear the struggle in his voice.
You felt tears forming in your eyes. You let it flow down to your cheeks. Not wanting to make any noise by trying to stop your tears from flowing.
Taehyung-ah, I'm sorry.. because of me.. you had to feel this way..I'm sorry.. you thought to yourself. You knew it. It was ending. Everything between you and him, ending soon. He was right. Forcing this would hurt you both and breaking up was the best way for everyone.
You turned around gently and dragged yourself back to your room. You laid down your bed and covered your whole body with your blanket.
Is it right to just let it happen? I'm about to lose him.
Your thoughts as you fell asleep.
-End of flashback-
You sat down the edge of your bed and rested your elbows on your knees. You held your head down and cried to your heart's content. As much as you did last night but now not caring how much noise you make. You had to let it all out. You had to. That was all you can do now.
You remembered the conversation last night.
You feared for your life but you felt more miserable for what Taehyung was going through because of the situation.
You figured that it's best that they didn't know you knew.
That would make things easier.
I'll love you Taehyung. Always.
끝.
- - - -
Author's note:
Hello there.
I know an update was long due. I'm sorry to have kept you guys waiting but I'm back now and I have been writing again. I forgot how it felt to write these things and forgot that though it took a lot of time, it was a healing experience for me. I have realized that now and I am proud to say that I am back.
I know, this story hurts. It hurt a lot to write this because.. well, I hate goodbyes.
I'm sorry if this story made your hearts hurt but "that's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt." (lemme hug you then.. *virtual hug* >_< )
You probably know what song I'm talking about in the story right? but if you do not know..
Here's the cover: By V and J-hope
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv_HQ-0upns
and here's the original artist Jung Joon-il:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J1KVBh4rvE
and oh, if anyone noticed, I changed my username to namjooniemollae .
Thanks for 10K reads and 300+ votes. Please do not be afraid to comment and ask me questions. I'll be glad to answer. Thank you also for those people who put this story on their reading list and for those who followed. I love you all. Thank you.