(Mumbo)
"What are you going to do about those riots, Mumbo?"
"Are you planning on seceding like The Perimeter?"
"Is it true you banned Scar from ever playing in the professional leagues again?"
"What is your opinion on the tax act and the rewarding of Hotguy?"
What was practically a sea of news vans were parked in front of my house, no matter how many times I tried to get them to leave. I don't even know how they got my address.
"I need you all to leave! I am quite busy, if you can't tell!" I yelled from my office balcony.
"We understand, Mr. Jumbo, but if you could just answer a few questions for Hermitcity Daily?" one of the bigger stations called back. Grumbling, I went back into my office and picked up the phone.
"Jimmy?" I asked once Boatem's sheriff picked up.
"What can I do for you, Mumbo?" Jimmy asked.
"If you have some time, I need a little... help, up at my vault." I said, rubbing my forehead.
"Hold on... holy moly, dude. I'm on my way now with all the backup I can muster." Jimmy gasped. I sighed in relief.
"Thanks, man. You're a life saver." I said. Silence for a moment.
"Just doing my job, sir. We'll be there in five." he said before hanging up. Groaning, I leaned back and rubbed my head.
Five minutes later, Jimmy and his partner, Sausage, were in my office.
"We have five other pairs down there dispersing the reporters. Let's just say that they aren't happy about it.
Suddenly, the buzz of a drone filled the room. All my papers, some really important ones, went flying.
"Get your drone OFF the balcony!" Jimmy yelled. And sure enough, a camera drone had found its way onto the balcony.
"We will, Sheriff, once Mr. Jumbo answers a few questions for the Stratos Times." a robotic voice came from the drone. Seriously? An interview via drone?
"I'll give you one more warning: land your drone and leave." Jimmy said tersely.
"The people deserve the news!"
"And this man deserves his right to privacy." Jimmy growled, whipping a six-shooter from its holster and pumping three rounds into the drone.
Sparking and whining, it spun out of control and plummeted to the ground three stories below. A few shouts of surprise followed.
Sighing, Jimmy reholstered his gun.
"Sorry about that. I'll get the window." he said, closing it.
"What's all this about?" Sausage asked cheerfully, picking up one of the papers. Blueprints. Of a weapon.
"Don't touch that!" I blurted, standing and taking it from him. But it didn't matter. He had already seen it. Frowning, he siffled through the papers.
He whistled.
"Dang. Jimmy, check this." he said.
"Please. Don't." I pleaded. But that only made Jimmy, poor, clueless Jimmy, more curious.
After a moment he looked at me in shock. He grabbed a piece of scrap paper and wrote something on it.
"Is this place bugged?" it read. Frowning, I wrote a reply.
"Yes. Yes, I think it is."
He made a few vague hand motions to Sausage. Sausage nodded, and they began searching the place.
"What are you doing?" I asked. Jimmy shushed me, frustrating me but making me more curious.
After a moment they dumped a pile of little metal things onto my desk.
"That should be all of the bugs." Jimmy said, dusting his hands off.
"Why'd you need to do that?" I asked.
"We need to talk about these papers." he said, motioning to the coup plans on my table. I winced.
"Who is I, G, and P?" he asked.
"I am not at the liberty to say." I said. Jimmy snorted.
"We want to HELP, dumbass. Where can you put the police force on in this?"
I frowned.
"Seriously?" I asked. Sausage nodded.
"Yes. Seriously."
"Well... you've probably heard of King Impulse SV, right?" I asked hesitantly. They nodded.
"Well, that's who I is. G is Gem, an elf that washed up on shore as a baby that he took in as his own." I explained. Jimmys eyes went wide.
"He's still ALIVE!? How?" he asked, shocked. I shrugged.
"Dwarves live a long time." I said.
"And who's P?" Sausage asked.
"Our secret weapon."
///////////////////
(Pearl)
Their 'secret weapon' was not happy to be called that.
I didn't want to be seen as a weapon anymore, I just wanted to be seen as a human being. But when you go red and start killing people, and since the crazier ones started with cannibalism, that definition kinda goes out the window.
Heh. Out the window. I've gotten kills that way.
Anyways, back to our plans to overthrow Ren and whatnot.
"We have the BPC on our side now, according to Mumbo. I guess... I guess we just make the announcement. Of independence, I mean." Impulse said. Gem and Mumbo nodded in agreement.
"I'll call over Jimmy." Mumbo said, picking up the phone and dialing his number.
It had been a few days since the incident at Mumbo's manor. We had been planning, writing our own constitution, setting up a new government, etc.
A few minutes later, Jimmy, the Sheriff of Boatem City, walked in. Sausage wasn't with him, instead there was a newscast crew. Keralis, I think the cameraman's name was. He quickly set up a streaming set in front of Mumbo's desk. Me, Impulse, Gem, and Jimmy took our seats around Mumbo.
"Alright, sweet faces... live in three... two... one... go." Keralis said. Mumbo took a deep breath and began.
"Good evening, friends around and in Boatem. We've had a long standoff with news reporters, King Ren, and his assassins. We've been trying to peacefully resolve the so-called "Hotguy Incident", but Ren refuses to punish him. Instead, he has punished Boatem further by raising our taxes again. But enough is enough. Today, on November 19 of the year of 2023, Boatem is now its own independent nation. I will be our Interim President until we can hold a proper election. Sitting next to me is my 'court', or rather Senate. Impulse SV was once King of Boatem before Ren's ancestors overthrew him. Gem here is his daughter, and she will serve as my advisor and head of foreign relations. Sheriff Jimmy Solidarity will stay at his post, but as Sheriff of the entire police force of our nation. Finally, we have Pearl. She will serve as our general and head of military. She has more experience in war than any man or woman in Ren's military.
"As I close this broadcast, I have a message for both President Doc and King Ren. First, to Doc: you have an ally in Boatem if you wish. We will send the forces we can to help you defend your liberty. And Ren: we don't wish for peace. We're coming for you. We won't stop until you are dead and we bring and end to the Dogwarts Regime. Watch your back, 'your highness.'"
Keralis cut the stream and gave us the thumbs up.
"Great speech, sweet face! I got chills just listening to it, especially at the part about coming for Ren." he said cheerfully as he packed up. Mumbo rubbed his forehead. Jimmy put a comporting hand on his shoulder.
"I may have just started a world war..." he mumbled. I shook my head.
"This? This isn't a world war. This is a civil war. Trust me, I've seen both." I assured him.
"Shit... guys, you may wanna hear this." Impulse suddenly said, flicking on the TV.
"Welcome back to War Zone, where we give 24/7 updates on whatever wars are in progress. Boy, do we have a package for you today. Boatem has left the Union, allying themselves with The Perimeter and giving a chilling threat to his highness DIRECTLY. What is King Ren going to do about this development?
"In The Perimeter, The Royal Army suffered an embarrassing loss. They attempted what Queen Ran tried in the first Dogwarts war: a Lightning War, or marching right past the opposition and storming the capital. Ren attempted this, but Perimeter forces cut them off right outside the Capital and absolute massacred our military. The Royal Army is retreating back to Perimeter City, the only city they've managed to capture thus far. And... um.
"I'm not sure what to think of this, folks... the state of Thundertop no longer exists. The barbarians of The Savage Lands have launched a surprise attack on the capital city of Stratos and took the city in a matter of minutes. Police stood no chance. There were no survivors.
"It looks like we're fighting a three-front war here, folks. Will our great empire survive this? Or will it fall like the empires of old? This is VintageBeef from Hermitcity News, signing off."
/////////////////////////
(Cleo)
I clutched the DNA tests in trembling hands.
I dropped it on the table and clumsily picked up the phone and dialed a number I'd been avoiding for years. Before I could change my mind, I dialed it. I was surprised at how quickly he picked up the phone.
"Hello? Who is this?" Etho asked.
"Before you hang up, I have something important to tell you." I blurted. I heard him swear colorfully from the other end.
"Cleo? Damnit... it's been a while, huh?" he asked, voice flat. I winced at the bluntness.
"I'm sorry to bug you, but... I found them." I said. Silence.
"Found who?"
"Our sons. It's Scar and Bdubs. They're both on the court with me." I explained. He swore again.
"I... I don't know what to do, Etho." I said. I heard him chuckle.
"Am I understanding this right? You need my help?" he asked. I sighed.
"Yes."
"I'll help, if you admit it." he said smugly. I glared at the phone.
"Etho, I need your help." I got out. He laughed. Genuinely, this time.
"Alright. I'm on my way. Hopefully I can get through the the blockade..." he said, trailing off. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thank you, Etho. I don't know how to repay you." I said. He chuckled.
"Thank me later."
//////////////////
(Scar)
"I have a special assignment for you, Hotguy. If you succeed, you will be redeemed for what happened in Boatem." Ren said. I rose from my knee.
"Anything." I said, determined. He handed me a photo.
"I should've had him killed right away. I need you to do it." he said. I studied the photo. I recognized him vaguely.
"I'll get it done sir. In and out." I said. Ren smiled viciously.
"Good. Bring me the head of Impulse SV, Sir Scar."