+ + +
R.HAMILTON
Abu Dhabi came around faster than the car that Alden drove around the circuit on the weekend. It was extremely liberating to walk around the paddock with Harry's hand in River's grasp. The last time they were at a race together they didn't have a good relationship, and looking at everything that happened between that time and the present, River wasn't sure how the hell they made it out.
Ever since the difficult conversation that followed their first time together, they have been honest with each other to a fault. A lot had happened in a month's time, including Chris nearly relapsing but Harry was there for his brother, and River was there for Harry. Even Chris. The brother found it comforting to have River there, their conversations never dull. It was strange, how much she learnt to care for Chris. It worried her when Harry told her about the difficult time they had, and what that meant for the trip she planned for them.
Thankfully, everything worked itself out.
The weekend was filled with great dinners, and even better company. Dexter and Natasha couldn't make it to the final race of the season, and Kaia had to decline at the last minute due to her health. Apparently, she'd been incredibly nauseous lately and she could barely keep anything down. It wasn't an unexpected pregnancy because the tests were negative therefore to be sure she got an appointment with her doctor. This also put Dorian out of the trip for understandable reasons.
Now, Jax.
Oh, the youngest Hamilton brought chuckles to River because when he turned up, he'd done so with a beautiful woman on his arm. Dark, luscious, thick hair. Eyebrows to match. The world and its many wonders mirrored from within her brown eyes—eyes that made River feel instantly at peace. She spoke elegantly, and sounded well-educated.
It was laughable, when River thought back to her thought process during their first meet. She measured up the young woman like Dexter would've done, putting her up against a ladder of expectations.
Interestingly, she didn't fail.
Besides the lack of wealth attached to her surname, that young woman was everything Jax deserved. Perhaps even needed. Brave to say, sure, River was aware of that, but seeing her brother quite so enchanted with a woman like this was something she never thought would happen.
Val, as she preferred to be called, was the key to the door Jax kept tightly locked from the world. River took in her brother and saw a relaxed version of him. Someone who he hadn't been since he was young. Travelling made him free but Val made him comfortable. River knew they were the perfect match—one that Jax would fight for with everything in him to keep sacred.
Which meant their parents needed to get a hold of themselves because three out of four kids going against their wishes regarding their romantic endeavours was going to put them in the grave early.
Harry entertained Val while River took Jax by his tanned arm and she leaned against his shoulder with a giggle. It made Jax laugh and hold his sister's hand tighter.
"What?" he deadpanned.
"My baby brother is in love," she sang, eyes hid behind dark shades to keep the sun away. They came to a stop and faced each other just as Jax rolled his eyes but remained unable to bite back his grin. "She is gorgeous, Jax. Where did you find her?"
Jax laughed as he played off the question. It filled in the blanks for River. No doubt a one-night stand or similar.
"Never mind that," she sighed, head tilted. "She is really great, brother. I'm happy for you."
"I know," he nodded, yet stood taller, his shoulders farther back like he was truly proud of the woman he now had in his life. "I don't want Mother to know. Or Father. They'll try to lecture me about getting my head screwed on. I want to enjoy some peace with Val before any of that blows up."
"I hear you," River promised, then grinned and almost walked up to her brother and pinched his cheeks. The fact that they were in public with people around who held phones in their hands, kept her in control. "It is best to attack with a plan."
Jax smirked. "Is that what you did?"
"Hm?"
The youngest Hamilton tsked. Rolled his eyes. Folded his arms over his chest. "Harry?"
River smiled. Caught herself quickly and cleared her throat. "What about him?"
"Oh, come. on," he laughed. "You seemed to enjoy his company months ago at the McAllister Fundraiser, and now he is suddenly flattering his wings around you, trying to find the best way to cater to your every need. I've been gone for a little less than three months and I'm already out of loop."
"He is not doing such a thing," River defended but it was true. Jax was right. Harry did do his best to make up for what happened a month ago, and truth be told, River enjoyed it. The begging for forgiveness was something she never experienced. She found Harry was perfect at it.
"Regardless, you got through to our parents which I feel is the greatest accomplishment one can achieve in our family," he joked but again he was correct. Blood, sweat, and tears were sometimes not enough to get a simple compliment out of Dexter and Natasha Hamilton but somehow, it worked this time.
It called for suspicion but River chose to ignore it for now.
River played off the comment from Jax until they spoke about his time in Thailand, and what would be next on his busy itinerary. In hindsight, it was obvious he would never return to London full-time. If, and when, he chose to settle down, it would not be anywhere near his birthplace which River could completely understand. The pressures of what life there brought were not worth it, and sometimes she wished she could pack up and leave.
Thankfully, thoughts as such were quickly replaced by smiles and laughter as Harry stole her back away. Between buildings and vehicles, they found plenty of privacy to make out like helpless teenagers. The thrill of being caught, the thrill of the freedom this new environment provided them was worth every moment she spent pressed between his warm, firm body and the cool feel of the metal building at her back.
+ + +
Sometimes, River wondered what it would be like when she got pregnant. Seeing Jade at seven months made her wonder if she could do it. The lack of ability to move properly. The constant need to sit. Then there was the profuse sweating which completely ruined everything.
Considering the end product—was it worth it?
Well, River knew if she asked specific people that question would be answered accordingly. For example, if she went to her parents, they would claim it was worth it. Not because they genuinely believed it was worth having children, but more because they grew up being taught that they needed to continue the family name through generations. When considering them, River knew she would eventually need to succumb and bring a new life into this world.
The thoughts were overwhelming and they made her zone out. She lost the conversation that flowed between her family around the table. When she glanced to her right, Harry looked back at her, and her heart started to race.
She wished for him to be a part of her family.
He felt like he was a part of her family.
Definitely when he sat with them, a grin on his handsome face that she didn't think would ever grace the group of Hamiltons around them.
Harry fit in which was perhaps the most overwhelming factor. Before, she didn't think how it would work with her family. Every occasion they spent together was usually the two of them. This weekend? It was them two and her family. It was a new dynamic but one that seemed to gel with ease.
The fact that the parents were not present added to the lightness of the mood around the table.
Her brothers ganged up on Harry as they teased him about something, Jade told them off for it, while Val entertained herself with the glass of white wine she nursed all night. River, still completely zoned out, barely caught the sound of their laughter mixing but what she did hear caused her to smile, content.
It was worth it. Going up against her parents? It was worth it on more than one level.
She felt free. She felt like she could love Harry honestly and truly. She felt ready to tackle the world and continue her job to the best of her ability. For a while, she didn't have this energy. She was happy, sure. But she felt limited. To keep Harry a secret was to hide away parts of her that he brightened, that he filled perfectly.
There was no other feeling like this. In fact, she didn't know how to best describe it.
The lights were bright, and it was a balmy evening. Darkened skies couldn't quiet the world around them. Music came from inside the restaurant, and chatter surrounded the table where Harry and River remained. After some time, Jade excused herself for the evening, and Alden was all too happy—and exhausted—to join his fiancée. Jax wanted to check out one of the night exhibitions he read about online, and Val seemed to be jumping out of her skin to join him. It warmed River's heart—to know that art played such a great role in her brother's life, too.
People watching was entertaining. Hearing Harry comment on what he thought was strange or humours made it even better. He rested one hand on top of River's thigh, fingers wedged between where she crossed her legs. Whenever she glanced down and found his palm enveloping her leg, she squeezed them together and he tightened his grip on her. Ran his thumb over her leg in comfort.
Safe to say, the evening ended with those firm hands on her body, all over, exploring and loving.
+ + +
It was interesting, River concluded. Her life had changed so much and so incredibly fast that it seemed almost unbelievable to think the end of the year was an arm's length away.
The end of the year meant the annual Winter Ball at Oxford which would certainly see Natasha and Dexter. Not once have they missed the event, and the one coming up would not be the first one.
How could they when they knew River was going to take Harry with her?
It was the only way Dexter allowed the loosening of River's leash. Provide a backstory on this supposed love match and voila—she gained some freedom. It was unclear what else Dexter dug up about Harry, and River decided she didn't want to know. It was mortifying enough to clarify why River wanted to date someone.
As if, at twenty-eight, she needed a reason to date.
It was ridiculous but she couldn't do anything about it. Certainly not more than what she achieved already.
Preparing for the Winter Ball was, therefore, the most important part of her schedule from the moment they got back to London. More dance classes. More begging for forgiveness from Harry—which now turned out to be an activity that they both enjoyed, sometimes with chocolate covered strawberries melting on their skin, other times with hushed commands in the darkened room of Harry's office.
A few conversations took place, most of them with a focus around appropriate conversational topics. Not because River didn't believe Harry was capable of conversing with people, but because she didn't want him to worry about anything that could happen. Harry was open and she finally felt like she could breathe—they spoke and he admitted he needed more insight to feel confident at the ball, and River all but teared up as they agreed on a loose schedule.
It was one particular evening at Harry's apartment, when Chris was at his other brother's house, that Harry and River shared a bottle of red wine. There were honest words echoing between the walls of the living room. Emotions that were hard to differentiate from one another. Hands that travelled and explored until they retreated and conversation resumed.
It was that particular evening at Harry's apartment when River almost cried as she realised how much she loved Harry, how truly happy she was, and how absolutely terrifying all of this was.
"I feel it will simply slip between my fingers, a little bit like sand when you're on the beach, and I won't be able to grasp onto it, because the wind is always stronger than the sand," she said, voice a little broken, slightly drunk, too.
Harry rose from his seat and put his wine glass down on the coffee table before them. He folded one leg beneath his body and pulled one of River's hands between both of his.
"River, honey," he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles, his skin warm against hers. She watched him with tears in her eyes and drunk. It wasn't the plan but she needed to let loose before she'd gone insane. "Where is this coming from?"
She shrugged. "You are perhaps everything I ever dreamed of and sometimes, when I go to sleep at night, I'm scared you won't be in my life when I wake up."
"Why?" he asked, his head tilted gently. Harry never stopped rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.
"Good things never last in my life," she responded, quietly, unsure whether this was something she should've shared. Not all of her thoughts needed to be broadcasted, right? "You, Harry Styles, are a very good thing in my life."
He smiled so brightly that River couldn't help copying the gesture. She touched his cheek, warm and soft after he shaved, and she brought his lips closer to hers in a tender kiss.
River's worries seemed to manifest from the deepest parts of her brain. The part where all of her insecurities nestled. Always out of touch, out of sight. Never there to disrupt the carefully crafted perfection she lived day to day.
It was exhausting, if she had to be honest. Living like the world wasn't falling apart around her. It wasn't continuous but the little things added up. The tears she refused to shed in moments of pain, the words she refused to share during anger infused conversations.
Only when she lost her filter, when the alcohol loosened her tongue enough to feel tingles all over her body, did she speak honestly.
Like then. In Harry's living room. More wine in her system than water.
"You know," she giggled as she settled against the couch. Lifted her legs until they stretched over Harry's thighs. He instantly accommodated her comfort as he ran his hands up and down her shins. "If you and I decided to elope right now, my parents couldn't do a thing. Nothing more than disown their only daughter but," she laughed again, folded her arms, and Harry stared at her with an emotion that she couldn't decipher. She didn't want to know. "To do that, they would have to explain why they disowned me which would instantly shed light on the deal between my father and Charlie's father, and honestly? There is so much unknown history with those two that I am surprised I haven't started investigating myself."
"Well," Harry sighed and picked up his wine glass. "I don't know how one would elope, and as much as I would do anything to call you my wife, I will never be the person who comes between you and your family."
"You sort of already have but I made that decision, and I would make it again," the brutal honesty had Harry almost choking on his wine. It made River chuckle. "I'm sorry. That was unnecessary to say but true nevertheless."
"Brutal honesty is what I get for making you drink, huh?" he laughed. River smiled and sipped her wine some more. It tasted so delicious. "Let's hope you don't find your detective skills any time soon."
River thought about what he said. She didn't necessarily need to find her detective skills when she could simply hire someone with them.
"Baby," he called. River lifted her chin to look at him so fast she got dizzy. "You look like you're out to cause trouble."
"Maybe," she hummed.
"What are you thinking?"
A slow, content smirk started to tug at her mouth. She had the wickedest idea of her life. It was going to induce tremendous amount of guilt once she sobered up but she was going to go ahead with this.
"I'm thinking I'm going to blackmail my father," she stated, serious where Harry appeared entertained. "I'm being honest. I'm going to find out the true reason behind the arrangement for me and Charlie, and I'm going to tell my father I will go public with whatever I find unless he dissolves the deal."
"River—"
"No," she interrupted as she pushed herself up from her spot on the sofa. "I'm going to call someone to start this process right now."
"River, you are drunk."
"Likely," she agreed. The room twisted and turned as she walked to the kitchen to grab her phone.
Harry was right behind her. "I think we need to talk about this once we're both sober."
She ignored him.
Harry didn't understand where she was coming from. He would never understand the situation she was in. This... what she proposed? Whether she was influenced by alcohol or not, it gave her power. And River enjoyed power very much. She could completely understand why her father liked making life altering decisions.
This was certainly a life altering decision. For River. For Dexter. For Charlie.
If River had something bad enough in her hands... well, goodluck to everyone involved.
+ + +
Happy Saturday?
This was a filler chapter, plain and simple. I feel like the last few chapters were pretty intense so I needed to lay it back, both for Riverry and myself lmao
Pls excuse any and every typo in the chapter, I did not proof read this chapter, I'm just happy it's out there yk
I shall see you next week :)
Love, B xx