IF only he could evaporate and disappear like a bubble, Xibel might already have said goodbye to the world. He didn't get any sleep because of panic attacks. The touch of that woman and the crowds of people staring at his eyes molded his fear into a knocking ghost. It was disgusting. Not to mention, when he got inside his house, he immediately vomited.
And just when he was about to fall asleep, Imris came knocking on his door. It was already dawn and she wanted to eat.
Wala siyang ibang nagawa kundi ang bumangon at lumabas ng kuwarto. Tinawag niya rin si Arator upang utusan itong magluto.
Ang akala niya'y makakatulog na siyang muli pagkatapos kumain ni Imris pero ginambala naman siya nito upang maglaro kasama si Elia. Isa sa paborito nito ay ang habulan na pinakaayaw naman niya sa lahat.
"Can I fly?" walang-lakas niyang sabi pagkatapos bumababa galing sa third floor. Napahawak siya sa magkabila niyang tuhod habang hinahabol ang paghinga. Wala pa ngang sampung minuto pero hinihingal na siya.
"No cheating, Papa!" sagot ni Imris sa kaniya habang nakasakay kay Elia.
Tinuro niya ang oso. "Aren't you cheating as well?"
"No one said I can't ride Elia!" She stuck her tongue out.
Sinamaan naman niya ito ng tingin. "That's unfair."
Why was he even fighting with a child? Why was he listening to her in the first place when he could've fly whenever he wanted to? Well, simply because he didn't want her to sulk. It was guaranteed Imris would not talk to him if he ever broke the no flying tuke she implemented.
Tumawa lang ito at nagsimula nang tumakbo si Elia papuntang kusina. Siya naman ay hinahabol pa ang sariling hininga.
Natapos ang buong araw na wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi ikutin ang bawat sulok ng bahay na animo'y isang inspektor. Bukod sa habulan, naglaro din sila ng tagu-taguan. Sino ang taya? Malamang ay siya.
"Enough, Imris. Let's take a break for a while," ani niya. Umupo siya sa mahabang upuan.
Kaagad namang tumabi sa Imris sa kaniya. "Papa, you look pale."
"And you look like a peasant." Marahan niyang pinitik ang noo nito. "Go inside your room and change."
"But I want to play more! Let's play, Papa!" Hinila nito ang kaniyang braso pero hindi siya gumalaw.
Pagod na pagod na siya. Wala nang natitirang katiting na enerhiya para makipaglaro pa ulit sa bata. If only he knew this was how tiring to raise a child, he would have ignored Imris on the first day he saw her.
"Papa, sige na!" pamimilit nito habang patuloy pa ring hinihila ang braso. Pilit siya nitong pinapatayo. "Imris wants to go outside."
His drained energy tripled when he heard the word "outside". Outside means encountering people. He had not yet recovered from the situation yesterday and now he would see the world again? No. Not a chance. He would not get out for the whole month!
"Stone will come with you. Let's wait for him to come back." He ordered Stone to find an orphanage near a sea cost. The images from the extent of his gift's showed a body of water, so Imris might have been from a family who lived beside the sea.
Gamit ang isang kamay, inabot niya ang maliit na pakete sa kaniyang sutana. Kumuha siya ng isang sigarilyo at sinindihan ito gamit ang kapangyarihan.
Ilang araw na ring hindi siya nakapagyosi dulot ng pagiging abala niya kay Imris.
Isang malalim na hininga ang binitiwan niya habang 'di pinapansin ang katabi na pilit pa ring hinihila ang kaniyang braso.
"Sige na, Papa. Lumabas tayo!"
He inhaled on his cigarette and still didn't listen. Doon lang siya napalingon nang marinig itong umubo.
"Are you okay?"
Tinuro nito ang kaniyang sigarilyo. "Smoke! Imris don't like smoke."
Tatayo na sana siya para lumayo kay Imris pero bigla namang dumating si Elia. Dinaganan nito ang kaniyang mga paa at doon natulog. Napahilot na lang siya sa kaniyang sintido bago pinatay ang sigarilyo.
That was his last hope of relieving himself from all this exhaustion. Now, he had to throw it away for Imris.
"You silly little human. You better not turn your back on me when you grow older." Muli siyang sumandal sa likod ng upuan.
"Let's go outside, Papa!"
"No."
"Please?"
"Not a chance, Imris."
"But Imris is bored!"
Mabilis na napamulagat ang kaniyang mga mata at nilingon si Imris. "Of all everything we have done today, you're still bored?"
Tumango-tango ito. "Let's go outside."
"Where do we go? To the playground again?"
"Nope. Papa doesn't like that place." Umiling ito. "Imris is scared too. Many people will show up again."
His gaze softened as he watched her impression turned into a worrisome young. What happened yesterday didn't just affect him but Imris as well. And he hated that he wasn't able to prevent her from feeling this way.
"You're too young to worry about other people. And you're too young to carry that fear." He patted her head. "That will never happen again, Imris. I will never let that happen again, so don't be afraid, okay?"
Ngumiti naman ito at tumango. "Okay!"
Nagtaka siya nang bigla itong tumalon pababa ng sofa at alisin si Elia sa kaniyang paa. Pagkatapos, hinawakan nito ang kaniyang kamay. "Let's go, Papa."
"Where?"
"Outside."
"I didn't say I agreed." Binawi niya ang kamay.
Napasimangot naman ito dahil sa kaniyang ginawa. "You said people will not come again. Why Papa still don't want to go out?"
"It's because I . . ." Your father is a coward. It was because he was afraid. He didn't want to go out and meet the eyes of the humans in this dimension. Even after all that panic and overthinking last night, he was still in the midst of dealing his nervous heart.
Mariin siyang napapikit nang magsimula na namang manginig ang kaniyang mga kamay. Damn panic again, it was all repeating. Kaagad siyang tumayo para umalis. He didn't want Imris seeing him this way.
Tatalikod na sana siya pero inabot nito ang kaniyang kamay. Napalingon siya. "Imris, not today--"
"Papa, Imris will protect you too, okay?" Bigla siya nitong niyakap dahilan para matigilan siya. "Don't be afraid, Papa."
And there, a huge wave flushed his chest. It stopped all his worn down emotion. He was ready to suffer yet he was suddenly saved. He never heard those words from anyone, and he didn't expect to hear those from a child. A child who knew nothing of his life and of his tragedies. Was he too obvious that she noticed?
He looked up to prevent the waters out from his eyes. Why was he suddenly felt weak? Why couldn't he keep himself from feeling vulnerable? It was maybe because deep down, his wounds were waiting to hear those words.
He glanced at the kid. Touching her head, he let out a bitter smile on his face. "You knew nothing about my pain, child. How are you certain I was scared?"
Humiwalay naman ito sa kaniya. Nagtaka siya dahil salubong ang mga kilay nito. Bigla nitong tinuro ang kaniyang mukha. "Your face is not okay!"
"My face had never been fine." He chuckled. Lumuhod siya upang pantayan ito. Dahil sa ginawa ni Imris, tuluyang umatras ang mga emosyong muntik na naman siyang kainin. Tuluyang nawala ang kaniyang panginginig. "I owe you one. Let's go out."
Kaagad na nagningning sa tuwa ang mukha nito at mabilis pa sa umagang hinila siya nito papunta sa pintuan.
"Calm down. Let's change your clothes first." He snapped his finger, and right then, Imris clothes turned into a black floral dress. Nagsuot din siya ng cloak.
Hinawakan niya ang kamay nito at sabay silang lumabas. Bumungad sa kanila ang patulog ng araw. Napatigil siya sa paglalakad upang pagmasdan saglit ang naninilaw na kalangitan.
He did see this in his House Spot but never in Fictosa. Once the sun sets in the Holy Heavens, the clouds and the sacred castle would turn into shades of apricot. The day vanished, the night appeared, and all the saints would gather for a prayer. A prayer for the goodness of the world.
"Papa, do you like the sky?"
"I liked them once."
He let out a small smile as he continued to walk. It was surprising that the street was quiet. Only a few voices he could hear inside his head, and they were all quite far from them.
"Papa."
"Hmm?"
"When will I get a backpack?"
"A what?" Nilingon niya ito.
Hinarap naman siya nito. Tinuro nito ang sariling likod. "Backpack. For school, Papa! Mama Hester told me before I can now go to school."
"School . . ." he muttered. Bigla niyang naalala ang sinabi ni Arator sa kaniya no'ng nakaraan. Napahilot siya sa kaniyang ilong dahil tuluyan itong nawala sa isipan niya dulot ng mga pangyayari.
"Do you want to go to school?"
Mabilis itong tumango. "Imris wants to dance!"
"Dance?" Pinilig niya ang kaniyang ulo. Pumasok sa kaniyang utak ang mga batang nakausap niya dati no'ng siya'y hindi pa tinapon ng kalangitan. "Is that your dream?"
"Yes!" patalon nitong sagot.
May idudugtong pa ito subalit hindi natapos ang sasabihin nang may biglang tumawag dito.
"Ella?"
Sabay silang napalingon sa babaeng lumapit. Kumunot ang kaniyang noo nang makilala ito. Isa ang babae sa mga nangangalaga sa orphanage. Pero kahit ni isang beses, hindi nito sinaktan si Imris.
"Mama Lisa!" Tumakbo papalapit si Imris at sinalubong ito ng yakap.
Mabilis naman nitong tinugon ng babaeng nagngangalang Lisa. Bakas sa mukha nito ang pagngungulila sa bata.
"Where have you been, Ella? I've been looking for you." Humiwalay ito sa yakap at hinawakan ang magkabila nitong pisngi.
"I'm with Papa!" Tinuro siya ni Imris kaya napasunod ang tingin ng babae. Napasingkit ang mga mata nito dahil hindi nito maaninag ang kaniyang mukha.
"Uh, may I know who you are, sir?" tanong nito. "Bakit kasama mo si Ella?"
Hindi niya pinansin ang babae at tinawag ang bata. "Come here, Imris. Let's go back."
Tatakbo na sana papalapit si Imris sa kaniya ngunit pinigilan ito ni Lisa. Hinawakan nito ang braso ng bata. "No, you're not coming with him. At para sabihin ko sa 'yo, sir. Hindi Imris ang pangalan niya. She is Ella."
"Papa gave me a new name, Mama Lisa. He said Imris suits me more!" matingkad ang mga ngiting sagot ni Imris.
"Let her go, woman. She's not coming with you." Naglakad siya papalapit at hinawakan ang kabilang braso ni Imris. Ang akala niya'y bibitiwan na ito ng babae pero nagulat siya nang higpitan lang nito ang pagkakahawak.
"You can't just take her away from us, sir. Ella is from the orphanage. If you want to adopt her, you need to go into a process."
"I don't care. She's coming with me." Hindi niya rin binitiwan ang bata. Hinila niya ito papalapit sa kaniya.
"Hindi nga puwede, sir. Kung hindi ka titigil, tatawag ako ng pulis. Ella needs to go back to the orphanage!" Ayaw nitong magpatalo at pilit na hinihila si Imris sa kaniya.
Impit na napasigaw si Imris dahil sa ginawa nila kaya kaagad niyang niluwagan ang pagkakahawak sa braso nito ngunit hindi niya pa rin ito binitiwan. Pinangako niya sa sariling hinding-hindi na niya ibabalik pa si Imris doon.
"An irresponsible woman like you have no right to bring Imris to that poor orphanage. You can't even feed her well. She's better off without you." Xibel wanted to push the woman away but the intense disgust kept him from doing it. Hindi niya kakayaning hawakan ito.
Right then, a sudden loud, shouting voice rang inside his head making him turn to the left direction. May paparating.
Namilog ang kaniyang mga mata nang makilala kung sino ito.
"What's going on here?" tanong ng babaeng kararating lang. Kahit natatakpan ang mga mata nito, namumukhaan niya pa rin ang babae. Sa mahaba nitong buhok na nakatali at tindig nitong animo'y siya ang nagmamay-ari sa mundo, alam na niya kung sino ito.
It was the woman who caused ruckus yesterday. The woman who touched him many times and made him vomit.
Another disgusting creature. Curses! Why are there so many women in the world? Curse them all!
"Can you both let go of the child? You're hurting her."
Napabitiw silang dalawa.
"She's trying to take this child, ma'am," sagot ni Lisa.
Kumunot naman ang noo nito. "But that is his daughter."
Umiling ang babae. "Ella is an orphan. She belongs to our orphanage."
Napalingon naman sa kaniya ang babae, gulat ang mga mata. "Is that true?"
Ignoring her, he looked away. He got no reason to talk to her.
"Hey, can you answer me?" She clapped her hand right in front of his face, making his forehead creased.
"What on earth are you doing?"
"Getting your attention. Now, is that true? You stole this kid from the orphanage?" Nilingon nito si Lisa. "Oh, and by the way, may I know what's the name of the orphanage?"
"It's Light Orphange, ma'am."
Hindi naman sumagot ang babae at nag-isip. Ilang saglit pa ay bigla siya nitong nilingon. Tinanggal nito ang suot-suot sa mga mata dahilan upang makita niya ang kulay abo nitong mga mata. "If you want to adopt the child, you can follow the process."
Hindi pa rin siya sumagot. Wala siyang alam sa sinasabi nitong proseso.
"Or maybe you don't know anything about adoption?" mahinang saad nito habang nakatingin pa rin sa kaniya na para bang pinag-aaralan siya. Ilang saglit ay nilingon nito si Lisa. "I've never heard about the Light Orphanage. Since when did it was established?"
"Ilang taon na rin po, ma'am. It was Hester who built the orphanage, but unfortunately, two years ago, our sponsor withdrew one by one." Napayuko ito. "Naubusan po kami ng funds. We tried to do fundraising but the money is barely enough to sustain us. Ngayon na biglang nawala si Hester at iniwan kami, lalong naghihirap ang orphanage."
"I see." Napatango naman ang babae. She put her fingers under her chin and glanced at him again. Then she looked at Imris. "Where do you want to go, kid?"
"Papa! I want Papa!" Tinuro siya ni Imris. Kinabahan siya sa tanong ng babae pero napahinga naman kaagad siya nang maluwag dahil sa isinagot ni Imris.
"Okay." Ngumiti ito. Nilapat nito ang kamay sa ulo ni Imris bago nilingon si Lisa. "I'll adopt the child."
"What?!" Namilog ang kaniyang mga mata matapos iyong narinig. Tumaas ang kaniyang boses dulot ng pagkagulat. Kaagad siyang umangal. "Imris is mine!"
"She is yours, but you can't keep her by your side if you are not going to do something about the adoption, so I'll do it myself," paliwanag nito sa mababang boses bago binalik ang tingin kay Lisa. May kinuha ito sa bulsa na maliit na card at inabot sa babae. "I'll sponsor the Light Orphanage. I will provide anything you need, in exchange that while we are still in the process of adoption, you will allow Imris to stay with us."
"But--"
"You don't have enough money to raise this child nor give her what she wants if she stays in that orphanage again. It's much better if she stays with us."
Bakas sa mukha nito ang pagdadalawang-isip. Nag-aalala ito para kay Imris ngunit dahil alam niyang higit na mas kailangan ng orphanage ang tulong, hindi niya kaagad mabitiwan ang offer ng babae.
Ilang saglit pa bago ito nagsalitang muli.
"W-Will you take care of her?"
Ngumiti si Jasia. "We will."