Every relationship has it's ups and downs but it's how you work through them together to overcome every obstacle. It felt like Zac and I were on a rollercoaster everything started off great but along the way came bumps and turns that we were not fully prepared for. Things did happen so fast but we both knew we were meant for each other and this was worth fighting for. So we are taking the necessary steps to better ourselves and our relationship.
I can admit that the dinner ambush with Dr Reid wasn't the best way to go about getting Zac to agree with therapy but it worked. Everything went downhill after dinner to the point we had to take a break. We got to the point where we were not listening and communicating with each other we were letting our emotions get the best of us. Not to mention outsiders didn't make it any better. After taking some time we both realized that we couldn't do this alone. I stated we could find another therapist but Zac actually agreed to go see Dr Reid. Once he put his pride aside he did say that no one has ever been able to get through to him and in the short amount of time he could relate to what Dr Reid was saying. Even though it was hard to hear Zac needed that.
I even needed to hear what he said about me because ya girl was in denial. It's always easy to point the finger at someone else to hide your own issues.
Work had me busy to the point I lost track of time. I had to send Zac a text so he wouldn't forget we had a session tonight with Dr Reid.
Text: Don't forget we have a 5pm session with Dr Reid, please be on time
Zac Text: Thanks for the reminder babe, I'll be there
I had a couple more things to finish up for Andi then I was done for the day. Speaking of Andi she came walking in my office
Andi: I feel like we've both been so busy we haven't been able to catch up.
Fatima: I know between work, school and taking care of home I haven't had much free time.
Andi: How has all that been going?
Fatima: It's actually been going great, we're getting through it together.
Andi: That's good to hear because I am rooting for you both.
Fatima: Thank you Andi, once I finish this last class we will definitely have to go celebrate.
Andi: Yes we do, I know you're going to do well you have been working so hard and it's going to pay off.
Fatima: Yes, I receive it all!
Andi: Well I am going to let you finish up so you can get out of here. I'll talk to you later
Fatima: Okay have a good night.
I finished up the last of my emails and paper work and headed out. I pulled up to Dr Reids office and Zac was already there.
Fatima: You beat me here
Zac: You know I had to be on time, I do not want any smoke from Dr Reid
Fatima: Come on you ready?
Zac: Yes, lets do this (clapping it up with Fatima our infamous hand shake)
Dr Reid: Come right on in make yourselves comfortable. So how have you both been since the last time we met.
We both looked at each other and said great
Dr. Reid: I am glad you both are back for another session I know we have been doing individual and couple sessions. I must say you two have been putting in the work and we are starting to see some things shift in a positive direction. Of course some things take more time but I am happy with your progress so far.
So I tasked both of you with an assignment last time you were to pick one situation that's holding you back from moving forward to where you want to be.
Who wants to go first?
Fatima: (raising her hand) I'll go first. I would say my relationship with my mom.I never fully dealt with it, I've tried to have conversations with her but they never ended good. I feel like she was there but she wasn't. I feel like she blamed me for all the hurt that my dad caused her. Because every time she looked at me she seen him no matter how good I was. It was always your daddy this and that. I had a great relationship with my father until he stopped coming around. I never knew why and I felt like my mom was to blame.
Dr Reid: Would you be open to sitting down with your mother and having a conversation about it?
Fatima: I would, but she would have to be honest with me. I'm not a little girl anymore and I feel like she can't push her insecurities and hurt off on me.
Dr Reid: What do you mean by that?
Fatima: Well, from the moment she meet Zac she judged him off of how he looked she even went as far as pulling up his records. And the first thing that came out of her mouth was your daddy was just like him and I raised you better than this. I felt like I was being scolded like a child when I am a grown adult that can make my own decisions. No Zac is not perfect but I love him.
Dr Reid: You have every right to feel the way you do. Some times as parents we don't realize how much of a burden we place on our kids. You don't owe her any explanation because you are not your dad and that is something that your mom is going to have to deal with on her own. And hopefully we can help close this chapter for you so that way you can move on and be the best you can be.
Not only will this help you with closure but you will have the truth since you feel like your mom is withholding things from you. As parents we want to protect out children but the very thing that we think we're protecting them from could cause even more damage in the long run because we withhold the truth.
Okay Zac your turn
Zac: (Clears his throat you could tell he was already emotional because his voice started to crack) Umm I would have to say my relationship with my mother as well. I really felt like damaged goods you know. She was never there she left me every chance she got. I seen so much stuff at a young age and that shit still haunts me. I am a grown man with Mommie issues.
The tears started to slowly fall down Zac's face, my heart ached for Zac because the little boy in him was screaming to be loved and it's taking over him to the point he can't move forward. I wiped the tears from his face and gently rubbed his back.
Zac: And I know this is something that I have to deal with but how when this very person is still doing the same thing. Do you know I took her to the store and she slipped out the back. I felt like I was 6 years old all over again. And I can't lie I still love my mother but whenever she's in my presence I become this hurt little boy looking for his mothers love.
Dr Reid: If your mother was sitting here now what would you want to tell her?
Zac: I would tell her that she hurt me in a way that no mother should hurt their kid. And she's still hurting me today. I have so much hurt and displaced anger because of her I let that follow me in every relationship that I've been in. I felt like I was never good enough, I felt like I didn't deserve love. And I have allowed it to beat me down to the point I started to believe it.
Dr Reid: So you've had all this bottled up for some time now and everything has resurfaced because your mom is back in the picture. And since you haven't dealt with your past trauma it is causing you to lash out and shut down.
Zac: Yes, I have taken my anger out on someone who didn't deserve it. The person closest to me became my punching bag when all she was trying to do was be there for me. And I nearly lost everything because I didn't know how to deal with it.
And I do owe Fatima an apology because she didn't cause this pain she was just trying to help.
(Turing and looking at Fatima) So I apologize
Dr Reid: Fatima do you accept Zac's apology?
Fatima: I do, and I want to apology too because I could have went about some things differently and communicated verses going behind Zac's back. We are a team and I didn't give him an option I just did what I thought was best.
Dr Reid: You both are taking accountability and seeing what areas you need to work on and that's a start. As long as you two are on the same page and communicating in a healthy manner you two can conquer anything together. If your foundation isn't right everything else will fail.
This is a start and what I want you both to do is release and let go of any hurt that is holding you back from becoming the you that you want to be. Because as you both can see you're both worthy of love and you can see that in what you both are building now. Don't allow your past to dictate your future you hold the key to your own happiness.
We will try to set up some individual sessions with the moms and see if we can get down to the bottom of the deep rooted pain.
I thank you both for your time, I will give you two a moment.
Fatima & Zac: Thank you Dr Reid. (he exits the room)
Taking Zac into my arms I'm sorry babe, he held me tight and cried.
Zac: I'm sorry too
Fatima: We will get through this together, I'm here for you
Zac: I know, I needed this
Fatima: We both needed this
I wiped away his tears, I will always be here to hold you down. I'm not going no where , we're in this thing for life.
A smile crossed his face
Zac: Zatima forever!
Fatima: Zatima forever, lets go home.