THE CRY of a baby woke me up. Napatingin ako sa bedside clock at nakita kong one AM pa lang. I groaned and closed my eyes again and tried to get back to my fucking sleep but I can't. Inis kong binuksan ang lamp shade at lumapit sa crib kung nasaan ang baby.
"Zach, what do you want?" I asked in annoyance but he just kicked and cried louder. Binuhat ko naman to at binigay sa kanya ang bottle niya para dumede ngunit ayaw niya naman. "Damn it. I still have a meeting today!"
He cried and I felt my eyes getting heavier. I'm so damn tired and I just want to sleep. Ilang meeting ba ang ginawa ko sa araw na 'to? Hiniga ko ang baby sa crib niya dahil hindi ko naman naiintindihan kung anong gusto niya. Napakamot ako sa ulo at binuksan ang ilaw tsaka muling binigay sa kanya ang bote niya pero iniiwas niya ang bibig niya.
"What the fuck do you want?" naiinis na tanong ko. Namumula na ang pisngi niya sa kakaiyak at nagsisimula na din akong mapikon. "Goddamn it!"
I took a toy and start shaking it in his face. His cry start to subside and I sighed in relief. Binigay ko sa kanya ang laruan ngunit umiyak na naman to kaya inangat ko ulit 'yun at inalog. Kinuha ko ang couch sa sulok ng kuwarto ko at nilapit 'yun sa crib. I played with him until I fell asleep.
Nagising ako nang maramdaman na may umaalog sa balikat ko. Pilit kong binuksan ang mata ko kahit na antok pa ko. I feel restless and tired and sleepy but the sun is already high in the sky. I heard mom's voice making me open my eyes. I groaned in annoyance.
"Zeph, gumising ka na at baka ma-late ka sa trabaho. Bakit dito ka natutulog?" tanong niya. I stretched my aching back and I feel sore all over my body.
"Ayaw kasing matulog ni Zacharias. Iyak siya ng iyak kagabi at ayaw naman niyang dumede."
"Did you check his diapers?" she asked. Napakamot naman ako sa ulo at umiling. "You need to check that one too Zephyr. Geez, akala ko ba natandaan mo na mga bilin ko?"
"I forgot, okay? I was feeling groggy when I woke up last night," sagot ko. Napa-iling naman si mommy at dahan-dahan na nilipat si Zach sa kama. Tinanggal niya ang pajamas nito at binuksan ang diaper. I coughed when I smelled his shit lingered the room. "Jesus! What the fuck!"
"Language, kaharap mo ko baka nakakalimutan mo." Tinignan ako ni mommy nang masama bago niya muling hinarap si Zach. "Masanay ka na. Kapag umiiyak ang baby, baka may poop siya or puno na ang diapers niya. O kaya gutom na siya. Puwede din na masakit ang tyan niya."
"Okay, okay." I answered while pinching my nose. "Maliligo na ko."
Nang matapos akong maligo ay nagbihis na ko ng office attire ko. I wore my white Prada button ups and coat, Armani straight cut slacks and Versace brown leather shoes. Late na ako ng thirty minutes kaya naman nagmamadali na ko. Paglabas ng walk-in closet ay naabutan kong gising na si Zach at buhat-buhat siya ni mommy.
"Bye mom. I need to go." I said and glance at the kid. Hindi ko na inantay ang sagot ni mom at nagmamadaling lumabas ng kuwarto. Hindi na din ako nakapagpaalam kay dad na nanonood sa salas.
Pagdating sa office ay halos takbuhin ko na ang conference room dahil isang oras na kong late para sa meeting. I apologized and let them start the meeting. As they update me the company's financial status, my eyes were slowly closing. Antok na antok ako at tila isang lullaby ang sinasabi ng board member ko. I was about to drift to dreamland when a hand shake me.
"Sir." Tawag sa'kin ng secretary ko kaya nagising ang diwa ko. I cleared my throat before trying to put my attention to the meeting.
After like eternity, natapos din ang meeting. Pagpasok ko ng opisina ko ay hinilot ko ang sentido ko at nagpa-timpla ng kape. I still have a ton of work to do and piles of papers to read and sign. I need to focus and end this day without falling asleep. Sa awa naman ng Diyos ay nalagpasan ko ang araw na to nang hindi nakakatulog. Agad akong umuwi sa penthouse dahil pagod na pagod ako. I just want to have a good sleep but when I got home, I remembered that I have a baby to take care of.
"Nandito ka na pala Zephyr. Napadede ko na si Zach. He's sleeping in your room." Mom said and I thanked her for saving my ass.
"Uuwi ka na po ba?" tanong ko.
"Yes. Your dad is already waiting for me in the parking." Aniya at humalik sa pisngi ko. "Alagaan mo ang anak mo okay? Bye, I love you son."
"Love you too, mom." I said quietly. I sighed when I'm all alone again. Maybe I should get a nanny for the baby.
I walked to my room to change my clothes. Nakita ko si Zacharias na mahimbing ang tulog sa crib niya kaya nilapitan ko siya. I wonder who is the mother of this baby and how could she take leaving her own child? Ang dami kong nababasang article tungkol sa mga batang inaabandona pero hindi ko inaasahan na makakakita ako ng gano'n ngayon; at talagang sa'kin pa iniwan ah. Shit, kailangan ko na talagang ibalik ang batang 'to sa nanay niya.
Muli akong lumabas ng kuwarto nang makapagpalit ng damit. I took my phone to call an agency to get a nanny but before I could make a call, the doorbell ring. Lumapit ako doon at ang mukha ng kaibigan kong si Laurent ang bumulaga sa'kin.
"What's up, my man? Congratulations on your launching by the way!" Masayang saad niya habang may akbay na dalawang babae sa magkabilang braso niya. Agad naman lumapit sa'kin ang isa at kiniskis ang katawan nito.
"Thanks. What are you doing here?" I asked and walked towards the living room.
"We'll celebrate. Hindi ako nakapunta sa celebration mo dahil nasa New York ako at sine-celebrate namin ni mommy ang birthday niya. But it's better late than never!" sagot pa niya at binaba sa mesa ang Whiskey na hawak niya.
"You even brought some hoes." I answered and gave a playful spank on the girl beside me. I grinned at her when she moaned and start kissing my neck. Inabutan ako ni Laurent ng baso na may Whiskey kaya humigop ako ng kaunti.
"That is my fucking gift to you man." He said with laughter. We drank and talked about random things. The girl and I made out and we were already having dry sex on my couch. She was grinding her ass on my erection and her hand was inside my shirt, caressing my chest.
"Let's go to your room, please." The woman moaned in my ear. She was already half naked and I was super horny with this wet lapping and mouth fucking. I pulled her up and she immediately jumped to me and wrapped her legs around me. I was about to enter the room when a cry of a baby woke me up from this frenzy feeling. "What was that?"
"Shit." I muttered and put the woman down. "I'm sorry but we can't fuck."
"Baby ba 'yun?" tanong ni Laurent. I twitched my eyes from left to right and swallowed the lump on my throat because I really feel nervous.
"Can you leave?" saad ko sa dalawang babae. Naguguluhan naman nila kong tinignan. "Don't make me repeat it twice."
"What's wrong man? Don't be such a party pooper." Laurent said. I ignored him and pushed the girls out of my penthouse. Laurent looked at me with disbelief.
"Damn!" I groaned and run my fingers through my hair before entering my room. Agad kong nilapitan si Zach at ramdam kong nakasunod sa'kin si Laurent.
"Woah! Is that a baby?" Gulat na aniya tsaka ko nilapitan. Binuhat ko naman si Zach na agad tumigil sa pag-iyak. "Kaninong anak yan?"
"Sa pinsan ko." Umiwas ako ng tingin. Tinaasan naman ako ng kilay ni Laurent.
"Sinong pinsan? Si Mico na nagaaral pa? Si Cameron na parang walang pakialam sa babae? Oh, oh, or maybe your eighteen year old cousin, Sandro? Or your little brother's kid? But I believe that baby is Regan's son." He sarcastically said.
"Shut up." Asik ko.
Natawa naman to at ngumuso sa baby. "Sinong nanay, Zephyr?" seryosong tanong niya. Naupo naman ako sa kama ko at tinignan ang mukha ni Zach na natutulog ulit.
"I don't know. He just popped in my door and the letter told me I am the father." I sighed in frustration. I hope this is just a bad nightmare. "You know I can't have this baby. I am a known bachelor bro. I can't have this kid! Tapos ang dami ko pang pangarap gawin!"
"And you can't fuck pussies now that you have that." He teased me. "Ilang buwan na ba yan?"
"I don't know. Three months, maybe?" I shrugged.
"So, a year ago, sinong kinama mo na pinutok mo lahat sa loob niya?" Tanong niya pero napa-iling lang ako.
"Can't remember. Wala kong naalalang may kinama akong babae."
"Pa'no yan? Hindi ba't babalik ka pa sa States?" tanong niya. Tumayo naman ako at binalik sa crib si Zach bago kami lumabas ng kuwarto.
"Hindi ko din alam, bro. Baka mag-stay muna ko dito. I need to find his mom first."
"Pa'no 'pag di mo nahanap?"
"Then I'm fucked up."
SATURDAY morning, mom and dad went to see me in my penthouse. Wala akong pasok ngayon at halos kakagising ko lang din dahil sa pag-iyak ni Zach nang dumating sila. Mom cooked breakfast and I was trying to make Zach stop crying but damn it, he just hates it whenever I carry him like this. Hindi ko alam kung bakit lalo siyang umiiyak tuwing kinakarga ko siya pero hindi na talaga ako natutuwa.
"Akin na nga," saad ni dad na hindi na ata makatiis dahil kanina pa niya ako pinapanood na hirap na hirap sa pagkarga sa bata. Nang ibigay ko sa kanya si Zach ay agad naman 'tong tumahan.
I rolled my eyes. "Bakit 'pag sa'yo ang bilis tumahimik?"
"It means, mas gusto niya ang lolo niyang pogi," nginisian ako nito bago hinalik-halikan ang pisngi ni Zach na kinatawa naman ng bata. "O 'di ba? You like me Zachy? You like my kiss?"
"Damn, I can't believe you, dad." Usal ko tsaka naupo sa dinning chair. Naupo naman si dad sa tapat ko at nilapag ni mommy ang mga niluto niya sa mesa bago tinabihan si daddy. Sumunod din ang kapatid ko at tumabi sa akin. There was a long silence before mom looked at me and smiled with a hint of uneasiness.
"Anak, we have to tell you something." Mom said and they were staring at me intently.
"What is it?"
"Your dad and I will be having a vacation in Maldives. One month kami doon lalo na't malapit na ang anniversary namin."
"What?" I said almost whispering. "But mom, sinong magaalaga kay Zach?"
"We're looking for a nanny," sagot ni dad. "Kapag hindi pa kami nakahanap until tomorrow, kakausapin ko ang ate Sera mo."
"But she has her family. And wait, does she even know about the baby? Sila uncle alam na ba nila?" naguguluhang tanong ko. Now I'm really fucked up, big time.
"Kaya mo naman na siguro alagaan si Zach kahit walang katulong, 'di ba? You should be a hands-on dad to your child." Naka-ngiting tanong ni mommy. Damn, why is this happening to me? Ano bang klaseng kasalanan ang ginawa ko noon at ganito ang parusa ko ngayon?
"I have work, mom. Hindi na nga ko gaanong nakakatulog 'pag—"
"We know that, Zephyr. Alam mo din yan dahil nakita mo kung paano mapuyat ang daddy mo kay Jupiter noon. Nagrereklamo ba siya? Wala nga kaming katulong noon sa pagaalaga sa kapatid mo."
"But dad has you, mom." Puno ng hinanakit na saad ko. I swear to all fucking gods that I will strangle Zach's mom if I ever see her. "I'm alone, okay? Wala kong asawa. I'm a single man!"
"That's what you get when you explode your load to a girl's pussy." Singit ni Jupiter kaya inis ko siyang tinignan. Agad naman siyang nagtaas ng kamay habang naka-ngisi.
"Grow the fuck up, son," sagot ni dad sa'kin, "Ikaw may gawa niyan, now take responsibility."
"Dad, come on. This baby ain't mine!"
"Hanggang ngayon ba naman sinasabi mo pa din 'yan?" pagalit na tanong ni mommy na kinatahimik ko. "When are you going to accept the fact that you are now a father, Zephyr? Akala ko ba nagkaintindihan na tayo?"
"No one helps me, all right?!" I shouted and dad slammed the table with his fist. "Okay, I'm sorry I shouted at you mom. But please? Hindi pa ko handa para dito."
"Kaya binigay ng Diyos sa'yo ang batang 'yan ay para maging responsableng tao ka, Zephyr." Kalmadong saad ni mommy. "This is only a challenge, son. Alam namin ng daddy mo na malalampasan mo to."
"This is harder than dealing with a business proposal." I sighed and laid my back in my seat.
"Hindi napagaaralan ang pagiging magulang, Zephyr. Wala sa textbooks sa school kung paano maging magulang. Ikaw mismo ang tutuklas niyan sa sarili mo."
I desperately looked at my parents. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't be a father. I don't know how to be a parent. I can't even stand the smell of the baby's poop. How can they be so calm telling me to take responsibility for that child? I thought it was easy at first but damn, it's not!
"I'm thinking of putting him on an adoption." I said and my mom automatically slapped me. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya at napahawak sa pisngi ko. Mom never slapped me in my entire life, not until now.
"Are you out of your mind, Zephyr?!" she screamed and dad tried to calm her. "Ganyan ba kakitid ang utak mo at balak mong ipa-ampon ang sarili mong anak? Never in my entire life that I thought of doing that even if your dad wasn't on my side when I give birth to you! Kahit naghiwalay kami ng daddy mo at kahit nagalit ako sa kanya noon ay hindi ko kailan man inisip na ipamigay ka sa iba!"
"We all know that this baby ain't mine, mom! Bakit ba pinagpipilitan niyo sa'kin ang batang 'yan? You believed that letter more than me?! Akala ko ba naiintindihan mo na ko?"
"Fatima, calm down." Pigil ni dad at pilit na pinapaupo si mommy. Napayuko naman ako. I instantly regretted what I said but I needed to say my feeling out loud. I can't accept the baby! Hindi ko kaya magkaro'n ng responsibilidad. I have a lot of dreams to pursue and having this child will just slow me from reaching it! Fuck!
Napahinga ako nang malalim at tumingin kay mommy. "I'm sorry." Bulong ko. Katahimikan ang bumalot sa'min at nang kumalma si mom ay muli itong nagsalita.
"I'm sorry for slapping you, Zeph. I just want to knock some sense into your brain." Tumango naman ako at nanatiling nakayuko. Maybe this is really my fate. Maybe I was meant to be punished by having a baby that ain't mine and being a single father. Funny but damn, my life's going to be hell.