excuse any mistakes.
ATLANTA, GEORGIA - 7:05AM
My eyes popped open and when I looked around it was black. This let me know that I was having a dream and I'd be seeing Lim having after 5 months.
"Hey, Lim." I smiled running over to hug him. When he didn't hug me back I rose my brows and stepped back. He had this disappointed look on his face and now I was curious. "Your not happy to see me?"
"It's not that I'm not happy to see you, but what the fuck are you doing?"
"..."
"The last time I seen you what did I say?"
"To watch who I hang around."
"And everybody you hang around what the fuck do they do? Them muhfucka's ain't your fucking friend, Milan. Cut them muhfucka's off bruh."
"Like who?"
"Why you acting so confused when you hang around them? Dom, Prada, Tori, Ximena, and Zahara."
Hearing Prada name a lump formed in my throat. "Okay, what exactly is you saying? Why I have to cut Prada off? If anybody Prada's the only real one."
"You'll find out sooner or later."
"And here you go with this shit again. How you gone tell me to cut Prada off and not give me a reason. Now I'm curious as to what the fuck he did and it's going to make me wanna ask him or just not be around him till I find answers. And why the fuck would you say something like that? I'm happy, Salim. For once after you passed I've been happy. Prada makes me very happy and for you to just tell me to cut him off... I- I don't think I can do that."
I knew him saying all of this was a sign.
"I'ma let you figure that out on your own. Now come here ugly ass lil girl." He stated and I mugged him.
"Ugly? Nigga we're twins. If I'm ugly you sure as hell uglier." I went to hug him and we rocked side to side. "Why has it been 5 months since I last seen you?"
He shrugged. "I really just been watching you. I just had to come into your dreams because yo' ass fucking up. You too damn nice bruh and as much as I don't like Prada I can say he's a real ahh nigga. A muhfucka apologize to you and you wanna be friends again and shit. They can apologize, and you can forgive them, but that don't mean you take them back as friends. If a muhfucka fuck up 1 time you don't give them a reason to show you again. Like Zahara, she called you bitter this and that. Even got on Instagram doing the damn most. So, what makes you think she won't do it again? And Ximena? Let them muhfucka's go! You'll find new genuine friends later down the line."
"You know if you was alive I wouldn't have to worry about having friends. And before you go can you please just tell me why I can't be around Prada?"
"I really shouldn't have said anything because you happy with the nigga. I wouldn't tell you why you can't be around him 'cause that won't do nothing but make you go back into yo' depression."
"Okay, but not telling me will have me overthinking all the time and I don't want that."
"You smart you'll figure it out." He kissed my forehead. "I love you, Saylor."
I mugged him. "Salim, really?"
"Girl shut the hell up. People done did worse than what you did but they ain't have everybody call them by their middle name. Youn like it because it represents your old self but if you know you changed then why you gotta change your name?"
I scratched my head since I was confused.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"And go visit grandma."
"I'm really doubting it because last time she lied and said no one was going to be there."
"Go."
"Ion know who the fuck you think you are but you don't run shit." I said. I seen fog and I was no longer able to see Salim.
"Salim!" I woke up and Prada stood over me looking concerned. I instantly felt embarrassed and went into the bathroom to handle my business.
"Bae, you good?" He asked as I heard him come into the bathroom. I flushed the toilet and went to the sink to wash my hands. "Yeen gotta be embarrassed, Milan. What the fuck am I going to do? Laugh? You see how concerned and worried I am. Just tryna make sure you alright before I go to work."
"I'm fine." I washed my hands before looking at him. "I'm okay."
"You sure? You need me to stay home?"
"No, I'm fine." I said more harsh and he furrowed his brows.
"Alright, bae." He hugged me from the back and kissed my neck. "Let me know if you need anything."
I nodded and watched as he left out the bathroom. I looked in the mirror at myself and just thought about what Salim said. So, from everything I was getting he just knew Dom, Tori, Zahara, and Ximena weren't meant to be my friends. And I felt like he threw that out to me 5 months ago but I didn't listen. So, this time I really needed to listen, but it just felt wrong to leave Zahara when she didn't have anyone. I'll just cut everyone off and as far as Prada it didn't make sense at all.
Like what could he have done for Salim to just say his name? And now it had me not even wanting to be bothered by him until I get some damn answers. It's like I knew what it was but I was just too damn afraid to say it because there's just no way I would believe it.
My head started hurting the longer I thought about it so to take my mind off I turned on the speaker and began playing music. Since I was home, I'd just clean and be productive. Probably go out, I don't know.
If you feel insignificant, you better think again
Better wake up because you're part of something way bigger
You're part of something way bigger
"Not just a speck in the universe not just some words in a bible verse. You are the living word ahh, you're part of something way bigger!" I sung taking the covers off the bed along with the sheets and pillow cases and so I could wash them.
Bigger than you, bigger than we
Bigger than the picture they framed us to see
But now we see it
And it ain't no secret, no
Understand the truth 'bout that question in your soul
Look up, don't look down, then watch the answers unfold
Life is your birthright, they hid that in the fine print
Uh, take the pen and rewrite it
"Step out your estimate step in your essence and know that you're excellent. Rise, the spirit is teachin' oh, I'm not just preachin', I'm takin' my own advice." I went downstairs and put washing powder in the wash machine first before putting the sheets and stuff inside.
I closed the lid then went into the kitchen to see if Adore and Nugget had food and water in their bowl. Since they didn't I went ahead and put some in their bowl before giving them some attention. Yeah I was going to take them out to Starbucks to get them both a Pup cup.
When I got upstairs I changed the song and went back to cleaning up. Like organizing the dressers, and rearranging the whole closet, cleaning the bathroom up really really good.
After I cleaned upstairs I made my way downstairs and it wasn't really nothing wrong with it since nobody be down here for real. But I still did a lil something and once I finished I took me a good ass shower and got all dressed up before leaving out with house with my kids.
I went to Starbucks and got them a Pup cup. I parked and watched them tear it the fuck up. So, now I know when I go to Starbucks to get them exactly that. While I sat there I drunk what I had which was my basic order and I began thinking if I should go to my grandma house. It's not like I had anything to do.
Retrieving my phone, I called her. "Hey, grandma."
"Hey, you okay? You sound a lil sad."
"I'm fine. I was calling you to let you know that I was coming over."
"Really? I wasn't even expecting that you'll wanna come over since it's been so long since I asked. But let me go head and get up, you should come help me with the food."
"Alright and I'm bringing my puppies if that's okay."
"That's fine and before you come can you stop by the gas station and get me some Gummy Bears?"
"Ew to Gummy Bears but yeah I gotchu. Do grandpa want anything?"
"Just get him some Sunflower Seeds. I'll pay you back with the money once you get here."
"Alright." I told her and hung up looking at Nugget who was eyeing down my Frappe. "No."
I made it to the gas station and rolled the windows down for Adore and Nugget. I made my way inside the store ignoring the guys who were calling out to me.
"Gummy bears..." I searched for them. I picked like 2 bags up along with Sunflower Seeds and something for myself as well. I put them on the counter and once the guy told me my total I gave him the money and walked out.
"Aye!" Somebody yelled but I didn't turn around and kept walking to my car. "Youn hear me calling you?"
"Nigga let go." I tried snatching my arm back from Duke but he had a tight ass grip on it.
"Yeen hear me calling you?"
"Duke let go of me damn. Have you not learned your lesson from last time?" I kept trying to snatch my arm away.
"Ion really give a fuck about allat. Have you seen Zahara?"
"No."
"I know she changed to morning shift."
"Okay so if you know that much then why don't you go up there and see where's she at. LET. GO. OF. ME!" I yelled and he finally let go after looking around to see if anyone was looking.
"I got something coming for you."
"Okay, I'm not scared of your threats, Duke. Like I'm really not."
"Ion make threats. I make promises baby. You know you really should've been mine. Prada fucked you yet? Yo' ass so fat."
"You're so damn weird." I said and he made a face before coming close and choking the hell out of me. And what's crazy was that people seen but didn't do shit about it. They just stood there watching all of this unfold.
"What bitch?" He tilted his head sideways. "Ian weird hoe ass bitch."
I gasped for air and eventually he let me go. I quickly got in the car, locked my door, and pulled off. The whole way to my grandma's house I made sure no one was following behind me. And before I got out the car I got on my phone to see if he left a bruise and he did. The bad part about it is that I didn't have no type of makeup in my car, I didn't have a scarf, nothing. So, I knew for a fact that my grandma and grandpa would see it and most definitely Prada depending.
I also checked my arm and it was a bruise on there as well. I hated that I was so easily bruised.
Getting out the car, I grabbed the bags and let Adore and Nugget out as well. Since the garage was up I went in that way and opened the door.
"Hey, grandma." I put the bags down on the table and she pulled me into a hug.
"Hey, baby. It's so good to see you." She smiled. "How you been?"
"I've been good." I told her watching as she went back over to cook.
"That's good and these your puppies right? What's their names?"
"Adore and Nugget." I said. Nugget being the one who was overly hyper and Adore who just sat there.
"I'm glad you decided to come and now that you're here I wanted to actually apologize in person."
"Grandma honestly just save the apology. I'm tired of everyone apologizing to me about this and that. Like I'm tired."
She sighed and nodded. "I understand that part baby, but I really need to apologize. I want to have a better relationship with you and I feel like in order for me to do so I must apologize."
"Okay, go head." I sat down.
"I apologize for how I told you to come here last time and made you feel like you were in the wrong. And the whole time I was only thinking about myself because I only care about getting the family back. That led to your mother saying them harshful words and them word's wouldn't have been said if I never invited her. I don't know what I was thinking, but I really am sorry and I hope that you could forgive me. I hope that we could move forward and build our bond back up."
"A-and I also apologize for what happened when you first moved in with your grandfather and I. We treated you like complete shit, we said that you weren't going to be anything and look at you." She said.
I just sat there not knowing what to say. I wanted to accept her apology but what if she was to do it again? And apart of me really wanted to bond with some sort of family.
"You don't have to say anything. It's fine, but I just really wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. I'm so so happy that you're here today because I thought you for real wasn't coming." She stated and I nodded going into the bag to get what I grabbed which was a Honey Bun.
For most of the time I helped her cook the food and we honestly just talked about anything that came to mind. Shortly after, my grandpa came downstairs and helped us and we really spent our time bonding. It honestly felt good.
"What's that on your neck?"
"Huh?" I played stupid like I didn't know what he was talking about.
"If you say huh you can hear. What's on your neck girl?" Grandpa questioned again and grandma turned around to see.
"Hm, that's crazy it's been here the whole time and I didn't even recognize it. That lil boy hitting on you?"
"What? No."
"So who putting they hands on you? Why you dodging the question?"
"Who putting they hands on who?" Someone walked into the kitchen with a lil girl. As I continued looking I realized that it was Karson.
"She letting some boy put her hands on her." Grandma stated clearly mad.
"Who putting they hands on you?" He looked at my neck.
"It gotta be that lil boy that came over here that day. He putting his hands on you and got you scared to say something. You ain't never been the type to be scared."
"Ain't never."
They keep saying lil and wasn't nothing lil about Prada.
"Who the nigga? I'll beat his ass right now."
"Don't do that. Don't come and pretend that you care when you don't."
"Pretend that I care? Girl I'm your damn brother regardless of everything I still care and love you. So, if a nigga puttin' his hands on you and shit then best believe I'm gone wanna know."
"Yes pretend and care like you didn't leave me."
"I left because Salim passed away."
"Okay and my brother died too but I didn't up and leave did I? And go to a different state at that. I texted you over and over again, called over and over again, and you never called or texted me back. So yes don't act like you pretend and care about me when you don't. 'Cause if you did then you wouldn't have left!" I expressed.
"When I get back I need to know who put that shit on your neck." Grandpa said and grandma left out the kitchen with him. She took whoever the lil girl was with her.
"Ion really have an explanation as to why I left, Saylor. I just did. And I apologize for not returning you-"
"No, just stop. I'm tired of everyone apologizing to me oh my gosh." I wiped my tears away.
"So, what am I suppose to say?"
"You aren't genuinely sorry, Karson. You only apologizing because I said something. If I never said anything then you wouldn't want to apologize. I don't care for the apology just leave me alone." I stood up going to the living room. "And I thought it was just going to me, you, and grandpa. You lied again."
"I did not lie to you. I didn't know Karson was coming, Milan. He randomly pops up here especially every since he officially moved here. I just apologized what do I look like to you?" She asked and I shrugged.
"Everyone apologizing and turns around and do the same thing so I don't know what to expect. I just need some time to myself honestly because this ain't it."
"Can you tell us who put that shit on your neck?"
"Can I just go? Like it doesn't even matter."
"You just got here can you atleast wait till you eat or something. Or can we introduce you to your neice."
"Okay." I sat on the couch allowing Adore and Nugget to come jump on my lap.
"This is Valentine and Valentine this is your Auntie Saylor."
"Tt?" She asked and he nodded. She smiled. "Pretty."
"You're pretty too."
✘✘✘
I closed and locked the door before going upstairs. I turned the light onto the room and jumped when I seen Prada sitting in the chair mugging.
"What was your point of going over there?"
I shrugged and went into the dresser to get some clothes out that I could wear after my shower.
"Youn hear me talking to you? You giving me the cold shoulder and I haven't did shit to you. Ion like that shit. A nigga tryna see wassup witchu and you ain't tellin' me shit and I'm not for this toxic shit. You know if something wrong you can talk to me about whatever. Wassup witchu, Milan? You had a dream? Some happened when you was over there? Hold on.... why you got that shit on your neck?"
I had honestly forgot the bruise was on my neck.
"Milan." He backed me up into a wall. "What the hell is wrong witchu girl? Ian do anything to you."
"How would I know that?"
"Where is you getting at?"
I looked everywhere else but him. "I-uhh, Salim popped up and he was telling me that I needed to cut you, Dom, Tori, Zahara, and Ximena off. And he not just gone say that for no reason. I been trying to figure out what you could've possibly done, Prada. And I really hope it's not what I think it is because if it is I'm going to be so fucking heartbroken."
"Tell me what you think it is."
I shook my head as I allowed the tears I had to fall. "Did you kill my brother?"
Prada backed up and sat on the bed.
"Did you? Prada I swear to God, DID YOU KILL MY BROTHER? Did you kill Salim?"
"I've killed a lot of people, Milan."
"Do you remember robbing a gas station like 5 years ago?"
"...Yeah."
"So, you killed my brother?"
"Milan Ian kill yo' brother."
All I did was shake my head and went downstairs getting a black trash bag before going back upstairs and putting all my clothes inside.
"And you really sitting up here lying right now. He not gone say that for no reason, Prada. You killed my brother like there's no denying it." I said putting whatever else I needed in the trash bag.
"Milan Ian kill yo' brother."
"And I felt like you knew this whole damn time."
"Bruh I just said Ian kill yo' brother."
"Prove it."
"I didn't kill yo' brother, Milan." He said trying to stop me from leaving out the room. "Ian kill yo' brother! Can you sit yo' ass down and let me explain who did it."
"Who killed my brother?"
"Just shush and let me explain. Duke, Honor, Khalil, Talik, and I had planned to rob the gas station that day so we did. Talik was the one getting the money from the cashier. I was the one arguing with yo' brother and Duke was the one that shot him."
"What was the purpose of arguing with him anyways?" I asked and he just sat there so I grabbed the bag and rushed downstairs. I didn't want to be anywhere near him. It's just the simple fact that I been around all these niggas and they were the ones who robbed the store that day. The fact that I sat next to Duke that day and he was the one who killed my brother. And what if this whole time he knew I was Salim's sister, he was planning revenge or something.
And for some reason I just didn't believe Prada. What if he was the one who actually killed my brother but tried to pin it on Duke? Like it was just too much and I needed time away from him and everyone else.
"Milan where is you going? Dawg, it's 8PM, get your ass back in the house."
"Stop talking to me." I put the bag in the backseat. "And don't touch me. Just stop, leave me alone! Here I thought it was just some random ass people that killed my brother and this whole time I been around them. Just leave me alone, please. Don't follow me. Don't come nowhere near me, I'm done."
"Milan." He tried to stop me from getting in the car. "Stop, bruh. Ian kill yo' damn brother. I just told you who did and you still doing allat. If I would have known that we was involved in his death I would have left you alone. You not leaving me, girl. I said we was innis forever."
"I'm sorry, Prada. I really am." I got in the car and quickly shut the door.
"I love you."
a/n;
this whole chapter just too much for me.
thoughts?
don't forget to vote!