CARRIE AND CRYSTAL SIT across from each other on the tile floor of the bathroom, Carrie painting her sister's nails. While she would do it any time, today this was for something special — it was Crystal's 16th birthday.
The day had been planned for a few weeks now. Her birthday fell on a Saturday, so she would get to spend the day with her mom and her brother and sister as she always loved. Then that evening, Charlie would take her out for dinner, and they'd come back for dessert — said dessert being Crystal's favorite chocolate cake, only mastered by Carrie who had a true baker's touch. Now she was getting ready for the date, and she needed some help from her big sister.
First off was what to wear, and she had decided to wear one of Carrie's more casual dresses. It was red with a black lace over it (unknowingly, Crystal had picked similarly to her winter formal dress), but it only went to her mid-thigh and was tighter, the waistline just under the bust. The red nail polish that Carrie was applying would match perfectly.
"Is Charlie handsome?" Crystal asks, trying to get to know her boyfriend more before he arrived. She was feeling nervous, knowing that having a boyfriend, going on a date, and being 16 all meant she was a big girl now. Only was she ready? She wasn't sure.
"Yes, he is. You've seen his picture." Carrie responds almost slyly. "You did spend about 20 minutes on just his page this morning."
"I wanted to make sure I knew his face!"
"Sure..." She rolls her eyes a little, smirking at her sister's lies.
"And you're sure Chrissy and mommy aren't making him do this?"
"Crystal..." she sighs, "trust me, the last thing Chris wanted was for you two to be together. It was you and Charlie loving each other that did it, nothing else."
"Chris isn't making him take me on a date? I don't see why a normal boy like Charlie would want to take me out, let alone for my birthday."
"You know that's not true. Charlie has been planning this for weeks... I find it kind of cringy but you can be the judge of that. I'm just happy you two are happy."
Carrie hadn't been happy in months. Though she was emotionally moved on from Cole, she remained damaged and entranced from the situation. The act she had played faded. She hardly spoke now, afraid that nonsense like her fears of being alone forever would spew out and she'd be unable to stop.
When Crystal was dressed, heels on her feet, she happily made her way into the kitchen, wanting to talk to Chris before it was time to go. Of course she had spent a lot of time with him already that day, but she could never have enough. He was happy to talk with her however long she wanted, knowing it wouldn't be long as she came over and sat down on his lap.
"Thank you so much for letting Charlie take me to dinner, Chris!" She gets her arms around him for a hug. "I'm gonna have so much fun, then we get to come back and Carrie is gonna have the cake done!"
"Hold on a second." Chris stops it all. "Stand up?"
Crystal obeys, unsure of what he's looking for until she realizes it's the dress. "I borrowed from Carrie, see?"
All Chris saw was that she looked 20. And he didn't like that too much, considering she was still a baby and was going on a date.
"It's a little short."
"Chris, let the girl live!" Carrie comes in the kitchen, beelining for the cake in the fridge. "It's her birthday."
"She's going on a date with a boy, I simply don't think this is suitable."
"Chrissy!" Crystal is frustrated by Chris's claims.
But it was already too late. Charlie was coming through the door — she couldn't change now!
"Happy birthday, Crystal." Charlie smiles as his attention finds her in the room.
"Thank you Charlie! I'm so excited!" She goes to him overflowing with energy, desperately wanting a hug and a kiss. Chris tried to act disgusted with it, but knowing Crystal was happy made that hard. Sure he was a little worried about her choice in dress, but he didn't have to be because Charlie was responsible and would take care of her.
"Alright Chris, what time do you want her back by?"
Chris snaps to attention, glancing at the clock — it said 6:00. "How about 8:00? Birthday girl shouldn't stay up too late, and we all know how hyped she gets on sugar."
"Sounds good to me. Get a jacket, it's a little breezy." Charlie turns his attention to Crystal, knowing she'll freeze if there was a mere gust of air in the dress she was wearing.
"I don't need one, I'm alright." She insists.
"...Are you just saying that because you want mine?"
"Maybe." She giggles. Charlie just rolls his eyes a little, quickly surrendering his jacket and setting it over her shoulders.
Once they reached the car, Charlie finally felt like he could look at her without being judged. Crystal was always beautiful, but today that appeared to be exceedingly true. It wasn't just the dress, or her slightly bambi-esque walk since she was adjusting to the heels, she just radiated something she didn't always — confidence. That was what made her more beautiful than ever.
"You are just breathtaking, Crystal." Charlie takes a moment to look at her before driving, reaching out to hold her hand.
"Oh this dress? It's Carrie's from Kmart!"
Oh Crystal, he thinks as they laugh, only you could bring a guy to his knees in a Kmart dress.
As Carrie had explained, Charlie had been planning this for weeks, closer to a month. He didn't know what to do with her for a special day like this, so that was most of the battle. That, and his gift for her, but that was going to come later. For now, he was taking them to a diner, albeit not Mickey's because he didn't want to be supervised by his mother, but another he was familiar with — The Band Box. He knew better than to try to take Crystal somewhere nicer, as she still ate like a picky child. He preferred her taste though, he didn't need anything fancier than that.
They got a booth, perfect for the two of them because the place was small. As they came in, he made sure to ask the waitress discreetly for a kids menu. He played it off like it was because the waitress saw they were kids as to not embarrass Crystal, and she was none the wiser. They soon had their orders in and were left to their own devices.
"Did you have a nice day?"
"Yeah. But I was mostly waiting for this." She explains. "My mom was overly emotional because I'm growing up, which meant she wasn't up to much. But I got to open all my presents!"
"What did you get?"
"My mom got me two new pairs of jeans, and she put Alf patches on one of them. She said I had a pair that was getting beat... I don't know why I'd have pants with Alf on them if I'm a big girl."
"Because you love Alf! It's okay to like what you like. And it is a great show, so..."
"You're right. You have very good opinions!"
The two laugh before Crystal continues, eyes sparkling.
"Carrie got me a new Trapper Keeper for my Atlantis research, and Chris got me tapes of Storm Front by Billy Joel and John Mellencamp's Scarecrow album. They always know just what I like."
"They do, those are great gifts for you — I'm glad you at least liked those. I have a gift for you too, I left it in the car."
"Really? You didn't have to! You're already taking me to dinner!"
"No, I did. You deserve it."
"Aww, thank you so much."
Seeing her so happy even before he gave her the gift was all he needed to feel like he did a good job. Perching her head on her hands, Crystal smiles gleefully as she looks at Charlie, wanting to familiarize herself with him as much as she could. To her, he was just so perfect, but she knew boys didn't like to hear that how girls did, so she kept the comment to herself.
"What do you like to do for fun, Charlie?" She's swinging her feet like a little kid by then.
"Well, you know I play hockey. Otherwise I kinda just hang around with you, or I play board games with my mom."
"You are just too cute. Too sweet, too."
"Oh stop..."
"I dunno what I ever did to deserve a guy like you."
"You didn't have to do anything to deserve me. I just kept following you until you gave in." He chuckles. "And now I have you, no more chasing."
"You are so sweet!"
"You keep calling me 'cute' and 'sweet,' why not 'handsome' or 'dashing?'" He teases.
"Well, I thought everybody else already told you those things. I guess not...."
As she speaks, Crystal slowly drags the toe of her heel up against Charlie's ankle to the end of his pant leg. It wasn't something she had a reason for doing, she just did it. But Charlie knew it was her way of affirming that she thought he was every overly masculine thing he wanted to hear.
"Crystal, are you playing footsie?" He feels odd for asking a question he already knew the answer to, but he wanted to see what she thought.
"Y-yeah," her perfect little laugh fills his ears, "is that a problem?"
"No, I think it's cute. And a little silly."
"I can be very, very silly."
"You are just about the funniest person I know, so I must say I agree."
"C'mon, you must be kidding."
"I'm not." He takes her hands from across the table, holding them together in his. "You have this tendency to, I don't know, invalidate yourself? You question things a lot which is understandable because of what you've been through, but sometimes I catch you doing it when you know it's true. I would never lie to you about these things."
"I'm sorry!"
"No, don't be sorry, I just want you to know you don't have to be on guard with me. The world is a big, scary place, I can't imagine what that feels like to you, but I want to care for you; to protect you always. It's beautiful, this love we have. It's the kind where it runs so deep and so old that you don't know where it comes from, you just know that it makes sense and that it's all you need."
As she listened to his words, pondering for the next few moments after, Crystal rubs over the lines in Charlie's palms, tracing around his fingers gently. She was at a loss for words, not knowing what to make of this declaration of the deepness of his love.
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything, I just want to know you understand."
"I do." Her lip quivers — she doesn't want to cry, she was really happy. "I love you so much that my heart pounds when I talk to you. And I get kinda dizzy, and when you kiss me my head gets all fuzzy. Does that happen to you?"
"Most of the time. You know that saying 'they go weak in the knees?' It's literal, I feel that when I'm with you sometimes."
As Charlie and Crystal leave the Band Box, Charlie observes that the time on his watch is only 7:30. It was a five minute drive home, which meant they could spend a bit more time together on their own, which Charlie always enjoyed. The time would be useful, as he wanted to give his gift to her when they were out so it could be just the two of them. When they get in the car, he gets the small package from the glovebox.
"Oh, you want me to open my present?" Crystal suggests before she can put her seatbelt on. "You really didn't have to."
"Well, I wanted to. But yeah, open it."
She takes it from his hands, unwrapping it carefully. It was the shape of a cassette tape, so she could only assume that was what it was, but upon turning it around, she noticed it was blank, his handwriting on the side with the simple inscription "because I love you."
Charlie had spent about two weeks back and forth between the library and the record store, searching for specific songs to put together a tape for Crystal. The problem was that Crystal's musical knowledge ended in 1990, which meant none of it was on the radio for him to record off of. He had to find the tape, play it, and use his clunky old tape recorder to record the original tape. And being that he had some specific songs in mind, he had to do a lot of digging. That meant that the tape, albeit a very small gift, was truly a labor of love. He didn't like half the songs on it, but he knew she would, and that was what mattered to him.
"Charlie..."
"Go on, read over the songs."
As she does, the smile only grows wider on her lips. "You really know just what I like."
The list was as follows:
1. Stuck With You, Huey Lewis and The News
2. Summer Nights (because Crystal had been obsessed with Grease since before she could talk).
3. Jack & Diane, John Mellencamp
4. Head Over Heels, Tears for Fears
5. All I Want Is You, U2
6. Can't Fight This Feeling, REO Speedwagon
7. Be My Baby, The Ronettes (because of Crystal's love for Dirty Dancing when it came out).
8. Prove It All Night, Bruce Springsteen
9. Glory of Love, Peter Cetera (they had watched The Karate Kid part II together too many times to not include it).
10. Please Forgive Me, Bryan Adams
Crystal slides across the bench seat to give Charlie a hug first, not wanting to let go as per usual. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever have what we do."
He can't help but kiss her, he could see she needed it. But she wouldn't let go.
She sets the tape behind her and before she can move up into his lap, Charlie does it for her to ensure it is done in a suitable way. He tugs her up so her legs are across his, Crystal sitting on his right leg. She still stuck close to him, his arms circling her waist. He was utterly entranced by her eyes, entrenched by her presence because she was all he could see. The spell was only momentarily broken by Crystal's precious giggle.
"What's funny?" Charlie asks.
"You read my mind."
"Hm, did I really?"
"Yeah. You're very, very smart, so it doesn't surprise me."
He only knows to blush at her compliment. "Well let me see if I can prove that I can read your mind." He shifts his hand up her back and forward to hold her cheek, speaking just a bit quieter. "You want me to kiss you again, but you want it to be different."
Crystal just nods, too meek to speak. She flips her hair so it doesn't all fall in Charlie's face, it sits off to one side, perfectly exposing her neck.
That was what Charlie had been thinking about intensely for the last few moments, even before she shifted her hair. He wanted to love on her differently than before, and it didn't seem that he had many options. But after all, he was told nothing below the neck — her neck would still be suitable, right?
"I didn't hear a 'yes,' sweetheart."
"Yes, y-you read my mind. You're right."
"That's so good." He gives her a kiss on the cheek as her prize. "Now I must say, your poor little neck looks cold."
"It is, Charlie." She seems to understand what he's getting at.
"That's so unfortunate... would it feel better if I kissed you there?"
"Yes." She looks in his eyes. "I just wouldn't have anything to do while you do that."
"You're the birthday girl, you just relax and enjoy it. Or you tell me if you don't like it, that's okay too."
"Okay."
He starts with a few quick ones to test the water, feeling her smile against the side of his head told him he could continue on. Soon her hand found the back of his head, urging him to go forth. Before he knows what he's doing, there's a hickey on her neck, and Crystal lets out a sigh that can only be described as heavenly. Charlie hovers there for a moment, pondering his actions and feeling drunk from how wrapped up he had been in all this. Did it feel wrong? Absolutely. But it also felt so fucking right, kissing her and being able to say the mark was something he had done to her, for her. There was a sort of accomplishment he felt about it.
"Is everything alright, Charlie? Was I not supposed to do that?" She speaks in reference to the sigh that, the more Charlie thought about it, sounded like a moan.
"No, you're absolutely fine." He pulls back from her, finding himself vaguely dizzy with his heart pounding as he gazes up at her. "Has anybody ever told you that you have the prettiest eyes in the world?"
"Maybe not the world..." She smirks. "Okay I actually wanna kiss now so I'm gonna kiss you."
Charlie briefly mutters an "okay" and she goes in for it. Trapped in his feelings again, he knows nothing had ever felt more right than them together this close; the way she held onto his shoulders like she needed a grip made him weak, made him forget she was any different.
They get lost in the world of making out for a while, but Charlie doesn't let himself get too far off course. After all, he had to make sure he was treating Crystal like the fragile glass figure she was — one wrong move, he could have ruined it all. Still, he isn't so deep in thought that he loses the moment. In fact, when he notices Crystal's dress riding up her thighs, he makes a point of tugging the hem back down again. She pulls back, looking to her lap and wondering why he'd done what he did. She hadn't felt a thing, but he had managed to see and correct it.
"Your dress was riding up. 'Didn't want to see something I shouldn't." Charlie tells with a smile, hoping the explanation would be enough for her. A sincere smile could convince her of anything.
"I don't mind. You'd only be seeing my underwear, and I wouldn't care if you did." She shrugs.
"Well that just wouldn't be right. It's against our rules."
"Chris isn't here, we can break them all we want and he'll never have to know."
Crystal's understanding of "the rules" was a more sanitized version than Charlie's. Before she could go out alone with him, Chris would explain that some things are okay and some are not, and that Charlie knows what they are. Chris also adds that if he does something he should not, she should tell him as soon as she gets home. But she had no idea that what they had done today was testing the waters — it didn't make her uncomfortable in the slightest.
"I don't want to break the rules." Because if I did, Chris would murder me or I'd want to gauge my eyes out, Charlie seems to yell in his head. Even without breaking the rules, he'd found himself in too deep — seeing just a glimpse of her upper thigh made him feel things that scared him. If he had seen any more of her, he wasn't sure he'd have the power to tell her he couldn't be with her that way.
"Okay." She smiles like nothing happened. "What time is it?"
He checks his watch. "7:50 — about time to go."
"Aww man!" Crystal gives him one last kiss before she gets off his lap, snuggling to his arm as he starts to drive and flipping the custom cassette over and over in her hands. I'm the luckiest girl in the world, she thinks, he likes kisses as much as I do, and snuggles, and he's funny... and he's really hot.
That evening, after all the chaos of singing "happy birthday" and enjoying Carrie's masterful chocolate cake (as well as Charlie explaining to Carrie that Crystal has an easily unnoticeable hickey and he would very much appreciate if she didn't let anybody else find out), it comes time for Charlie to go home. He's standing in the kitchen with Crystal as Chris and Carrie catch the latest episode of The Pretender, holding her in his arms as if to shield her from the mildly scary and intense show. She's been clingy ever since they got back, and now that she was finally tired, she didn't want to let go. By this point he has tried to introduce the idea of her going off to bed and himself leaving, but she won't have it.
"You're sure you have to go?" She whines in a more mature way than usual.
"Mhm."
"Positive?"
"Yes."
"How can you be so sure when you haven't even asked Chrissy?"
"Chris and my mother share the same beliefs about boyfriends and girlfriends sleeping over — always a 'no.'"
"Well why can't you sleep over as my best friend?"
He just smiles at her innocence. "Dating kind of trumps the friendship card entirely, sweetheart."
She sighs, hiding her face for a second before looking back at him once more. "...I'm being very clingy, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, but I do have to leave tonight."
"Could you stay until I fall asleep?" She asks with a seemingly urgent look on her face. He wasn't sure if Chris would mind or not, but the expression of alarm in her eyes told him this might be a time where he can't care about what Chris would think.
"Sure."
Within a few minutes, Crystal was changed into her pajamas and otherwise ready for bed as she returned to her bedroom, Charlie sitting on her bed and waiting patiently. She appears even more tired than five minutes ago, but still displays a slight sense of distress. Charlie pulls back her blankets as she gets under them, aiding her in getting comfortable.
"Can you, um..."
"Are you asking me to get in with you?"
"Yes."
"Alright, move over."
He shuts the door almost entirely, flipping the light-switch so it was all dark except for the night light Charlie had plugged in while she was gone. Getting in beside her, Crystal tells him how she wants to be held without speaking at all. She has her head by his heart, a hand loosely holding his shoulder and her other over his arm. While he didn't want to upset her, he did want to ask if she was okay considering how nervous she had seemed.
"You're nervous about something. Can you tell me?"
She ponders for a minute, rubbing her thumb in circles on his arm. "I... well, on my birthday, I get a little sad that my dad isn't here. 'Cause he's never been here, never even met me — my mom didn't want me to know but I do. And Chris was talking about him today and thinking I couldn't hear, about how he hit her, how he told her if she tried to leave that he'd kill them. But then he up and left her anyway..."
Well, that was a more intense version of the story than what Charlie had been told, though not by much. No wonder Crystal was so nervous, those details made her life feel like a lie.
"I'm so sorry, that must be really scary. And it makes me sad to know he's never met you, because you deserve a father, and you're among the most amazing people in this world."
"I'm worried he'll come hurt me, Charlie. That's why I don't want you to leave." The strength of her voice falters deeply, her speech broken but intelligible as she started to cry. "Why didn't my daddy want me? Why did I make him leave?"
Hearing her say that was enough to break his heart, and it hit him in an already raw nerve.
When he was her age (and by her age, he means 10), he had struggled to cope with the absence of his father and a lack of transparency about it from his mother. Like Donna, Casey had tried to keep the truth from Charlie as long as possible, telling him a sanitized version of the story — that his father wasn't very nice to her and that they left him when he was three. When he was 10 he got to spend a week with his paternal grandparents, whom he hadn't seen since he was seven, and he overheard some pieces of the puzzle that finally made it all come together. He's never brought up the story as he understands it to his mother, only having implied to her that he knows there's more than what she was telling him, so there's no way to know exactly how much of the story he knew.
He knew his mother met his father, Jimmy, in high school, but what he hadn't known until the visit was that he was eight years older than her, and already a budding mobster in what was called "the Minneapolis Combination." Jimmy got Casey pregnant intentionally (as in poking-holes-in-the-condoms intentionally) as a means of trapping her after high school — she couldn't run off to college and leave him behind now. Though by this point Casey was starting to figure out something was off with Jimmy, he switched his tune to compensate. Considering his financial situation and his excitement to be having a son, she brushed off her concerns as pregnancy-fueled. Not to mention it was just mob culture for a wife to turn a blind eye to criminal activity. Of course she didn't know the extent of his actions, but if he didn't mention it, she wouldn't.
She married him, and Charlie was born, and all of a sudden Jimmy was gone more and more often. When he was around, he was great — he always wanted to see how his little boy was doing; to hold him, feed him, change him. But when Charlie was put to bed, the drunken arguments would start with both parties intoxicated, and objects would be thrown. They'd eventually cool down and make up, swearing to never go that far again, but they never kept the promise.
The straw that broke the camel's back came just after Charlie turned three. Jimmy wasn't giving Casey enough money to support them despite having the funds, and the last time he came back, he attempted to run off for good and take Charlie with him. He didn't get too far before Charlie told him he had to "go potty" and he turned around, realizing he couldn't run from the mob and the feds with a toddler, no matter how much he wanted to take his son along. Upon his return, he got into a fight with Casey and threw her against the wall. Things had gotten physical with them before, but never like that, never more than throwing objects or the occasional slap.
After the conflict was resolved for the night and Jimmy was asleep, she took Charlie in a hurry for fear he would wake up and showed up on Donna's doorstep in the Minnesota snow — no coat, clothes, or money, and her sleeping son in nothing but a pair of footie pajamas. Casey felt like such a bad mom, a failed mother, but the decision she made was the only one she had. A few days later Jimmy was arrested for a murder, as well as several convenience store robberies and attempts to bribe police officers. He got 20 years in the can; he was serving year 13 as Charlie thought about it now.
Until he knew the truth, he wondered why his dad never cared to see him or write to him. Charlie used to write him letters and walk them all the way to the post office drop box outside his apartment complex before realizing he didn't know where his father was and where to address the envelope. He had felt that deep sense of inadequacy like Crystal had expressed, and to some extent he still did — it stung like you just stubbed your toe. But what he had come to realize was that whatever happened was not his fault. People could tell you that all they want, but there has to come a moment where you see it for yourself. Crystal hadn't seen it, and she would probably never get to.
He wished his experiences would give him any idea of what to say, but all he knew was that no comfort from anybody else would stop those deeply stirred feelings. What he could help hinder, however, was her fears of him coming to get her.
"You didn't do anything wrong, I promise you didn't make him leave. He's not going to hurt you. That's why I'm here, and you have Chris, and your mom and Carrie... won't even be able to get to you, 'cause you've got me right here."
When she calms (and he doesn't rush her on that), the room goes quiet. "I love you so much, Charlie."
"And I love you more." He kisses her a final time, rubbing her back. "Get some rest, I'm right here."
When Charlie had managed to weasel his way out of a deeply asleep Crystal's clutches, he knows he should go right home since it's getting late. He was upset, and the silence of the night only amplified his feelings. His head was alive with this feeling of guilt, one he must have absorbed from Crystal, who was radiating it. He realized that if he had never been born, his mother could have gotten away. She could have become a writer like she always wanted, met and married someone nicer, perhaps have a son that she deserved more than him, a daughter too.
Of course Casey always told him that he was the best thing to ever happen to her, that the universe knew she needed him just as much as he needed a mom, but sometimes it just felt like jargon from a Hallmark card. Sadly, the only thing that made him feel a bit better was knowing his father wanted him, even if he was a terrible, abusive person and a criminal. He knew he was lucky for that, that a little kid like Crystal deserves to have a father know them and love them, even if it isn't for very long.
Before Charlie goes off to his room, he finds himself looking at the only picture of him and his father that his mother displays in the house, sitting on the wall outside the bathroom. He couldn't fathom how a child could be as small as he was, secure in his father's arms just minutes after he came into the world. More so, he couldn't fathom how a father who already had small children could know that someone so precious and small — someone he took a part in creating — was waiting to meet him, and just decide to up and leave and never look back. Casey catches him in his thoughts, looking at the picture and wondering where it all went wrong.
"Missing your dad?" She tries to ask as kindly as she can, never wanting to upset him.
"No, I'm thinking about Crystal's dad. I don't know how someone could do what he did to her, to all of them."
"I know." She gets her arms around her son, hoping the comfort will help him somewhat. "Though you know my feelings about your dad, I can always appreciate that he wanted you and loved you. So many fathers don't want that."
"Yeah, he wanted me so bad he knocked you up behind your back. Perfect father to have loved me — to love me he had to hurt you."
"Having you didn't hurt me. It was your father being a gangster that did. I was just too young to know better."
"If you didn't have to have me, your life would be a lot different. Better, probably."
"Charlie..."
He knows better than to say everything he was thinking to his mom, especially since it was right before bed. Instead, he shifts his focus back to Crystal and her feelings.
"Crystal lives every day knowing her father didn't love her enough to see her born. She told me, and she was so upset... I know it's normal to feel how she does at her age, but it hurts to watch. She's still so little, mom. She's never gonna grow out of it and get the clarity I have."
"I'm sorry, honey. You're a very strong boy, doing what you do for her."
"I'm not strong, I just roll with the punches." He breaks from her, walking toward his room but stopping at his door frame. "Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"For future reference, where is Crystal's father?"
"We don't know. Miss Donna never figured it out."
Abruptly, he turns around. His mother had tells when she lied — she was trying to hide something.
"So you do know."
"...Donna doesn't know, but I do. And her parents know, they told me."
"Then where is he?"
"Well, keep in mind this was seven or eight years ago."
"Okay, so?"
"He's in St. Cloud."
"St. Cloud? The asshole's an hour away, and he's never bothered to see his damn kids? I can't believe this sh-"
"Charlie, he's buried there. John died."
He was floored. If John was dead, wouldn't Miss Donna want to know? Wouldn't Miss Donna want to make sure her daughter knew that her father couldn't come and hurt her any longer?
"How?"
"Brain cancer."
The anger only stirred stronger inside of him. Not only did John Nelson abuse his wife, threaten violence on her and her young children, and leave before the birth of his third child, throwing Donna to the wolves, he was the shit stain in Crystal's genetics. His godawful genes passed nothing to her but predisposition to brain cancer; cancer that struck her before she could even reach middle school. Even without ever meeting her, her father had destroyed her life as she knew it.
"Miss Donna had told me that if I ever heard anything, I shouldn't share it with her. I knew she couldn't handle hearing it even if she wanted to, but she didn't want to." Casey tries to explain.
"She just didn't want to know? Does she know that he's the reason why her daughter had cancer and now can't remember anything new?"
"No."
"Mom, of all people, I did not expect you to be complicit in this!"
"Charlie, I'm sorry, but there's still a lot you don't know about all this. Believe me, she wouldn't be able to handle it now, just like she wouldn't have been able to handle it eight years ago."
"...There's no point in being mad now when I can be mad for the rest of my life. Just be glad that I'll wake up tomorrow remembering every part of today, some people aren't so lucky, and I think you're forgetting that."
He slams the door, leaving Casey in the silence.
She had never given what she did much of a second thought. It was one thing to respect somebody's wishes, and another to deprive them of the truth that may be hard to hear. She wasn't sure what to make of her actions, even if they had all come from a good place. For the rest of the night, she sat with a cup of tea and the picture of Jimmy holding Charlie taken off the wall. She tried to imagine how Crystal must feel each day; how much Chris does for her because Donna "simply can't;" how her son could look at her for just a moment and she could feel the bond.
The only conclusion that Casey can come up with is that she knows absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. She's along for the ride just the same as anyone else.
❛ ━━･❪ ♖ ❫ ･━━ ❜
riles' atlantis research log
6129 words
so this is a big sucker and i don't know how or why because i wasn't planning it this way.
would you believe me if i told you i wasn't planning for charlie's father to ever really come up? i'm sorry for the damage.
ok but crystal generally had a great birthday, i'm happy for her. and i swear the mixtape was supposed to have more significance than it did but i don't know what i'm forgetting.
"apocalypse" was my song choice for this chapter because i couldn't stop thinking about charlie and crystal with these lyrics: "sharing all your secrets with each other since you were kids/sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you clutched in your fist." bc that's so them. ugh and i had a part i cut bc it wasn't working about how charlie is the keeper of her memories in a way since he remembers and she can't, and he's also like her keeper in that he tells her things she should know when she needs to hear them. and thinking of that with that lyric has killed me. it probably doesn't make any sense the way i'm saying it but it makes sense to me.
the title of this chapter is a reworking of one of my favorite bruce springsteen song lyrics, from "the river:" "is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse?" became "the lie of a dream." there were a lot of songs competing for to be the song of this chapter lol, others being bruce's song "independence day" and "eyes without a face" by billy idol.
anything with crystal and her father makes me want to cry. and knowing he's dead makes me happy but i also wanna spit on his grave. and why they don't tell donna? i don't know that we'll ever fully know why. i also want to make it clear that he abandoned them and had been off for years before he died, it wasn't right away. crystal was born in 1980 and he was gone by then, but he died in '88.
the make-out scene was supposed to be the showpiece of the chapter but now it feels forgettable. nonetheless enjoy it because it's hot.
i think there's seven chapters from here, including the epilogue. if this was sad to you... i'm sorry. prepare yourself.
thank you so much for reading! comments and votes motivate me a lot so i really appreciate them :)