| Annalise Lauren |
"What More Can I Give?"
Opening the door to the apartment, my mother was already standing in the hallway. After a long day of school and ice skating, all I wanted to do was to drop dead on my bed, and not have to wake up ever again. I didn't need my mother to speak to me, like she usually would avoid me.
"Annalise" the way my name sounded in her mouth made me swallow down whatever anger had simmered in my stomach at my older brother. I hated that she took away all of my anger and made me this quiet girl all the time.
It was like I was always walking around her on eggshells. I never spoke to her because I was unsure whether I was saying the right or wrong thing. I couldn't talk to her like every other daughter talked to their mother. I felt that everything I did was being watched under her microscope. Her mood swings changed so quickly the average person would believe she was bi-polar.
"Why did I find this under your bed? Why is it all below an A?" my mother demanded, as she shook a perfect piece of paper that I had never seen in my life. "That's not mine" I murmured, trying to get a better look at the shaking piece of paper.
"Yes you do because it has your name on it and it was in your room" I wanted to laugh. Just because something was found in my room, with my name on it, instantly made it mine, in my mother's eyes at least.
"Well, I don't know what it is" I dropped my bag off of my shoulder and into my hand, as I took a step to go around my mother. "If this does not pick up, then I will be taking you off the ice skating team, and Lyla can replace you. She is so much better than you anyways"
I felt the tears brimming at the back of my eyes. She had never stooped as low as saying that Layla, the girl that had always stolen my medals and achievements. My own mother had watched it happen, but yet she was still allowed to stand here and say what she just did.
"You didn't mean that. You know that I'm more deserving of it" I muttered under my breath. But, my mother had always told me, growing up, that she never lied; she was a truth teller. "It's the truth Annalise. If you don't do any better, than your done"
I didn't have anything else left to give her. I had nothing more in my heart to give ice skating. "What more can I give you?!" I choked on the sobs as she turned her back on me. She always did this when she had nothing more to say to my face, while she spoke about me to my father.
"What more do I have to do to prove myself to you!? I'm not Riley, mom. I'm not her" I sobbed, letting my bags drop from my hands as I wiped my eyes but the tears kept falling down. I knew I had hit her hard with bringing Riley up, but she had hit me too deep one too many times. I was done with the way she had been treating me my entire life. "I'm not Riley"
"You do not get to say that name around me! You hear me?" she turned around, shoving her finger in my face, as her face burned red, before she stormed off down the hallway. "Riley Lauren is dead and I had nothing to do with it!" I shouted at her back, before I grabbed my bags, and I was out of the apartment.
I crashed into a body, dropping the bags I had picked up in my hands, as I could barely see where I was going. "Can you move please?" I questioned the person, sliding the bags over my shoulders, before I stood up to my full height. I wiped the tears away from my eyes, but they still streamed down my cheeks, not looking like they would stop for a while.
"What happened?" Aiden grabbed my chin in his hands, but I harshly pushed him away from him. "Fuck off Aiden" I noticed his little girlfriend behind him, smirking her little asse off. "And get the fuck away from me, Ashley, you bitch" I gave her a shove before my brother pulled me away from her.
"Don't be a fucking brat, Annalise. What happened!?" he shouted at me, before I gave him another shove. "Hannah Lauren happened. Is that enough for you, Aiden? What more do I have to give for you to realize I'm not a whore or a slut?!" I started, getting the response I needed from him.
He was silent, his jaw dropped to the ground, as he had nothing else to say. I was nowhere near finished with him, nor my mother. "Yeah, that's right. You called your own sister a whore and a slut. Maybe there is nothing I can do to change your thoughts, but just know, I hate Angus Armani and his little possie. I hate you"
And with that, I sidestepped my brother and his girlfriend, as I walked to the elevator. "Annalise, what do you mean? I didn't say that" he seemed so confused, as I pressed the button for the elevator. "You know that girl that was on the ground today? Yeah, that was me. The girl that your girlfriend forced bruises onto her spine, was me. The same little sister you've always hated"
Just as the elevator doors open, Ashley grabbed my hair, and pulled me back. "Your a bitch. I didn't do that. You don't have any proof, you little liar" she sneered in my ear, but it was loud enough for Aiden to hear from behind us.
"Ash, baby, let her go" the way Aiden said that made me cringe, but I didn't care. I dropped my bags from my shoulders for a third time, before lifting my vest, jumper and long-sleeved top up, so my brother and Ashley could see the damage that had been done. She had pushed hard enough in those specific spots, where I could not hurt myself from falling on the ice.
It was evident that there was old bruises and scars there from Ashley's previous torture, but these were the worst. They hurt like the bitch that she was. I pushed the button as I pulled down my top and jumper, before grabbing everything else. "Have a lovely dinner with Hannah and James" I said, smiling and waving them as the doors closed and I was alone for what felt like had been forever since I was.
I didn't usually call my parents by their first names, but now it felt right. They were not really my parents, or to me they weren't. They had never cared about me. And for some reason, that ad never bothered me and I don't think it ever will.
My mother had always had a favorite, and that was Riley. She was my older sister. She had a twin brother, who I absolutely adored. River and Riley were killed in a car accident, while they were in a taxi on the way back from a party. It was the one time I was out of town with my mother for a ice skating competition, and Aiden was home with dad, waiting for them.
My mother hated any time that she was away from home, in particular, when she was away from Riley and River, but Riley was always preferred. The two of them were better than Aiden and I, but Aiden was still better than me no matter what.
The accident happened on the same day that my mother watched my captaincy and gold medal be stripped from me, and then on the way home, we found out that Riley and River had been taken to hospital, and Riley was not doing well. She died on the way while River died as soon as he got there. The driver died at the scene.
That was always why my mother said I wasn't good enough and took up too much of her time, when I didn't take up any of her time. I was 13 at the time, dealing with the guilt and mourning over my older twin siblings.
But I wasn't good enough for that. My mother eventually forgot my real name from time to time, didn't even know my birthday and was never there for anything that had to do with me. It seemed that two years later she was coming back, but this was what had happened my entire life.
She would come and go, and I could do nothing about it. I had nothing more to show to her, so I wasn't good enough. I wasn't a Lauren at heart.
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thoughts? xx