I couldn't wait to be my own boss so I could make my own schedule and have people working for me. It's going to happen soon. Zac was sleeping so peaceful I tired to wake him but he didn't budge. I left a note and headed into work.
While I was headed into the office Dr. Reid called and scheduled a last minute session with my mother. As much as I wasn't in the right headspace for this session I said I'll be there. I just hope this won't be a waste of my time. I already had enough going on with trying to finish school I didn't need any more drama.
As I was walking in the building I seen Angela from a far. I hurried up and got to the elevator and pressed the up button. I tried to act like I didn't see her to hold the elevator open. The door closed not today satan. I normally don't close my office door but today I closed it.
Phong Ringing
Zac: Hey bae I missed you this morning
Fatima: I tried to wake you but you wouldn't budge
Zac: Everything okay you sound off
Fatima: I just got a lot on my mind and I just don't want to let this stuff take over my whole day.
Zac: Anything I can help with?
Fatima: Unless you can make some people disappear then you can't help me.
Zac: People like who?
Fatima: Angela, my momma. I'm just trying to finish school so that can be one less thing I have to worry about.
Zac: Well try not to let them dictate how your day is going to go set boundaries if you need to.
Fatima: I'm trying babe, Dr. Reid called and scheduled a session tonight for me and my mom.
Zac: Oh, well don't think the worse just yet it may go great.
Fatima: You met my mother are we talking about the same women. The same woman who judged you before getting to know you.
Zac: Yes, as you would tell me go into it with an open mind. And if it still doesn't work at least you tried.
Fatima: You're right babe thank you I needed to hear that. Well let me get off here since I have an uninvited guest at my door.
Zac: Okay stay calm and call me if you need me.
Fatima: Okay bye
Come in
Angela: Hey girl am I interrupting anything?
Fatima: I was on the phone with Zac.
Angela. I called you and texted you yesterday.
Fatima: I know I turned my phone off. I had to study with no distractions.
Angela: Time are you still mad about this weekend?
Fatima: I'm not mad I'm just over the whole situation. I'm tired of explaining myself and being ambushed about something I didn't cause.
Angela: You're mad to the point of no forgiving?
Fatima: Yes, I have every right to be. If tables were reversed and she did this shit to you, you would feel some type of way. So no I don't forgive her and at this point I don't want to talk about it anymore. I have work to do.
Angela: Wow, I'm sorry that you feel that way.
Fatima: No you don't Angela you just feel conflicted because you are trying to be a friend to both of us without making someone feel left out. So you don't have to include me in on anything that will be attached to Belinda. I'm DONE!
Now if you can please excuse yourself I have work to do.
Angela: Okay bye
Angela knew I was right that's why she didn't say anything back. In what world is it okay to pull what Belinda did and think that I was going to be okay with it. I've put up with her crap for far too long not anymore.
My stomach was in knots all day thinking about this session. I really hope it went well for the sake of our relationship.
Dr.Reid's Office
Dr. Reid: Glad to have you back Fatima sorry for the short notice your mother wasn't the easiest to persuade.
Fatima: Tell me about it
Dr. Reid: Are you nervous
Fatima: I am can you tell?
Dr. Reid: I can tell you are very tensed, just try to relax and take some deep breaths. I'll go get you some water
Fatima: Thank you, while he stepped out I texted Zac to let him know I was at Dr.Reids and I would call him once I was done.
Dr.Reid and my mother walked in at the same time.
Dr. Reid: Look who I found in the waiting area, since we are all here I won't waste any of your time lets get started.
Dr. Reid: Mrs.Wilson do you know why you're here?
Mrs.Wilson: No not really
Dr. Reid: Okay how do you feel like your relationship is with your daughter.
Mrs:Wilson: It's not great but it could be better.
Dr: Ried: Do you feel like you are partially to blame for some of the issues that you both are dealing with.
Mrs. Wilson: No
She really had the nerve to say no with a straight face.
Fatima: So who would be the blame. Me?
Mrs. Wilson: I didn't say that but I do feel as if you pushed me away.
Fatima: Me pushed you away.? You're the parent you didn't make any effort to be in my life but I'm the blame.
My mother didn't come back in the picture until she was married. She left me with my grandmother to raise me. My father was in my life up until she came back in the picture.
Dr. Reid: Is there any truth to this?
Mrs. Wilson: Yes, I was young and I thought sending her to live with my mother at the time was the best decision. A decision that I am now being blamed for.
Fatima: No one is blaming you. You showed up out the blue disrupting my life expecting me to call this man dad just because you married him. You didn't even want me around you just wanted me there so you could look good. You wanted to portray this one big happy family look but we were far from that.
Mrs: Wilson: That is not true and how dare you when he helped raise you.
Fatima: I didn't ask him to, I had my own dad that was still in the picture until you came back.
Mrs.Wilson: You will not disrespect me I am still your mother.
Fatima: I am not trying to be disrespectful I'm only stating how I feel. This is where we run into problems. I am not allowed to state how I feel, like I am a child and have no say.
Dr. Reid: Do you understand where your daughter is coming from? From what I gather you were in and out of her life. She had stable people that were taking care of her but you came and took all that away. You pushed your needs and wants off onto your daughter without asking her what does she want.
Mrs. Wilson: That's not how I see it
Fatima: See my point exactly (throwing her hands up in the air)
Dr. Reid: Do you know what happened to Fatima's father?
Mrs. Wilson: (she started stuttering) I can't say that I do
Fatima: I feel like she's lying, she hated our relationship and nothing he ever did was good enough for her. She didn't give him a chance she knocked him down every chance she got.
Mrs. Wilson: He didn't deserve me ( throwing her head back and folding her arms like the entitled person that she is)
Dr. Reid: But what about what Fatima wanted and needed? That shouldn't have been your decision
Mrs: Wilson: I was the adult so I made the decision. Why do I feel like I am being put on triall?
Dr.Reid: We are not trying to make you feel like the bad guy. I am trying to help Fatima be able to move forward in life and this has been one of the struggles that's been holding her back.
Mrs: Wilson: Well I don't have nothing to do with that. No one told her to pick the thug that she is with now. He's just like her dad you know. (Trying to convince Dr. Reid)
Fatima: Really, how would you know when you didn't even try to get to know him. And you know what really hurts the most grandma was more than a mother to me than you would ever be. When all I ever wanted was to be loved by my mother.
Tears slowly trickled down Fatima's face as much as she tired to stay strong this was a soft spot for her. She always had to be strong and have tough skin but on the inside she was really broken.
Dr. Reid: Your daughter is hurting and we were hoping to see if we could resolve this dark cloud over her head. But she can't do it on her own.
Mrs: Wilson: I did't come here to be blamed for everything so when you decide to take some fault then we can talk.
She stormed out of the room like a child that didn't get their way. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. As a child I didn't have the option to stay away, but as an adult I made the decision to stay away because my mother kept a dark cloud over her.
Dr. Reid: I'm sorry Fatima, I was hoping this was going to go better.
Fatima: Thank you , we tried right
Dr. Reid: Let me know if you want to give her some time then try again.
Fatima: No it's okay she has to want to change and take some accountability.
Dr. Reid: Okay let me know if you change your mind.
Fatima: I won't
I sat in my car and just cried, I don't know what I did to even deserve this from my own mother. She sees no fault and no wrong. It's all my fault like I asked to be here. I just laid my head on the steering wheel asking God to guide my next steps and give me the strength to move on from this situation.
Dr. Reid must have seen me crying in my car and called Zac because Zac was pulling up beside my car. Unlocking the door so he could get in the car with me. He didn't say anything he just hugged me and let me cry in his arms.
Zac: I guess the session didn't go great?
Fatima: (sniffling and wiping the tears from her face) No, she felt like we were ambushing her. And Lord forbid me express how I feel without being disrespectful. I can't do this anymore. I can't continue to allow her to make me feel like I did something wrong. And she showed me today that she will always put someone above me her own daughter.
Zac: I'm sorry, I really wanted this to go well for you and her.
Fatima: Me too.
Zac: You should have called me though so I could be here for you. I'm always going to be here to support you just like you're there for me. Don't worry I got you.
Fatima: I didn't want break down in front of you
Zac: You know it's okay to show your vulnerable side, you don't have to tough around me. I want you to let me in and not shut me out.
Fatima: I know I need to work on that.
Zac: And just as you're working on that I will work on not shutting down when I am dealing with things too. How does that sound?
Fatima: I like it, it's a start. Can we go home now?
Zac: Yes, are you okay to drive?
Fatima: Yes
Zac: Okay I will follow behind you
Fatima: Thanks for everything babe
Zac: No need to thank me just know that I got you. I really mean that
Fatima: I know you do.
Sometimes we tend to hold on to things that keep us stuck in the same place forever. It's only when you realize you deserve better you break free from what has a hold on you. At least I can say I tried.