Requested by InkFoxyUwU on WATTPAD, the plot was... harder to think than expected lol, but I think I'm high enough on Alt Gabriel's wine to make this hopefully funny
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Before the overthrone of the Heavens...
He who must not be named, was waiting.
Waiting for the right time to strike.
His victim wasn't here yet—this victim wasn't his first, nor would it be his last. Sharp black eyes, devoid of life and only the fiery flares of vengeance reflected within, scanned the night sky for the victim. This one he knew would be extremely difficult—as he was an angel, archangel even, and he was devoted to the word of God and the messenger for the Heavens and the Earth.
In the vast lands of Jerusalem the shepherds who was to hear the message from the Archangel Gabriel was tending to the sheep. Above in the night skies Gabriel approached the shepherds, and he made his appearance of brilliance, cloaked in the angelic lights. He knew what Archangel Gabriel would speak of. His deliverance of the message would be the most important and one of the most biggest turning points in all of history. And if he interfered with this event, then his actions would be an even bigger and more important turning point, and what's more is that the timeline he would finally take complete control of, to his benefits.
"Don't be afraid." the Archangel said in a magnificent yet bored tone, which confused the entity who was watching this with great stealth. Weren't all Angels and the Heavenly spirits above enjoyed Before he could think more of it Archangel Gabriel continued on, still with the slightly monotone voice.
"I bring good news of great joy for you and all people. Tonight.... OKAY LOOK YOU LITTLE DIPSHITS, LISTEN UP."
He who must not be named flinched as the Archangel suddenly shouted, his blue eyes flashing in anger. What was wrong with this angel? He... wasn't supposed to deliver the news this way. Plus, he was a holy being: Archangel Gabriel was never to cuss like all the other worshipers of God. This angel was definitely.... what was the word. Peculiar. Yes, peculiar.
"TONIGHT, a kid named Jesus is born, okay? He's the son of God, so YOU ALL BETTER VISIT HIM ASAP OR I'LL SEND MICHAEL TO KILL YOU."
The shepherds who were listening to his message cowered in fear as their expectations from an angel completely differed as of now. "B-but, servant of the Holy Father...." one of the more elder shepherds who was more bolder stuttered towards the pissed Archangel. "We-we do not know what-what ASAP means, but... we shall-we shall be swift in our feet... W-where is he born in....?"
"WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT, JUST GO ALREADY."
"B-but-!"
The Archangel turned to the group of angels behind him, all of them blinking at him in confusion at his sudden change of attitude. "MICHAEL-!"
"No, no-please, we-we shall be on our feet immediately!" The shepherds scrambled up to their feet in fear, but as they rushed back to their homes they only ended up tripping over each other. The fear amused the evil figure hidden within the shadows, but he was still in great confusion. Why was the Archangel Gabriel's demeanor change so drastically...?
"Good. Those... ugh. I'll take a walk around these hills, you all get going first." Gabriel spoke to the other angels, and the angels hesitantly nodded and flew away up into the skies in a blinding flash of holy light, and in the singing of their choirs.
The entity who was still in the shadows thought to himself how strange this was: but nonetheless, he must succeed in his plan. So when the Archangel's back was turned, he reached out with black and sharp talons as his hands, and snatched the angel by the wings and pulled him into the shadows.
"AAAAAAAGHGHGHG- Oh, it's just you, Satan." Gabriel's fearful scream was abruptly replaced by a deadpan that looked down in exasperation at the Devil, which pissed the darker being off. This Archangel was acting as if they were close friends who teased each other daily, when in fact the darker being HATED this Archangel, the brother of Michael. His reason of the fall from Heaven was because of Michael: he loathed the holy being down to the core.
"Just me? JUST ME?!" He felt the burst of frustration as he snapped. "Perhaps you should know your place when you address me, archangel."
"Meh, don't care. Anyway what is it."
The evil being smirked sinisterly as he dramatically announced his plans: "I have come to rip off your identity and under your name, I shall falsely spread my influence and overthrow the Heavens and the Earth."
Archangel Gabriel had a small confused smile as his blue eyes scanned the being in the shadows with him. "... What in God's name do you mean?"
Holy shit, he was using God's name?! Even the Devil himself wouldn't do that.
".... What has gotten into your mind, archangel?"
"Nothing. Just got addicted to this new game called Roblox."
"A... a WHAT now? That... that's a game from one of my corporations!"
"Oh, well. You have made the game very well, even my siblings like them."
"I DIDN'T MAKE THE GAME, my COMPANY did. Also, HOW IN THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU GAIN ACCESS TO THAT GAME. Only my demons are supposed to have access--"
The Archangel cut off his rant with his own retort. "Anyway, God better be paying me with Robux for making me abandon mid game and talk about the kid Jesus to those humans or else."
".... or else what?"
"I shall go full Satan mode and overthrow the Heavens."
".... but I am Satan and that is MY plan, you do not get to STEAL MY PLA-"
"SHHHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHH SHUT UP YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SAY IN THIS."
The Archangel's hand suddenly shot out and his index finger raised as he placed his finger and rubbed it aggressively against the other's lips, resulting the usual temper the darker being felt when things did not go his way.
"BITCH YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME, THE LITERAL FUCKING DEVIL?! COME AT ME BRO, COME AT ME-!!"
"That is quite gay."
"..."
"...."
An awkward and tense silence, a smug expression on the archangel's face as the Devil felt disbelief at being called gay. He may support LGBTQIA+ and homosexuality but being CALLED ONE? TOO FAR.
" . . . I hope you shall fall from heaven, and when you do I shall get to punish you myself-"
"That is quite kinky."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, I SHALL BE STEALING YOUR FORM AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!"
"HAHA! Well thank you, I was getting quite tired of the job anyway. I wish to now go play that game Roblox with my brothers and sisters Michael, Raphael, Uriel, Selaphiel, Barachiel, Jehudiel, and even Jerahmiel-"
"ALRIGHT, you DO NOT have to mention all your fellow archangel names."
"You seem to have tantrum issues."
"YOU have PATIENCE issues."
The Devil felt himself nearing his tipping point, he wished to just impersonate Gabriel already and just move on from this stupid conversation. He scoffed at the Archangel as Gabriel only grinned smugly before flying away into the skies in the same blinding flash of holy light.
The darker being sighed, before he felt his form shift into a vessel that looked similar to Archangel Gabriel, except with long hair, more paler skin and hair color, and taller with more slouched shoulders. He did not even bother to change his wings as the false angel now looked like he was wingless. And with the black box of censorship over his beautiful face he began to launch his next plan.
. . . . .
He have done it.
He have stolen the infant of Jesus and have replaced it with an Alternate. Now what to do with the baby... If he killed Christ he would only continue living in Heaven, in the utmost of purest forms. So he decided to give the baby to a Nephilim named Six, and together from then on they worked together. Six decided to steal babies for a living too, it seemed he had taken a liking to the infant of Jesus. But no matter. After centuries if not thousands of years later, the false angel was about to take another victim's life, someone from Mandela County. Oh, how he wished to see the pathetic and weak human suffer under the pressure of his words. Oh, how excited he was!
So in St. Gabriel Church, he appeared to the human named Dave Lee, and he took a breath to mock him. He saw the fear within the human's face, and this made the darker being smile in joy-!
A phone ringtone rang out the vast space in the middle of nowhere.
The false angel blinked in confusion before he realized it was HIS phone. He sighed and took out his iPhone and accepted the call, not even bothering who called him. "Who is this? Why have you called me, I am quite busy at the mome-"
"HEEEEYYY SATAN DUDEEE HOW ARE YOU-"
The false angel screeched in pain as the sudden burst of audio had his ears ringing. He almost dropped the phone but after fumbling with it in the air he managed to catch it and snap harshly at the other. "WHO ARE YOU?!"
"How can you not remember me? I am Archangel Gabriel."
The false angel was stunned, silent before he managed out a few words. "How-How-I do NOT have you in my contacts! YOU SAMSUNG PHONE USER!"
"Ah, you see my dear Satan. I asked my Heavenly Father God for your number. And I called you over to invite you to Heaven under God's permission."
"Would you PLEASE stop addressing by that CURSED NAME-"
The Archangel Gabriel continued over his voice as if the false angel was not even speaking at all. "I invite you over to a game of Roblox to gain free Robux from you, Satan."
The false angel blinked in disbelief, confusion, anger, dumbfounded, all at once. The AUDACITY of this fucking Archangel.
"Of course NOT. I am busy, do not call me ever again."
The false angel who still impersonated the very archangel that called him ended the call abruptly, and took deep breaths to call himself down as his sinister smile curled within his face yet again. He was ready to kill this Dave Lee human once and for all-
"Hey, Satan? That name sounds kinda familiar..."
...
Today was NOT his day. First the archangel, THEN the very human who was supposed to be his victim. The darker being felt more rage boiling within him, but he exhaled a deep puff of air and tried to suppress his anger. This... This pathetic, weak, disgusting human had the AUDACITY to speak to him like that, he won't get away with this!
"Ohhhh, you're that guy from the Bible, right?" Dave Lee spoke up to the false angel. "The... the dude who.... lives in Hell."
Okay, that's IT.
"Perhaps you should PAY SOME RESPECT TO ME," the false angel snapped, his voice echoing across Mandela County. "Your TRUE SAVIOR. You fucking FOOL-"
"HEY!!! LANGUAGE!!!"
.... oh shit. The false angel KNEW by his scarred heart who that was. And he hated this being DOWN to the rotten core.
"I speak all and none, Archangel Michael," the false angel snapped as his eyes stretched wide and long, as he turned around and faced the Archangel. Oh, but there weren't just one Archangel. There was...
There was TWO.
"Hello Satan, we weren't asking when we said we needed you to give us free Robux and play games with us."
That... Archangel Raphael.
The false angel was absolutely speechless. The two Archangels came from the shrouded clouds that split the skies and brilliant light poured down the dark county. Behind the two Archangels was Gabriel and the rest of his Archangel siblings, and not only that, even Six and all grown-up Jesus was there, playing Roblox.
Satan should have never told his corporation to make that DAMN VIDEO GAME.
"Come on bitch we're broke of Robux." Michael sighed, at least the animosity between the false angel and the Archangel was still there. But Michael had... cussed?
Something was definitely strange in Heaven. The holy spirits who dwelled within the Heavens never cussed... unless Heaven was not as pure as the Devil remembered.
Before he knew it Raphael grabbed his arm, and Michael took his other arm in his hands. W-Are these Archangels actually KIDNAPPING HIM?
"LET GO YOU FUCKING ANGEL BASTARD!! I DON'T EVEN PLAY ROBLOX!!!" The false angel screamed angrily as he struggled in their grips in vain. He screamed for help that wouldn't come as he was dragged back into Heaven, the other Archangel's hands reaching out to him and pulling him in completely. The skies and the clouds fused together as the lights disappeared and everything was dark once again in Mandela County, no sounds of the struggle remained.
"... Well at least I survived that guy that is mentioned in the Bible!" Dave Lee, who have seen everything, exclaimed cheerfully. After shrugging to himself he walked away from the St. Gabriel Church, and disappeared into the shadows of the night with a casual and laidback smirk.
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I hope this was funny for you all, I felt like a drunk writer writing this LMAO