Jordyn
"Oi, Link, bring that back. The foods gonna burn!" I yell at Link as she runs away with my flippers. You know, the things that flip the stuff on the barbecue? That's what I call them anyway.
"Aw, you're no fun." my sixteen year old daughter pouts as she hands them back to me.
"I know. Food is nearly ready, though." I shrug.
Link gets quite mischievous when she's hungry. She likes to take things and run away with them. Her girlfriend finds it very amusing.
"I'm hungry, Mama." she whines as she leans into me. She's getting taller by the day.
"I know. Go get everyone. Food is done."
Link literally sprints back into the house to get everyone outside for food.
We invited a few people over. Link's best friend, Sergeant, who is ironically a Cadet Staff Sergeant in my contingent, Link's girlfriend and her parents, Harry's crush but otherwise friend, Emily, Harley's best friend, Sammy, and Chelsea's best friend, Chloe.
I just wanted that busy atmosphere. It's definitely something you grow to miss when you have eleven sisters and two hyperactive Mothers. Not to mention the extended family too.
Link comes back out and the first person I see besides her is Chelsea, my stunning wife who's eyes hold so much love and passion. Especially for her writing. I love her writing and have read all eight of her books front to back, in order, at least three times. My love for this woman has only grown in the last sixteen or so years we've been together. She's my everything and the reason I come home everyday from work. She brings a smile to my face whenever she looks at me with those gorgeous eyes and breath-taking smile. The cute little dimples that show when she does so. It makes me want to get her to smile forever, just to look at those adorable dips in her cheeks. I love to run my fingers through her soft blonde hair and I love to kiss her sensitive neck, her soft lips are my favourite, however. This woman makes me crazy. Crazy in love...
"Amser cinio, Mama!" Link reminds me in Welsh.
"What did she just say?" Emily asks.
"Dinner time, she's hungry." Harry informs her interest. Emily nods as she sits down at the table.
It's a fairly nice day out, so we are eating outside today. The gorgeous June whether blessing my skin with a beautiful tan.
"Yes, Link. I know, it's ready now. You can calm down." I tell my daughter as she sits down next to her girlfriend, who holds all of her emotions in her dark brown eyes. You can see the love she has for Link. You can see the love Link has for her. It makes me want to cuddle with my wife and tell her how much I love her but my stomach growls loudly, embarrassing me beyond capacity.
I serve up food for everyone, all chinwagging as I do so. Link and Sergeant mainly joke between themselves, but Link will alternate between Sergeant and her girlfriend, keeping them both happy. She's so thoughtful.
I talk with Chloe as Chelsea talks with the twins and their friends. Link's girlfriend's parents mainly keeping to themselves.
"Wow, Captain Rogerstone-Montgumery, this is so good!" Emily says with a biteful of burger in her mouth. For some reason, Harry and Harley are very intent on their friends calling me Captain instead of Mrs, it's cute but not necessary.
"Thanks, Em."
"It's really good." she nods as she takes another bite.
"It's cute how they call you Captain." Chloe chuckles.
"I know. The twins always tell their friends to call me that. They say it because they're proud and that I deserve to be respected in my rank."
"They are the sweetest things though."
"What about me, Auntie Chloe?" Link pouts.
"You too, kiddo." she chuckles.
Link is happy with that and she goes back to talking between Sergeant and Selene.
Link was promoted, again, to Cadet Sergeant Major. Her next rank will be Cadet RSM, which stands for Really Scary Monster.
I'm only joking. It actually stands for Regimental Sergeant Major. But Link can be very scary. She's a very good leader though.
I watch as Chelsea starts to speak with Selene's parents, Erin and Jae, and I watch as the three women converse about women stuff. Harry and Emily talk between themselves and if I didn't know any better, I'd say that Emily likes Harry back. But who am I to know? Harley and Sammy laugh with each other and I hope that their friendship will last a long time, because they're both turning into really good people.
"Captain, are you alright?" Sergeant asks.
"Yes, I'm fine." I smile at my daughters best friend. She's also a really good Cadet. Her uniform is always on point and she never misses a deadline and is very punctual. She's a good instructor and I hope she carries on in her career because she, as well as Link, excel in the Cadet Force.
"You just seem quiet, is all." she nods. Link looks at me too, studying my face.
"Mama's usually quite quiet at dinner time." Link tells her.
"Yeah, and it drives me nuts. It always makes me think she's not okay." Chelsea adds.
Truth is, I'm quiet because eating reminds me of Michael Turner. The low-life firefighter who was always on my ass about my eating. I see him around quite a lot, even after I pretty much had sacked him for bullying and harassment because it turns out I wasn't the only one he was taking food from. Which is not cool.
But everytime I see him, I can hear the names and observations he made.
Fatty.
You're growing out a bit.
You eat too much.
You don't need to eat all of that.
I bet you are hungry, look at the size of you.
Woah, calm down.
You eat like a pig.
God, you're the size of an elephant.
Stop eating so much.
Aren't you gonna share?
You're so greedy.
Oh my god, you're so fat.
Overweight.
Obese.
You might get diabetes if you keep eating like that.
Careful, you might get CVD.
Watch your blood pressure, fatty.
I think you should go on a diet.
Fat.
Pig.
Chunky.
Look at those rolls.
Chubby.
Big.
His words swirl through my head as I set my half-eaten burger down on the plate. Suddenly not persuaded by the rich tastes and feeling rather self conscious now. I leave the table and head inside.
I think I am gaining a little weight.
I make my way into the basement, which is a music room that then leads into a small gym, I guess.
I go through the music room and open the door to the gym, closing it behind me. I immediately go to the pull-up bar and try to do some pull-ups. I notice the slight difference in struggle since the last time I did a pull up. That only proves that I am getting fat.
I keep pulling myself up on the bar until sweat drops from my forehead. I then go to push-ups on the floor and do at least a hundred until I do some sit-ups. After I did that, I move onto weights. Piling weight after weight onto the bench press bar and lifting them with too much ease for my liking. So I add more until I find the struggle. When I do, I do eight sets of sixteen reps, feeling quite sore and hot afterwards. No pain, no gain...
I do some squats with weights and then move to the treadmill. I pick the highest speed, which is still too slow for me, and start to run. I run and run and run. I run for what felt like hours but in reality was about forty minutes. That's when I feel all of the anger and self hatred rise up and I decide to move onto the punching bag.
I throw punch after punch. My knuckles getting saw and red. I can't believe I let myself slip so much. I really need to watch what I'm eating.
God, I'm so fat.
Punch.
Why can't I eat like a normal person?
Punch.
My wife is probably so embrassed to be with a fat pig like me.
Punch.
My kids probably tell their friends how greedy I am.
Punch.
"Jordyn?"
Punch.
"Jordyn, stop."
Punch.
"You're bleeding. Stop it."
Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch.
"Jordyn!"
I feel a pair of arms tear me away from the punching bag. I land on the floor, on my ass as my own arms start to ache and my knuckles are met with unbearable pain. I hiss in pain as I move my hands, blood trickling out of my knuckle. Everything hurts, too.
"What's the matter, baby?" my wife asks, taking me in her arms.
"I'm so fat." I start to sob into her shirt.
"What? No, you're not."
"Yes, I am."
"Jordie. You've got to stop thinking like that. It's not true at all. You are not fat, not even overweight. You are so goddamn beautiful and I am so proud to say that you are my wife. I love you and your body. And we need to work on getting you to do the same. What you just did was harmful. You're bleeding and I can tell that you're sore. God knows how much working out you have just done. You're hurting yourself, Jordyn."
I have a habit of not letting people help me. I have a habit of not talking and letting my problems simmer inside of me until it causes a lot of damage to myself and those I love. I have a habit of listening to my negative thoughts and words of others. I have a habit of pushing people away and what I have just done was a prime example of all of that. I've hurt myself, I've hurt Chelsea and I was listening to my negative thoughts.
"I'm sorry." I sob into her shoulder.
"I think you need a break, baby. Take some time off of work. Please." she begs.
"I can't. The people-"
"Can live with another Captain running 14. Apollo is a great leader and she'll make sure everything you would do is done. Just give yourself a break. That and you're hurt. How can you save people of you're hurting too? I think you should see a therapist. Or maybe even Stevie. We might need to get you to the hospital as well. You're bleeding pretty badly."
I nod as I look back down at my hand, the deep red still oozing out.
Chelsea does her best to patch up my hands and asks Chloe to look after all of the kids while she takes me to the hospital. Selene and her parents left a while ago, apparently.
In the car, Chelsea drives in complete silence. I know I've disappointed her. I've let her down.
"Jordyn, I just want you to know that I'm not disappointed in you. I'm just upset that you feel that you can't talk to me and the fact that you have barely eaten today."
"I'm sorry." I mumble.
"You shouldn't be sorry. It's not your fault." she dismisses as we pull into the hospital parking lot.
Chelsea guides me in, her gentle hand on my back as we walk. She rubs circles on my arm with the other. The last time I was in the hospital as a patient was when I had got back home from duty. Not a time to remember.
"Hi, how can I help?" the nurse at the desk asks.
"Hi, can we get a doctor to look at my wife's hands, please?" Chelsea requests.
"Sure, bed three is open." she smiles.
Chelsea guids me over to bed three and helps me down, even though I am perfectly capable myself.
"After we get your hands looked at, we are going home and getting you a nice big meal then we'll shower and go to bed. You are not going into work tomorrow because you need a lie in. Text Apollo and tell the Chief, you need a break. You're too stressed all the time, I can see it."
I simply nod since defying my wife would be the most idiotic thing to do, ever.
About thirty minutes in waiting on the bed and a doctor comes out to look at my hands. We got them X-rayed and stitched up. I did some pretty bad damage, so I'll be off work for a while. Chelsea is pretty bummed that my hands are in casts, too. I think you know why.
She took me home to eat. She sat there, making sure I ate while writing her ninth book. She made me a carbinara, it's her go-to dish since I taught her how to make it and it's my comfort meal. I only say meal because my comfort food are crisps, or chips. I love crisps.
We shower after I finish the perfectly executed carbinara and Chelsea holds me in bed. It's strange since I normally hold her.
"You are so perfect Jordyn. So perfect. I love you and the life we've built together. Please, tell me when there's something wrong, even if it's the smallest thing, I will care and sort it out for you. Don't bottle shit like that up again, please. Promise?"
"I'll try."
"Do or do not, there is no try." she mocks Yoda.
"Fine, I promise." I chuckle. She always knows how to make me laugh.