A/N - the way I'm on the verge of becoming a uni dropout✌🏾
TW: this chapter contains multiple scenes some may find upsetting ❤️
(Almost made myself cry writing some LMAO)
~~~
"Trouble", the warmth that coursed through my body the second Cairo got into my car was embarrassing, the fact he had this much of an effect on me just by sitting beside me? A smile spread across my face when he kissed my cheek, proceeding to buckle his seatbelt and turn to me.
"How was your Christmas?", I asked him, pulling off of the sidewalk and heading down the street, "I missed you". That much was true, it hadn't even been that long since I'd last seen him, but his presence was one of the only things keeping me sane right now.
"Don't make me blush", he teased, cracking his knuckles, "it was alright, nothin' special".
"Me too", I admitted, "it was just you and your mum?". He nodded, and even though my eyes were on the road, I didn't miss the clench of his jaw out of the corner of my eye.
"The boys had a good day?", he changed the topic, another smile on his face, "no fighting I hope?".
"None that couldn't be resolved overnight", I'd spoken to Prescott and I was back in his good books after filling him in on the letter situation, "I feel like you're deflecting".
"Deflecting what?", he asked, voice apprehensive.
"When I brought up your mum", I replied, tapping the wheel, "I'm not prying, I just-,".
"I know you ain't prying, I've done more of that to you", he shook his head slightly, "it's complicated Zane".
He didn't even call me Trouble.
"I'm all ears, if you wanna talk about it", I offered, knowing he'd been there for me more times than I could count, "if not, that's fine too". The car fell silent for a moment or so, I just stared straight ahead while Cairo presumably gathered his thoughts, if I could do anything in this situation it would be to mirror the patience he'd given me.
"My dad cheated on my Ma when I was twelve, while she was pregnant with Zahra", he finally said, I stayed quiet, "she kicked him out, haven't seen him since".
"He sounds like a dick", I muttered and a small chuckle came from him.
"Putting it lightly", he scoffed, "Ma struggled a lot, when she gave birth to Zahra she started to suffer from postpartum depression, I looked after the two of them a lot, I didn't mind though". I'd had no idea he'd been carrying all of this on his shoulders, and here I was thinking I was the only one who had it bad.
"You do what you have to for your family", I nodded, understanding the feeling all too well, "no matter what it costs you".
"Yeah", he whispered, ruffling the loose curls on his head, "after Zahra...she spiralled- badly". I couldn't even imagine losing your own child so unexpectedly like that, and Cairo losing a sibling.
"Mentally?", I asked, facing him at a red light and catching an almost missable nod.
"She hasn't left the house in years, not since the funeral. She doesn't work, fuck- she barely moves from the sofa, it's like livin' with a ghost, Zane", I reached out and squeezed his thigh when his voice grew shaky, "I tell myself that it's better than her not being there at all, y'know? I work to make sure we have heating, food, but as long as she's here that should be all that matters, right?".
"You're just trying to keep the two of you afloat", I nodded, squeezing his thigh again, "I want to help".
"I'm not takin' your money Trouble", he shook his head, "I'm not a charity case".
"I know", I told him, pulling into the McDonald's drive thru, "although I never did pay you for babysitting the boys that time".
"Zane-,", I cut him off by pulling out my wallet and retrieving all of the cash I had in it, "seriously, I can't-,".
"You take care of me, I'll do the same for you", I told him, forcing it into his palm, "what do you wanna eat?". He stared at me incredulously for a minute before breathing out a chuckle, shaking his head slightly.
"You're crazy", he glanced down at the money and smiled faintly, "thank you".
"Always", I promised, "cheeseburger?".
~
"There's only four days left of the year", I paused mid bite of my burger and turned to Cairo, that statement both made me excited and terrified as shit.
Chase was twelve in just over a week, Prescott would be sixteen, Caleb fourteen, the twins finally double digits. And I'd be nineteen, hopefully running a club, and seeing where my relationship with Cairo went; it was both frightening and exhilarating at the same time.
"Most of this year was shit", I muttered, feeling his gaze burning into my temple, "I said most".
"Mhm", he nodded with a smirk, "can I ask you a question?". I nodded, a little more on edge than I was a few seconds ago, but ready to hear it regardless.
"What about?", I asked, placing my burger in my lap.
"Your sister", I nodded again, despite the growing anxiety in my chest, "would you ever try and...bring her home? Now that your dad's locked up?".
"That's a complicated question", and I meant it, there were so many factors I had to consider before searching for my sister and bringing her back to us, "sure he's locked away, but it's still not safe- my head's still all over the place, I don't know if bringing her home would be good for me mentally yet, I don't want our mother here, but she's all Isabella's known for five years- there's a lot I have to think about".
"I get that", he nodded, rubbing a hand on my shoulder, "I'd love to meet her someday Trouble". Hearing him say that, even though I'd just explained that it wouldn't be for now, made me realise he was in this for the long run, and I couldn't be happier.
"I'd love that too", I smiled, feeling my cheeks heat up.
"Y'know, that's the first time I've heard you consider yourself out loud", he said and I frowned, "you said you don't know if Isabella coming home would be good for you mentally". I hadn't even realised.
"It's nothing, just slipped out", I shrugged, taking another bite of my burger.
"Don't downplay shit Zane, you matter and you know it", did I?
Because from where I was standing, my life revolved around my brothers, as if they were all the sun and I simply orbited around them, just existing.
"I don't think that's true", I shook my head slightly, chewing slowly, "if I didn't have them, or you, I'd be dead".
"You really think that?", his hurt expression made me wince, the last thing I wanted to do was drop the mood of this conversation further, "Trouble-,".
"I know that", I cut him off, "and I know that's not what you wanna hear, but it's the truth Cairo. There's no point in living if I don't have you guys in my life". He stayed quiet, a small nod coming from him as he continued to eat.
"Another reason for me to stick around huh?", he gave me a weak smile and I returned it, reaching across and taking his hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze before refocusing on my burger. He squeezed back after a moment, the pair of us just basking in the silence, in the other's company.
~
"I think we should tell the boys we're together", I announced after pulling up at Cairo's and stopping the car, "in the new year".
The smile that spread across his face was one of the biggest I'd seen from him yet, knowing he cared about my brothers just like I did made me nothing short of ecstatic.
"Yeah?", he turned to me slightly, eyes crinkled at the corners, "how do you think they'll take it?". Well, considering how much they loved Cairo...
"They'll treat it like a late Christmas present", I chuckled, not being able to hide my smile either, "I'm ready, we're ready- I know you're not going anywhere". He leaned over and kissed my cheek, then my jawline.
"Never", he said softly, "I swear it Zane, you never have to worry about me leaving you. They'd have to kill me for that to happen".
"Don't joke about that", I said sternly, kissing him back regardless, "I love you".
"I love you too Trouble", he grinned, opening his door and sticking a leg out, "see you on new year's?".
"Definitely", I agreed, starting the engine and watching him head to his front door with a spring in his step; everything was clicking into place...
~~
"I need you to try and calm down", I crouched, eye-level with Alexander as his chest rose and fell at a dangerous pace, "focus on me, not them".
As if everything I'd just said hadn't even registered in his mind he tried to charge towards Chase, I held him against me while he restrained, clawing at my chest, hitting me, even going so far as to kick my shin.
"I'm sorry Xan", Chase apologised quietly, his voice shaky, "I didn't mean to".
"But you did!", he yelled, "get off me Zane!".
"Xavier is fine, okay?", I told him patiently, still holding him back, "just a bump on his head".
Thank goodness.
He'd taken a fall down the stairs...after tripping on some of Chase's books. And because Alexander valued his twin's safety above everything else, he thought the best way to resolve the situation was to injure Chase too.
"He could've died!", he snapped, beginning to wear himself out as his movements slowed.
"He could've died when you threw that trophy at his head!", Caleb marched into the room, standing in front of Chase defensively, "don't shout at Chase when you're the dangerous one in here, it's always you!". Alexander stilled, my chest shielding his hurt expression from the others but it being as clear as day to me; I loosened my hold on him when he stepped back, then proceeded to rush out of the patio doors.
"Caleb", I groaned, facing the two of them, "you don't think before you speak, you know he can't help it".
"And he doesn't think before he acts", he raised an eyebrow, "Chase didn't do anything wrong".
"I uh...could've not left the books on the stairs", he said shyly, "sorry Zane".
"It was an accident", I told him with a weak smile, "you will apologise to Alexander, Caleb".
"For defending Chase? Yeah right", he scoffed, arms folded protectively.
"You should apologise Cub", Chase told him, "he's our brother, he's not dangerous". How he wasn't even twelve yet, I didn't know.
"Fine", he sighed, "Delilah's picking me up soon". It was New Year's Eve today, and he'd decided he didn't want to spend it at home, rather with his best friends at a sleepover.
I couldn't exactly complain, one less child to look after.
"You're not gonna be here for the countdown", Chase said disappointedly, looking up at his brother.
"I'll see you next year Chasey, don't worry about it", he ruffled Chase's hair and he groaned, slapping him away, "Cairo's looking after Xav upstairs with Scott". As much as I was a little embarrassed that he'd witnessed the mess of our day, I knew I had to let him in to this side of things...especially if I wanted to tell the boys we were together at some point next month.
"I know", I nodded, "I need to go and find Alexander".
~
He hadn't gone far, I found him a little deeper into the garden on one of the benches, legs bouncing, a few tears streaming down his cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to take this away from him, I'd do anything to get rid off his pain- all of their pain, and place it upon myself if it meant seeing them smile a little more.
I'd pay any price for their happiness, always would and always will.
I sank onto the bench beside him wordlessly, just wrapping an arm around him and pulling him into my chest; my heart snapped in two when his cries grew louder and his small body trembled against me.
"It's not my fault", he sobbed and I closed my eyes, resting my chin on the top of his head and trying to force the tears to stay in, "I don't wanna feel like this".
"I know", I whispered, not trusting my voice to not break, "I know".
"It's not my fault, it's not my fault", his cries grew heavier and I just held him tighter, "it's not my fault Zane, it's not my fault".
"I know it's not, I promise", I kissed his hair and sniffed, "I love you so much yeah? Don't you ever doubt that, do you hear me?".
"I can't help it", he hiccuped, "I'm sorry".
"Never apologise to me for something you can't help", I shook my head, pulling us apart and wiping his cheeks with the pads of my thumbs; for the first time in forever he looked just like the tiny boy I used to shield from beatings or cradle to sleep with my bedroom door locked.
He hadn't looked this vulnerable in months.
"They all hate me, you probably do too", he rubbed at his eyes harshly and cast his gaze away from me, "Caleb's right".
"Caleb doesn't know what he's talking about", I shook my head, "you're not dangerous Alexander".
"I threw that trophy at Xav, I hit people, I kick people, nobody speaks to me in school, I sit on a table alone if Xav's not there- I am dangerous", he told me.
And there was the sound of my heart breaking in two.
"Then I think all of those people don't know what they're missing", I leaned back, wiping a stray tear from my eye, "you're amazing, kind, a little impatient, but once they took the time to get to know you, they'd know that too".
"Well they don't", he crossed his arms and looked up at the cloudy sky, "I'm meant to be alone".
"I don't believe that for a second", I shook my head, "I think you'll surprise yourself, find someone who loves you, all of that". He just stayed quiet, thinking to himself for a moment before nodding.
"I'm gonna check on Xav", he announced, rising to his feet with a sniff, "uh, thanks".
"Anytime", I promised, standing too and squeezing his shoulder, "it's a new year tomorrow yeah? Fresh start". He nodded again, leading the way ahead of me with his tear-stained cheeks and runny nose; I just hoped next year showed us all a little more mercy...
~
"I can't wait until next year, we're gonna be ten Xan!", Xavier grabbed his twin's shoulders and shook them, and while Alexander rolled his eyes, I could see the smile he was trying to hide, "and Zane will be old, and Scott".
"Old?", Prescott scoffed, frowning and ripping the party hat Xavier had forced us to wear off of his head, "I'll be sixteen".
"Exactly. Old", he nodded, "how old will you be Cairo?". He dropped onto the sofa beside Chase and chuckled.
"I'll be nineteen, June 27th", he replied and Xavier gasped.
"Xan and I are May 27th", he grinned, "we're nearly the same".
"He's nine years older", Alexander rolled his eyes, "how many minutes left Zane?". I checked my watch and smirked, I couldn't wait to go into the new year surrounded by almost all of the people who made life worth living.
"Six", I replied, sitting on the sofa beside Cairo and discreetly brushing my leg against his, "then we can all leave this year behind".
"Preach", Prescott muttered, ruffling Chase's hair, "I have a good feeling about next year".
"Me too", Chase yawned, "I'm tired". He rested his head on Prescott's shoulder and sighed, I could tell he was bored without Caleb here, the pair of them were more inseparable than either of them let on.
"You can go to bed after the countdown", Prescott told him, sounding like his parent, "it's nearly your birthday".
"I'll only be twelve, nothing special", he lifted a shoulder in a small shrug and I frowned.
"You're not excited?", I asked him and he shrugged again.
"It's just another day really", he admitted, "and twelve's a boring age".
"No age is boring Chase- twelve could be one of the best years of your life", Cairo smiled at him and he nodded slowly.
"Maybe", he replied, "how many minutes?".
"Four", I checked my watch again and Xavier groaned, standing up and moving into the kitchen, the distinctive rustle of a bag being opened making me roll my eyes.
"More popcorn Xavier?", I asked without turning around, Alexander snorted and shook his head.
"It's the best Zane", he said certainly, "you're all boring".
"Can I have some Xav?", Cairo spoke up and Xav was in front of him with the bag in the blink of an eye.
"Sure, Cairo", he gave the rest of us a pointed look and I chuckled, "how many minutes?".
"Two", I replied and he gasped, throwing himself into the sofa and ruffling his hair. We had been watching a movie, but had paused it to countdown for the new year when the time came. We weren't big on going all out on this day, especially when we'd all spent the countdown locked in my room having to be dead silent on multiple occasions.
Not anymore, he's gone.
We made small talk for a moment, trying to block out the loud crunching and humming from Xavier, until I checked my watch once more.
"Thirty seconds", I announced and said brother gasped again, throwing the bag of popcorn to his side and rubbing his hands together.
"Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight!-,", oh please.
"We count down at ten idiot", Alexander slapped his head and he shut up instantly.
"Fifteen seconds", I chuckled and everyone perked up, suddenly looking alive.
"Ten!"
"Nine!"
"Eight!"
"Seven!"
"Six!"
"Five!"
"Four!"
"Three!"
"Two!"
"One!"
"Happy New Year!", the twins and Chase jumped on both Cairo and I, attacking the two of us in a hug while Prescott just hovered behind, ruffling my hair and squeezing Cairo's shoulder.
I latched my pinkie around my boyfriend's a little tighter and grinned, everything was perfect.
~~~
A/N - Xander broke my heart today I swear to you 😐
Them holding pinkies >>
Please forgive me for the direction this book will take 🧎🏽♀️
I don't know if anyone remembers that I said this book will be split into parts...this part is coming to an end soon hehe😍
Until next time <3<3<3