For about twenty minutes, I cried in Dim's office. Afterward, I pulled myself together enough to return to the auditorium, where I found the team's immediate shock at Dim's resignation had shifted into a palpable feeling of grief. I returned to my seat next to Boss and Mann and silently watched the sorrowful scene. Teammates were weeping openly; others were quieter with their sobbing, their heads hung low as tears trickled down their faces and fell upon the floor. A few mates cried on each other's shoulders, lamenting the loss of our beloved coach. As the minutes dragged by, a reflective silence took hold of the team, only punctured occasionally by a sniffle or cough.
Cheerleaders began to trickle in a little before five o'clock, bringing with them the sense that news of Dim's resignation was spreading quickly. Although they were not as close to Dim as we were, the cheerleaders joined us in silence and kept their talking to a minimum. Tine arrived at five and gave me a tight hug from behind before sitting in the seat behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulders, and I leaned my head onto it.
Cookie walked into the auditorium slowly, her eyes behind a pair of dark sunglasses. She appeared to be as shaken as the team was.
"Let's, uh, let's meet tomorrow," she said in a shaky voice. "You guys, uh, look like you may need some time to process this, and I kinda do, too. I might need some time to figure out how, uh, we'll move forward with Open House next weekend." She sighed deeply. "So, uh, yeah, you guys are dismissed." She walked out of the auditorium, not speaking to anyone as she exited.
Green's absence created an additional ache in my heart, although no one mentioned it or even seemed to notice that he wasn't there.
I turned to speak to Tine over my shoulder. "Let's go outside."
He nodded and smiled. "Let's go."
We walked outside and sat on the steps of the Fitness Center. I could tell from his questioning eyes that he wanted to ask me how I was doing or if I wanted to talk about my feelings, but surprisingly he said nothing, even when I put my head on his shoulder. He leaned his head against mine, and we quietly watched across the campus lawn as the sun began dipping into the horizon.
For a while, I considered telling Tine about crying in Dim's office and how I felt partly responsible for Dim's resignation. However, I knew that it could lead to me spilling more information about Dim and Green's relationship, and that would only lead Tine closer to the truth about how everything between him and I had unfolded. So, I sat with my head on his shoulder and said nothing, only sighing now and again when my sadness became heavier.
Soon the sun set, and the streetlamps illuminated the campus lawn.
"Are you hungry?" Tine asked.
"Not really," I said, only to have my stomach growl loudly immediately afterward.
Tine chuckled. "Come to my dorm, and let's order a pizza." He nuzzled his head against mine. "And, if you wanna talk about how you're feeling, we can talk. Okay?"
I couldn't fight the smile that had curved my lips. I hadn't been to Tine's room in so long because he rarely invited me. "Okay," I replied.
Tine stood from the steps and offered a hand to help me up. I smiled shyly as I took it and stood face-to-face with him. I didn't want to let go of his hand, and I was surprised when he didn't pull away. We simply began walking, hand-in-hand, to his dorm room. As we walked, we playfully bumped shoulders every few steps. I could feel people watching us, and it made me feel happier. I was glad they saw my boyfriend supporting me when I felt sad.
In Tine's room, I sat on the floor with my back against his bed while he ordered the pizza. He sat next to me as we waited for the delivery.
Our poster is famous," Tine said with a little chuckle. "Everyone's talking about it more than they are talking about anyone else's poster. They are talking about it more than about Open House."
I grinned. "Really?"
Tine seemed to perk up a little. "Yeah!" he beamed. "Everyone's asking if you and I are really together."
"Who asked?"
"A few people," Tine said coyly. "Phailin said she was happy for me. She said it was good that Green was chasing me, or you and I wouldn't have met."
The words squeezed my chest. If Phailin believed it was good that Green had chased Tine, it made me think that others could also feel the same way and perhaps begin to ask more questions about how everything had played out.
"I, uh, guess maybe she's right," I said unconvincingly.
Tine smiled. He reached for his phone and began playing a Scrubb song. For a while, we listened and hummed along. Then Tine asked, "Did you know Dim was gonna quit? It's so sudden, y'know." He paused before quickly adding, "I mean if you want to talk about it. We don't have to."
"I had no idea," I admitted. I looked down at my hands. "I'm just... I'm disappointed in myself. I should have seen how unhappy he was."
"Don't blame yourself for that," Tine frowned.
"But he was my friend." I sighed. "It's not just about losing my coach. I lost my friend. I was too busy with my own life to pay attention to his."
Tine said nothing for a moment. Then he said, "I respect your loyalty to Dim as your friend, and I'd never want you to betray his trust or anything, but... what really happened yesterday?"
My breath caught in my chest, and I felt a chill wash over me. Yesterday...
Tine, sensing my hesitation, said, "We don't have to talk about it. I was just wondering."
"I know," I said, placing a hand on one of his hands.
"It's just, y'know, we're boyfriends now," Tine said, "and you don't have to hold anything in if it's weighing you down or causing you pain." He squeezed my hand. "I'm here for you."
I feared answering Tine's question about what had happened in the Fitness Center the day before. If I revealed too much information, I could potentially implicate myself later. Still, I couldn't pretend I didn't know anything or only knew a limited amount of information. Tine clearly saw that Dim and I were friends, Green and Dim had some sort of incident, and that I had not told him all the information I knew about their relationship.
A few moments of silence passed between Tine and me before he finally asked, "Is Green the student Dim was seeing?" I opened my mouth, unsure what to say, when Tine added, "It's actually pretty obvious to me, especially after yesterday. I mean, who else could it be?"
With a sigh, I nodded. "Yeah, it's Green."
Tine gave a light. "Hmm," then said, "I thought they hated each other. They didn't get along whenever they were around each other." He turned to me. "Was that just a way to confuse people so no one would know about them?"
A lump formed in my throat as my heart sped up. How the fuck am I gonna answer that?!
Tine was about to speak again when the door's buzzer went off. I popped up from the floor before Tine could even react. "I'll get it," I said, almost stumbling towards the door. I opened it and waited for the delivery person to come.
"You must be starving," Tine said sarcastically behind me.
"Kinda," I mumbled.
The delivery guy was surprised to see me standing in the door frame. He peeked into the room and eyed Tine watching me. "Oh, I've seen you guys on a poster!" he exclaimed. "You guys are dating?"
"Yeah, that's us," I said quickly, paying him and closing the door in his face.
As I sat back on the floor, Tine got us some plates and napkins. He pulled a huge slice and put it on his plate, and I did the same with my plate. We ate quietly for the first minute or so.
"Did Dim ever talk to you about Green?" Tine asked. "Did anyone on the team know?"
I stopped midchew. The thought of lying to Tine made my chest ache because I hadn't ever intentionally or maliciously lied to Tine. I stuffed more pizza in my mouth, hoping it would buy me some time to think of a way to reply.
After I swallowed, I said, "He never told the team." This was, in fact, the truth. He hadn't told the team about Green or their relationship. And, technically, he hadn't told me; I had discovered their relationship by accident.
"So, if Green and Dim were seeing each other," Tine began, "do you think Green was even interested in dating me?" He laughed. "I know it sounds crazy, but... do you believe he was chasing me or trying to get Dim's attention?"
Instantly, I turned the question around on Tine. "What do you think?"
"I dunno," he replied, taking another bite of his pizza. "I don't really know Green or Dim. I only met Green at orientation, and he was suddenly chasing me. I thought he was crazy!"
"Why?" I smirked, happy that Tine had given me a way to divert the conversation. "Aren't you Mr. Chic, who is used to getting attention? Look at how much attention it's given you now. You've got me!"
Tine rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Well, Green was giving me so much attention." He took a bite of his pizza. "Now that I think about it, maybe he was giving me too much attention." Tine studied my face, waiting for a reply.
"He can be a little unpredictable," I smiled. "But, in the end, I was the one who stole your heart."
"You're cheesier than this pizza," Tine laughed.
I laughed with him, relieved from the weight of his questions. I hoped we could move on from it, but my hopes were in vain.
"What if Green just wanted to make Dim jealous?" Tine wondered. "What if I was just a piece of a much larger puzzle or game?"
I almost choked on my pizza. I quickly took a big gulp of soda.
"Wouldn't that be crazy?" Tine asked.
"Why?"
"Well, if he was trying to make Dim jealous," Tine began, "he could have just told me. Then I wouldn't have been so afraid of him."
"That's true, I guess," I said between bites.
"But, then again, I don't know if I'd want to be a part of someone's plan, especially when it deals with love and feelings."
I coughed, almost choking on my food again.
Tine eyed me suspiciously. "You okay?"
"Oh yeah," I replied quickly.
"So, what do you think?"
"I dunno," I said with a shrug.
"I'm sure you have some opinion or insight," Tine grinned.
Like a bolt of lightning, a thought hit me. "Well, didn't you scheme with your friends?" I asked. "That's how you approached me. So, isn't that the same thing?"
Tine shook his head. "No, no, it's different," he insisted. "I wasn't trying to get Green's attention or love, and I wasn't trying to get yours. I was trying to get Green to leave me alone without breaking his heart too much." He smiled. "And I wasn't trying to get you to notice or fall in love with me, so none of this was planned."
I shrugged, determined to get him to focus on his scheme. "But you still used me to get what you wanted from Green," I said. "So, it is the same thing."
Tine shook his head again. "No, it's different. I never wanted to hurt Green's feelings, and I never did anything to hurt him or make him jealous. And I never led Dim into believing I was interested in Green at all."
"Okay," I replied, unable to come up with a quick retort.
"Do you think what we did was wrong?" Tine asked, watching me closely.
"I dunno about right and wrong," I admitted, "but I guess what I'm saying is, it isn't surprising that you'd think Green might have done this to get Dim's attention. People do crazy things for love, even scheme. So, Green might have schemed to get Dim's attention, but you also schemed to make Green think to look elsewhere." I smiled. "But, in the end, you got me, and so you won the prize!"
Tine burst out laughing. "Prize?!" He punched my shoulder playfully. "You think too highly of yourself!"
I laughed with him, happy that I had perhaps dodged a bullet for another day. But I could feel the gun getting closer. How is this gonna turn out, I wondered to myself as I watched Tine put the leftover pizza into the fridge.