Deimos
I turn for the thousand time in the last hour, giving my back to Shaun who sighs as I decline his touch, his cold fingers reminding me of the cold of his hand on my neck. He lays on me, his added weight making me sigh in contempt as a few bones in my spine pop ever so gently, pressure being release from them.
"Well look at that, someone's crunchy." He murmurs making me chuckle halfheartedly, his humor not being lost despite the circumstances.
His arms position themselves in a way to keep his full weight from me, while also giving his hands free reign to ghost over my arms, the delicate touch making goosebumps appear.
Delicate touch.
'Those that hug you with malicious intent, and even kiss you with venom on their lips.'
I close my eyes trying to make the memory of his voice fade, Shaun's touch and voice being more welcomed than the insulting fingers and sentences of the ancient God of War. I focus on the steady rhythm his heartbeat makes on my back, the fast and calm thuds reminding me that all he said was fake.
Everyone hugs me, and none of them have pulled a knife to my back. Everyone kisses me in their way, and I yet have to fall with poison running in my bloodstream.
A liar, it's what he's always been.
But what did it mean, within me? Beside me? How can I kill him if he's not even here, that was only his vivid shadow. Vivid. He was here, he possessed my body and killed a good amount of innocents, because it's all he ever did, kill and hurt those that didn't deserve it. Humans were his favorite target.
Memories. How to burn them? How will I retake the old fever dream of getting rid of everyone inside my head? With the years the want of forgetting has been placed in the back burner, but now I need to get away from them, or in worst of cases leave the Creed.
But how to leave the only people that have showed me that forgiveness and second chances exist? How to break a promise sealed with blood? How do you cut ties with the man you always longed to have without hurting him?. How? How?. How!?.
Desmond, if only you were here. By the end, you were an expert on going through all these emotions, yours and those that didn't belong to this time. I could do with your guidance for the first time, brother.
Well of course he was an expert, he was stuck to the Animus day and night, he lived, breathed and ate the history of his ancestors.
The Animus.. could it.. could it help me? Could it take away all the voices and emotions I don't wish to have? Will showing the Creed what I once was help them understand me, or will it condemn me even more?.
Will Shaun still want to look me in the eyes when he sees what I did? Will Rebecca insult me again as she did once already? Will I loose William's fatherly warmth? Will I be able to evade death again, or will this be my final countdown?.
I turn my right hand and open it from the tight fist, the raised and old scar of my promise being imprinted on my skin. What do I do?. Shauns hand obstructs my view, coming up and cupping my hand with his, slender fingers playing with mine.
I shouldn't worry, there's nothing to fear. Because I have a family, one that actually cares. I have Shaun, who heavens know I cherish for being so gentle and patient. I have Rebecca, who went from being an annoyance to the sister I always longed to have. And William, who after many years turned into the worried father I never had, showing me that no quarrel will ever stand in the way of him staying on peoples' good side.
I don't worry.
"Shaun?." He hums, giving me a peck on the shoulder. I take it as a sign to continue.
"Does the Animus still work?." I know the answer to this question, I'm simply trying to find a way to bring this up.
His fingers stop momentarily, followed by a breath hitching in his throat.
"Yeah, just because we don't use it doesn't mean it's out of commission. Why?." His question has a hint of apprehension, which makes me get on my elbows, prompting the man to slide off from me to be able to sit properly.
"Is.. does something in specific needs to be done.. to use it?." He fixes his glasses, a habit he's got when he's skeptical of the situation.
"Uh, no. Just.. well, simply get in there and.. relax? Where are you going with this?." He scoots closer, the man surely getting ready to use his charm to make me back down from whatever plan I have cooking up.
I take a deep breath, not knowing how he'll react to my petition.
"I want—need—to use it." He takes a minute to blink slowly, my words making his brain stop working correctly.
"You 'need'? Why? What's wrong? Is it what happened?." A worried look overtakes his face, a million thoughts going through his head like a film.
"I have to. H—he.. said he's.. within me? I'm not sure what that means.. I want those voices to stop. I want this anger to leave me alone.. I've seen him since London, and I can't take it any longer, Shaun." I opt to keep many details out, not in the headspace to relieve any of it in words. He grabs my face in one hand, thumb going over my once again blind eye.
"So that voice was him.. is it really what you want, doll? Once in there, you'll relieve everything that ever happened, only Rebecca can pull you out." He asks, I look at him astonished, not imagining he would comply this easily.
"You're not mad that I'm asking this?." He scoffs, a childlike grin appearing on his face.
"I'm worried of how you'll react, but mad, no. If you say you need this, then we will do it together. I'll be right beside you all the time, I'll wait for you with open arms after every session." He kisses me frivolously a hidden passion surfacing in the moment.
I bite his bottom lip as we pull away, the man sighing and placing his forehead against mine.
"Don't do that." He remarks with closed eyes, prompting me to laugh and run my hand through his hair.
I pull back and look at the clock in the nightstand behind me.
11:13 am.
Hours have barely gone by since the events in the morning. I look back to my lover and ask the question of the hour.
"Can we start this today? The faster I end this, the better." He nods and smiles, kissing me and standing from the bed.
He puts on a shirt as well as his shoes, telling me to stay in my garments. I comply with the last, not wanting to change the comfortable attire, besides.. he's got more I can steal.
He opens the door and gives me a hand, which I strongly take as we exit the safety of our room. The halls are clean in comparison to this morning, where human remains were scattered all around the place. A few remaining assassins that roam the halls with red tear stricken faces hide from us as we come into view, the emotional damage I created in killing their friends and companions leaving a black mark.
No, I didn't create this, he did.
I repeat those words as we arrive to the research lab in no time, where the floor and even the wall is clean as well, the injury on my forehead also fading with the hours.
Shaun knocks on the door, the two solitary figures of our Mentor and analyst look back, a calm demeanor at my presence.
"How long until they too run away?." A shadow—his—, shadow appears beside the Animus, the tall frame of the ever angry god looming over the device like a predator.
I squeeze Shaun's hand while looking at my fathers spirit, the man looking to me as I remain locked into place.
"What's wrong?." My eyes don't leave his moving form, his figure parading around the closed space. Shaun looks around as well, probably finding nothing as he's not the one being tormented.
"Are you seeing him now?." He asks loudly, letting the team know that an otherworldly experience is happening with me.
"They will see your real face." His voice contorts several octaves as he laughs, Rebecca's long haired view coming in place.
"Dee, what's wrong sis? Shaun?." She touches my arm which prompts me to look at the pair, ignoring the ever still figure behind her.
"Becs, she wants to use the Animus. Don't ask, but it's the only way she's getting rid of Ares' specter. Ignore him, Dee, focus on us." He says, the woman's face tuning into a questionable look as she turns to look at William.
"Ah but.. wait, did you say 'ignore him'? Are you really seeing someone, Dee? If so this sounds like the Bleeding Effect.. but how? This is her first time in.. oh wait, fucking Abstergo tried to do this forcefully." I nod at her question, not trusting my voice at the moment. The pair guides me to the machine, Desmond's frame laying on it briefly clouding my vision.
"Do you think that it's because of it, Crane? From your observations, they were never able to access her memories." Asks William, the older man helping me to sit in the machine.
"No they didn't, but they still shoved her in there. They pried her brain trying to synchronize everything." She answers, trying to come up with a suitable cause.
"Hold on, how the bloody hell am I just finding this out, and also, Rebecca; if that happened—which you will explain later—, than the Effect took too long to take place, how long's it been? Three, four years? The Bleeding Effect takes place either days or weeks, sometimes months after prolonged sessions. And if they couldn't access anything, there's no reason for it to be as such." Shaun says while raising a finger, clearly annoyed that he's finding out about this now.
"How long have you been having these visions?." William asks, the man going stoic, a hint of worry on his voice.
"Since London." I answer the same thing I said to Shaun, Rebecca running her fingers in her eyes.
"A whole year? And you didn't say anything? Why?." I wring my hands as Ares laughs, his satisfaction that I'm being questioned being palpable.
"Well there's no way for me to say 'hi, yes, I'm having visions of a man long dead' is there? Look, I need to do this, Becs. I won't live like this, with him looming over my shoulder. I want to know how to get him away, how to get rid of everything the old world left me." She sighs and looks at Shaun and William, both men nodding and shrugging, a defeated and wary look on her face.
"If she wants this, then she will. We'll find a way to get rid of everything, kid. We will. When do you want to start?." Bill asks, determination in his features.
"Right now. The sooner, the better." I ignore his 'kid' comment, feeling grateful that he's trying to calm me with words.
He walks towards Rebecca, plugging the Animus' monitors, the ones that'll check my vitals as well as allow the team to watch my memories. The female gets her belongings ready, sitting at the head of the machine I'm sitting at now.
"All right then, get comfortable, it's gonna be a wild ride. If we see anything wrong with your vitals, we'll pull you out. No buts, whines or no's. We can't risk you going into a panic attack while your brain is highly active and your body is unconscious. Since this is the first time opening your memories, we'll stick to short sessions until you're able to get used to everything and hold longer. Also because the more time you spend in there—and with these visions already going on—the greater the risk of a major, possibly permanent Bleeding Effect. Basically, you'll end up like Galina but you'll be a Godly edition." Shaun mutters an 'oh my God' making Rebecca and I laugh, her humor making me more assured of what's to come.
"Also, remember that everything you'll see already happened. None of it is real anymore. Just breathe deeply, if you lag behind on the memories, we'll put a pause to them." I nod as I bring my head back, falling perfectly on the headrest with all the gadgets to monitor my brain activity encircling my head.
William closes the doors to the room to make the session private while Shaun places two sticky pads on my chest, wires going behind the machine, while another smaller device sits in my index finger, a heart monitor coming to life behind me.
The brunette sits beside me, a calm look on his features.
"Είμαι εδώ για σένα, Θεά μου. Εδώ είμαι." He whispers in Greek, making my heart flutter in admiration. [I'm here for you, my Goddess. I'm right here.]
"Alright, Dee. Everything will turn white, and soon images will start to appear. Session starts in three, two, one.." Rebecca says, Shaun's face disappearing from view shortly after her countdown ends.
I take a deep breath just like the female told me to. Getting ready to tackle the beast that has followed me for thousands of years.
Time to let them burn.