I crashed onto my bed, not even bothering to get undressed. I was so exhausted, hungry, and overwhelmed. But I could finally sleep knowing that Zuko was alive. I could barely get under the covers before I knocked out.
"Hello?" I called out. I was standing on a small island in the middle of a pond, surrounded by walls of ice. There was a spirit gate behind me, backdropped by endless bamboo. I noticed an even smaller pond at my feet. Two fish encircled each other, like Yin and Yang.
I felt a presence behind me, and I turned around to see Aang. I scowled at him, sick of him appearing in my dreams.
"Here to show me another horrific memory?" I sneered. He shook his head.
"You're here because you want to be." He told me, his arms at his side. I scoffed, "Don't try and twist this, you have been pestering me."
He shook his head again. "No, this is a connection you have sought out. A vision comes unwarranted, but I am not a vision. I am an embodiment of Avatar Aang. You seek me out the same reason the Avatar does."
I crossed my arms, laughing mockingly. "And what is that?"
"You are spiritually enlightened, but you know this. You were able to withstand two elements because of your spirituality. Before Avatar Kyoshi's time, dual benders were still a rare but celebrated occurrence. They were seen as an important connection between nations and the way the Avatar could unite, understand and form our four nations."
Suddenly, he sat down, legs crossed in a lotus. He looked up at me expectantly, and I gave in, sitting down and crossing my legs into a lotus, which seemed effortless, but I was dreaming, so I think my mind allowed me to be flexible.
"When Chin the Conqueror, a powerful tyrant in the time of Avatar Kyoshi, assumed power, a dual bender, Fire and Earth, like yourself, attempted to assassinate him. He suddenly feared not the assassin but the fact that they could bend two elements. He painted them as dangerous and determined to make a legion of their own. He made dual benders illegal in the Earth Kingdom by whispering his fears into the Earth King's ear. Soon the Fire Nation caught wind of this and began to share the same fear and the same law."
My head was spinning at all this history. But how could Aang know all of this? "But how do you know all of this?" I asked, staring into the Avatar's bright eyes.
"I know this because I am all the Avatars of every lifetime. This is not Aang speaking to you, this is all of his lifetimes. I take his form because you are connected to him. I'm afraid you are the only Dual bender of your time, but you wonder why you are so drawn and connected to the Avatar. Because you are meant to help him understand the world, ground him, detach him."
I furrowed my brows, looking at Aang, but technically not Aang. "But I'm just one girl? I can't help him understand, he's the Avatar! I don't know what you want, I don't have answers."
He raised his head slightly. "No, you have solutions. Too long, this gift has been killed and punished for existing, but if you join the Avatar and defeat the Fire Nation, you will be representing the good you are, the opportunity that you hold. It is in your best interest to join the Avatar. You seek each other out because you know that there will be restoration within your bond"
I buried my head in my hands, my mind reeling. I looked up from my palms. "I can't leave Zuko."
"Of course you can, you have betrayed him already by working against him. You know you can leave him because you know you are working for the greater good." His body looked as if it was being pulled back into the bamboo by an invisible force, leaving me alone. I let the dream come to an end.
I woke up in the morning, instantly remembering the dream. I got up and looked into the tiny mirror above my tiny desk. I looked like death. I retied my hair and attempted to rub some life back into my dark circles. I looked at my satchel. It had my most recent report for the Dai Li and paper to write on.
I was thinking about my dream. He had actually told me to do something, to join him. I had known it all this time in the back of my mind. I knew the guilt of working against Zuko yet at the same time for him. I sat down on my cot, lifting back the arm of my shirt to look at the scars that enveloped the underside of my arms. I sighed, knowing what I had to do. I would see Zuko off at the North Pole and join the Avatar.
I never meant to love Zuko, I never thought I could. I shouldn't of because it was going to make this all so unbearable. I opened my satchel, pulling out my papers and my reports. I left my Dai Li badge in it, feeling like it could come in handy in the future.
I remembered what Iroh had said about letting obligation make my choices. I would make my own choices from there on, refusing to let obligations guide me anymore. I held the papers over my palm and lit a flame in my hand. A small ember crept its way up from the bottom of the papers, and then it suddenly burst into one whole flame, withering into ash as quickly as it had begun to burn. No more running from the truth.
A knock came at the door. "Who is it?" I asked, scared it wasn't Zuko.
"Broadswords," I opened the door at the familiar word, and it was a masked soldier standing outside. He lifted his face guard to reveal he was Zuko. I held the door open for him, and he stepped inside. I closed the door behind him.
"This place is smaller than my room, and I'm just a soldier," Zuko commented, noticing its lack of windows and legroom.
I sighed. "You can tell how much they like me here," I drawled, sitting back down on my bed. He sat down next to me, not too far, but not too close.
"Do you have a plan?" I asked as he removed his helmet. He nodded.
"We can use the ships Kayak to get into the Northern Watertribe when we are close enough to the border,"
"We? You assume I'm coming?" I pointed out. He looked at me intensely.
"Aren't you?" I paused for a moment, thinking I could hurt him less if I didn't. But how else would I get off this ship?
"Of course," I replied, guilt churning my insides. His eyes flickered with something for a moment before he smiled. I still wasn't used to it, and it still managed to send a flurry of butterflies into my stomach. I leaned back on the wall.
"So, what do you do as a soldier?" I asked.
"Pretty much nothing. We may be on our way to the North Pole, but we certainly aren't doing anything till we get there. I just walk around a lot." He complained, leaning back on the wall too.
"Well, must be different to being a prince on his own ship," I commented, fiddling with my bracelet.
"And you?" I sighed at the question.
"I've had about 4 men mistake me as a concubine and tried to offer me money, where I had to desperately explain that I was, in fact, a paid tracker and not just a free for all. There are women in the army, but obviously not in the navy" I laughed, but Zuko looked like he was horrified.
"You should complain, that's unacceptable for them to treat you like that." He seemed so determined to defend my dignity and honour. I laughed at his innocence. "I'm pretty sure Zhao thought I was a concubine to you for a while before he accepted I was indeed hired as a Royal tracker," I laughed. Zuko went very red, turning his head away from me.
"That's ridiculous."
"That's what being me is," I said slightly grimly. He frowned.
"Once I capture the Avatar and return home, I'll make it different, I'll make it right," That guilt kicked me in the gut this time. I smiled sadly.
"Your father wouldn't see me any differently," I admitted, which caused Zuko to get up, looking hurt.
"You don't know that," He blurted out. I shook my head.
"But you do."
His eyes glinted with anger and confusion, but most of all, conflict. He stomped away, opening the door.
"I'll let you know when the Kayak is ready," He said almost robotically. I outstretched my arm, "Zuko wait, I–" He slammed the door. I let my arm fall limply at my side. I sighed, slumping back into my bed.
I didn't know why Zhao even recruited me for this expedition, I think it was just out of spite. I was surprised he didn't leave me on that ship to die with Zuko. I wasn't tracking, he knew where the Avatar was, so it was just smooth sailing from there. It was getting colder as the days passed. My day usually consisted of waking up too early for the uneventful day ahead so that I could take a shower when no one else was. Big ship equalled no private bathroom time. Then I would walk around the ship, trying to remember its layout. Then I'd go out on deck and stare at the ocean. Eat lunch, eat dinner, sleep, repeat.
And I thought Zuko's ship was initially boring. There was no hope of me getting a job, so I didn't even bother asking. The Dai Li didn't know where I was. I never told them I changed ships, for all they know, Prince Zuko and his crew are still on his ship looking for the Avatar.
I was out on the deck watching the sun go down when a soldier approached me. He came up to me, and I could tell it wasn't Zuko. I turned my head to him whilst resting my chin on my palm, my elbow on the railing. He stood there staring at me.
"May I help you?" I asked sarcastically.
"Admiral Zhao has requested your presence in the meeting room," He told me.
"Was that a request or an order?" I groaned.
"An order," The soldier answered courtly, not one for conversation, I guessed. I bent away from the railing, straightening my back. I flourished my arm, "Show me the way," The soldier nodded and began to walk to some stairs located at the front of the ship that led up into some sort of meeting room attached to the control room. Zhao stood at the end of a table, two soldiers posted by the door. He had forms laid in front of him, and he was looking over them meticulously.
The door closed behind me, and my hair stood up on edge. I scanned the room, but the only way out was through a back door right behind Zhao or the way I came in. I cleared my throat, "To what do I owe this pleasure, Admiral Zhao?" I asked, my body physically fighting the politeness I had just treated him with.
"Please take a seat," I eyed him but sat down across from him. He slid a file across the table to me, I caught it, taking a look.
"Do you recognise that file?" He asked me as I inspected it. It was my graduation certificate from FNNU in navigational and tracking skills. I looked up at him, "Yes, it's my graduation certificate"
"You know, for some reason, I felt the need to do some research. FNNU has a strict confidentiality policy, but being an admiral has its...perks. I inquired about a certain student, Laina Xu." My breath hitched.
"Well, they told me that a Laina Xu did attend the FNNU, she majored in Navigational and Tracking skills. I asked what she looked like, a description. They said that she had short brown hair, light amber eyes, and a short and stocky build." He paused for a moment as if to give me time to take it all in. He began again, "Last I checked, you have long black hair, brown eyes, a very characterising scar on your lip, and are taller than average." He finished, looking me straight in the eye.
I clenched my fist under the table, desperately trying to stop the other one on top of the table. "Maybe there were two," I tried to excuse the circumstances. He shook his head, "Oh, I asked. There was one." I began to sweat.
"I wasn't on campus a lot, they could have had me confused for another girl in class," I said, trembling on the inside. He smirked knowingly.
"I thought of that, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt," He most certainly did not. "But they informed me that Laina Xu died after a raid on her father's Fire Nation ship by earth kingdom soldiers." I sharply inhaled. He got up and walked around to where I was sitting. He stood behind me.
"Now, why would you lie about attending FNNU, and why steal that student's identity?" He asked his voice low. I inhaled deeply.
"I guess I really wanted to get the job, so I lied." He tutted at my answer.
"That's what any normal person would say, but not you. Tell me, have you ever heard of the girl that stepped in front of the Fire Lord when he was punishing his son?" I looked up at him, trying to still my face.
"I've heard rumours," I lied, trying to keep my cool. He paced back and forth, arms behind his back.
"Well, she was banished, but the Fire Lord sent an assassin after her. The assassin never came back, and the girl may still be alive. But I'm sure you knew that," He highlighted the last part. I straightened up. "I didn't know that–"
"Don't lie!" He screamed out, making me jump. I slunk further back in my chair in fear. He regained his composure, putting on that same half-smile he always had when he spoke to me.
"Do you know why she was banished?" He asked me. I shook my head slowly. He rolled his eyes.
"Sure you don't. She was a dual bender, Earth and Fire." I felt like throwing up. He sat down next to me. I pushed back from him, but there was only so far I could go in a chair. He looked at the middle of my chest, where my necklace was.
"That necklace, where did you get it from?" He asked, poison laced between his words. I gulped.
"I bought it in the Earth Kingdom," I croaked out, holding my breath. He noticed my bracelet and took me by the wrist, holding my arm up. I yelped.
"And this bracelet?"
"It was my fathers," I whispered, barely able to speak. He let go and drew my hand back, rubbing my wrist where he held me tightly.
"Admiral Zhao!" A voice bellowed from behind me in the doorway. I turned my head to see it was Iroh. I let out a long-awaited breath of relief.
"General Iroh, to what do I owe the honour?" Zhao slyly greeted.
"You have the right to interrogate any member of the crew, but you do not have the right to touch them!" Iroh warned. Zhao smirked.
"Always the ethical one," He remarked, standing up. I got up as well and stood by Iroh. Zhao waved his hand, "But what does it matter? This identity theft will have her out of a job after the north pole, but I suspect she'll be in a cell in the Fire Nation once I have the proof on her before that can happen."I clenched my fists, filled with rage but mainly fear.
"I can assure you, Miss Laina is not the girl you are looking for. She is probably dead," Iroh tried to assure Zhao, but he wouldn't be able to convince him.
"But there are so many links; same age, similar appearance, stolen graduation certificate, loose personal details, and a great likeness to firebending when she fights." I hardened like a rock.
Iroh furrowed his brows, glancing between Zhao and I. "You have no proof," I finally mustered up the courage to say.
"Not solid, at least, but in due time. Once we capture the Avatar, you and I can have a chat. That'll be all," He flicked his hand, and I left as soon as I could, racing out to the deck to breathe some fresh air.
I gripped the railing like it was a lifeboat, trying to slow down my breathing. I knew Iroh was watching me from afar, but my heart couldn't help but beat as fast as it could. I definitely needed to get off this ship now, Zhao was going to find some proof somehow, and he already suspected me to be Yua Sato. He must have recognised me the minute I got on my first ship but didn't say anything until he knew for sure. I thought a mix of puberty, some scars, and sped-up maturity and ageing from being on my own would be enough to fool the Fire Nation. Apparently not.
I sighed, walking back to my bedroom. I just needed to get on that Kayak with Zuko.
A knock came at the door. We were approaching the North Pole, the gates were in the distance the last time I checked. I opened the door, and it was Zuko with his faceguard lifted up. He nodded his head to the left, telling me to follow him. I took my things with me, and it was like I had never been on the ship at all.
We walked down many winding corridors, walking down several flights of stairs. We finally arrived at the small room with an open balcony and no windows. There was one kayak suspended by ropes attached to a pulley system. The ship was now at a stand-still. It was night, and the moon shone on the water, casting a pearlescent glow on anything not illuminated by fire. I took it in, a cold breeze casting the room in an icy grip. I was underdressed. Someone began to open the door, and I became alert, reaching for the dagger in my waistband. But it was just Iroh, who was holding two piles of clothes in his hands.
"I brought these for both of you, it is so cold out there, and you are both underdressed," Iroh gave us the clothes, smiling. I smiled and nodded back. "Well, I'll wait for you two to get undressed outside." He said, stepping out. I gripped the clothes, feeling on edge. He had given me a black coat that had a belt, insulated pants, gloves, a face mask and snow boots. The coat had black fur trim on the hood and a few slots for knives.
"Ok, turn around," I told Zuko, who complied very quickly. I slipped out of my red clothes, happy to say goodbye. My teeth chattered as I brought my arms to my body, trying to get my shoes off as quickly as possible before I developed frostbite. I pulled the pants on, my skin sighing at the wool inside. There was a thick shirt underneath the coat that I put on, throwing the coat over and fastening it as tight as I could. I pulled my mask over my head and pulled on my gloves, feeling very snug. I got the shoes on fine, but I couldn't work out the buckles.
I turned around, hopping whilst trying to buckle my shoe. "Zuko, can you help with the buckle..." I trailed off. He didn't have a shirt on, but he was trying to put one on before he was interrupted by me. He was illuminated by the moonlight and looked... great, to put it in simple words. I gulped, turning back around. "Sorry! I thought you would have been done..." I rapidly apologised, my face feeling warm despite the cold.
"There's a lot of armour to take off. Besides, it's not anything you haven't seen before," He commented.
"I guess," I whispered to myself, still having not turned around.
"You can turn around now," He let me know. I turned to him, my buckles still undone. He didn't say a word, but he strode over and kneeled on one knee, taking my foot and doing the buckle. He took the other, repeating the same motion. I watched him in awe, he was so precise yet delicate with his motions. He stood up, closer than he was before. I felt like we were staring at each other for an eternity. We began to slowly move closer, with barely any room between us.
The door opened, and Iroh yelped in shock, and Zuko and I tore apart from each other. Iroh had his hands over his eyes, opening a slot in his fingers to peak through. He sighed in relief, lowering his hand. I was blushing ferociously and didn't even dare to look at Zuko.
"Well... I– hm, ah..." Iroh was at a loss for words.
"Kill me," I groaned. I walked to my satchel, picked it up and tossed it into the Kayak, stepping in and getting ready to lower it down into the water. I emptied its contents into my palms, tucking the small number of items into the inside of my coat as Zuko and Iroh began to speak to each other.
"If you're fishing for an octopus, my nephew, you need a tightly woven net, or he will squeeze through the tiniest hole and escape." Iroh echoed to Zuko.
"I don't need your wisdom right now, Uncle."
"I'm sorry. I just nag you because ... well," Iroh's voice began to break, "ever since I lost my son..."
"Uncle, you don't have to say it," Zuko assured him, but Iroh kept going.
"... I think of you as my own." I smiled at the words, feeling an empty longing for that bond.
" I know, Uncle. We'll meet again." Iroh embraced Zuko in a hug. "After I have the Avatar." Zuko turned away from Iroh, stepping into the boat.
"Remember your breath of fire. It could save your life out there," He called out to Zuko like a worried father. That is essentially who he was. He looked at me almost knowingly.
"I will," Zuko promised.
"Remember what I told you, Laina, choice or obligation?" He said to me.
"Choice," I replied softly, barely above a whisper. He smiled and nodded, Zuko began to lower the boat.
"And put your hood up. Keep your ears warm!" Iroh called down to us as we lowered past his level.
"We will be fine!" Zuko shouted back, Iroh completely obscured now. The Kayak hit the water softly, Zuko cutting the ropes that pulled us down. He was at the back of the boat with the oar. He began to row towards the Northern Water tribe. I lifted my face mask, the cold getting to me. Fire Benders ran warm, but it was seriously freezing at the north pole, even colder than in the South.
"So what's the plan?" I asked, my voice slightly muffled by the mask. I looked back at him, and he looked unsure. I frowned. "You have a plan, right?"
"I'm improvising," He said through gritted teeth. I groaned, placing my head on my palm.
"That gets us killed, Zuko."
He glared at me. "I didn't die when I recaptured the Avatar from the stronghold," He pointed out, trying to prove me wrong.
"But you almost did, they knocked you out, Zuko! The Avatar had to haul you back into the woods, and even then, you didn't have him," The words I was saying seemed cruel, but they were a harsh reality check.
"You don't get what it's like to chase your only attempt to regain your honour!" He retorted angrily, his rowing picking up pace.
"I know what it's like to chase honour, the honour of your country, and I only came out with scars! All it does is hurt you. You have to find your own honour." I admitted to him. He looked away, tears welling in his eyes. I sat there in silence, clutching my knees in the small boat. Suddenly Zuko turned into the icy shore, pulling the kayak alongside some turtle seals. He hopped out, waving his hand for me to follow him. I got out too.
We were just by the gates, many water tribe guards patrolling the large structure. Zuko began to walk towards the turtle seals and a hole they were plunging themselves into.
"Where are they going?" He asked, not to anyone in particular, but I still answered.
"Probably to an icy pit where we can freeze to death," I sarcastically remarked, but he ignored me, peering into the man-sized hole.
"They're coming up for air somewhere," He observed. He stepped closer.
"Oh no, don't tell me you are thinking of jumping in?" I whined out in dismay.
"You see any other way of getting in?" He snapped. I glanced back at the wall. Indestructible ice. I shook my head.
"Then let's go," He said, jumping in. I marched on the spot, trying to stall. I groaned and plunged in, the water immediately gripping me with icy hands. My first instinct was to stop and float, but I couldn't. I opened my eyes and pushed forward, following Zuko.
Swim. Swim. Swim. All I had to do was swim. I felt so cold and slow, but I just had to swim. I followed him as he found an opening in the cave. He pulled himself onto the ice, dragging me out of the water. I layed there, my teeth chattering as my breath puffed white clouds into the air. I could feel myself feigning sleep, or death, I couldn't tell. Zuko noticed and brought me close to him. I didn't even fight it as he breathed fire out through his breath, his body warming up and ending up warming mine too.
I regained my energy and got up, looking around the Ice cave. Zuko pointed to another pool of water, and we waded through some more noisy turtle seals to get to it. A stream of water was coming down from a channel in the cave system. Zuko looked at me, and I knew we had to climb it. I sighed, then nodded, diving into the water. The second time around wasn't so bad.
We climbed up it, water trying to push us back. My foot slipped, but Zuko caught it, pushing me back up. We crawled through the channel, arriving at another body of water. We swam to the top, breaking through the surface and immediately taking a breath. I huffed as he dived back in, his head moving as he looked around. I breathed in and out before he pulled me back in.
I followed him to another tunnel. We swam up the cold water, my air running out. I looked in horror at the dead end. Zuko pounded against the ice, but it was futile. He slowed, his air escaping just as mine was. I squirmed around as the last bits of air left me, my head feeling drowsy. Zuko placed his palms on the ice, the surface area glowing red as he melted the ice. He pushed through the ice, making an opening. He desperately climbed out, and so did I, flopping onto the cold floor. I hauled my legs out of the deathly water.
I sputtered and gasped, my lungs clawing for oxygen in the brisk air. I clutched my chest, heaving. But it wasn't so cold anymore, and I was alive. Alive and breathing warmer air than the icy water. We both rested against the tunnel's wall. We had arrived inside the northern water tribe. I looked at the city. It was large and made full of ice. It wasn't a great combination for a dual bender like myself. Cold, icy, and no earth. I had been to the south pole once, and I fell into the ocean and almost drowned. Now I had been to the North, and I almost drowned again.
I was soggy, wet, cold and unsure of where the Avatar was. Zuko lit a large flame in his palm, and I huddle close to it, bringing different parts of my body close to it in an attempt to get somewhat dry. I hugged my knees.
"We have to get moving," Zuko decided, getting up and extinguishing his flame.
"I know," I sighed, getting up too.
We stepped out of the tunnel near the canals, walking up some stairs. I got up onto a bridge, looking out at the water. So many Navy ships were wasted, but even more, were still coming. The fleet was massive. The fleet may have been massive, but it wasn't moving.
"They are waiting 'till day," I commented.
"That's why we need to move fast and get him when he least expects it," Zuko explained, racing off to the middle of the city. I felt bad because I wasn't going to capture the Avatar. I didn't know what I was going to do at the moment, but I had to join him. His lives' told me to.
Well, I think they did, it could all be delusions. Delusions I was willing to trust.
We walked through countless streets bordering countless canals. He had no idea where he was going. We rounded a corner but swiftly dived back at the sight of Water Tribe soldiers. An idea clicked in my head.
"I have an idea," I whispered. Zuko looked at me in confusion as I stepped out from behind the wall we were hiding.
"Excuse me!" I sang out to the guards. They turned around to follow the source of the noise.
"Yes?" One of the guards asked.
"I was wondering if you knew where Aang is, you know, the Avatar?" I asked them, trying to adopt a fun and bubbly persona. They gave me a look of 'Who the hell are you'. I smiled awkwardly.
"And who might you be?" The other one asked.
"Oh, I'm a friend of the Avatars and of Sokka and Katara of the Southern Water Tribe," I lied, smiling brightly.
They looked at each other and shrugged. "He's in the spiritual centre, through the trap door at the back of the palace," He told me, pointing to the large palace in the distance.
"Wow, that was surprisingly easy," I commented. "I'm sorry," I whispered, then I reeled my hand back and punched the guard on the left in the jaw, the sheer blunt force knocking him out. I winced as the blunt force reverberated back into my hand. I knew it hurt to punch, but the pain managed to surprise me each time. The other guard turned on me, thrusting a spear at me. Zuko took this as his cue and jumped out of the building, shooting a blast of fire at the man. He was knocked out and skidded along the ice, ending further from his friend than before.
We ran towards the palace, looking for that trap door.