"I told you it was a wrong decision to take up on that cursed job!" Solar's mother hit her daughter's shoulder with a sandal.
"Ow! Eomma!" Solar tried to block her attack.
Moonbyul was frozen in her place; she's shocked at how fast things go from 0 to 100. Moonbyul and Solar just finished the day's work when Solar said she wanted to go visit her family. Solar's sister sent her a text saying she should've come home and had dinner with the family. Moonbyul tagged along because she's clingy and she wanted to eat Solar's mother jjajangmyeon, Solar's mother owns a small Korean restaurant underneath their house.
Alas, when they entered the restaurant, Solar's mother dragged Solar by her ear toward the kitchen and started to yell and smack her. Moonbyul tailed after her unnie without interrupting the family quarrel, she's afraid it wasn't her place to take part.
"Your father faced serious issues in his school because of that rumor about us being North Korean! He is suspended until he can clear his name!" Solar's mother exclaimed.
"What?!" Solar eyes widen.
"You think what you're doing doesn't have consequences?! See it for yourself!" Her mother dragged Solar by her arm towards the back entrance of the restaurant.
Moonbyul followed them and took notice of the brand-new pamphlets stacked on the wall.
'Immigration Notice: Re-Education Camp for North Korean Defectors. Let's Live Comfortably With The Help of Technology and Internet of Things.'
"The whole neighborhood is talking about our family and left those here! They're afraid of us now and stop eating here for lunch, you ruined our family's reputation!" Her mother kept on smacking Solar in chastise, "Not only we're dealing with debt, now you add our burden with this nonsense, how could you do this to me!"
"O-ow! I'm sorry!" Solar shrieked. For the last few days, Solar was under fire from the public. Things blew out of proportion; when she appeared on MBC Radio Star, the rumor started by Eric Nam fans was brought up in the discussion and it took on a horrible turn; now big names in media posted articles about Solar's North Korean and surgery allegation, all because those angry fans hate her for doing WGM with Eric and they simply couldn't find her childhood pictures.
"Why can't you just quit and be a flight attendant?" Her mother stopped her attack, "Now you've seen how horrible of a choice this career is. Quit tomorrow!"
Solar gulped, "No," She said weakly. She was surprised at her mother's outburst, it's been so long since she got hit with sandals, it was probably high school the last time her mother had been like this. She must've been really disappointed with Solar.
"Yongsun-ah!" Her mother cried, "Don't you care for our family at all? We're drowning in debt from your sister's university tuition in UK and me opening up this restaurant. You shouldn't be like this. Just quit the silly job!"
Seeing her mother cry in despair at their bad luck, Solar cried as well, "N-no, I won't quit! This isn't my fault!" She defended herself weakly, her voice faltering from emotion.
"It is your fault! People talk negatively about you in the media because they hate you! And I hate that your popularity brings trouble to our family. Can't you see we're done for if your father gets fired, if my restaurant went bust, all because of you? They would confiscate everything, Yongsun-ah," She cried.
Solar shook her head in denial, "It's not my fault, Eomma," Tears run down her face at her mother's words.
Solar's mother continued her attack with sandal, "You never listen to me since you were a child!" A smack, "Always do whatever you wish!" Another smack.
"Eomma! Stop it!" Yonghee who just got home in full office attire rushed from the kitchen and held her mother's hands away from Solar, "Why are you being like this?" She nagged. Yonghee turned to look at her little sister who's face was crumpled and wet from tears, she looked like the five years old Yongsun who fell from the swing and wailed for her unnie to help her, it soften her heart, "Are you alright, Yongsunnie?"
"Unnie," Solar sobbed, her lips trembling.
"Stop taking her side, Yonghee, it's time we get her on the right track," Their mother stated firmly, she moved to continue her assault.
"Stop it, eomma! I asked her to come here to talk things with us. But clearly, you're not ready to listen," She reprimands back at her mom. Yonghee is similar to their father, who are cold headed and calm. She initially asked Solar to come today because she was worried about her sister's well-being after the nasty public bashing, she didn't expect her mother would blame everything on Solar instead.
Yonghee looked back at Solar, "I'm sorry, Yongsunnie, just go back to your dorm for now, okay? Unnie will call you later,"
Solar only cried on her spot. She's upset at the turn of events.
Yonghee finally noticed Moonbyul who stood nearby, "Byulie, can you take Yongsun home? And take my umbrella there, it may be raining soon," She said kindly.
"Okay, unnie," Moonbyul dutifully did what she was asked. She took Yonghee's umbrella from the kitchen door and wrap her arm around Solar's shoulders, tugging at her to walk beside her. Moonbyul heard the sound of Yonghee and her mom bickering as they re-entered the restaurant.
Moonbyul and Solar walked silently, with only sniffing sound from Solar. She looked shaken from what happened.
Honestly speaking, Moonbyul was shaken too at the family drama. She knew Solar parents opposed her being an idol, but she didn't know her mother was against it so passionately. Come to think about it, the chain of events must've provoked it; Solar doing WGM earned her anti-fans, who spread untrue allegations, that reached her father's school where he teaches and the neighborhood her family lives in, and consequently makes Solar's mother fear about their debt risen to its maximum capacity until her pent up stress blew up at Solar. It was a domino of unfortunate events.
They were walking silently for a while until someone called over, "Yongsun-ah?"
Moonbyul and Solar stopped in their track to turn at the sound.
"Appa!" Solar ran inside his hug, her cry instantly back in full force.
"What's going on, Yongsun-ah? Why are you crying?" Her father stroked Solar's hair in a calming manner.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.." Solar sobbed.
"Why are you sorry?" Her father confused.
"For making troubles.." She wailed, "I didn't mean to mess with your job and mom's restaurant, I'm sorry,"
"Did your mother tell you that? Ssh.. It's nothing, baby girl.." He swayed them left and right to calm Solar, "I just got back from getting our birth certificates. It took me two days to get it from the registration office in our village. With those, your mom and I can prove our citizenship to my school and the entire neighborhood. Everything is going to be alright,"
"Really?" Solar asked hopefully.
Her father chuckled, "You and your mom are both hot-blooded; you are always the first one to react but the last one to solve the problem," He kissed Solar's forehead, "Your dad is here to protect us,"
"You sure it's going to work? I won't make you lose your job and make mom's restaurant bankrupt?" Solar sniveled.
"It's going to work out, darling," He smiled.
"What about our family debt? Can I help with those?"
He sighed, "Look at our little Yong, you're all grown up now, hm?" He cupped Solar's face affectionately, "I wish I could say I can take care of that, but we're still struggling to make ends meet. You can help but only with your extra cash, alright? It's not your burden to bear, honey, it's mine. I don't want you to stress about it," He explained kindly.
Solar shook her head, "I want to help, please," She said in determination.
Her father smiled, "Okay, but don't force yourself okay?" He patted her head, "How are you, baby?"
"I'm fine," She answered weakly.
"It's been tough for you, isn't it?" Her father saw right through her.
Solar nodded and cried, "It's hard.." She hid her face inside her father's chest.
"I wish I could protect our little Yong from the world and only surround you with lovely kind people," Her father sighed wistfully, "Oh, Byulie!" He only noticed her presence, "Thank you for accompanying Yongsun late at night, I'm sure you're tired,"
Moonbyul smiled, "It's not a trouble at all,"
"Aigoo, such a kind friend, tell your parents I said hi. They are welcome to dine here anytime," He stated with a smile.
"Thank you,"
"Appa, mom hit my shoulders with her sandal," Solar complained and report it to her father, "It's not my fault but she keeps on saying it is!" She whined like a little kid.
"Really?" He gasped, "That old hag. I'll talk to her. How come she hit my beautiful daughter?" He stroked Solar's shoulders and crooned at her.
Moonbyul smiled so hard at the scene, it's weird to see her unnie get canoodled by her family. Moonbyul only realized that she rarely saw Solar get taken care of as the youngest in her family. Normally, Solar is always in the setting where she's the oldest among MAMAMOO. But here in her house, she's the baby, the little Yong. It's such an adorable change of scene.
"And Byulie come with me because she wanted mom's jjajangmyeon. Instead of eating, she saw our family drama!" Solar continued her rant, "It's embarrassing!" She moaned upset.
Her father laughed, "Is that so?"
Moonbyul cheek got warm at Solar's words, why is that knucklehead revealing trivial stuff at times like this, "It's not a big deal for me, unnie," She whisper-yelled.
"How could I face her?" Solar hid her face inside her dad's embrace again.
Her father laughed, "I'm sorry you saw that, Byul-ah. Next time you come over, I make sure we gave you that jjajangmyeon, alright?"
"Okay," Moonbyul smiled and nodded.
"It's getting late, should I get a taxi for you girls?" Her father asked, "Pocket money for late dinner?"
"No, it's alright, I want to walk a little bit," Solar said as she removed herself from her father, "I'm glad I meet you before I go,"
"Me too, darling, will you be alright?"
Solar nodded firmly, "As long as you both alright, I'll be alright,"
He kissed Solar's forehead, "Such a good girl. We raised you right," He patted Solar's back, "Go on, Yongsun-ah, take a good rest and put that big smile of yours for tomorrow. My daughter is a fighter. Hwaiting!" He raised his two fists in support.
"Fighting!" Solar raised her fists too, "Bye appa, I'll see you later," She kissed him goodbye.
Moonbyul and Solar parted ways with Solar's father and walked home for real this time. Moonbyul was glad her unnie isn't crying anymore, her spirit was lifted by her father's encouragement. But she seemed still processing what had happened. Moonbyul decided to wait patiently for her.
After twenty minutes of walking without words, the sky finally opened up and rain poured heavily upon them. The gust of wind blew passed the girls, cold and humid and it smelled like earth. The other passerby scampered, they ran looking for shelter to escape the sudden raindrops, only a few brought umbrellas with them and walked calmly on the side of the road.
Moonbyul opened Yonghee's umbrella and pulled Solar underneath it, "Come here, don't want you to get all wet,"
Solar stiffly put her arm around Moonbyul's waist, trying to be closer. She gripped Moonbyul's jacket.
"Are you still embarrassed with me?" Moonbyul rested her arm around her unnie shoulders, enjoying the close proximity with the sound of rain acting as their background music. The drizzle of rain splashed down straight to the ground, the pitter-patter of water droplets on top of their umbrella. The city noises were muted by the downpour. Tonight kept on surprising her.
"Mm," Solar nodded.
"Why?"
"Just because.."
Moonbyul stroked her shoulder, she shut her mouth in case Solar still isn't ready to talk.
"I just.. I can't believe now you know my family's issue.." Solar said in disbelief, "I know we're close but this is beyond any relationship I've ever had. I never shared something big like this with anyone, it's a family secret that should be kept inside the family."
"That's right, we're close, so there's no reason for you to feel embarrassed, unnie. I don't see you differently," Moonbyul stated.
"I'm still ashamed.." She muttered.
"Debt isn't something to be ashamed of, unnie," Moonbyul commented.
Solar huddled closer to Moonbyul at another gust of wind, the evening air was cold, but the rain made it even colder. The bus station is about 30 minutes walk from Solar's house. As someone who was born and raised in Seoul, Solar knew the city very well, her feet took her in the right direction without thinking much about it.
"My mom loves Yonghee more than me," Solar started to open up, "Since I was little, she always praised unnie and support her in doing whatever she wants. But to me, she would nag and complain a lot. My father always said we're similar, that's why we bicker at each other."
Moonbyul stared in sympathy at Solar, "Was it difficult for you when you're little?"
Solar shook her head, "No, my dad was there for me. Unnie sometimes did too, but most of the time she's busy doing her own stuff. That's until she's back from the UK. There's a saying; time and pain can smoothen even the sharpest, rough edges. I think her life abroad was difficult, especially because she's all alone, she came back here as a different person. She became much more loving and warm to us, especially me. So we got along well in the past couple of years,"
Solar sighed, "I mean, mom even took a heavy loan to support her study. Our family isn't as financially stable as yours, Byulie. Money is tight all the time. It has been like that since forever. Now with extra debt from mom opening up her restaurant, she must be stressed out,"
"It's alright, we'll do our concert soon and earn a few hundred million won. We'll help your parents pay their debt," Moonbyul casually said.
Solar stopped in her track, "We?"
Moonbyul halted too and turned around, her unnie shouldn't stop abruptly like that, she could've gotten wet from the rain.
"Yeah, we," Moonbyul stood closer, face to face with her.
"What are you talking about? No, I won't let you help my family, it's not your problem," Solar said defensively.
"But I want to," Moonbyul shrugged her shoulder.
"Byul-ah, no, you're crossing the line here," Solar crossed her arms.
"Unnie.." Moonbyul hoped her unnie won't put her guard up against her, it's been a long day, she just wants to love her is all, "I want to help because I'm selfish, I care about your wellbeing because MAMAMOO Solar is a huge determining aspect of our success. If she's not in the right mind, if she's struggling with other stuff other than MAMAMOO stuff, it could be detrimental to our success. So let me be selfish. Let me chip in to pay," She said gently. She hoped her excuse is acceptable enough.
Solar shook her head, but her eyes welled up from the explosion of warm feeling inside her chest. Her heart melted into a tender soft lump in the palm of Moonbyul's hand, easily moved and sculpted by her lover's warmth and kindness. She was rendered defenseless against the sheer magnitude of love presented by Moonbyul.
Seeing her unnie struggling to express herself again, Moonbyul joked to lighten the mood, "I'm a part of your family anyway. I'm the youngest, Kim Moonbyul," She giggled.
A new drop of tears stained Solar's face, how can this silly girl crack a joke on something serious like this? Why can't Solar open her mouth to refuse her help, the way she easily brushed off her uncles and aunties who offered to help her family countless times before? Was it because she trust Moonbyul? Or because she felt safe and comfortable being a burden to her, the way Solar gladly took Moonbyul's burden as hers too? Just how big is her hold on Solar?
"Stop denying me, it's unnecessary," Moonbyul read through the stream of emotions in Solar's eyes, she saw the fear, guilt, shame, but also a glimpse of vulnerability. Her unnie is struggling to let herself be looked after. She has been so strong standing on both of her feet all these times, now Moonbyul asked her to swallow her pride, and took her hands instead of fighting it.
Moonbyul used her unoccupied hand to wipe the fat tears falling on Solar's cheeks. Solar sobs were silenced by the rain.
"I'm thankful you let me in tonight. I know it must've been hard for you to let me see all that. You're the unnie in our work, so me knowing your family issue must be bothering you. I promise I won't share this secret with anyone. I just want to help the girl I love, is all. Your happiness is everything to me," Moonbyul said softly.
Solar touched the hem of Moonbyul's jacket, she gripped at it desperately, "I want to kiss you," She choked it out in between her cry. Words failed her. She can't say what she wants to say to Moonbyul. Maybe kissing her will let her understand.
Moonbyul lowered the umbrella, hiding their faces from the passerby around them, "Come here,"
Solar's face shifted forward and caught Moonbyul's lips inside her mouth. She can't express her gratitude for Moonbyul who willingly spends her money to help Solar family's debt. It's a big gesture that she didn't expect from tonight's incident. The surprise mixed with bewilderment and her dissipating ego; making it impossible to react to such offer. She is immensely grateful, but even saying that sounds shameless in her book, so Solar resorts to kissing her in the middle of the rain.
Solar hoped Moonbyul knew how much she appreciates her.
How much she loves her.
"I don't like rain," Moonbyul murmured, she kissed Solar softly with open mouth, she noticed how fragile Solar is currently feeling, she kept their mouth locked with each other without touching anywhere else, afraid of interrupting the swirl of thoughts inside Solar's heavy mind, "But I think this is my favorite kiss so far,"
Solar wrapped her arms around Moonbyul's neck, she pulled Moonbyul in and held her tight, "I love you, Kim Moonbyul. I don't know how I could live without your love, after this," She whispered between her kisses. Moonbyul's love feels like large waves crashing on the shore, destroying rocks of trouble and pebbles of worry, and carrying them into the sea. Protecting Solar's shore at all costs, even at the expense of herself. Sometimes her waves are slow rolling, peaceful and frothy, begging for Solar to play with her. And other times it felt like the hue of the water was ever-changing yet always familiar, always blue, always there for her.
It's been a while since Solar comprehended, what they have is special. It's more intense than anything she has ever experienced before. When Solar thought it couldn't get any better than this, Moonbyul surprised her with more and made her fall harder with the younger girl. She was right when she said nobody can love her better than Moonbyul does.
Moonbyul giggled at the name coming out of Solar's mouth, "Does it mean we're incest?" She kinda likes that; Kim Moonbyul-yi. Sharing the same family name with Solar sounds like a magnificent idea.
Solar snorted, "Gross," Solar smiled her small smile. She felt extraordinarily lighter.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A few days later, Moonbyul opened the door to the apartment, it looked dark on the inside. She left her shoes in the foyer, about to step inside and her hands reached the familiar space where the light switch are, but she stopped in astonishment, "What's going on?"
Their living room has been turned into an indoor camping site; there's a broken-white bohemian tent with comforters and pillows set up nicely inside, yellow fairy lights gleaming, and in front of the tent, there is Solar with wine and pizza.
"Taa-daa," She cheered with arms wide open, "I make an indoor camping, do you like it?"
With the warm yellow color illuminating the room and Solar who became impossibly prettier under the light, Moonbyul rendered speechless, "Yong.."
"Come here.. I've been waiting for you.." Solar helped Moonbyul remove her jackets and bags and they sat on the carpet in front of the tent.
Moonbyul took her time looking everywhere; the food from her favorite pizza restaurant, an imported wine she didn't recognize, their usual comforter and pillows moved inside the tent, and the tent is a real functional one, not decorative one, "How did you manage to set this up?" Moonbyul asked in awe.
"It's difficult even with YouTube tutorials, but I have two minions at my fingertips," Solar replied easily. Must be Hwasa and Wheein, "And I paid them to leave us alone tonight,"
"I appreciate it, unnie, nobody ever does something like this for me," Moonbyul's smile can power up the city; it was bright and blinding; she's overjoyed at the effort Solar put into making this surprise, she hadn't expected this so it doubles the effect, "But you don't have to. You must be tired from filming and preparing for our concert,"
"I know.. But I want to surprise you," Solar grinned.
"You're so sweet, I'm surprised, you're not usually the charming one," Moonbyul teased.
"Oh, you think this is the surprise? This isn't it,"
"What? There's more?"
"There's more.. But we'll get to that after I feed you and spoiled you with this wine I got from my unnie," Solar opened the pizza box and handed Moonbyul the wine opener, "You go pop this, I think you'll like it. Yonghee said it's a balanced mix between sweet, sour, bitter with a hint of fruity flavor,"
"You're going all out, aren't you?" She did as she told and popped the wine, "So fancy,"
"I'll prepare it for you, go ahead and wash your hands, baby," She tapped Moonbyul's thigh.
"Okay, baby," She pecked Solar's cheek as she stand up and went to the bathroom. In a flash, she's back sitting down in front of the tent.
"Open up, aaaahh.." Solar feed her a slice of pizza,
"Hmm.. yum.." Moonbyul munched happily.
"There is something I realize recently," Solar said as they indulged in the feast.
"What?"
"We always do our important talks inside our dorm, how sad is that?"
Moonbyul chuckled, "You're right,"
"One day if we have a car, let's do important talks only in beautiful places," She said with a mouth full of pizza.
Moonbyul nodded, "Alright, unnie," She sipped on the wine, "Wahh, this is good stuff! You know how sometimes wine is too bitter or acidic? I don't like those stuff. But this? Whoa,"
"Really?" Solar sipped on her glass, "Oh yeah, it's nice! It's light," She nodded in agreement, "But you should drink most of it, I can't be drunk for your surprise,"
"Why? You need to use your brain instead of your hands?" Moonbyul fished for a spoiler.
"You'll have to find out," She cheekily replied. She enjoyed her pizza and occasionally sipped on the wine. Solar also prepared Sprite and Cola, just in case the wine not fitting Moonbyul's taste buds.
They chomped down on the pizza while staring at each other bashfully. The whole setting was abnormally romantic for the lovebird, it made them a bit awkward. They are new to sharing a picturesque dating scene together in private. But Moonbyul saw a crumb on the corner of Solar's mouth, she daringly came closer, and licked it inside her mouth.
Solar giggled at the wet sensation, "Are you Daebak?"
"Wuf!" Moonbyul barked playfully.
"Hand," Solar ordered with her palm turned upwards.
Moonbyul obediently put hers on top of it like her family's puppy, "Wuf!"
"Good girl," They giggled, "Here's your treat," Solar offered her a slice of pizza and Moonbyul took a bite.
Being such a goofball together is second nature to them, it even ruined the calm atmosphere. Neither mind, though. It's way too late for acting meek and nervous, they knew the other person like the back of their hand. After going through half a decade together, they don't need a pretense, every moment has its own charm and they prefer to experience them organically.
"I like this unnie, but what's the occasion? I don't mean to be ungrateful, this is out of the ordinary, is all,"
"A month ago I accidentally came inside the wrong recording room in RBW," Solar started, "I didn't mean to interrupt the staff, but the few verses I overheard.. It's soul-stirring.." Her eyes widen in wonder, "The music is really good. So instead of leaving, I sat together with them,"
"You're composing a new song? How come neither of us realizes this?"
"Because I told them to hide this one from you guys until we finish adding the changes I want,"
Moonbyul only nodded to that.
"Do you still remember that time, when I told you action is louder than words?" Solar asked.
"Yeah,"
"Music has been a big deal for us, so I hope my feelings can be delivered through this song.. I know we haven't been the best at communicating ourselves.. There's a part of you that hasn't forgiven me yet and there's a part of me that thinks you'll be better off without me.." She sighed in glum, "I don't deserve you, Byul-ah," Solar admitted.
"Don't say that.." Moonbyul frowned.
"Many things have happened between us. You're my friend, first and foremost, but once you become someone I love, I've done things I wish I could take back. I'm not proud of it,"
"You don't have to say it, Yong, I understand," Moonbyul cut her hurriedly, she can't stand receiving an apology from Solar, their relationship has always been complicated, they apologize for small things but never for big things; because it was hard to admit, the hurtful words they spoke in the heat of the moment, has some truth in it. By accepting each other despite their imperfection, it brought them closer, "There are things I want to take back too. I'm immature and said things I didn't mean,"
"Can we start over, our romantic relationship? I want to sing this song to you as my love confession, instead of the one I gave you that night. It's bugging me how horrible I've been treating you,"
Moonbyul smiled softly, "You'll sing it for me?"
"Yeah.."
Solar reached for her phone, "I borrowed a speaker for this," She boasted.
"You're all prepared," Moonbyul complimented her effort. She finished her pizza and wine and turned to face Solar; she wanted to give her full attention.
Solar cleared her throat, "You're ready?"
"Yes,"
"This is the demo so I sing all the lines and there are parts I edited,"
And the melody began.
시간 지나면 익숙함에 소홀해지는 맘
Not being as caring after time has passed
편안함이 서로에게 주는 상처 주는 말
Hurtful words spoken, getting too used to each other
우리에겐 찾아오지 않았으면 해
But I hope that won't happen to us
저 멀리 우주로 슝 보내버리자 오케이
Let's shoot that possibility far out into space, okay?
Moonbyul smiled at Solar's rapping, she sounds cute and the lyrics so far are very relatable. Both of them have said hurtful words to each other. It's natural to react badly when they encountered the ugly sides of each other over the past few years. It's simply the price of getting to know someone intimately; you'll be introduced to the bright side and the dark side. It's not always sunshine and rainbow, but behind the darkness, there are scars and trauma that were begging to be healed with love and care.
너 지금 방금 웃었지
You just smiled now, right?
Moonbyul chuckled, the timing of the lyric is impeccable. Her laugh made Solar smile as well. Solar continued her rapping.
네가 웃으면 나도 좋아
I'm happy when you smile
뭔 말이 필요해
What else needs to be said?
어딜 가든 네 생각에 오늘도 든든해
Wherever I go, the thought of you makes me feel secure
다만 늘어나는 내 욕심이
I just hope my growing greed
널 밀어내지 않길 바래
Doesn't push you away
Suddenly, the melody played in a loop without Solar singing.
Solar parted her lips and looked her in the eyes, "I'm sorry for being greedy; dating someone else but got jealous when you tried doing the same, putting you second to my mother who wants a perfect daughter, and demanding your touch without giving anything in return. I hope my growing greed doesn't push you away,"
"Unnie.." Moonbyul felt the lump in her throat.
The song continued.
오늘보다 내일 더 사랑할게, 너보다
I'll love you more than I did today, more than you
혼자가 아니야 나는 너 너는 나
We're not alone, I am you, you are me
주는 것 밖에 몰라 넌
You, who only knows how to give
내가 원하는 건
The only thing I ask of you
안 아프고 밝게 웃어주는 거
Is to stay healthy and smilе brightly
내 모든 걸 버리고, I love you
I can leave everything behind for you, I love you
네게 갈게 놓지 않을게, I love it
I'll go to you, I won't let you go, I lovе it
Solar sang softly to the song while looking at Moonbyul. Love poured over from her gestures; the lyrics she made, the singing, the soft smile, the fond gaze, the way her hands held Moonbyul's hand. Solar wants her love confession to be different this time. She wants Moonbyul to be certain of her love. She hoped this can erase any doubt about her devotion.
Solar wants to start giving back, to the girl who only knows how to give.
Moonbyul, who received her message without saying it, can only swallow her tears. She's happy. She shouldn't cry.
이보다 좋을 수 있을까
Can it get any better than this?
너를 보며 함께 웃는 나
I'm looking at you and we're laughing together
나보다 나를 더 잘 아는 너
You know me better than I know myself
말로는 다 표현할 순 없어
I can't fully express with words
지금 우리 사이
This us right now
Moonbyul choked on her tears. She felt that lines, they can't fully express with words what they are right now. All Moonbyul knows is she loves Solar dearly, Moonbyul wants to wake up and fall asleep inside her arms, laughing and crying and fighting and make up and singing on stage together, experiencing this adventure of a lifetime just the two of them.
미안해 늘 받기만 해서
I'm sorry for always only receiving
고마워 그리고 사랑해
Thank you and I love you
처음 날 울렸던 그 때 그 말 기억해
When you first made me cry, I remember your words
놓지 않을게 라는 말
"Never letting go"
약속할게 나도 언제나, I love you too
I promise too, always, I love you too
Moonbyul sniffled, she remembered asking Solar to promise her to never let go; it was the only way for her to move forward from their cruel situation. And hearing those intimate moments between them brought upon in the song made her sentimental. They will share this precious line, the small substantial history between them, with the whole world. Relieving their difficult past through this song, but this time, with a promise of a better future. Solar promised to love Moonbyul better.
"I can't express with words just how much you mean to me. You're my everything," Solar's voice quivered with emotion, "I'm sorry for always only receiving, I'm selfish I know. I'm grateful for the chance you've given me despite what I've put you through. I.. I...," She took a deep breath to control herself, "I hope what we have together is enough for you, the way it is enough for me,"
처음 만난 날 부끄러움이 많던 날 위해
The day we first met, I was so shy
다가와준 너만의 손길
But you approached me first, in your special way
너로 인해 생기는 자신감
Because of you, I found confidence
아직 많이 부족한 나지만 옆에 있어줄래
I'm still lacking in many ways, but will you stay by my side?
우리 통하는 것 같애
I think we have a connection
어쩜 벌써 기분 좋아지네
How come I already feel better?
널 더 알아가고 싶어
I wanna know you more
이 손 놓지 않을게
I won't let this hand go
내가 더 꽉 잡을게 앞으로도, I love you too
I'll hold onto it more tightly from now on, I love you too
"I can't believe you wrote these for me..." Moonbyul sniveled, she pulled Solar into her embrace, words can't do justice to expressing her feelings for Solar right now.
Solar hugged her back. She whispered the next verses to Moonbyul's ear.
오고 갈데 없는 나
I had nowhere to go
무너지기도 수십 번이야
So many times, I broke down
오늘은 어떤 외로움이 기다리고 있을까
What kind of loneliness awaits for me today?
걱정부터 내세우기 바빴던 나의 트라우마
I was so busy worrying, my trauma
이 극복의 중심은 너야
But you're the reason I could overcome
Love you, Thank you, Need you
그 어떤 표현도 널 담아낼 수 없을 거야
No words can fully describe you
놓지 않을게 나의 빛 줄기, 밧줄 하나
I won't let go of you, you're my ray of sunshine, my string of hope
As the melody continued, Solar whispered another secret inside of her. Never in her life had she bared herself raw like this in front of other people. What she has with Moonbyul became significantly more meaningful, Solar trusts Moonbyul to accept and love the side of her she hates.
"I think I have something called mommy issue. I read stuff from the internet and some points hit home; I'm anxious in a relationship, constantly looking for signs you don't love me, and stirring up troubles. I need a lot of validation before I truly accept that someone loves me. They said this stemmed from lack of motherly love in early stage of live. It could be true, my mother loves my sister more than me. Maybe the little me recognized it and it became some kind of trauma. I'm desperate for my mom's acceptance and cling to the tiny part of me that my mom loves; the successful one with a wealthy boyfriend. That's why I work so hard and care so much about keeping up appearances. But in the process, I hurt you, Byulie. I am tremendously sorry," Solar let out one tiny sob, "I'll put you first this time. I broke up with Seungtae yesterday, I told him I'm in love with someone else."
In response, Moonbyul cried harder, her heart is so full of inexplainable emotion.
With difficulty, Moonbyul verbalized her thoughts, "I'm.. I made many mistakes to you too. I forgot how many times I called you terrible names. I'm sorry I hurt you with my sharp tongue and passive-aggressive behavior. I'm not perfect, Yong, I can't give you what other guys can give you; your mother's acceptance, protection from people's scrutiny, and social status. Sometimes, this stuff made me doubt myself. Maybe I should let you go instead of forcing you to suffer being with me,"
"No," Solar whimpered.
"But I love you too much. I don't want to know how it feels like going back to those times when I was unable to kiss you whenever I want, without a reason to. It's unimaginable, unacceptable. So, I will try to make you happy instead. I want to continue to stand by your side, encourage you when you're down and help lessen your burden with all I have,"
"Thank you, Byul-ah," Solar released her hug and held both of Moonbyul's hands, "Now, I know it's crazy late, but will you be my girlfriend?"
Moonbyul gave her a tearful smile, "Yes,"
Solar's face approached closer and they kissed gently for a long while until, "Make love to me, Yong," Moonbyul whispered.
Solar's eyebrows turned upwards, "Really?" She can't believe Moonbyul asked that, Solar has been waiting forever to make Moonbyul hers. The impenetrable walls around Moonbyul prickled and hurt Solar, it was a big distance for Solar, but at the same time, she understand those were her way of protecting herself. Would tonight finally be the night, she can break through those walls?
"I want to feel your love everywhere," Moonbyul crawled backward getting inside the tent while tugging Solar along, she laid on her back and pulled her unnie above her.
"I need you, Yong," Moonbyul whispered.
Solar nodded, "I'm here for you," she recounted her promise from that fateful day in the empty neighborhood park near their rooftop apartment.
이보다 좋을 수 있을까
Can it get any better than this?
너를 보며 함께 웃는 나
I'm looking at you and we're laughing together
처음 날 울렸던 그 때 그 말 기억해
When you first made me cry, I remember your words
놓지 않을게 라는 말
"Never letting go"
약속할게 나도 언제나, I love you too
I promise too, always, I love you too
The fairy lights cast a soft, golden glow over them, Moonbyul was struck by how beautiful Solar looked in this light. Her unnie gently lay herself on Moonbyul's torso, kissing her softly. Their mouth danced together as they embraced, hands roaming over the planes of their shoulders and hairs. They have kissed plenty of times, but tonight Moonbyul wanted to savor every touch, every kiss, every sigh.
"You're so beautiful," Solar whispered. She felt the same way about Moonbyul under the twinkle of warm lights.
Smiling into her kiss, Moonbyul suddenly remembered Solar words from a long time ago, the memory sneaked up on her, "When we first kissed in that hotel room, you told me, you wanted to kiss me sometimes. When was that?" Moonbyul hushed between her kisses.
"Hmm.." Solar took her time in replying, inclined to nibble on Moonbyul's plump delicious lips before answering, "Remember when you cried in the park after Ha-neul kissed you? That's the first time I wanted to,"
Moonbyul opened her eyes, "Really?"
Solar pulled away a little, she turned shy, "Yeah, I was jealous she gave you your first kiss and thought it should've been me.." She stroked Moonbyul's collarbone with her index finger, "Ha-neul pissed me off on those days. It took no time for me to realize, I've got feelings for you, because the irritation towards her is unexplainable otherwise,"
Moonbyul smiled, "I know.."
"You do?" Solar gasped.
The younger girl chucked, "We're fighting a lot those days, I met a cat in the park one night and talked things with her. We agreed that you're jealous, that's why you're picking unnecessary fights,"
"What a smart cat.." Solar look down at her fingers on Moonbyul's collarbone.
"Unnie.." She called over until Solar looked back up, "What you mentioned.. the night I cried in the park.. that's also the first time I ever wanted to kiss you," She revealed.
"Really?" Solar eyes were wide with wonder.
Moonbyul nodded.
Solar chuckled, "We waste time by not talking about our feelings, aren't we?" Solar rubbed the tip of her nose to Moonbyul's, giving her Eskimo kiss as they reminisce on the old days.
Moonbyul was beside herself, she can't covey the pure happiness with what Solar's saying. They have loved each other so early, and alone, without the other knowing. Silently appreciating the other from distance.
But Moonbyul doesn't want distance anymore, she pulled Solar in and kissed her with long, slow kisses. With her eyes closed, she willed herself to commit everything to memory; the way Solar looked at her, their renewed confession, the way she smelled, the way her kisses tasted. But most of all, Moonbyul wanted to remember how she felt. She had everything she could ever wanted, right there, holding her, kissing her.
"Can I take your shirt off?" Solar asked timidly.
Moonbyul nodded her consent, she let Solar push her shirt up above her head and threw it away. Solar stared fondly at her bare torso, her fingers played around her bra strap, and settled on Moonbyul's chest. She could feel Moonbyul's heartbeat, steady and warm against her palm as it fluttered. Solar kissed her collarbone, then to the place where her heart is, her lips lingered on her skin as if trying to answer the beat of Moonbyul's heart with her own statement of love.
Moonbyul brushed the strands of hair from Solar's face, she wants an unobstructed view of the woman she loves cherishing her.
Solar lips moved downward to Moonbyul's breast, appreciating the tender skin that was not hidden by her bra. Her hands touched the front clip, she stopped her kisses to stare at Moonbyul, questioning. The younger girl smiled and nodded again, letting Solar unclasp her bra, sliding it down Moonbyul's arms, and tossing it away.
"I've never had boobs inside my mouth before," Solar husked, she lowered her head and licked at Moonbyul's soft pink nipple, making the girl underneath shudder.
The older girl's hand slid down to cup Moonbyul's breast, her hand was gentle as she watched the way Moonbyul's breast looked as she fondled it, pinching the nipple. Solar leaned forward, she took in a quick sharp breath before taking it all into her mouth.
Moonbyul moaned at the sensation, the combination of cold air and warm lips sending a shiver down her spine. She felt a rush of wetness coat her center at the picture-perfect of her unnie sucking her tits. The image of her pink lips surrounding her nubs, her cheeks hollowed in suction, and her eyes relishing Moonbyul's reaction, burned to the back of her mind.
"Feels so good, unnie," Moonbyul held Solar's hair away from her face, she stroked them gently.
Solar tongue flicked over her nipple before she went deeper massaging Moonbyul's boob with her mouth. The pressure made Moonbyul arch her back a little, chasing the hot mouth, asking to be taken entirely. And Solar gave her that; she flattened her tongue and swirled it around Moonbyul's areola a few times, then she begin to suck, but she built up suction gradually until Moonbyul tensed as the pressure grew.
Just as Moonbyul started to tremble, Solar moved to the other breast, taking it into her mouth in the same fashion while massaging the recently moistened one with her hand, alternating between kneading Moonyul's breast and gently rolling the nipple between her fingers. Moonbyul felt herself grow wetter and warmer with every touch.
"I thought it would be weird sucking a girl's boobs, but I actually like it.." Solar released her hold on Moonbyul's nipple with a popping sound, "Maybe I just like everything that you are," She kissed her way upwards, to Moonbyul's collarbone, up to her neck and nibbled on the smooth skin.
When Solar reached her ear and breathe her warm breath into it, Moonbyul can feel her breath catch in her throat.
"I want to feel your body on mine.." Solar whispered. She removed herself from Moonbyul to take off her shirt and jeans in one swift movement and discarded them somewhere outside the tent. In an instant, she's back on Moonbyul's side, but she's fumbling with Moonbyul's jeans zipper, asking her to do the same.
Without any difficulty, together they opened Moonbyul's jeans and Solar tugged them down. Staring at each other in their underwear, Moonbyul's cheek flushed rosy pink.
"Take it off," Solar husked as he unclasped her bra and removed her underwear, Moonbyul did what she asked.
Moving cautiously forward, Solar crawled back to her spot on top of Moonbyul, she laid her warm body on her girlfriend, gasping at the contact. She placed one hand flat against Moonbyul's abdomen, then ran it between her breasts to her neck, seeming to study every inch of skin until she tangled her fingers in Moonbyul's hair.
Moonbyul was watching her in rapture, she stroked Solar's arm beside her head, she felt closer to her more than ever. They haven't even started having sex yet. But the lingering touch and remnants of their conversations make Moonbyul wants to close her eyes and cry to her heart's content. She is so happy.
Gently, Solar entangled her legs with Moonbyul. Thighs pressed against each other warm velvety lips, Solar started to move and rock them in a slow rhythm. Moonbyul lifted her thigh a little, moving slightly until Solar made appreciating little sounds. Their breasts, crushed together, felt smooth but the friction of rock-hard nipples added to the mix of sensation making it impossibly better. Moonbyul was panting in no time; the feeling of being surrounded by everything Solar, their body pressed so intimately, her hair cascading down creating a soft curtain, the small breathing sounds Solar made were too much for her ear. Her body undulated, vibrating together with her lover.
"Yongsun unnie.." Moonbyul whimpered.
Solar rushed to catch her lips inside her own, kissing her with renewed passion. Hands ran through Moonbyul's hair, scratching her scalp, tilting her head as she shoved her tongue inside her mouth.
Moonbyul gasped at the tongue attacking hers, she ran her hands on Solar's back, down to her fat butts and groped them. She smiled at the moan that escaped from Solar's mouth. Moonbyul continued fondling her soft plumptious ass, pushing and rolling it in tandem with their grinding movement.
They have never done it like this, body to body, bare to feel each other raw. Solar's little gasps and high-pitched moan were the most erotic sounds Moonbyul ever heard. And even though Moonbyul has touched her a few times, she couldn't remember it this tender but charged at the same time. After a few long minutes of thrusting into each other thighs, pressing into their engorged clitoris, coating their legs with wet sticky arousal, Moonbyul can feel herself clenching. Solar's thigh brushed consistently on her G-spot and it made her breathing become heavier.
Wanting her unnie to cum together, Moonbyul sneaked a finger towards Solar's slit from behind. She smoothly entered her middle finger inside Solar, who moaned and jerked her thigh harder to Moonbyul's bundle of nerves.
"Fuck.. Unnie.. I'm close.." Moonbyul moaned.
"G-give me one more finger.. I'm close too.." Solar huffed in extortion, it's hard work thrusting on top, she needs to balance her weight on her knees and arms to keep the rhythm.
In tandem, they rocked harder and Moonbyul add another finger inside Solar. She pushed her entire digits before pulling out. And repeat it in time with the rolling of their bodies. Moonbyul can feel Solar's walls tense around her fingers, massaged at them gently, and let out a wet smacking sound when her palm met the skin.
"U-unnie.. I can't.." Before Moonbyul can finish her words, orgasm came over her. She curled her whole body into Solar, one hand gripping her ass like a vice with her eyes clamped shut. Moonbyul's breath stopped for a few seconds as she came undone.
Seeing the tense sexy look on her lover climaxing, Solar released herself on Moonbyul's fingers that lodged inside her tight walls. Solar took a few desperate gasps, groaned at her trembling muscles and the feeling of Moonbyul everywhere; her breath on her face, her boobs on hers, her fingers inside, and her hand crushing her ass, "Byulie.." She whimpered, clutching desperately at the pillow beneath Moonbyul's head.
When they finally softened and tension left their bodies, Solar dropped her dead weight onto Moonbyul.
"Whoa.." Moonbyul gasped for air.
Solar nodded weakly, "Whoa.." Her body went limp after topping her girlfriend.
Sensing the goosebumps on her unnie skin, Moonbyul wrapped them with comforters, shielding their sweaty bodies from the cold air. She stroked Solar's back, put a kiss on top of her head.
Moonbyul's whole being felt cherished and taken care of; she felt loved. Her heart burst with everything Solar has done for her. Looking back to the beginning of their time together leading up to tonight, it felt surreal. The woman Moonbyul desire; her toothy grin, her cute dimple on her chubby cheek, her silly goofy behavior, her kindness and warmth, her strict but supportive discipline method, her fierce protectiveness, her breathtaking beauty; that woman actually loves Moonbyul back.
At last, Solar is hers and hers only.
This feeling is too big for Moonbyul to process; tears started to well up in her eyes. They just made love for the second time. But this feels even better than the first. Would it gets better each time? Moonbyul's heart pounded faster at the burst of affection. She got it so deep, Moonbyul can barely breathe. She parted her lips and whispered the thing that her small delicate heart begged Solar to understand, just how much this moment meant to her,
"I love you, more than I knew I could ever love someone,"