Lia
It's the New Year and a new semester. The apartment feels different somehow. I feel different. And as Yeju walks through the door, she looks different too.
Despite the chill January weather, she is wearing her signature outfit—loose sweatpants and a tank top that exposes all of her tattoos. Her hair is now short and blonde, perfectly complementing the vibrant flowers along her arms. The circles under her eyes are darker too, but she is still as pretty as ever. As pretty as I remember.
She walks toward me, one hand holding her bag, the other in her pocket.
"Hey," she says. Her quiet voice sends a small shudder through me.
"H- Hey." I take a few steps forward.
We both stop when we are in front of each other.
I take her in. Her baggy clothes, her shaggy hair. Her searching eyes, her parted lips. Her smell—it reminds me of the mornings after we slept together.
My heartache returns with a crash. I let out a shaky breath.
Damn, I missed Yeju. I really missed her.
"Welcome back," I say.
"Thanks. You too. When did you get back?"
"Yesterday."
The winter break back home was better than I can ever ask for. Being on good terms with my brother again made life in the house so much better. For the first time, I have someone I trust in the place I have always felt so isolated in. I have an ally now.
I wanted Yeju to be the ally, but Ro is the ally I needed.
"So I know I just got back,"—Yeju takes her car keys out of her pocket and jingles them—"but do you wanna go on a drive with me? I've been missing the warm L.A. weather."
I chuckle. And here I am thinking it is cold out. This weather is nothing compared to New Jersey. "Sure. Let me grab a jacket first."
***
The drive is quiet. It has been a while since we've talked—our interactions for the past few weeks have only been random bursts of text messages—so there's an awkward barrier between us now.
I decide to break the silence. "So, how have you been?"
"Exhausted. I barely slept. But I finished my thesis, submitted it, and made my slides." She drums her fingers along the steering wheel. "Now, I just need to practice the presentation for next week."
"Are you ready?"
"I will be. I prepared five years for this." She glances at me. "What about you? How have you been?"
"I've been good. After you left, I, uh, worked something out with Professor Song. I'm helping her with grant writing now." A smile tugs at my lips. Ever since Professor Song gave me this new role, I have been enjoying it a lot. I could work on my favorite parts of research—reading and writing about cool science—and I can do my job whenever and wherever I want. The flexibility gives me more time to hang out with RJ, Yuna, and some of my classmates.
And most importantly, I can stay away from the lab and avoid seeing Yeju's empty desk.
"Wow, Lia, that's so awesome," Yeju says. "I never knew that was an option."
"Me neither."
The glistening ocean appears on the horizon. Oh, Yeju is taking me to a beach.
I recall the photo Yuna showed me, the one where she and Yeju were hugging and smiling. Was it here? Is Yeju taking me to the same place she took her ex-girlfriend?
She pulls into a parking spot and smiles at me. "I'm gonna get us something warm to drink. Wait for me on the bench there?"
"Sure!"
The air is salty and chilly as I step outside. Closing my eyes, I take in a deep breath. I listen to the waves crashing against the shore, the distant sounds of children's laughter. I let the sun's warmth fill my heart.
I've lived near the coast all my life, but the beach will never fail to clear my mind. Perhaps this is why Yeju brought me here. We have so much talking to do, and there is no better place than this to talk.
When Yeju returns, she sits next to me and hands me a cup of coffee. I tilt my head to look at her. She is sipping at her cup of coffee and staring at the horizon. Her blonde hair rustles in the wind. She sparkles like the ocean.
I clear my throat. It's time to talk.
"So... I, uh, talked to my brother over Christmas."
Yeju raises her brows. "Oh?"
"He goes by Ro now. He's great. I mean, I've always known that, but I guess I wasn't giving him a chance. Like you said."
Yeju's eyes are now drilling into my skull. I look away, letting the view of the sea calm me down.
"And I'm sorry for losing control of my emotions over Thanksgiving," I continue, "and- and then losing control of them again after we got back. I didn't mean a lot of what I said. It's just... All my life, I've always ignored everything that bothered me. I've always just kept quiet and sucked it up. I did it with my parents, with my friends, with you too, when I first moved into the apartment. I guess I believed things can miraculously change for the better if I just... hold on. It never did, of course, except- except with you.
"But my relationship with my parents never improved, and my relationship with my brother took a hit too. And it shouldn't have. After talking to him, I realized how much I was missing out on. I was missing out on a good sibling relationship that could've helped me through life. And I was missing out on helping him through his life too. I'm so... angry at myself. I didn't process my feelings right, and I ended up hurting myself, my brother, and you...
"I didn't mean to push you away that day, Yeju. You were looking out for me, and yet I refused to listen to you. I let my negative feelings take over me, the negative feelings that were bottled up and warped over time and... I'm so sorry, Yeju."
My lips quiver, and I quickly take a few gulps of coffee. I've cried for too many nights over the last few weeks, and I refuse to cry more now.
"Damn, Lia..." Yeju chuckles. "I can't believe you beat me to an apology."
I cannot help but laugh too. "Was this a competition?"
"Not at all." She leans back, propping her elbows on the bench. Her hair flies over her eyes as she looks at me. I really like her new hair. "I'm sorry too, Lia. You're not the only person who lets their emotions take over. When I first met you, my life was miserable, and I hated everyone and everything, and I took it out on you. I wasn't trying to make my life better or anything. I just wanted to vent my frustrations out at you."
"Yeah, you were terrible."
"Yeah, I was," she admits. "I'm sorry. And when we got together, I was so... pleasantly surprised that I did the same thing as you: purposely ignoring the problems. My messy past with Yuna, my fling from Tinder, our mentor-mentee relationship... I also didn't talk to you about my future plans because, well, I didn't want to upset you. And now we both know that not talking about problems will make the problems worse."
"Amen to that." I raise my coffee cup like a wine glass, and Yeju clinks hers against mine. "So, what are your future plans?"
"I... still haven't decided yet," Yeju says with a sheepish smile. "I haven't had the time to consider. But... there's a chance I would leave L.A. That was one reason I couldn't talk to you about my plans too. I was... afraid. A long-distance relationship sounds terrifying. But, well, Chloe assured me it's doable." She winks at me. "Yes, you were right too, Lia. Chloe is cool. I'm glad to have her as a sibling."
"Oh yeah, she told me you had her over for Christmas." I still remember the excited text Chloe sent me about it. She was surprised by how sweet Yeju was when not irrationally angry. Indeed, Yeju is like sour candy—hard on the outside, soft and sweet on the inside.
"So, Lia..." She sits up and takes my hand. "Whatever it is I choose to do in the future, all I know is I want to do it with you. I want to make this work. I want to make us work, no matter how many fights we will have, no matter how far apart we may be for a while."
My hand melts along with the rest of my body. "Why me?" I croak. "Do I... Do I make you happy?"
She squeezes my palm. "Of course you do."
"But you looked so much happier in the past though. Yuna showed me some photos of you back when you were dating her."
"She did?"
"Yeah, we hung out a little, and she was talking about you... Oh, she apologized for letting out the fact that we were in a relationship. Why didn't you tell me Professor Song found out about us?"
"Damn it, Yuna..." Yeju groans and leans back again. "I don't know. I think I was kinda embarrassed by it, and you were suddenly so angry too."
"Oh... I'm sorry again, Yeju."
"No, I'm sorry for not being honest with you from the start. And you do make me happy, Lia. I haven't been this happy for a long time. I'm thankful you gave my project a chance for us to get close like this."
I chuckle. "Can I confess something? Your project was awesome, but you contributed more than I liked to admit in the past for choosing it."
Yeju frowns. "I did? How?"
"You are a great teacher, Yeju, and... I guess I did sort of have a crush on you."
Her mouth drops. She sits up and stares at me. "Someone like you had a crush on me?"
"Someone like me?" I giggle. "What? Don't tell me you also had a crush on me."
"Of course I did. You're a fucking Victoria's Secret model with the voice of Taylor Swift."
The compliment makes my cheeks burn. "You don't even like Taylor Swift."
She shrugs. "Doesn't matter. I like everything about you."
Our eyes meet. My smile falters.
The waves are crashing in front of us, but all I can hear is the thrashing of my heart. The sea breeze is salty and pungent, but all I can smell is the coffee from Yeju's breath. Wind slams against my jacket and ruffles my hair, but all I can feel is our bodies leaning toward each other.
Damn, I missed Yeju, and I miss kissing her.
But Yeju jolts me out of my thoughts.
"I want to start over, Lia," she whispers, tucking my hair behind my ear. "We started on the wrong foot and then went astray. But this time, I promise to do it right. No more secrets, no pushing each other away. What... What do you think?"
No more secrets. I nod. "I think that'll be nice."
Her lips curl. "Alright." She extends a hand toward me. "Hi there, nice to meet you. I'm your new roommate, Yeju, and I'll be graduating with a Ph.D. next week. I'd like to get to know you. Can I take you out on a date after my defense?"
I laugh. After half a year, I finally got a self-introduction from Yeju.
"Hello, Yeju." I take her hand and shake it. "I'm Lia. I'm a sophomore at college and working for Professor Victoria Song in my free time. And I'll be happy to go out with you."
Yeju grins. "Score."
I roll my eyes, and we both chuckle. Our hands never left each other's as we continue our conversations.
"Hey, Yeju."
"Yeah?"
"I want to tackle the problems I've ignored in all my broken relationships. I did that with Ro, and I'm trying with you, but there's more. I have... a lot of relationships in my life I just let crumble. I was wondering if... you could help me?"
Yeju blinks. "With who?" she asks hesitantly. "Your... parents?"
I shake my head. "That's a whole 'nother level. There may honestly be nothing to fix there. It's..."
I pause before taking in a shaky breath. And then, I say the name that haunted me for a long time.
***
A/N: The girls are back together!!! At long last! -sheds a tear-
I hope their little reunion feels good hehe. Thank you for reading! <3