+ + +
R.HAMILTON
"You and Charlie are getting married, regardless of all of this."
And:
"Wait, I thought Harry didn't have a father."
"What?" Dorian shrieked, then laughed as he punched Jax in the shoulder. "Do you just make up stories for people in your head?"
Jax shrugged. "I always assumed he didn't have a family because he is always working."
Dorian hummed. "Good point," he nodded. "But River—none of this changes anything."
River said nothing. What could she have said?
Once everyone arrived at the gazebo, they ordered some drinks, and snacks, then caught up with each other. All three of the brothers were amused as they brought up Harry's antics, and even River smiled as she thought fondly of the mess Harry caused. Before she left to meet her brothers, Harry asked her to share his apologies for anything and everything.
Safe to say, it made her brothers chuckle.
She then told them off for the lack of unity they showed. She expressed why it hurt her, and how she expected more from each of her brothers. While she appreciated it wasn't their job, she asked them to not sit by, and do nothing like they had no idea what it was like to be scrutinised by their parents.
"I'm sorry, Riv," said Alden as he brought his arm around her shoulders, and kissed the top of her head. "I should've said something because you're my sister, and Harry is my friend, but you were both so stressed already, and I didn't want to add any more cause for argument."
"I'm sorry, too, River," Dorian added. "It was wrong to not say anything, and I have no excuse for it."
Jax took some time to cook up his apology but once he did, it was the most Jax-like version she ever expected. "I'm not sorry for staying silent because I know what's good for me, and mouthing off our parents was not. Especially when they are wanting me to get my life in order, and stop travelling so much. I am sorry, though, for making you feel like you don't matter, and that I left you in the shit with... all of this."
Eventually, she accepted all of their apologies. They were her brothers, for crying out loud. She couldn't be mad at them for longer than necessary.
After all of the heartfelt expressions, though, they got on to other topics, and once River aired everything out, she was met with conflicting arguments from her brothers.
Well, Dorian and Jax.
Alden seemed slightly reserved.
"I have spoken to our parents, and they are happy with my decision," she stated. The wind blew on her hair, and she tugged it back. Dorian exhaled as he leaned into his chair. "I am dating Harry, and there is nothing they can do about it."
"They can make him redundant whenever they decide," he argued. River already knew this. In fact, she ran through all possibilities. This wasn't a decision without thought. "Men like Ian Radcliffe don't do well with defiance."
"You make me sound as though I am rebelling."
"You are," Jax commented.
"So are you," she fired back. Turned to look at Alden, and claimed, "So did you."
Dorian took matters into his own hands. "They are different, and you know it, River."
"Well, I don't believe that is fair."
"Dad will never allow you to remain in a relationship with Harry for long, or marry him, for that matter, if he was so determined to erase his past friendship with Dominic," Jax spoke up with the truth. It was the truth, and River knew it, but it didn't take away from the sting. "I'm surprised he even let this happen because—"
"Okay!" she interrupted her youngest brother. Pushed herself up in her seat to be more comfortable. "Enough, Jax. I get it. No one is supportive of the relationship, and while it was expected, I also am annoyed. I at least wanted the three of you to be on my side with this, but of course, no one would ever dare to upset Mummy."
The burst of honesty came out of nowhere but it felt good. River's chest unclogged, and she could breathe properly again.
"It's not that we are not supportive, River, we are looking out for you."
Dorian sounded confident in that statement. For some reason, River didn't feel like they were looking out for her. Was that because they didn't agree with her? In that moment, she couldn't decipher it.
"Harry is great, and I like him—I think we all like him?" Dorian glanced at their siblings. Jax nodded, and Alden hummed. "But you have an obligation, and that is to marry Charlie. It's not ideal, it's not what you want, but it is what will happen. Regardless of what you agreed with our parents for the time being. You are aware of this, right?"
"Of course, she is aware, Dorian," Alden decided to step in at last. His tone sharp, and scolding. The sound enough to make River feel less like she was outnumbered against her brothers. "She grew up knowing what she'll have to do when the time is right, and to assume she lost sight of it, is simply offensive. It may seem like the easiest decision to put all of this on our sister, but don't you two think it's dad who needs to be set right? He promised her away because his friend upset him, and he needed to get back at him."
A relief. It was. To hear Alden defend her? She could finally breathe a full breath. Sit a little straighter, a little higher.
"We have no idea what happened between dad and Dominic, and he clearly doesn't want us, or anyone else, to know," Dorian argued. Then, he asked River, "What did you think you would find if you looked into the arrangement? A way out?"
"Maybe," she shrugged, which felt unlike her, especially when talking to her brothers. While Dorian seemed determined to remain against River, she felt a wall go up between the two of them. She started to step back from her brother because the way he acted reminded her of their father. "I love Harry. If there is a way, I get to be with him, I will find it."
"And we'll support it," Alden confirmed. Held the eye contact that Dorian initiated. It was one that urged their brother to stand down, and accept that Dorian held more power between them. After all, he was the first-born son. After their father, he was the next person who had any sort of influence on things.
"I think you are misunderstanding me," Dorian claimed, and River stayed silent. Regardless of what she said, her brother seemed to have an argument for it. That wasn't the reason why she called them to meet. Therefore, she refused to put herself in a position where Dorian could overpower her. "I have nothing against your happiness, and where you choose to get it. If Harry makes you happy, and you want to be with him, then you are free to be with him. You made it known that nothing will come between that decision and you."
River nodded. Still refused to verbally comment.
"However, the reality is that you will be marrying Charlie," he said, and River internally groaned. Somehow, the only matter her brothers seemed interested in was her marriage to the Radcliffes.
"I know, Dorian," she replied, voice suddenly lower, and deeper. "I know that I am marrying Charlie at some point in the future. I know that our mother and father entertain the idea of me dating Harry until that moment in the future comes to appeal to me before everything will be ripped away from me. But the reality is, Dorian, that I have the right to know why things happened, and how they happened, and somewhere within those answers, I know I will find a way to change my future. I will not be shackled to someone I do not love for the rest of my life without having that reason, and I will not learn to love them like you did with Kaia."
"You don't know what will happen once you marry Charlie," the way he remained set on pushing this agenda made River want to scream.
Instead, she swallowed her frustration, and chose to take another approach.
"I told you about what I found out because I thought if anyone, you would understand, and support me in figuring out what the hell is actually happening," she looked at all of her brothers, gradually moving between their stares. "I want to know why Harry's father is erased from all history. I want to know if Harry's presence at the Clubhouse is intentional. I want to know if I'm simply a pawn in this game. I want to know why everyone but me gets to decide what I do with my future or not."
"Did you think about bringing this up with dad?" Alden questioned. It was a shock. Throughout the conversation, he barely showed any interest. Perhaps he was in a peculiar position with Harry being his friend.
"And have him lie to my face?"
Alden hummed in acknowledgement like the thought didn't cross his mind.
"Alright," she sighed. Interlocked her hands on the table. It was cold, and the wind picked up slightly, not that it ever stopped. "I made a mistake. I assumed you would understand because you're my brothers, but the fact is that all of our lives are different—mine extremely unlike yours," if she was going to get through to them, she needed to put everything into perspective. "What you can do, I likely cannot do, purely because I have nothing to offer to our family lineage. When I have children, they won't inherit more than some of the Hamilton blood, and honestly? Lately, I've been feeling more and more grateful for it."
"River..." Dorian sighed. He seemed upset.
River decided to ignore her brother.
"Our father, on the other hand, will get an entirely new family under his wing. More power, more money, and that is worth it to him," she added. "So, if I can find enough information on what the hell happened between him, Dominic, and Ian, I can piece together why I must marry Charlie. I can piece together another solution—one where I get to keep Harry. If Dominic is truly a business man, one that threatened our father enough to cut him loose from the root, then I suppose the man has enough capital to be worthy of being my father-in-law."
Struck speechless, her brothers either stared at her, or out into the nothingness as they processed her words. They could think she was insane. They could think this was never going to work. They could think whatever they wanted.
River decided she didn't need her brothers' approval. She would like them, but she could exist without them.
+ + +
The weeks that followed the conversation between the Hamilton siblings were busy yet not much happened. River got more background information on her father, and his relationship with his friends. Natasha appeared to be as clean as River knew her mother to be but wanted to ensure there were no catches on her end, so she included her name in the next batch of digging.
Between those long nights of scanning files, River was back-to-back with dinners, and galas, board meetings, and unusually, interview panels. It seemed people wanted her look on things more now than ever but she gladly helped where her availability allowed.
When Christmas rolled around, and Dexter announced this year's holiday was not happening, no one in the family was surprised. Everyone seemed to be drowning in their respective duties and responsibilities, and River knew no one would've actually enjoyed the holidays. She did spend Christmas, and the day after at Harry's place, which meant a significantly smaller get-together with just her boyfriend, and his brother. Nicholas and Ellis also visited, and brought Nathan along for a meal, and to share presents. River, of course, had to purchase some last-minute gifts but its recipients seemed overjoyed so it was worth it.
Truth be told, Harry was difficult to get right. Aware of his distaste for expensive items, River didn't want to go down the route she planned. A nice ring since he had a love for them. It would've matched his watch in colour, and she debated whether to get the one with diamonds. When she stepped into Harry's shoes, and decided to change her point of view, she decided he would've had a heart attack at the sight of the price tag, and she purchased something else for her sisters in law.
After some thought, and hours of deep diving into the conversations she shared with her boyfriend, she decided to make a grand gesture. Something she thought would ease the already tremendously heavy weight on his shoulders.
"I cannot believe you have gone behind my back, and paid off my student debt," Harry cried out in frustration, and shook his head in disbelief. River flinched as she watched him lose his mind over the revelation of the truth.
Thankfully, Chris was not at home when she chose to give Harry the letter of confirmation.
"I did it because I thought it would make you happy. Relieved, at least," she responded, but it appeared to be the wrong thing to say. Harry shot burning arrows in her direction with the aim to set her on fire. Why did he blame her for this? River only had good intentions, and to see him rattled by this made her upset. "I thought you would be grateful."
Harry laughed, and ran his hands down his face. "River," he said her name like he always did. With a softness that disappeared the moment he continued to talk. "I'm furious. You can't just go around, and solve everything with your money. I'm not some charity case to donate towards."
More hurt flooded River's chest as she averted her gaze from his face. It was difficult to not let her eyes water as she thought over what Harry said.
"I don't think you are a charity case," she responded gently, voice barely above a whisper. "I did it because I wanted to help."
Silence followed her admission. Curiosity drove River to glance back at the man across from her, and she found him turned away as he focused his attention on the view through the living room window. As much as she fought the urge to sniffle, she lost the battle as the soft sound travelled between them, loud enough that Harry faced her again.
His expression had gone soft like hers, and the way he looked at her worked like a magnet against her tears. They dove forward and landed on her cheeks, cascaded down and through the foundation, the blush, she worked into her skin that morning.
"You can't go around spilling your money like this," he spoke up, the sound rough like it scraped against the length of his throat.
Something about this conversation reminded River of all the times Natasha had scolded her for not standing upright, for not wearing a dress that was picked out for her, for not smiling and engaging enough with people at social functions.
Defeat scorched her until she was nothing more than ash on the ground. Silently, she allowed Harry to speak the truth he believed, and did nothing but nod because she didn't want to let the feeling of not being enough, of not being perfect, surface.
This felt like a moment of weakness for her, it reminded her of moments she worked hard to forget. Perhaps not the healthiest of ways to deal with issues as such but it was effective for periods of time.
"I feel a lot of things right now, and I need some time to... feel them."
"Of course."
Harry frowned at her response.
"I need to get some things sorted for an upcoming event," she said after a moment, an excuse she used to get away from the pressure of the situation.
Without looking back, she left, and forced herself to find something better to do with the rest of her afternoon. It was difficult but there was always more work to be done so she managed. It was terrible, and everything took ten minutes more than usual but Harry asked for time, and she had no other choice but to give it to him.
Mila had finally sent out wedding invitations which was a surprise. River had to admit—she lost touch with her closest friends. As much as there was a mutual understanding between them, and the fact that they each had busy lives, she wondered how much of that was an excuse rather than truth.
River confirmed her attendance, and plus one, then offered a chance to catch up. Mila had to be busy because the message delivered but got read.
Thinking of her best friend's wedding, she was reminded of her brother's and Jade's wedding, too. Highly unlikely they wanted to get married before the baby, seeing as Jade was about ready to give birth. River wondered if it would happen before the new year so she kept her phone closeby at all times.
Regardless of what happened with her siblings, she would put everything aside for something as important as this.
Without the appropriate level of focus, it seemed pointless to try to work on anything. River would've needed to go through it once more with a fine toothcomb, and she didn't want to double her future self's work.
Instead, she played around on her phone which wasn't the most frequent of things she did. When free time presented itself, she read, or went out window-shopping, got her nails done, or freshened up her hair. On this fine afternoon, she laid back in her armchair and scrolled through her camera roll like she wanted to find something.
Subconsciously, maybe, since she spent a good minute or two on each photo that included Harry, or Harry with her. Ones from the Christmas meal were most entertaining, just about two hours before she gave him the gift she thought would be heartfelt.
River groaned.
Harry hated when she spoiled him with material gifts. This wasn't necessarily material. And when he said he wasn't some charity case, she genuinely felt hurt because she didn't do it to make him feel embarrassed. River believed if she did this for him, he would feel less like he had to take care of everything himself because he previously confided in her about such matters. It was the least she could've done for him but he was more annoyed by her actions than anything.
Did she do something wrong? Something she couldn't see? Even a few hours later, she couldn't pin point it. Obviously, Harry didn't like extreme amounts of money being spent on him but surely, that wasn't the entire reason for his unhappiness.
Overthinking it didn't help. Besides, River reminded herself, Harry needed time to feel his feelings. Once he came to terms with them, River was certain he would be open. He had to be because he promised her a while ago, while they sat in the gazebo, and he said he would try for her because that was all she needed.
The thought of this made her feel slightly less stressed, and worried about what he might be thinking, and feeling. The fact that her brother called her out of the blue also helped because he was a new distraction.
"Hey, Riv," Alden greeted her, still the only person in the world she allowed to call her by that nickname. It was something they shared as two siblings, a bond that couldn't be replicated, and it was as serious as a nickname. "Thanks for picking up."
Truth: she didn't speak to any of her brothers after their conversation at the Clubhouse. She was hurt, and decided to hold a grudge until they gave up. Christmas wishes were shared via text, and when they tried to call, she let it go to voicemail. When they caught her in a particular moment, she even declined their call as if to make a point.
Petty but for a reason. Not that she would've cared if she didn't have a reason. She always let her brothers get away with everything.
"Hey, Alden," she sighed, and crossed her legs. "How's Jade? Is she still holding onto my niece?"
Alden chuckled. "You could end up with a nephew, too, might I remind you."
"Please do not remind me," she answered. "I will, however, take your response as a yes to my second question. How is Jade?"
"She is resting," he gave in eventually. "Her back ache worsened, and her feet are incredibly swollen. She is enjoying the basket you sent her, though."
River hummed, satisfied. "Pleased to know it worked the way I knew it would."
"I also looked at that bracelet for her, and I desperately wish I got it before you did," he admitted. "She is absolutely in love with the pink diamonds."
"Of course, she is," River smirked to herself. "She is having a daughter. It is the perfect gift for her."
Alden let the comment go, and chuckled instead. He took a moment before he exhaled, and revealed his true intention for the call. "I know we haven't left things on the most... positive note. What happened at the Clubhouse was not something any of us could ever apologise for, or make up."
"You could've made an attempt."
Silence.
Then, "We could've made an attempt," he sighed. If he was guilty, River didn't care. Hoped. But didn't care. "I didn't make much of an asshole out of my mouth that day but I do apologise for the way things turned out, and my lack of verbal presence during the conversation. I didn't—well, my main reason for calling you today had very much to do with explaining why I excluded myself from that discussion."
"Don't hold out on me, brother," she said in a nonchalant manner, even though her curiosity was peaked.
"It would be best to discuss in person," he replied. The vagueness in his voice, in the incredibly poor choice of words, didn't encourage River to know more anymore. "Dinner tomorrow?"
"So, it is dinner appropriate?"
"Come over," he instructed. "Dinner at my place."
"So, it is likely going to upset me?"
He exhaled, loud and to indicate he was getting annoyed by River.
"It would simply fit a private environment more than a public one," he reasoned. River took this to mean the topic of discussion would likely upset her. "Can I expect you tomorrow?"
She didn't make it easy on him. She waited. Contemplated. Tested some answers in her head.
"Riv?"
"Hm?"
"An answer would be great," he chuckled, light.
"Sure," she gave in then. "Tomorrow, it is."
+ + +
Happy Friday!
I am now introducing you to more drama. I hope you are ready.
Until then, enjoy the thought of Riverry spending the Christmas together, and watching cute movies with Harry's nephew while everyone else is fussing around with the food, and setting the table etc. I know I will be thinking of them while I ruin mother and father. :)
Love, B xx