Dancing with Trevor is a lot more fun than I thought it would be. He lets me lead and isn't at all afraid to look bad. The weird thing is he doesn't-, that is look bad. He looks good, really good.
The songs bleed into the next, one at a time and it's nice. It's nice being here with him; it's nice dancing with him.
A slow song comes on and he leans in closer. I know what he's about to do, but it's still a shock to me, when he leans in and kisses me.
He tastes like watermelon nicotine.
I pull away, but he must think it's some kind of encouragement- like I'm playing 'hard to get' because he only comes back harder.
I finally have to push at him to get him to stop.
He looks shocked, like it's impossible that I would want to stop kissing him.
I make a break for it to the bathrooms, without looking back.
"Red, what happened?"
I hear a bang followed by-, "hey? What the hell!"
Than another bang and another.
Since vaping has gotten so out of control, none of the doors have locks, so it's up to anyone using the bathroom to push their bag against the door to keep it somewhat locked.
Apparently, cheer has made Kaylee's kicks strong because she comes into my stall only after kicking three other doors with two people actually going to the bathroom open.
Yet, only one of them had any reaction to the invasion of privacy.
'Being the queen bee must be pretty nice', I feel bad as soon as I think it because right now she's here to check up on me.
"What the hell Red? I went and found Trevor alone and he said he 'didn't know where you were!' She says mimicking Trevor's voice. "I was worried sick", she says in her own.
I don't know what to say; I highly doubt that Kaylee was, "worried sick."
I have no good answer to give, Kaylee is one to pry and if I told her the truth it would just lead to more questions. And Kaylee has a way about her that she usually gets what she wants.
We stand at a standstill until she throws her hands in the air with her anger beyond reason.
"Seriously? You're not going to tell me?"
What would I even tell her? Nothing happened.
"This is what I get for trying to be a good friend", she whispers to herself, (but still loud enough for me to hear) as she storms out of the washroom.
"Kaylee wait!"
She stops and from the angle I'm at it momentarily looks like she's smiling.
She turns and her face morphs into an expression of anger, "what?"
"I'm sorry. It's just that Trevor tried to kiss me-, actually we did."
The anger is instantly gone, "and you freaked out?" I nod.
She hugs me before I can finish the rest of what happened.
I'm momentarily concerned that she won't get it, that she'll ask me 'what the big deal is?' Instead, she's the perfect best friend, "Trevor is such a grease ball!" I smile because it's true.
Suddenly, she steps back, "this is all my fault!"
I'm shaking my head and consoling her, "what? No of course not!" She's nodding quickly, "I'm the one who's been encouraging-, forcing you to hang out with Trevor. God Red, I'm so sorry."
"Kaylee-, nothing is your fault. Besides, nothing even happened, it was just a kiss and like you said I freaked."
Kaylee doesn't look like she believes me but she drops it.
She checks her watch and as soon as she does her eyes light up, "its almost time to see who won Spring Queen!!" She cheers. Spring queen is the last thing I care about but I try and put my best fake smile on when I say, "while you better get out of here."
"You too! I swear Red you're definitely going to win." I laugh at the thought, "Kaylee let's just say I know for certain it's not going to be me." I actually don't know for certain since I was nominated but let's just say that if I do win I'm going to pass out.
"Come on!"
"I need a minute. You go on and I'll be out in a sec", Kaylee hesitates but she doesn't want to be late so she leaves me in the bathroom. I finally breathe a sigh of relief. This feels like a performance, and I can't even tell you what, "this" is.
By the time I make it back, Kaylee has already been announced as Spring Queen and Shawn as Spring King. My eyes find Trevor's, not because I'm looking for him but simply because he's hard to miss. With his scrunched face- 'is he? No, he couldn't be jealous?' As soon as I think it I know it's true because all the subtle but not so subtle signs are there. It's the slight pressure in his shoulders, the quiet resentment in his eyes, the tightness in his jaw that says he's grinding his teeth.
He loves Shawn as a brother but that doesn't change the fact that he is still tremendously jealous of him.
I wait for the wave of jealousy to hit me like it did for Trevor but it doesn't come. I feel nothing but happy for Kaylee has I watch her smile and wave on stage. The only other emotion I somewhat feel is relief, so much fucking relief that it's not me up there.
Finally, I can make my escape. With the dance back and picking up speed; Kaylee distracted with her fans I can disappear. However, that plan gets thrown out when Shawn spots me, "hey Red! Over here!" I inwardly cringe but head over to where Shawn and Trevor are anyways.
To Trevor's credit, he does nothing to alert Shawn that anything has happened between us. To be honest, I'm shocked Trevor didn't mention us kissing because I'm sure he would of bragged about it. Until it dawns on me that what would he brag about? It's not like we had sex or are together. And Shawn knows me and knows that I wouldn't have sex with Trevor unless I was actually with him so no wonder Trevor didn't even try to lie. Because there's not enough to lie about to make it worth while.
The small talk goes in one ear and out the other. I've never been particularly good at small talk but tonight I'm really bad at it. My mind is elsewhere and I can't bring myself to put on a happy face. Thankfully, Kaylee comes and steers the conversation to herself and everything once again feels okay.
The smell of nicotine is potent. Unlike weed, it burns and smells fake.
I don't know how I find myself at one of Shawn Evans classic after parties but that's exactly where I am.
I do remember, I remember all too clearly being the pushover and letting Kaylee and the guys talk me into going.
I ask myself, "why I'm here?" For the fourth time after watching Shawn, Trevor and Kaylee pass around a vape.
It looks stupid.
At least smoking weed looks cool. Smoking out of a vape always looks dumb but sharing it makes it look even dumber somehow.
"You sure you don't wanna hit?"
'He makes it sound like we're shooting up heroin.'
"Nah, I'm good", I tell Trevor instead.
To my friends credit, they don't peer pressure me. I've never actually seen that happen before. Probably because everyone knows about peer pressure and nobody wants to be that kind of dick. Or, it could be because everyone I know already vapes; (I like to think it's because of the first reason.)
'I wonder how high I'm getting from sitting here. Does nicotine even make you high?'
"Red! Earth to Red!" Kaylee calls to me.
"Sorry, what?"
"I said, do you wanna go skinny dipping?"
"Where?"
Everyone laughs but Shawn laughs the hardest, "the pool."
'I didn't even realize the Evans still had their pool, last I heard they were getting rid of it', I think to myself as Kaylee takes my hand and leads me outside.
"Isn't it too early for your pool to be functioning?" I ask Shawn, he just smiles which is how I know that his pool isn't open yet. If anything, I have a feeling that that's part of the fun. Fuck me.
Kaylee strips first and Shawn follows immediately after. It takes some taunting before Trevor finally gets undressed.
"Come on babe", Shawn tells Kaylee while still in his underwear.
After a moment of hesitation that everyone sees, Kaylee glues a smile to her face and undo's her bra.
"What the hell Kay? There's a party going on!"
"Relax Red", Shawn says with a stupid smile on his face.
"Really? You want your girlfriend naked in front of everyone!" 'Why am I the only one who seems to care?'
"She's not my-" he stops like he can physically feel Kaylee's eyes burning his skull, "we're just having fun", is what he ends up going with which to me doesn't sound much better.
If Kaylee's upset, she hides it well but not well enough that I don't see it. She lets her bra fall and Shawn whistles. I don't know what she's trying to prove. I walk close and grab her arm, "this is stupid", I hiss at her.
She rolls her eyes, "don't be such a prude Red; besides, what did you think skinny dipping entailed?"
Laughing makes me flinch back, I didn't realize how close Trevor was.
To Kaylee's credit a few people join her, they swim topless and soon after some guys lose their underwear.
I sit on the side with my legs hanging in the water watching whatever the fuck is currently going on.
Kaylee gets out, thankfully with her panties still on. "You know, I really needed your support." I actually laugh because I can't help it with just how stupid what just came out of her mouth was. Her annoyed expression turns to anger for the second time tonight. "You know, if you were going to be a buzzkill, you didn't need to come tonight", she has the nerve to say to me as she puts her bra back on.
"You're kidding, right?" I say unable to believe she just said that. "If I remember correctly it wasn't me who invited myself", she ignores me.
"What you just did, that isn't you Kay." In almost slow motion, Kaylee turns around like I've slapped her, "you have no right to judge me!" I'm shocked by her outburst but not really, "it's because of Shawn. What he said." "You know what Red?-" I know whatever is going to fall from her lips is going to be bad. I just never thought it would of been this bad, "you can take your judgmental self away from me. I see how you look at me, you look at me like I'm a disaster." She smiles a cruel smile, "at least I'm not a whore who's leading on a guy all while playing with his feelings."
I wait outside in the dark for my parents to pick me up like an complete idiot.
I don't even feel scared or remotely concerned about my circumstances which is definitely concerning since I'm at a party with a bunch of drunk and high people.
It doesn't matter, because all too soon I see my dads car come into view.
He doesn't seem angry about having to pick me up from a party I didn't ask to go to. Since the plan was, he was going to pick me up from the school. Maybe I'm wrong and he is mad, I can't really tell. Because, it's hard to gage how he really feels since he grew up in that generation where 'showing emotion' made you weak.
As he drives, there's a peaceful silence that comes between us. With my dad it's easier; better. We have an understanding that I don't really feel with my mom. I'm dad's favourite; probably since I'm the "athlete", (cheer.) But it's fine because Ben has and still is our mom's favourite.
"So, are you going to tell me what happened tonight?" I open my mouth and nothing comes out so I close it. "Does it have something to do with that Trevor kid?" I must give my dad a shocked look because he smiles, "yes, dads pay attention too."
"It's Kaylee actually", I mean, technically it does have something to do with Trevor but compare to what happened between Kaylee and I; I couldn't care less about Trevor and anything to do with him.
"I see, with the risk of sounding like a dad; you girls will work it out, you always do." I smile when he looks to me because- The car makes a screaming sound and I watch as the wheel starts to spin out of control. The distress from my dad is clear but only magnifies because the brake seems to be jammed. If it's not, than why aren't we stopping?
The impact comes with full force.