24.
A million and one thoughts ran through my head as I stared into eyes that looked just like mine. I saw my reflection in them, shock mixed with horror stared back at me through them. He looked no different from the last time I saw him.
A whole other life flashed through my eyes. One where this man was my father, a life that wasn't so full of hurt and abandonment. One where he was man enough to fight for the child he made.
I was stupid to entertain the notion, but yet my imagination betrayed me anyway.
Because that wasn't how life worked. Life simply wasn't that fair. He hadn't fought for me. All that he'd done was sneak around with my mom for a year of my life and taken me to the fucking park an hour a week. As soon as those secret visits stopped, he never even bothered.
Leaving my life to pan out exactly the way that it had.
Lonely.
I opened my mouth to say something, then entirely forgot the alphabet or how to even put together a sentence, and slammed it back closed.
How was this even possible? He didn't even live here.
He spoke again, calling me by my name and finally breaking through the white noise that filled my mind. I shook my head to brush off whatever I was feeling and took a giant step back once common sense had kicked my ass in gear.
"You recognise me?" I asked, puzzled. The last time he had seen me, truly, was when I was still a child. I looked nothing like I had back then, I had a whole new face now.
It just wasn't possible.
"I could ask you the same question." My...no, not my dad. Not really. Callum replied, a flicker of amusement in his words teased me.
A memory hit me, one from christmas eve.
"You knew who I was in the mall." It wasn't a question. I knew that he'd recognised me, I can't believe I tricked myself into thinking any different. I had convinced myself and Jared that it was all in my head.
My eyes widened when the reality of this situation slammed into me. What the fuck was I doing?
"Wait, are you following me?"
He flushed red, only slightly, out of embarrassment. Of being caught out and remained silent.
I was horrified. Oh my god, he was following me.
"What do you want from me?" I took another step back, the hairs on the back of my neck stood and anxiety pricked at my skin. Though part of me told me that somehow I knew deep down, that he wasn't following me for a bad reason.
"Why are you on this side of town when you're supposed to be in school on the other side?" He asked me instead of answering my question.
"How do you know where my school is?" I ignored his question. Who did he think he was, my dad? He was a stranger, I should have felt uneasy that he knew that. "What are you doing in Virginia? You live in Washington! And why are you following me around town like some creep!"
He was silent for a moment, his gaze on my shaking hands. I shoved them into my pockets and diverted my gaze to a woman walking by with a stroller. She had a shopping bag balanced in one arm and used her other to push her baby.
"I think you know why." Callum said, frowning. "You knew I was in Washington?"
I closed my eyes and forced myself to push back all of the anxiety and sadness away. But another feeling niggled at me, refusing to go away.
Hope.
What did this mean?
"Why now?" I still hadn't opened my eyes.
"Can we talk some place else?" He grabbed my arm, not forcefully, I could move it, and I finally looked at him then. He looked..happy. "I have a lot to tell you but, I don't think talking to the mayor's daughter in the street is a good idea."
"But I'm not his daughter. Am I?" I replied abruptly.
He blinked, taken aback by my bluntness before he laughed.
This wasn't funny.
"How can you laugh about that?" I could feel myself getting worked up, my brain overthinking and my chin trembled. I didn't find any of this funny, it was terrifying. "The fact that you abandoned me and allowed another man to raise me is not funny."
His expression changed, looking downright mortified and ashamed as he watched me wipe a stupid stray tear from off of my cheek.
My chest tightened with what felt like a thousand different emotions hitting me all at once. I was angry and scared and confused. I just wanted to go home and hide.
"We'll talk. Where do you want to go?" He held up a pair of car keys and I realised that the car behind me was his.
"Not now." I pulled away from him and walked right past him. I couldn't do this. Not now. I felt sick. I didn't want to see him yet, not today, not when I had just been..."I need to get to school."
"Fine, then when?" He had turned to watch me leave, something that looked like disappointment flashed across his face.
I tried to find the right words to say, when? When was I ready to sit down and talk about all of this? I had absolutely no idea.
"I'm not sure that I'm ready." I shook my head.
I don't think that I ever would be.
His disappointment hurt my chest.
God why did we look so much alike?
I didn't go back to school that day. Instead, I went home and cried until I was on the brink of dehydration. I was torn between what I thought was the right thing and what I knew my heart was telling me to do.
It was hard letting myself consider the idea of letting another person into my life no matter how small that part would be, when those that are already in it have done nothing but let me down.
My mom is never here, she'd rather avoid this house to avoid my father and drink herself into a coma all because she what? Chose the wrong man? I knew that she wouldn't care if I met Callum, she would probably just ignore the whole conversation like she's ignored me my whole life.
And my father, well, I didn't even want to think about how he would react.
I'd turned my phone off eventually, after receiving a string of texts from Katie asking why I hadn't been to school. I didn't want to have to lie to her too, I'd been lying to her enough lately and there was still a bitter taste in my mouth from lying to Jared that morning too.
When my doorbell had rang once school was over, I had almost been certain that it was either one of the Holmes kids, but to my surprise it had been Fern. I'd completely spaced out on our plans to hang out but a part of me was excited and let her in anyway. I didn't have many friends.
But then half an hour later our plans got a bit more complicated.
I opened my front door for the third time tonight and smiled my first real smile of the day when I looked up at my favourite pair of picasso blue eyes. Jared was wearing his team hoodie paired with grey sweats and his hair was wet from a shower. He must have come straight here from home after going to see George.
My chest hurt just looking at him.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, surprised.
"Well, when my girlfriend hasn't called me or returned any of my texts since this morning, a guy tends to get a little concerned." He gave me a lopsided smile but the way it didn't quite reach his eyes made me think that he was being serious about the worried part.
My sweet boy and his overthinking, even sweeter mind.
"I'm sorry, I completely lost track of time and my phone has been off all day." I apologised, stepping back to let him in.
"Where have you been?" He asked and looked around the foyer cautiously for any parents. "Is it safe for me to come in?"
"Yeah it's fine, my mom's at a clients and my father is at the office. He won't be back tonight. Lexi is studying with your sister, it's Greta's night off-." I squealed the last part as he surprised me again by picking me up by my hips and pressing me against the closed door.
He kissed me with something so intense it warmed me to the bone, enveloping me in a placebo of safety and comfort after a hard day.
I melted into him, running my hands up the firmness of his shoulders and into the messy curls on his head. He sighed into my mouth, his body relaxing under my touch.
When he pulled away for air he gave me a toothy smile.
"So we've got the whole place to ourselves huh?" He asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"Actually, no." I cringed as I looked behind him towards the living room. "I may have done something."
"What?" He frowned as I wiggled to get down to my feet, but he refused to let go of my waist.
"I may have invited Fern over to hang out?" I bit my lip and watched a small pout form on his lips.
"You did?" He whined like a kicked puppy. "Mary, I've been dying to be alone with you all week."
"I know I'm sorry." I stroked his cheek gently, wishing that I could stay in his arms for the rest of the night.
"Does that mean I have to go home?"
His words reminded me of the predicament I was currently in. So far nobody had resorted to violence, but I had a tiny feeling the forced pleasantries would be over pretty soon.
"Actually I'd really rather you didn't." I whispered.
"Listen, you may have me wrapped around your finger but I'm not joining in on girls night." He joked, shaking his head adamantly.
"Shut up," I shoved at his shoulder. "I might need you here as a buffer."
"What did you do?" He gave me a concerned look now, all traces of amusement gone. I didn't like when Jared gave me his serious face, it made parts of me tingle that shouldn't.
Before I could answer, the second half of my predicament decided to announce himself by joining us in the foyer.
"Ayup love birds!" Terri called out in a fake British accent, giving us both a thumbs up and a silly grin on his face like a kid in a candy store. He had half a cookie sticking out of his mouth, one of the many I had bribed him with when he got here so that he would behave.
"Oh fuck." Jared's mouth dropped open as he stared back at his friend and connected the dots.
"Look, I didn't do it on purpose!" I tried to explain as Terri headed back inside, after not so subtly telling Jared to come and join the party from hell.
"How did you end up making plans with both of them on the same night?" He whispered quickly, panic written all over his face.
"I completely forgot! Fern and I made plans first and then Terri caught me off guard in gym class yesterday asking me to tutor him. You know how I get while running." It was true, I couldn't think properly when all I could hear was the sound of my lungs failing.
"They're going to kill each other," He visibly cringed. "Worse, they're going to kill us!"
"Maybe we could turn this into a good thing!" I said with fake enthusiasm, hope flaring from my words.
Maybe this was the perfect opportunity to get them both to actually sit and have a pleasant conversation.
Okay, maybe that would be meddling, but they just looked so sad when they fought.
"And how on earth is being in the same room as scary spice and Jacki Chan a good thing?" My boyfriend snorted.
"Wait, which ones which?" I asked, now confused.
"Obviously Terri is scary spice." Jared rolled his eyes and folded his arms with a huff.
"Fern can fight?" I asked again, still frowning. I did not take her for a fighter, she was so tiny. If I tried to fight I would probably break my hand and she was smaller than me.
"She has been doing Karate since she was four. That is not the point." Jared shrugged it off and actually looked genuinely concerned, the muscles in his jaw ticking.
"Look, you said that Terri is like, in love with her, right?" I said hushed, not wanting to be overheard. "I think that it's mutual."
"You're kidding. She told you that?" He met my tone and leaned down to hear me better. We were basically whispering in each other's ear.
"Not in so many words," I shrugged. "But Jared, if you don't believe me just pay attention to how she is with him tonight."
He stared back at me silently for a few moments, searching my eyes for the reassurance he needed not only for himself, but for his friend too, before finally giving in.
"Okay fine. But if I end up getting Karate chopped tonight you're kissing my boo boo's better."
"Your boo boo's?" I laughed loudly and pushed him down the hall. "You're such a dork. Now get in there before they break my living room."
"What if they break me?" He whined playfully before turning around and heading inside.
"Oh wait!" I called behind him, giving him my best stern voice as I pointed my finger in his direction. "Be nice to her. She told me about what you said to her."
He flashed me a guilty smile.
I joined the three guests in my living room and almost groaned, this was possibly the most awkward situation of my life.
Here's the thing, my house was big, ergo, the rooms in my house were big. So the couch in my living room was big enough to seat my entire maths class. Not including the two arm chairs either side of my fireplace.
Jared, of course, was sitting on the end of the sofa closest to the armchair that Terri had chosen to sit in on the far side of the room, leaving plenty of space next to him where he would expect me to join him.
However, Fern had decided that she wanted to sit as far away from Terri as humanly possible, taking the other armchair in the opposite corner of the room.
Gah! How were we all meant to have a civilised conversation without shouting across the room at each other!
"Sorry about the mix up guys." I cautiously stood in front of the sofa and tried to mentally figure out where to sit. "But in my defence Terri caught me whilst I was being forced to actually do exercise, so."
Fern shot me a forgiving smile and thankfully, solved my problem by taking a seat on the couch. I let my shoulders drop with relief and settled in beside my very warm boyfriend.
"Just wait until I have you on the ice." Jared teased, throwing his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head.
"Absolutely not. I've told you, you're not teaching me how to play Hockey." I groaned and shot Fern a pleading look. "Besides, Fern wants to go shopping on that day."
"I do?" Fern asked before copping on and cleared her throat. "Yeah uh, I do."
"That's funny, because we hadn't decided on a day yet." Jared grinned at us both.
I laughed nervously. "I know, neither have we."
"Uh huh, and it just happens to still be on the same day as our plans."
"Exactly, I knew you'd understand Jared."
"I'll teach you how to handle a stick if you're worried about hurting his feelings." Terri offered, a playful gleam in his eye as he watched Jared's reaction. "I mean, we all know I'm the better player."
"Remember that at our next game." Jared growled, tugging me closer against him. "And don't put your stick near my girlfriend."
"Wait, I think I need to catch up to speed," Fern wiggled two fingers at Jared and I, tilting her head to one side. "Are you guys finally together?"
Jared shot me a surprised look. "You didn't tell her?"
"I didn't know if you wanted me to!" I defended myself.
"I knew first." Terri joined in, smugly.
"I mean of course I would want you to, I just thought you didn't want anyone else to know before Katie does." Jared replied, completely ignoring his best friend.
"I think it's a little late for that. How many people have you already told?" I laughed, though the reminder that we were still sneaking around made me sick.
"In all fairness, I guessed." Terri joined in once again, trying to one up Fern. He shot her a grin that explained just that.
She simply rolled her eyes as she flipped the boy off, completely unbothered by his childish comment. "Oh shocker, Terri actually used his brain for once."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" He reeled back, looking offended.
"It means that now that we've established you have one, you should have used it more often." She snapped, glaring at him like he'd just ran over her dog.
"To do what?" He threw his hands up and sat up straighter in his chair, his jaw clenched.
Both of them glared at one another like they were silently arguing over something that I had absolutely no clue about, instantly making the room feel cold despite the fire burning.
Jared stiffened beside me and watched our friends with anticipation. I knew what he was doing, he was waiting for the inevitable moment that one of them blew up and he would need to have his friends back.
Deciding to say absolutely anything to change the subject, I cleared my throat awkwardly and clapped my hands together.
"What did you guys want to do tonight anyway?" I said with fake excitement. "Obviously tutoring is off the table - sorry about that - but we could still do something fun?"
That seemed to break the spell, both their attention turned to me. Though it took a scary moment for the lonesome look in Terri's eyes to go. I suddenly felt sad.
"I mean, we could go see a movie?" Fern chewed her lip with a shrug. "I was going to suggest we do that tonight, anyway."
"Ooo there's this new movie with Ryan Gosling that we could see." I perked up, sighing at the thought of my imaginary boyfriend.
Fern did the same, causing both boys in the room to fake gagging sounds.
"Okay fine. What do you boys want to do?" I rolled my eyes and folded my arms.
Thirty minutes later, Fern and I found ourselves standing in the woods just on the edge of our small town, in the freezing cold and waiting patiently for the guys to come back from the car with our coats.
"We really didn't think this through." I shivered, rubbing my hands up and down my arms.
"We? You're the one that let them choose." Fern was doing the same, her breath coming out in white clouds.
"I felt bad. Jared kept giving me puppy eyes." I grumbled, feeling the cold bite into my fingers.
"When Terri does that it just makes him look constipated." Fern snorted, an amused smirk on her face.
I tried to imagine it and ended up laughing along with her.
Taking me completely by surprise, Fern wrapped her dainty arms around me and squeezed me tight. My brain went into shock for a second, not having expected her sudden reaction, before squeezing her back.
"Thanks for hanging with me tonight." She whispered, before letting me go and resuming her arm rubbing.
I smiled softly at her.
I didn't want to get ahead of myself, but I think this was the first time that I'd made a friend all by myself. Katie didn't count, she decided one day in kindergarten that we were going to be best friends and that was it. But I'd totally stepped out of my comfort zone and approached Fern first.
Yay!
"Where are they anyway?" I asked, trying to see through the dark trees. The lights from town only glowed so far out, meaning that the most that I could make out were shapes and shadows.
If I saw any ghosts I was getting the hell out of dodge. Screw new friends, pfft, I've always enjoyed my own company anyway.
"Missed us already?" Terri answered out of the darkness, scaring a squeal out of the both of us as he appeared beside me.
"Jesus! I almost peed!" I gasped for breath, my hand on my chest.
"Totally." Fern replied to Terri's question sarcastically and took her coat from him.
"I wasn't talking to you." He rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around me, kissing my cheek. "Hi shortie."
"Ugh!" I wiped it jokingly, and felt another set of hands pull me away from him.
"Dude!" Jared exclaimed, wrapping his arms around me protectively. Terri blew him a kiss.
I took my coat from Jared, along with the spare hoodie he kept in the trunk of his car and slipped into them both. The hoodie smelt of him and I smelt the sleeves discreetly.
Terri and Jared began explaining what it was that we were doing. Our town had old catacombs running underneath it, tunnels used to hide men during the civil war apparently, and there were two entrances that lead to a cave in the middle.
The boys decided that it would be a brilliant idea for us to explore said catacombs, only we were splitting up and two of us taking each entrance. The first person to get to the cave won and the losers had to buy milkshakes.
"Tell me again why I let you talk me into this?" I moaned, still shivering despite the extra layers.
"Because you love him?" Terri answered instead, causing me to choke on my own tongue.
Jared tensed behind me and chuckled awkwardly. "Let's slow down there bro, let's try not scaring my girl off." He said as he slid his arms around my waist.
Terri gave Jared a look that I didn't understand. His comment made an uneasy feeling spread across my chest. I looked down at my feet and rubbed a hand across it, trying to ease the discomfort. I didn't want to ruin what Jared and I had by assuming that we were at that stage because we most definitely weren't, despite how I may feel.
We weren't ready to say the words and make them real.
Besides, I promised myself that I wouldn't until I was free of my father's contract.
"You okay baby?" Jared whispered in my ear softly, his breath ticking the hair on my neck.
I hummed in response, leaning back against him and closing my eyes. He always made me feel safe and warm. He held me tighter and put his chin on the top of my head.
"Who's on who's team?" Fern asked, then looked at Jared and I before turning to Terri and her expression dropped into a flat line. "Stupid question."
Terri looked just as unhappy. Though they both tried to hide it.
"Okay let's go." I groaned, wanting to get this over with so that I could go home to my nice, warm bed and not in the cold, damp woods.
All of us split up into two teams and headed to where the boys knew each of their entrances were. Jared and Terri had played rock paper scissors to figure out who was going to which tunnel. We won, which meant Jared got to pick the one that he was taking us to now. It was through the trees on the left, about a five minute walk from where we needed to go.
"Jared I can't see!" I yelped as I brushed my hand against a cobweb, using the wall of the tunnel to guide me forward.
Jared was a little bit ahead, a flashlight in his hand. He stopped and turned to me, almost blinding me with the stupid thing.
"That's because you're walking too slow." He laughed, though he waited for me to catch up to him.
"No, it's because your legs are twice as long as mine." I retorted and slipped my hand into his empty one, feeling him squeeze it firmly.
He really couldn't go five minutes without touching me and I loved it.
"We're almost there, come on." He led the way through the dark. I tried to ignore the smell of what I could only imagine was animal crap, damp, dust and probably something dead.
I could deal with bad smells but if a rat or spider touched me I was going to murder my boyfriend. The ground was slick with something slimy and I tried my best to not think of the different possibilities that it could be.
"Why do you guys do this anyway?" I finally asked after we had been walking no longer than ten minutes. We'd kept a comfortable silence, Jared leading me further into the darkness with nothing but the sounds of our breathing and the light strokes of his thumb on my hand.
"We kinda got lost down here one night in our freshman year." He grins down at me. The height difference between us would always send a shiver through me, I blushed at my thoughts, thankful for the dark.
"You did?" I finally replied, looking behind us. We were so far away from the natural light that it was total blackness. What if someone came in behind us? Jesus, Mary, do not think that.
"What were you doing down here in the first place?" I asked, trying to distract myself.
"We were drunk." He admits, laughing from the memory of it as he speaks. He had such a soft laugh, it made me smile as I listened to him speak. "In our defence I hadn't touched alcohol before and I thought that the other side would lead us to Narnia."
It was my turn to laugh at that, I could remember when Katie had her Narnia movie phase and would make us all sit and watch them religiously. No wonder he had thought that whilst drunk, I was pretty sure freshman year for him was around that time.
"Where does it lead us anyway?" I ask the most important question. Because if I got through this and the cave was just as grimy and smelly as this tunnel, I was never double dating again.
"No where, just a cave." He shrugged, much like he had when Fern and I had asked earlier.
I eyeballed him sternly, beginning to think that my presumption was true. "You dragged me through the catacombs just to race them to a normal cave?" I asked.
His lip twitches at my tone. "It's not just any cave."
I don't reply, because before I can, he turns left and stops. I look up from my feet and follow the beam of light that seems to shine from off of the walls of the most stunning cave I have ever seen in my entire life.
Every surface of brick wasn't brick at all, crystal quartz reflected back at us both in a kaleidoscope of rainbows. I let go of Jared's hand and stepped further inside, no longer caring about the warning of being in a creepy as fuck place, instead I was completely enthralled. I felt like a magpie, easily distracted by something shiny.
"Wow." I gasped, slowly turning in a circle until I was staring at my boyfriend with childlike wonder.
"Pretty beautiful huh?" He was watching me, a lazy smile on his pink lips. I nodded, looking above us.
"This is amazing." I say out loud, though amazing didn't seem to cut it. I never imagined we had anything like this here.
"Do you want to know the real reason I wanted to do this tonight?" Jared said as he takes a few slow steps towards me until he's looking down and our faces are closer than ever.
"Why?" I breathed out, holding his stare.
"Because I wanted to watch you discover something truly beautiful for the very first time, so that I could picture what I look like every time that I look at you." He cups my face in his hands, stroking his thumbs underneath my eyes.
I feel his words deeply, squeezing my eyes shut tightly for a moment to try and hold back the wave of emotions that hit me. I never imagined words as sweet as those would ever be spoken just for me, never feeling worthy of a love like this, but hearing them come from him meant everything.
The desperate need to tell him those three words consumed me, it was like he was suddenly everywhere. Inside my veins. The way I breathed, the way I dreamt, the way I existed, everything that I was, was suddenly all about him.
So I kissed him instead, covering his hands with mine to keep us connected. I sealed the kiss with those three words, hoping that for now, he could feel how I felt until I had the courage to tell him.
He kisses me back with just as much feeling, suffocating me in the best possible way. Everything we want to say is tangled between our lips, getting lost within each other.
"God," I sigh into him as I pull away slightly, still feeling his lips against mine. "How did I never see what we had until now? I must have been so blind."
He chuckles against me and pulls back to kiss my nose before moving his hands to cradle the back of my head, pressing my face into his chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and just breathe him in, focusing on the sound of his heart that beats just for me, the cold, winter air no longer a bother.
"And I wanted to do this too because you were right." He carries on, still holding me. His chest vibrates against my cheek with every word. "Watching Fern tonight was like watching myself too. Both of them needed to spend some quality time together. Forced proximity or whatever."
"Have you been reading my books?" I grin, holding him tighter.
"Maybe one whilst you were sleeping." He admits, kissing the top of my head.
I imagine him looking through the many I have on my bookshelves whilst I sleep, trying not to wake me as he decides on which one to read. Sitting and actually reading one of the many that gives me that placebo sense of comfort and hope for a better life that he gives me, with every word that I read.
Yeah, this boy was definitely meant for me.
"But do you really think ten minutes of alone time is enough to fix things between them?" I can't help but wonder, finally realising that they still haven't found us like this. "Where the heck are they, anyway?"
"No, but about an hour is a good start." Jared laughs loudly, the sound echoing from every inch of the cave. The flashlight he was using is lying on the ground right next to the entrance we came from, illuminating the space for us. "The second entrance takes about an hour because it goes underneath half the town."
"Does Terri know that?" I could imagine he would have a few colourful things to say about that if not, Fern too. God, they were probably killing each other as we speak.
"No. This is the first time he's done this sober. Usually by the time I come through that tunnel he's passed out and can't remember how long it's been."
"You're very sneaky." I grin up at him, my chin resting on his chest. I wait for a second, chewing my lip as I silently pray they actually aren't killing each other. "But if they're not back in an hour you do realise we're going to have to find them, right?"
"Oh I know. Don't worry, my bet is on her murdering him first."
"I'm sorry that I couldn't come with you to see George." I changed the subject, remembering that I had missed out on our visit this afternoon. At the reminder, thoughts of my dad find their way in. Suddenly, I felt sick again. "How is he?"
"He's doing fine, baby." He kisses my forehead, his hands moving south until they rest on the small of my back. "He missed you."
"I'll come next time, I promise."
"It's his birthday soon, I want to take him somewhere, you know, make it special."
"You sweet boy," I tell him honestly, I loved the relationship they had and everything he did for the old man just further proved how good he was raised. "What did you guys do last year?"
"We went to the aquarium. Mom baked him birthday brownies to take with us."
"I love your mom." Another truth. "I can help you plan something..if you want me to?"
"I'd love that." He agrees, squeezing my hips reassuringly. "You're obviously coming with us so make sure it's something you're comfortable with doing."
I smile, pecking his lips. I couldn't wait.
After another half hour of discussing all of the many options I thought of to make George's birthday special, our two friends finally joined us again. I was forced to conceal all of the questions I had by Jared's hand over my mouth, taking in their flushed cheeks and Fern's messy hair.
None of us spoke a word of what did or didn't happen in the hour that they were alone, instead I listened to Terri grill Jared about him knowing his tunnel took longer whilst Fern and I acted like total girls and squealed over how stunning the cave was.
The boys had to Pry Fern's phone out of her hand after she insisted we take pictures in here.
Apparently, some things were meant to be kept secret and our crystal haven that was still, admittedly, slightly smelly, was one of them.
Jared snuck into my house once we'd endured the only slightly awkward drive back and Fern and Terri had gotten in their own cars and left, though the only person that was home was Lexi and she already knew about us. His excuse when I'd pointed that out was that he'd gotten an earful from her about waking her up. He watched me bustle about in the kitchen as I made us both grilled cheese sandwiches, the clock on the oven blinked at me, telling me it was nearly 11pm.
This moment weirdly felt kind of domestic, I tried not to picture us doing this in ten years time.
"I enjoyed tonight." Jared pushes through my thoughts, gaining my attention again. "It was nice to be able to be a couple in front of others for the whole night, you know?"
"Yeah it was." Now that I knew what that felt like, it would be hard to go back to how it was before. By the sombre tone of voice, Jared felt the same. "Did you see Fern's face when they finally joined us?"
"Terri will thank me later." He shrugs, a meddlesome smile on his lips.
I laugh as I plate our food and ask Jared to grab water from the fridge before we head up to my room, squealing every time he presses one of the cold bottles to the back of my neck. So much for being quiet in case Lexi was asleep.
We eat our food quietly, before undressing and climbing into my bed to snuggle. NHL highlights play softly from my TV as I lay on his chest.
"Want to talk about whatever is bothering you?" He asks sometime later, our bodies content and warm.
"I have something to ask you, actually." I reply, thinking back to the conversation I had with Callum.
"Anything." He quickly tells me, not having to think twice about his answer. I smile into his chest as a Seattle Kraken player, Vince Dunn, slams another player from the LA Kings into the boards, stealing the puck. That man was swoon worthy.
"Will you come with me to meet with my father?"
I feel him stiffen from surprise. "When did you decide this?"
I'm not surprised by his confusion, the last time that we discussed Callum was at Christmas. Since then I hadn't voiced wanting to reach out to him. I sigh as I answer, "I ran into him again today."
"You did? Where?"
"Across town." I vaguely reply.
"What were you doing over there?" He asks anyway, curious as ever.
"I had to pick something up for my..." I trail off, wincing at the lie. "I was about to say my dad but I guess considering both of them are in the same town right now it could get a little confusing."
He snorts. "We could just call them things one and two." He must second guess his joke that was actually kind of funny because he apologises. "Sorry."
"He wants to talk to me." I tell him. Understatement of the freaking century.
"Is that what you want?"
"Of course. I mean he's a part of me, you know?" I shrug against him.
"Then why do you look sad?" I look up then, seeing my favourite blues already on me.
"I just don't know if I'm ready." I say quietly, insecurity laced through my voice.
"If you don't want to do this, that's okay. You don't owe anybody anything, Mary. You don't." He reassured me, much like he always does when he senses that I'm beginning to overthink. "But if deep down you do? I'll be there with you all the way. You deserve to know this part of yourself."
I mull his words over, having him there really would make things easier for me I think. He brings me a feeling of peace, so if this whole thing blew into a shitstorm at least he would be there to pull me to safety.
Did I really want to, though? Was I ready to hear the truth about what happened between my parents when I was born?
Was I ready to learn the truth about me?
"I always wanted a younger sibling. Being one sucks." I try to joke.
"Well then it's a good thing you get two." He chuckles.
God, that was a weird thought. I didn't know the first thing about being a big sister.
"I'm scared." I admit, frowning as a weird feeling settles in my gut.
"Did he say why he was in town?"
"I think he's here for me."
"Then isn't that a sign to take this opportunity? To really get to know the rest of your family?"
"What if Lexi finds out?" I didn't expect him to reply, I just needed to voice the one thing that worried me more than anything else did.
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"What if she finds out that I'm not her real sister?" I explain, my voice quiet now despite my sister being on the floor below us. "I don't want her to look at me differently."
I feel him shuffle beneath me as he turns us around so that I'm the one on my back and he's above me, using his arms to support himself.
"Hey listen to me," He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear before capturing my chin, holding my stare. "You and Lexi are real sisters. Just because you don't share the same father, it doesn't mean you both don't still have the same blood running through you."
His words are exactly what I needed to hear.
"Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you?" I smile sweetly.
"Not for a couple days." He blushes slightly, though his voice is playful.
I kiss his nose. "Well I do." He kisses mine right back.
"Besides, you and Lexi came out of the same person. I'd say there's no coming back from that."
I shove him off of me with a groan. "Gross."