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H.STYLES
Harry knew River's birthday was fast approaching but when the days began to fly away from him, the panic set in. He wasn't sure how to appeal to her, what would make the most perfect present. After all, she had everything she could ever need, and even the things she had no use for she likely could've bought herself, and ten times better quality than he could afford.
It was hard to think of anything at first. It felt like he didn't know River at all—which wasn't the case, and he was aware. His anxiety got the better of him until he decided to avoid even thinking about the matter at hand.
Just before he saw her again, after almost a week of them barely speaking, he made a decision, and got the only thing that made sense to him.
When he did see her, there was no awkwardness between them. It felt like they didn't spend a week apart at all. Her arms thrown around his neck, she squeezed him so tightly that he nearly suffocated so he chuckled, and hugged her back just as strongly.
"Darling, my air!" she claimed, her voice sounding muffled. Harry laughed as he let go of her.
"You, Miss Hamilton, need to work less hours. I never get to see you," he complained, though he knew he had a hand in this.
While River was busy, and he also had a tight schedule, there was more to it. Their last argument, for example. Although, to be fair, it wasn't truly an argument. It was Harry and his hurt feelings.
"I apologise," she said. Avoided eye contact, and pulled back slightly like reality set in for her. Harry didn't like it but the way she turned cold made him keep his distance. "I have been busy, you are right."
"Mhm," he hummed. "Are you alright?"
She smiled, and finally looked at him. "I am alright. Tired, perhaps. Happy to be here, though," she told him as she looked around the apartment. It was only the two of them so he hoped they could iron everything out. "I want to apologise for what I did. I should've spoken to you before I got involved in your..." she cleared her throat. "...financial situation."
It was obvious River didn't like talking about this, and it surprised Harry when he learnt about what she did. As annoyed, and slightly angry as he was when he found out, he also didn't understand. For someone who thought talking about money was absolutely taboo, and rude, she had a tendency to spoil Harry.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I hope you can forgive me?"
Harry smiled, and caressed her cheek. "I can forgive you for anything, honey. There's nothing you could ever do that would make me not forgive you, regardless of how it initially makes me feel."
She frowned as she said, "I don't want that to be the case," she wrapped her fingers around his wrist, and pulled his hand from her face. "If I hurt you, I want to know. If you feel a certain way about something, I want to know. You are not obligated to forgive me for anything."
"I know," he nodded. "I choose to forgive you. River, I love you. Even when you piss me off, even when you meddle, even when you do the most shocking thing I could think of you doing. Nothing will ever change that."
There were no words from her as she leaned over to kiss him. Harry let her, and he melted into her touch. It had been way too long since he could feel the soft curve of her waist beneath his palm, the smell of her perfume filling him up, and pumping his heart full of serotonin. The little gasp she let out when his hands squeezed her, and his tongue met hers.
"I've missed you so much," she sighed, her cheeks tinted pink, her lips glossy, and swollen. The look in her eyes made him want to tear her clothes off. "I have so much to tell you."
"Tell me, baby," he smiled, and pulled her to his chest until they leaned back completely, and snuggled on the couch. Harry couldn't be sure she was comfortable in her jeans but she said nothing. He was in a good position, and he couldn't have been paid enough to make him move, either, so he didn't ask.
Besides, when River started to talk about something, the last thing he wanted was for her to stop. Apparently, she had a photoshoot booked for some headshots, and a few for a brand she couldn't reveal. An interview here, another there. Meetings that she couldn't get out of since she sat on multiple boards. It was overwhelming to listen, and Harry couldn't imagine sitting through everything. As usual, he remained in awe of this woman. This woman who would've done anything for him, and he didn't know how he could ever deserve her.
It was too early to give her the birthday present, and he could barely keep his mouth shut about it. He wanted to see the look on her face, and feel relief at the sight of her overjoyed expression. There was nothing he loved more than making her happy.
"Alright, listen," she said with a smile so wide, and bright that he couldn't help it—he grinned back at her. "I'm spending my birthday with my family in Cancun, and I want you to come with us. What do you think?"
"I think I'm a little bit terrified, and a little bit excited," he listed. It was true. His immediate reactions were those. "How long is this for?"
"A week," she confirmed. River was as hopeful as ever, and Harry didn't look to crush it. "More, if you'd like? I have a bit of free time after the week we are supposed to come back, and I'd love to spend it with you if you can."
"I will take a look at my calendar, and speak to Nick about the holiday he mentioned. I don't want to agree, and then cancel on you," he explained, and she nodded. "And, um... I am more than happy to contribute."
"Nonsense," she waved it off. "You're coming to enjoy yourself."
Harry knew there was no point in trying to make a case against River. Set in stone with the plan, Harry could only accept it. He wasn't used to this treatment but he decided he could learn.
"There is also a plus one invitation on my desk at home, and I'd like you to accompany me to my best friend's wedding," she shared. The influx of events, and trips that River had already taken him on were growing, and the simple thought exhausted him. How did she live a life like this? "Would you like to come?"
"I'm sure I can make it work, yes," he nodded.
"Sounds good," she said. "It will be another trip, but this time just the two of us. Paris, in July. Mila is beyond excited."
Cancun in January. Paris in July. Wherever his brother planned to go in between. Harry's calendar was quickly filling up with things to do, and he was as excited as he was nervous.
River sat by the kitchen island while Harry decided to cook them dinner. An opened bottle of white wine sat before River, along with her glass, while Harry's remained by the stove. They chatted through some things—mostly to do with the birthday trip coming up. Since Harry never been to Cancun, he wanted to know what they could do there when the plans ran dry.
"Darling, we're going to relax," she chuckled, already tipsy on the wine. Harry didn't have a heart to take it away from her but he also knew he'd have to deal with her hungover ass in the morning. Granted, she wasn't as bad as Harry after he had a few glasses but he wasn't going to drink more than what he had by his side.
"And that's fair but I want to see the place, too," he shrugged. Harry didn't know when he'd get to go back after this first time. He wanted to make the most of the trip.
River started to list a few things but she admitted she hadn't done much there, either. She reiterated that when she goes on a birthday vacation, she only ever dresses up, shows her face, then goes back to the water. Never doing more than what's necessary. Harry chuckled, kissed the side of her head, then went back to preparing their food.
Until, of course, River got an urgent phone call from her brother, Alden, and they had to up, and leave everything.
It seemed it was time for the first Hamilton baby to arrive.
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River's chauffeur got them to the hospital, and they were the first to arrive. Both of them were a little bit tipsy already, and Harry had to remind himself that he did, in fact, turn off the stove at least ten times in the span of an hour. In that one hour, River had gone to the toilet three times, and proceeded to walk up and down in front of Harry when she wasn't in the restroom.
Harry leaned his head against the wall, and said, "Baby, please. Sit down."
The clicking of River's boots stopped but she made no move to take a seat. Harry opened his eyes to look at her, and she rolled her eyes before she continued pacing.
"Are you anxious?"
"I think so."
"Why?"
"I don't know," she replied sharply.
Harry knew better than to push. He stayed quiet, and started to count every time the heel of her boot made contact with the tiled floor. By twenty-eight, he got confused, and had to start again. It got to the point where he felt himself frown because his world was spinning, even though he barely drank any wine.
"She won't die, right?" she asked Harry randomly. His eyes popped open immediately.
"Jesus Christ, River, is this seriously what you think about as you're about to welcome your niece or nephew into the world?"
That wasn't Harry.
It was Dorian.
Joined by Kaia. They looked like they came from an event, though knowing the family well enough already, they probably just went for a stroll when the phone call came.
Harry shook his head quickly as the slightly judgemental thought came to him. Regardless of how extra the Hamiltons were, Harry had no place making comments like that, even if it was only in his head.
Great, he thought. He now had full on conversations in his mind from a glass of alcohol.
"Aren't there a lot of complications during child birth?" she asked, clearly frantic, and too much in her own head. The alcohol didn't help.
Honestly, her worries were fair, and Harry thought she was adorable.
"Of course, but Jade will be fine," Dorian chuckled as he tugged River to his chest, gave her shoulders a little squeeze, then kissed the crown of her head. "The things you worry about sometimes make me feel sane, you know that?"
"Oh, be quiet," she pushed him away from her, and laughed. Continued to embrace Kaia which led Dorian to Harry.
They shook hands, and he asked how long they had been there. The small talk thankfully got interrupted by River responding, and finally taking a seat beside Harry. One thing he noticed—she never let him be alone with his family. It made him more comfortable to know she did these things without him having to ask, or look desperate for help. She grabbed his hand in both of hers, and started toying with his ring, then readjusted the watch around his wrist.
"Gosh, I'm going to have to go through this again with you," River gasped as her words, and attention were focused on Kaia. The woman chuckled, and nodded. "I shouldn't have drunk so much wine."
"In your defence, you didn't know Jade would be giving birth tonight," Harry told her to calm her down as much as he could. It seemed to work at least a little bit because she sighed, and leaned against him. Her cheek was warm on his shoulder but her leg continued to bounce. Harry put his free hand on her knee, and pushed it down.
"I heard you had lunch with mum and dad the other day," Dorian mentioned. It came as news to Harry but he realised he shouldn't have been surprised since he hadn't spoken to River this past week. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes, great," she replied, the answer short and sharp. Harry wanted to know what happened, but the hospital likely wasn't the most appropriate location to open that can of worms. "How do you know?" she asked but then sighed, like she already knew the answer.
Harry could only guess what the answer was. She did briefly mention Dorian's role in her family, being the eldest child, and all. The hierarchy in the Hamilton family was incredibly old fashioned, and frankly fucking crazy to Harry. How all of the kids, including River, had a role to play which instantly reminded him of what she was fighting against.
The marriage she was bound to at the age of ten. It blew Harry's mind. This woman, the woman he wanted in his life forever, was already promised away to another man. What the hell was he doing here, holding her hand, knowing all of her ticks? In reality, he never stood a chance. He was playing a fool's game in that very second, ass glued to the plastic chair, hand gripped to death by River's nerves.
His skin started to itch, and he needed to get out of the environment. He felt suffocated, and uncomfortable, and his anxiety was through the roof.
He practically fell off of his chair as he stood up, and made a run for the double doors, then into the restroom. The doors slammed behind him, and his heart jumped in his chest.
"What the fuck am I doing?" he asked his reflection. He looked frantic, his eyes wide, his cheeks crimson. "What the fuck am I doing?" he repeated, and turned on the tap. The water was boiling hot, and he couldn't turn it any way to change the temperature.
He moved to the next sink, and the water sprayed all over his lower abdomen. He cursed as he stepped back to not get anymore water on him. That, too, was hot.
Since this hideout didn't do him any favours, he left, and didn't stop until he was inside the lift, down on the ground floor, and out through the main doors.
One of his friends was having a baby right this second. Said friend's sister was the woman Harry loved, and would've married if he had the chance, and he just left her upstairs without any sort of explanation. Then, there was the fact that he worked for them.
His mind started to go crazy. He thought of insane things. How his friend's baby was already richer than Harry will ever be. How that baby's aunt was going to leave him at some point in the near future because Harry could never keep a woman like River Hamilton. What did he have to offer her? Love?
Please.
Any other man could've given her love.
Harry didn't realise what he was doing, or where he was going, so when a car honked at him, he almost jumped out of his skin. He lifted his hand in the air to thank the driver for notifying him, but the man behind the wheel just shook his head, clearly not impressed with Harry's carelessness.
River didn't follow him.
Harry wasn't sure why he expected her to run for his aid. One thing about River, perhaps the only thing he knew before they truly got to know each other, was how much she loved her family. She put her brothers before anyone—even herself. Harry didn't stand a chance there, either.
He didn't blame her.
Harry couldn't have ever blamed her for anything. Their lives were so incredibly different. What made sense to her, and what she considered normal, was ridiculously strange to Harry. And vice versa. The fact that their lives managed to intertwine at all was a miracle. The fact that he was still with her nine months later was a miracle.
The issue was—he wanted more than nine months with her. Nine months were nothing in the grand scheme of things. Not when he loved her so much he felt physical pain over the possibility of him losing her.
And he was going to lose her.
Harry wasn't stupid, he was in love. With the worst kind of woman he could've ever fallen for.
A rich, totally out of his league woman. A woman who already had an engagement ring around her delicate finger, and it didn't come from his pocket. No. It came from another man's pocket. A man's who would do right by her—in every way Harry never could.
Perhaps he would never love her as much as Harry loved her. In fact, no one would ever love River the way he loved her.
But what did love matter in a family like this? In a family where power, and social image counted for more than genuine connection?
Dorian and Kaia weren't a love match. They were arranged, Harry knew this. Alden and Jade weren't a love match. They were best suited, picked at Alden's hand, Harry also knew this. Charlie and River? They were arranged from the moment they were born, and Harry knew this all. too. fucking. well.
So, the question remained.
What the fuck was he doing?
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Happy Fridayyy!
Harry is having an existential crisis while Jade is giving birth. Harry fits in the Hamilton family a little too well if you ask me - like this is just a random Wednesday for them lol
Also we're making our way to the other side of the hill, which means we're going downhill which MEANS the fun stuff (for me, 100%) begins 😁 I suppose I should say: welcome to the 76th Hunger Games <3
Love, B xx