Trigger Warning: flashback of assault!
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Phantomjaw was contently lying on his side looking something up on his data pad when his brother returned. As soon as the door to their shared room opened, Steeljaw stomped inside.
"Somebody's in a foul mood," Phantomjaw commented without looking up.
"I don't need you getting on my case right now, brother," Steeljaw snarled, making his way over to his own berth. "I just lost my temper for supposedly no reason in front of everyone and now I'm positive they'll all be flocking over here to bombard me with questions!"
"I'm pretty sure it will just be your group that bothers you."
"What did I just say?"
"Not to get on your case."
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"Are you even listening?" Steeljaw asked, realizing that his words were falling on deaf ears.
"Sort of," Phantomjaw replied nonchalantly. He was too focused on the task at hand to fully pay attention.
Steeljaw raised an optical ridge and stared at his brother. His gaze shifted to the other's data pad.
"What is on there that's got you so preoccupied?"
"The job."
Phantomjaw answered a little too quickly for Steeljaw's liking, but he retained a straight face, so discerning anything in that split second was impossible.
"Fine, whatever," Steeljaw huffed, knowing better than to press Phantomjaw for answers.
Eventually, Phantomjaw shut his data pad off and placed it in his subspace. He turned to sit with his legs and tail tip hanging over the side of his berth, gaze trained on Steeljaw.
"So, anything you want to get off your chassis before..." Phantomjaw started, but was cut-off when the door to the room slid open, revealing the four bots the brothers were expecting. "Ah, nevermind."
"Sorry to intrude, you guys, but we need to talk to Steeljaw," Bumblebee said.
"We know." The brothers responded in unison, startling their guests.
"You..."
"Know, yes, we do!" Steeljaw snapped, turning his back on the others.
Phantomjaw circulated his vents and walked over to Steeljaw. He kneeled down and wrapped his arms and tail around him. Feeling comforted by the familiar presence of his brother, Steeljaw leaned into the embrace, not caring how they looked in front of the others.
"If you need me, I'll be right outside, okay? I'm not leaving you alone again," Phantomjaw whispered.
"Thank you, brother, but I can take things from here," Steeljaw whispered back.
Phantomjaw smiled and, albeit reluctantly, released Steeljaw from his hold. He headed straight for the door, and the group of bots standing by it. The four filed in to allow the black and white Lupicon to exit.
"Well, this is nice, the five of us, back together, again," Knockout mused, attempting to lighten the mood of the room. Starscream face-palmed at his friend's stupidity.
"Knockout, seriously?" Bumblebee vented.
"What?"
"We're here about something serious. Not that I don't admire you keeping a positive attitude, but now is not the time!"
"Now is not the time to be positive?"
"That's not what I'm saying!"
"Are you here to annoy me?" Steeljaw interrupted. He already knew why they were here, but he couldn't help asking. "In case you couldn't tell, I'm not in the mood."
"We've noticed," Starscream commented. "So, are you going to tell us what's wrong with you?"
"Preferably starting with whatever triggered you to blow up during Screamer's terrible attempts at flirting," Knockout added.
"Yes... WAIT, WHAT? KNOCKOUT!"
It quickly went downhill from there. Knockout and Starscream are at each other's throats, again, and Bumblebee is desperately trying to separate them. Moonracer is unsure of what she should do first: help Bumblebee, or attend to Steeljaw.
Shut up. All of you, just shut up. Please.
The constant fighting, the secret love, it all reminds Steeljaw of his life before now. Before Earth, before the Alchemor, another time. Another place. Another life. A life nobody else knows about except for Phantomjaw, and now, in order to get everyone off his back, to get them to stop worrying about him, Steeljaw is going to have to tell them about what he holds so near and dear to his spark. Or rather, who he holds so near and dear to his spark.
Steeljaw comes to the realization that that's something he is not ready for just yet.
They don't have to know about him, right? I mean, I'm sure I can get by without mentioning him. The only one who does know is Moonracer, kind of. She stopped searching for more information after I got mad at her that first time, but there's no way she completely dropped the subject altogether. And, of course, I can't forget about the night Knockout and I spent talking in my room before the Star Seekers...
His thoughts ended there as memory files of his time with the pirates, specifically Thundertron, emerged to plague his processor. Steeljaw wrapped his arms and tail around his frame and curled into a protective ball, struggling to keep a hold of himself as recent, less than savory sights flashed before his optics. Following his emotional shift, the once quarreling mechs settled down and turned to Steeljaw, set off by the sudden, ominous change.
"Steeljaw?" Bumblebee said, concerned, as both him and Moonracer cautiously approached their team-mate. Knockout and Starscream stayed a few paces behind them.
"Hey, Steeljaw, are you okay? Steeljaw?"
But he couldn't answer, as he was locked in one of his memory files, reliving something he wished he never experienced.
Flashback – beginning
"Alright, in ya go!"
Steeljaw stumbled over his pedes as he was shoved inside the Chamber. The room consisted of dark walls, minimal lighting, and filled to the brim with chains and torture devices.
"Don't need these right now," Thundertron said from behind Steeljaw. He felt the pressure around his servos release after the Captain removed his shackles. "Better?"
"Do I even want to know why you're acting so weird around me?" Steeljaw replied, flexing his freed claws in front of himself. Much to his relief, they appeared perfectly fine.
But his relief was short-lived when his arms were grabbed and he was forced against the wall.
"I thought I already expressed my interest in you, little Lupicon," Thundertron growled. Steeljaw ignored the Captain's words as he squirmed within their grasp, attempting to alleviate some of the pressure. "Escape is pointless."
"Sorry for trying," Steeljaw snarled, letting his displeasure be known. He bit back a howl of pain as Thundertron gave a sudden, tight squeeze, denting the plating underneath.
"However, that doesn't mean I will be merciful with you, not if you step out of line. Now, how about we have a little fun before those two idiots are done with your friends?"
"They aren't my friends."
Thundertron raised an optical ridge.
"No? The yellow and black one seemed to think otherwise."
"He's an Autobot. What do you expect?"
"And you're a Decepticon! Your factions are enemies! I don't see how he could care for you."
A grin slowly forms upon Thundertron's faceplate, unsettling Steeljaw.
"Unless..."
In a single swift yet rough motion, Steeljaw is lifted off the floor by Thundertron. The Captain presses against his captive, keeping him pinned between his frame and the Chamber's wall.
"I don't suppose he's the jealous type?"
Steeljaw struggled to get away from the intimate touches that were reserved for one mech and one mech only. That mech isn't Bumblebee, and it sure as hell isn't Thudnertron, but there is no way Steeljaw will ever admit it. Wherever his special mech is, Steeljaw is adamant about keeping his identity a secret. No matter what, he will always protect his love.
That said, Steeljaw doesn't appreciate being branded as Bumblebee's play thing.
"He doesn't want any part of me, and I don't want any part of him!" Steeljaw argued, leveraging his claws against Thudnertron's frame and trying to push him away.
"Really?" Thundertron questioned, pausing in his non-consensual advances. He scanned the smaller frame before him, searching for something. "You have a lover?"
Steeljaw was stunned. He should've expected this question to come, but was still surprised when it was voiced.
It took a moment for Steeljaw to find his own voice.
"No."
Which was fifty percent true, fifty percent false. He was in love, still is, but never had the chance to go through with the bonding ritual.
"Doesn't really matter, anyway..."
Thundertron suddenly tossed his captive to the floor. Steeljaw barely had a moment to comprehend what was happening before a heavy weight settled atop him.
"I haven't had a good frag session in a while, and with the way you're built..."
Thundertron kneed Steeljaw in the back, denting more of his plating as he kept him pinned in place. Steeljaw bit back another howl of pain. It not only hurt, but it was super uncomfortable. He whimpered as Thundertron leaned over him, increasing the pressure. One of the Captain's servos grabbed his waist, while the other hooked his lower jaw, forcing him to look up.
"I'm sure it will be one Pit of an experience."
Unsure of what to do in this situation, other than not breaking, Steeljaw begrudgingly resigned himself to being a subordinate.
It was a quickie, as Brimstone and Cannonball arrived not much later.
Until then, Thundertron was going at it non-stop, and he was far from gentle.
Flashback – end
"Steeljaw, come on, snap out of it!" Bumblebee pleaded.
"What's wrong with him now?" Starscream asked.
"I don't know. Moonracer?"
The femme didn't need to be told twice. She sat in front of Steeljaw and started looking him over. Only while watching his former apprentice at work did Knockout notice an abnormality.
"What's this?"
Knockout reached forward and brushed his digits against a dent in the armor.
Big mistake.
Steeljaw instantly rounded on Knockout and attacked him.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"Steeljaw, wait! It's me, Knockout! Don't kill me! Please!"
Fortunately for Knockout, the bad memory had completed its run and returned to whatever dark depths it was supposed to be locked away in.
"Knockout?" Steeljaw rasped, still in a bit of a daze.
"I think I'm gonna stop giving you check-ups," Knockout jokes.
"Sorry."
"Eh, it's alright. The paint job is still a mess from earlier, anyway."
Steeljaw huffed, somewhat amused by the red medic's response. He got off of Knockout and helped him to his pedes.
"Uh, maybe you should remain sitting down," Knockout mentioned.
"Why?" Steeljaw questioned.
"Because you're shaking, a lot."
It was only then that Steeljaw realized how unstable he felt.
"Good idea."
Keeping a steady hold on Knockout, Steeljaw lowered himself to the floor, settling himself in the same position he was in when the others first arrived. Sensing everyone's optics on him, sensing the tension about to burst, Steeljaw decided to finally talk to them.
"I'm sorry for lashing out at you, Knockout, but that dent comes with a bad memory."
"What kind of bad memory?" Bumblebee inquired, taking a seat beside Steeljaw. The flash of fear that crossed those piercing yellow optics struck a chord with the others.
"Steeljaw, what happened?" Moonracer asked.
Silence.
"It was back with the Star Seekers. Thundertron brought me to this room they call the Chamber. When we arrived, he freed me, temporarily. He let me have my moment before grabbing me and holding me against the wall. Then he started asking all these questions about my relationships, and I refused to tell him anything. I didn't realize what was happening until he got busy with me. Turns out, it didn't matter what I said. He would still do what he did and take pleasure out of it."
Silence.
Bumblebee lunged at Steeljaw and dragged him into a tight, emotional embrace.
"I am so sorry, Steeljaw," Bumblebee apologized, sounding as distraught as he looked. "We didn't know that happened to you."
"Not like you could've done anything," Steeljaw said.
"But I promised that I would protect you no matter what! You shouldn't have had to go through that. If only..."
Steeljaw growled and pushed Bumblebee away, holding him at arm's length.
"Don't give me that 'if only' scrap, Lieutenant! There was nothing any of us could have done at the time, so stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over! We survived that place. Isn't that enough for you?"
"Not if you're still hurting!"
Steeljaw didn't know how to respond to that.
"So..." Moonracer trailed, rubbing her arm to calm her nerves. "Not trying to ignore what happened to you, as it was horrible, but the mention of your relationships has got me thinking about, well, you know."
"I do, and you have my permission to talk freely about it," Steeljaw relented, expecting Moonracer to jump at the chance while she has it.
The femme, however, appeared unsure of whether she should continue or not, but was beaten to the punch by the only other one who had an inkling of what might be going on in the romance department.
"Wait, so Moonracer knows about your secret crush, too?" Knockout blurted out. Everyone except Steeljaw looked at him like he just said something surprising.
"I mentioned 'em a couple times when we talked, but I never went into detail," Steeljaw explained, to which, Knockout scoffed in disbelief.
"When did Steeljaw mention him to you?" Moonracer asked.
"Uh..." Knockout trailed awkwardly.
"He came to see me one night to talk, and he unsuccessfully tried to get information out of me," Steeljaw answered without going into specifics about that specific night. Knockout passed him a grateful look for the discretion in his wording.
"Sounds about right," Moonracer shrugged off.
"Hey!" Knockout exclaimed, then swerved around to face Starscream. "Don't you say anything, Screamer!"
"Why would I need to?" Starscream chuckled. "You're already getting yourself in enough trouble as is!"
"Can we please get back on track?" Bumblebee interrupted. Once the others settled down, Bumblebee turned his attention back to Steeljaw. "So, anything else you want to tell us?"
"No, not really, and don't bother asking Phantomjaw because he's sworn to secrecy!" Steeljaw answered, his tone leaving no room for argument.
Unfortunately, yet unsurprisingly, his relationships seemed to be the only thing everyone wanted to know about. No matter how hard they push, or how sly they think they are being, Steeljaw can see right through their tricks. Just like with Thundertron, he refused to talk about him.
The thought of him not being there with Steeljaw, by his side, making memories, enjoying each other's company...
He didn't want to think about it more than he had to.
"Steeljaw?" Moonracer asked, her soft tone carrying volumes.
"Hm?"
"I know you don't want to talk about the past, especially the parts that we aren't privy to, but..."
Moonracer kneeled right in front of Steeljaw and reached out, planting a gentle servo on his shoulder plate.
"Can you at least give us a reason as to why you won't talk about it?"
Steeljaw had to resist the urge to lash out and say It's personal! Because while it is indeed personal, that isn't much of an answer, and he's already given Moonracer the cold shoulder on the subject. He promised to give her a more suitable answer if the need ever arose, and now, that time has finally come.
After a few minutes of uninterrupted contemplation, Steeljaw settles on a suitable answer.
"It was a long time ago, and due to circumstances, I couldn't return to my group, so he helped me escape, but in order to keep each other safe, we had to part ways."
The memories of that day came flooding back.
"That was the last time we..."
Steeljaw took a shaky vent, struggling to keep himself together...
"That we saw each other."
But just like with his brother, he failed.