Note: I removed some scenes here and from the moment the tragic encounter started, I changed the language to english. I couldn't remove a lot because it will weaken the chapter of the book. Again, if you know the mentioned content above could trigger your trauma or emotions, please skip to the next part.
Sacrifice
Lulan kami ng sasakyan na pagmamay-ari pa rin ni Troi. Kasama namin ang isang bodyguard na agad kaming dinaluhan. Tila alam na alam nitong aalis kaming mag-ina. Marahil ay nasabihan na ni Troi. Siya lang din ang driver ng sasakyan.
I smirked with the thought that he really chose to stay with his other son. Magpakasaya sila doon!
Hinaplos ko ang buhok ni Tarian na basa na sa pawis. Inalis ko din ang suot niyang coat para kahit papaano ay hindi siya sobrang mainitan. He has already stopped crying, yet he is still sobbing. Nanginginig lang ang mga labi nito sa tindi ng emosyon.
Nakamasid ito sa ginagawa ko habang nasa loob kami ng sasakyan. Sandali kong sinulyapan ang driver nang maalalang hindi ko nga pala nasabi kung saan kami.
"Kuya, iuwi niyo na lang po kami," magalang na sambit ko bago balingan uli si Tarian.
My son's lips began to tremble once more as he continuously blinked. I made an effort to grin to lessen the tension.
"Are you sleepy na?" I asked sweetly.
Parang hindi siya sigurado nang umiling sa akin. I heave a deep sigh and maintained my smile.
"I'm sorry, anak," pagkuwa'y sambit ko nang 'di na malaman ang sasabihin.
He found out about his other brother too early. Alam ko namang mauunawaan niya din kalaunan kaya lang, bata pa si Tarian. Makakaramdam pa siya ng selos at magtatanong siya. Bakit ang batang iyon ay hindi ko anak katulad niya?
I'm not sure whether he has any knowledge of marriage or how all of this works, but I can see that my son is having a hard time grasping what is going on.
"He's... my brother?" alanganing tanong niya.
Pinaglandas ko ang palad ko sa kaniyang pisngi at marahang tumango. Nag-aalinlangan ako kung maipapaliwanag ko ba sa kaniya ng tama ang sitwasyon namin.
My son is too young for this! But maybe this is for the better? Kaysa malaman niya kapag malaki na siya. Iyong tipong itinago talaga sa kaniya ang katotohanan.
"Mahal mo din ba siya, Mommy?" diretsong tanong niya.
No matter how hard he tried to conceal his apparent jealousy, it was seen in his eyes.
Daddy loves him," he said, "I can see it in his eyes. He misses him because he's got that same look on his face that you had when we first met."
Para akong kakapusin ng hininga sa dire-diretsong mga tanong na ibinabato ng anak kong mag-pipitong taong gulang pa lamang. For his age, Tarian is indeed mature. He mastered the art of probing about the issues that bothered him
"Anak, that's your brother. He looks exactly like you, right?" Sinuklay ko ang buhok niya gamit ang daliri ko habang sinasabi iyon.
"He's Daddy's son from his first love. Sa unang babaeng minahal ni Daddy..." I cleared my throat but my voice did cracked.
Tarian's focus drifted because of that. Sinuri niya ako ngayon, hindi lang dahil sa nakikinig kundi dahil tila nararamdaman niya ang kaibihan sa boses ko.
"But he's not your son, Mommy? Like, I'm your only son?" inosenteng tanong niya, kumapit sa isa kong kamay.
Napangiti ako pero matipid lang. He got it right already. Tumango ako.
"Before Daddy and Mommy had you, he came first, anak. Your Daddy loves him, too. But I'm sure, he loves you the same way."
Hindi ko alam kung paanong nagagawa kong ngumiti sa harap ng anak ko at ipinauunawa ang bagay na 'to para hindi siya makaramdam ng inggit. Kahit na ako sa sarili ko ay nararamdaman iyon. I'm jealous for my son. I know I shouldn't but I am.
Troi had that child with Evangeline, with love and commitment. While we had Tarian... Even I hate to admit it but my son is the fruit of his faked love for me. I know and I can clearly see that he loves Tarian so much. Hindi ko lang talaga maalis sa isip ko na nabuo namin si Tarian habang pinaiikot niya ako sa kasinungalingan.
"Mommy, I don't like him," he uttered which brought me back to my senses.
I felt his tiny fingers wiping the tears out of my cheek. Hindi ko na namalayang umiiyak na pala ako.
"Is he the reason why you don't love Daddy anymore? Because he had a son with another woman?" kumikibot ang labi niya pero matatag ang klase ng boses.
Upon hearing his question, I begin to blink rapidly. Umiling agad ako.
"H-hindi, anak. Hindi sa ganoon..." hirap ako sa pagpapaliwanag.
"My teacher is also like that. She left her husband and kids because her husband had another woman behind her. With a kid, Mommy. Just like Daddy."
Sinapo ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya.
"That's only the case for some couple. For Mommy and Daddy, there's a lot more, anak. Mommy can't tell you now because it would be too hard for you to understand."
Naging malungkot ang mga mata niyang bumaling sa salamin ng sasakyan. Ilang ulit na sumara iyon at bumukas uli, tila pinipigilan ang nagbabadyang luha.
"Tarian ko..." I called him in a sing-song way.
He did not give me any attention. When I saw my son making an effort to act like a young man who is indestructible, my heart ached with such intense pain.
"I'm mad at Daddy..." He started fidgeting his little fingers. "He hurt not only me but also you, Mommy. I don't like my brother," dagdag niya pa na lalong nagpamaang sa akin.
Dali-dali ko siyang kinabig para sa isang yakap. Isang gatilyo iyon para magsimula uli siyang humikbi. Along with my son, I sobbed. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain to him that it's wrong to hate his brother because he's also innocent. And that he came before us. Because no matter what reason, my son has the right to feel this.
"Even i-if you don't tell me... I know y-you hate Daddy. I know he's the reason why you don't want to s-stay with us," sambit niya sa pagitan nang mahihinang paghikbi.
Ipinatong ko ang baba ko sa kaniyang ulo at pareho kaming lumuha doon. There's no reason for me to hide my emotions. My son already know it. I don't want to tell him that it's not true because it is. Masakit na makita kanina na nagulat siya dahil bumulagta sa harapan niya ang katotohanan tungkol sa kapatid. Mas masakit na ako mismo ay pagtatakpan pa ang lahat ng katotohanan gayong alam ko ang pakiramdam ng niloloko.
Sandaling lumipat ang tingin ko sa bodyguard na siyang driver namin ngayon, na tahimik na nakamasid lamang sa harap, walang pakealam sa nangyayari sa amin sa likod.
"Kuya, huwag niyo po sanang sasabihin kay Troi ano man ang narinig niyo," pakikiusap ko rito.
He didn't replied. He didn't even nod. Hindi ko na iyon pinansin dahil mas makabubuti siguro at tila wala naman sa kaniya ang mga narinig.
Ilang minuto pa ay humupa na ang pag-iyak ni Tarian at ganoon din ako. Biglang dumilim sa loob ng sasakyan, tanda na pumasok kami sa isang tunnel road. Sandali lang iyon at nakakita uli kami ng mga ilaw sa mga poste. That's when I noticed the road is not familiar.
Lumingon ako sa likod at miski sa bintana para makasiguro. Mas inilapit ko ang mukha sa salamin at tinangka pang buksan iyon. Nang hindi bumukas at naka-locked iyon ay binalingan ko na ang bodyguard.
"Kuya, nag-short cut ba tayo? Hindi ito ang dinaanan namin kanina." Malamig na sambit ko.
I want to establish my voice as authoritative. I don't want him to think that I'm worried about the abrupt detour.
Hindi siya kabilang sa apat na bodyguard na nag-guard sa amin kanina but I spotted him with some of Troi's guard before. Kaya sumama pa rin ako.
I don't want to believe what is currently percolating in my mind, but he didn't respond once more. It's already a proof of something is really wrong.
Dumukwang na ako nang bahagya sa harap.
"Kuya? Mali yata ang binabagtas nating daan," matatag pa rin ang boses ko. Takot na makatakas ang panginginig doon.
Nang nagsalubong ang tingin namin mula sa rearview mirror, kumabog agad ang dibdib ko sa kama sa klase ng tingin niya. Madilim iyon at walang emosyon. Mabilis niyang itinabi ang sasakyan na siyang ikinagulat ko.
"Pasensya na, Ma'am. Napag-utusan lang," anito bago may pinindot sa harapan at dali-daling binuksan ang pinto bago lumabas.
"What? Kuya!" hiyaw ko nang kumalabog ang pinto at narinig ang pagtunog ng lock noon.
Bumaling ako sa pintuan sa side ko at kinabig iyon para bumukas pero hindi nangyari.
"Mommy, may usok..." hirap na sambit ni Tarian sa tabi ko.
Nagtagis ang bagang ko nang balingan ang pinagmulan noon. Sa parte kung saan may pinindot ang bodyguard. Itinakip ko kaagad sa ilong ni Tarian ang isang kamay ko bago siya kinabig sa aking dibdib.
"Kuya! Please! Buksan mo 'to!" nagmamakaawang hiyaw ko. Kahit si Tarian na lang ang makalabas.
"Tarian!" pagtawag ko sa anak ko nang maramdamang unti-unting nawawalan ng lakas ang kapit niya sa akin.
Nag-uunahan sa paglandas ang luha sa mata ko sa takot hindi lang para sa akin. Para na rin sa anak kong alam kong dawit sa kung ano mang kahahantungan ko.
Sunod-sunod an pag-ubo ang ginawa ko nang nalanghap na ang usok na may kakaibang amoy. Umiikot ang aking paningin at dumudoble iyon. Abot-abot ang kabog ng dibdib ko nang bago ako tuluyang mawalan ng malay ay bumalik sa alaala ko na ganitong-ganito din ang nararamdaman ko noong lagyan ng droga ng rapists ko ang inumin ko noon.
I made every effort to hug Tarian tightly, hoping that even if I passed out, no one would be able to take him from my arms.
Sounds of metal stirred in my mind. The clinking of wine bottles and the scent of burning wood. The heat from the blaze made me sweaty and sticky.
Even after opening my eyes, my sight remained blurry. Confused. I felt exactly that way. A burning sensation simmered within me. When I tried to move my hand, my sensitive skin erupted in goosebumps. I couldn't. I sensed it was tied down.
Gradually, sensation returned to my body as I moved my feet. I could hear faint sobs. Lying on my back, a coldness emanated from what I presumed to be tiles. My feet felt weighted, as if something held them apart. My legs spread wider. I could feel it!
Once again, I attempted to move my hand, but the grip of the rope compelled me to summon all my strength to adjust my view. I was eager to observe the scene.
"She's awake now, boss," a cold, feminine voice echoed from somewhere.
I was greeted by an old basement when my vision cleared. Despite being outdated, it is not deserted. On the other side, a bar counter and a wine vault filled with wines are located. The walls, which are made of old bricks, and the chandelier both have an antique appearance.
I glanced quickly in the direction of the hot spot next to me. I am close to the fireplace! That's why I'm perspiring so heavily. My feet caught my attention, and I saw that they are far apart. A metal chain that is anchored to the floor ties the two together.
I was so tempted to gasp when I realized I was completely exposed.My body has no cover up.
My attention was drawn by a sob emanating from the front. I looked for whoever is making that noise and found my son was seated with his head turned up toward me and was tied in a rope. His eyes are tired, and he's bathing in his own sweat. Fear is evident in his eyes as he looked at me.
Reality finally hit me. The prior event came to mind. We're taken captive! My son is with me right now! We are in danger!
"My darling is awake," said by a baritone yet drunk voice.
When I looked at where the sound came from, all my strength seemed to drain. A man's visage who defied me before is in front of me. His beard is growing, making him appear so rough and unclean. He was looking at me with his head tilted and carrying a bottle of wine in his hand.
"Let me punished you for your mistake. You know..." he trailed off. "Years ago..."
He laughed like an evil creature after he said that. He took a step which made my body jump in fear. He saw that and he laughed even more, seemingly delighted with my reaction. My knees started to shake in fear, especially when I looked at Tarian and saw the same expression. Trembling in fear.
My gaze alternated between my son and the man who was now just three steps away from me. He has his eyes on my body, and I have mine on my son. I shook my head, trying to get his attention by telling him to be quiet, in order to avoid being seen. But then, he called me.
"Mommy..." he cried as if trying to save me with that.
Maximus Hijazi smirked when he found what I'm looking at. Instead of coming towards me, he headed straight for my son.
"Don't..." I weakly uttered.
He turned to me with slightly widened eyes, seemingly surprised by my words. He grinned and offered the bottle of alcohol to my son.
"Do you like some, dear?" he asked as if he's asking a friend to drink with him.
I wanted to spit on him for acting like that. That's just a kid! My son looks innocent yet he's acting like this!
"I'm your Mommy's friend. I'll help Mommy later, you'll see. Mommy will moan and beg for me to save her," he countered when my son jerked his head away from the bottle."
My eyes welled up as the hand holding the bottle moved forward, aiming for my son's small face. "P-please, don't!" I managed to shout. "Not my child..." I cried out. "Just me..."
To my relief, his hand remained suspended in the air. When he turned to me, he had a strange look in his eyes. He grinned widely, pretending to think before nodding.
"Do you want to play now, sweety?" he asked, his tone sugary but mad.
I swallowed my tears and nodded. It's better than seeing my son hurt because of me. I need Tarian to be safe. I have to lure this man to protect him. Maybe if I capture his full attention, he'll forget about my child.
"I'd love to play with you, sweety. Last time we played, you were almost unconscious. I couldn't hear you beg for me. I want to use you while you make some perfect noise. You'd love it too, right?" he said, walking toward me.
I couldn't answer. Fear consumed me as he approached. Maximus was tall, brooding, his eyes bloodshot from drugs. He's also drunk, but his senses remain sharp. Escaping would be difficult, especially in my current state.
As he leaned closer, I flinched. His face stopped inches from mine, his mocking smile making me feel sick. The stench of alcohol and drugs surrounded him.
"I won't drug you now. I want you to remember it clearly. I want to use you while you're sober. So you wouldn't forget it..." he laughed.
I froze as the bottle in his hand grazed my thigh. With my legs bound, he had free rein. Fear and panic gripped me. Fear of what he would do to me again.
"Mommy..." Tarian's voice brought me back to reality.
Maximus halted, his gaze shifting to my son. "We have an audience here. Let's not delay," he said with malicious delight.
I clenched my fist, watching my son cry helplessly. "It's okay, baby. Mommy's okay..." I reassured him.
Maximus' laughter echoed in the basement. Tarian trembled in terror, and I glanced at the man reveling in this situation. I struggled with my decision.
"Don't touch my son. Do whatever you want to me, but don't touch my son," I pleaded.
At this point, all I could do was beg. I needed my son to survive.
"Let my son live... Maximus," I implored, my voice filled with emotion.
Maximus scoffed but grinned. "Anything?" he taunted.
My lips trembled too much to speak, so I nodded. He nodded back, like a lunatic, then burst into laughter again. I gasped in pain, unprepared for what he did next. Tears streamed down my cheeks.
As he laughed, he toyed with me like I was his possession, unaffected by his rough movements. Amid the cacophony in my mind, I heard my son calling out to me. Maximus leaned in, biting my neck forcefully, and I cried out in agony.
He shoved the bottle inside me again,with too much forced than the last time.
"Do not make a sound or else your son..." he commanded.
In fear of Tarian's safety, I bit my lips and supressed my sobs. He removed the bottle inside me. He pinned me more to the wall as he pressed his body against me. He gave me a few minutes of body pumping before lowering his lips and viciously sucking the tip of my chest. He bit it so firmly that I thought it might come off.
I did my best to handle the pain just so I could not make any noise that would put Tarian's life in danger. My eyes continued shedding tears as I listen to the voice inside my head. I'm getting dirty again.
Maximus turned his back on me and walked over to the fireplace. I kept an unsteady eye on him as he placed the bottle's tip over the flames. When he came to my side, I started to feel afraid. He arched his brows and inked the tip of the bottle on my chest.
I nearly swallowed my tongue in an effort to control my urge to scream. Once more, Maximus laughed thunderously. He pulled my hair firmly, which made the anguish I already felt worse.
After a minute, pinakawalan niya na uli ako. Nagtungo na siya sa may isang lamesa at may binuksan doon. I looked at my son. I saw his body trembling in fear. Even with hald-closed eyes, I know he's fearing that something is happening to me.
"Close your eyes, baby," I mouthed. He didn't even blink.
I did my best to find his gaze between his eyes that he wanted to shut so bad but can't because of shock.
"Please," I mouthed again. God favored me this time when Tarian nodded his head and painfully closed his eyes. This time, he shuts it tightly. His lips trembling and stopping himself from sobbing.
Maximus came rushing, holding pockets of white powder in his hands. He poured those into my body, on my chest. He laughed maniacally. Like a kid who's hungry and thirsty, he dipped his head on both of my breast.
His tongue cleaned all the powders on that area. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see what he's doing. So I won't have something to see whenever I closed my eyes to sleep.
I felt him stopped. I didn't try looking at what he's doing. Later on, a cold thing is placed on my lips. It's cold and powdery.
"Suck the bottle like you're giving me head," he demanded.
I felt the urge to defy him yet the innocent face of my son flashed on my head. I opened my lips and did what he wanted me to do.I did what he want in order to keep his focus on me. In order to not anger him. I tasted the powder. I cried again because of misery.
What more he wanted me to do?
He continued to dry hump my body. He moved carelessly, without caring if my head might hit the wall as a result of his actions. That added to the pain I'm experiencing right now.
Once more, Maximus released my body, and the next pain I experienced was emanating from the burning bottle tip he had placed on my belly button. I thought that would be the last, yet, he did it once again. In different parts of my body.
My body is started to weaken and if not only because I was tied on this wall, I probably succumb now and hugs the floor.
He afterwards breathed warmth over my femininity, and I felt it. Maximus gorged himself on my body in the same manner as he did years ago. And like before, I couldn't do anything now but to cry in silence.
"The video, Leonora. Kuhanan mo 'to, tanga!" dinig kong hiyaw niya.
Nang magmulat ako ng mata ay sumalubong sa akin ang isang babaeng tila lango din sa droga. Hawak ang isang digital camera at itinutok iyon sa aking katawan, ginawa akong modelo kahit hindi ko gusto. Maximus then kneeled in front of me and did me dirty once again.
The woman didn't even seem to bother the muffled cries that came out of my mouth due to having too many emotions. She merely pressed the camera against me, aiming for a perfect shot. Maximus stopped what he's doing and made a clicking sound out of his tongue.
He took the camera from the woman.
"Fuck her. I'll do this. Make it it worthy of my time," he bellowed and kissed the woman in front of me.
I can no longer describe how I am feeling now. I don't know if I'm still in the verge of losing my sanity or pulling my sanity to stay awake and sane for my son. I can't find fear for me but for him.
Maximus placed the camera on my face and laughed again.
"Look at your wife, Del Rico. Getting fucked by a woman better than you," he roared.
My body feels so numb as a woman defied me. Tongue and finger fucking me.
"I'll bring those bastards here. Looks like it'll be more fun with more of us," Maximus said and then turned away from us, leaving the woman with me.
I struggled to suppress the whimpers and cries escaping my mouth. The woman continued her actions, slapping my buttock and laughing uncontrollably.
She eventually stood up and faced me. Because she was tall, I had to look up to her.
"Accept your punishment for making a sound, bitch!"
Without warning, she slapped me, laughing all the while. The force was so strong that I almost went deaf. With each slap, my head hit the wall. The same on the other side. My vision blurred and my hearing slowly faded.
Is this really a punishment, God? For what? Please, for what?
"This is only for my son..." I thought.
But she wasn't satisfied; she punched my stomach repeatedly. She only stopped when I began to lose consciousness.
"Mommy..." my son cried. I tried to see him, but my blurry eyes focused on a familiar man and faint gunshots.
A smile formed on my lips as another figure rushed towards my son. A warm hand tried to free me from my situation.
My heart pounded loudly. Amidst the turmoil, a sense of relief washed over me because of one thing.
Whether I survive this or not, at least my son is alive. My son is safe. My sacrifice is worth it because he's saved.