"R-right.... nice to meet you"
well, I'm screwed
you can always count on Kai to make a terrible first impression. that, among all other talents he has, was definitely the thing he was best at.
is he surprised? not at all, he is not.
part of his charm you can say, is make people like him right after they think the worst of him. after all, being likable on the very first meeting is too easy. Doing the opposite? Well, that's where his real talent shines.
what can he do other than make the best out of every situation? after all. all bitter things can turn sweet.
"let me start over." he results to reaching for a handshake. "I'm Huening Kai. it's a pleasure to meet you."
his healthy hand hangs in the air, waiting to be acknowledged by the couple in front of him. but the two stare at him, eyeing his whole presence from top to bottom. he smiles, shaking his hand in return to their judgmental looks.
Kai look down, retrieving his rejected hand.
"I was told this is how you greet people in the business world." he laughs. putting both hands behind his back for a more formal approach. "guess I've been lied to."
"who is this, Son? why does he think he can barge into your room like that?" the lady asks, not bothering to look at Kai any longer or address his introduction.
"excuse me." she speaks in a high pitched voice, her tone similar to how you would talk to a child or someone who you would call ignorant.
"you know it's rude to invade people's privacy like so. ah, seriously.." she rolls her eyes and look at her husband who's having pretty much the same if not a more aggressive reaction to Kai.
"do they not teach basic manners in whatever institute you went to?"
"mom..." Taehyun hisses. "stop, please."
"I'm just saying!" she gets defensive. "even if he's part of the staff, that does not mean obligatory knocking is out of order."
Kai nods. smacking his lips softly.
"You're right Ma'am I was too unthoughtful."
"Kai you don't have to-"
Kai shakes his head, smiling kindly.
"No, your mom is right. I should've knocked first. however I'm not part of the staff.." he looks at Taehyun for confirmation. making sure that this is what they both want.
Taehyun bites his lips, swallowing dryly. he looks at his dad, that is seconds from kicking Kai out of the room. he can almost see the vein in his father forehead popping. knowing that his dad despise more than anything, social workers. and by default, both his parents assume Kai was either a student who came into the wrong room, or a volunteer with a bad attitude.
"yet.. I'm not part of the staff, yet." Kai uses his quick wit and bluffs. "I'm here for a training program."
he mistakes Taehyun's long silence as to say he is not ready to tell people about them. so be it, if Taehyun's not ready, that's fine. but he perhaps should've told him that before they spent the night together.
"I'll go now. thank you for your time." Kai says, bowing respectfully before leaving the room.
he breaths deep once he's out of their, walking across the empty, overwhelming white hall. his smile drops almost immediately, his face now blank and dim.
not a lot of people see this version of him. and he's not planning on showing it either. it's something that he saves to himself, while he's truly alone and can finally drop the act.
he sits on one of the benches saved for visitors and one time patients. resting his head on the glass window, and crossing his arms.
he takes three more breaths, each one becoming shakier and shakier.
is he not good enough?
the answer is quite clear, yet Kai is refusing to believe it.
he knew it coming into this. that he'll be the lesser. and it was fine. he always is, isn't he?
when dating streets scums. he was not slutty enough. not putting out as much as they wanted him to. as if he was their personal whore. wasn't dirty enough to steal with them, wasn't good enough to go out with them. wasn't what they wanted.
now, he's.. well. is it dating is the other person can't even admit their relationship to other people?
Kai looks at his unmatched flip flops. clicking them together mindlessly. he only notices his tears when they fall onto his pants, or whatever person those pants may be. he really doesn't know anymore.
"are you okay?" a nurse walks by, probably a new, or a transferred one. because she doesn't seem to recognize him. and he can't recall her either.
he wipes his tears hastily. not bothering to clean them all the way before reassuring her he is in fact, doing absolutely, fucking fantastic.
just coping with the fact that he's both too good for the bad and too bad for the good. nothing too out of the ordinary.
he's falling too deep into his spiral, he knows that. he knows he has a lot to offer, or else Taehyun wouldn't even entertain the idea of being with him.
the nurse walks away shortly after, getting the subtle hint that Kai wants to be left alone at the moment, and goes to treat the patients that actually need her.
"wait!" Kai calls when she's just about to turn left and disappear from his sight. she turns around, a expecting expression on her face.
"the guitar, that you have in the reception.
can I borrow it?"
...........
"No! we just had to hear it from the hospital instead of our son. right?" his dad yells in frustration. "do you know how this makes us look? not just me and your mom. but our entire family!"
Taehyun nods, not knowing what to say to defend himself. he fiddles with his hands, looking down in shame.
"I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? well, that makes everything better, isn't that right dear?" his father says sarcastically, looking at his wife. "you think saying sorry will fix everything?" he puts Taehyun on the spot. and while his question is purely rhetorical, he still expects an answer.
"I'm- I don't know.."
his father slams his fist on the table, that is filled with Kai's stuff and piles of work flies.
"What do you know then? because when the news breaks that a paralegal on an important, governmental case has been poisoned for almost a month, and no one had a clue. who do you think will take the blame for that?" his father takes a sharp breath. "you? the people who did this? no.. Taehyun-ah. don't be so ignorant. it's our company that takes the fall."
Taehyun bites his lip to stop it from visibly shaking.
"if you felt off. why didn't you drop. from. the fucking. case!? do you know what I'll have to deal with once I speak to the board!? " his father screams, making Taehyun freeze in his place.
"I d-didn't know.. I tried.. I-I wanted t-to-" He blabbers, his hands shaking in fear while his heart starts speeding up. he can barely understand what his father's saying over the headache he begins to feel hammer into the side of his head.
"speak properly! I didn't raise you to stutter like a retard!"
"that's enough, honey.. he's just tired" his mom whispers to his father.
Taehyun breaks under the pressure. unable to hold his tears anymore, he sobs quietly. his heart pumping against his chest in a uncomfortable speed. the machine beside him begins to beep.
"Don't make excuses for him, I already have to do that in front of the board." his father sighs heavily. "I'd be dammed if my one and only son gets fired after just one case." he scuffs. "hear that Taehyun? one case, that's all I asked of you. couldn't even do that.. my own son." he spits.
Taehyun struggles to catch his breaths, crying hysterically while simultaneously trying to hold his sobs makes the spot under his ribs to painfully sting each time he tries taking a breath. his hand goes to his chest, a habit that he developed after having his first panic attack about 5 years ago. at his interview for Harvard Law.
"Stop honey, that's enough. I think he got it." his mom says in a fake, kind tone. "should i get you some water, Son?"
Taehyun nods, on the brink on a full panic attack, he covers his ears and curls even deeper towards himself. burying his face in the rough blanket.
"You can't avoid conflict your whole life. you're a fucking lawyer Taehyun! what's going to happen once you face a prosecutor on your own? cry? oh, that will win you the case, all right." he hears his dad continue to preach. ignoring the fact that his son is a medical patient who just got out of a life threatening condition and needs to rest.
please shut up...
"I thought my son was better than this. But you aren't better than shit."
please shut up...please..
"in the end. you know what you are. to me? to our family?
..a disappointment. "
"shut up!" Taehyun screams, but with the ragged breathing and watery voice it comes out as in comprehendible wail. he looks up, his eyes red and noticeable tear marks on his cheeks. he looks like a mess, which will probably only make his dad more mad. because you need to always look your best when you are a kang.
but Taehyun doesn't care anymore.
"get out!" he kicks his blanket, taking the pillow from under his head and throwing it without any proper aim. it missing his dad and hitting the door instead.
"Taehyun." his father speaks sternly, not phased by Taehyun's outburst.
the machine beeps faster. showing the pace of Taehyun's heartbeats.
"get out! get out!" Taehyun throat locks from the overload of emotions. his words are slurred together and he doesn't think he's making any sense, but he needs them to go. he needs his parents to leave now before he does something a lot more drastic.
his headache grows more unbearable. clouding his logical thought and leaving him with a pile of buried emotions that were way long due to come out.
"Sir." he hears the nurse's voice. "Sir, I need you to step out of the room."
"he's my son! mine! you don't get to tell me-"
"he needs to rest, you can visit him tomorrow.. please leave the room or I'll need to call for security."
"this is despicable!"
arms wrap around Taehyun, whispering sweet nothings in his ear.
"it's okay.. breathe.."
"I-I c-can't."
it feels like he's underwater, drowning slowly. it doesn't feel like a panic attack anymore, but a health issue he can not control. it puts him in even more panic.
the hands around him tighten. warm and sweet, grounding him little by little. then they let go, and Taehyun starts to panic again.
in the background, soft melody starts to play. first it's cheery and upbeat, then it gradually becomes slow and mellow, guiding Taehyun's breaths to do the same.
he breath deep, wiping his tears on the blanket.
I can see,
even if you're not by my side.
I feel you,
Taehyun gives himself to the sweet voice filling the room, he perks his ears, raising his head so that they are not covered. his breathing goes back to normal, although a little faster than usual, they have gotten back to their usual rhythm.
even if you don't say a word.
because I, believe in you. even if I'm anxious.
Kai lets his casted hand hang off the guitar while his other hand playing the strings. not pressing on any cords because he can't so he plays the only piece of his that can still sound good without it. and makes up for the loss of richness with his voice.
I can touch, even if you're not in my sight.
I can reach,
even if you go far away from me.
Kai looks at Taehyun, watching at the elder close his eyes. sniffling quietly. not wanting to disrupt the song.
they'll figure things out. he can feel it, even if it's far from his reach at the moment. he'll make it happen.