◖𓈈﹗ ﹙ chapter fourteen ﹚
❛ ▬▬ moonlight kiss . . . ❜
Lilith liked to travel in the night . The changes she had experienced over the past few weeks had finally destroyed any healthy structure in her sleep routine. Never before in her life had she felt so tired, lacking energy and with completely dry eyes. Resting her head on the pillow became a forbidden, almost phobic act that she only experienced when she lay down in the back seat of the Impala, sheltered by the night sky and the stars seen through the window. In those moments, Lilith would fall deeply asleep and only wake up from the arguments between the brothers.
"I don't know if going to the Roadhouse is the best idea," Dean was heard saying, waking up with swollen eyes and a big yawn. Lilith had no idea where they were going, as always, traveling from state to state daily left her feeling lost.
"Dean!" complained Sam, sounding quite fed up. "It's another vision, I know it. This is going to happen, and Ash can tell us where."
"Yeah, but..." Dean replied, but Lilith could observe some physical discomfort and hesitation in his response. "There are going to be hunters, and I don't know if it's best to go in saying that you're a supernatural phenomenon with demon connections, you know?"
Oh...here they go again with the discussions about Sam's visions.
"So, am I a phenomenon now?"
"You always have been," Dean joked, patting Sam's leg, and Lilith couldn't help but laugh at his response. "Goodnight princess, we're going to the Roadhouse, a hunter's bar."
"A bar? Then I need to change, I can't go like this."
"What's wrong with you? You look good, at least presentable," Dean leaned back for a second, checking how she was dressed.
Lilith rolled her eyes, trying not to get angry with Dean and insult him for the rest of the trip. It wasn't his fault that she had never been sexualized or harassed, although she could occasionally use her brain like her brother, who was now denying the pilot's ignorance. Lilith was well aware that the fault lay with men and not how a woman dressed. The quick solution - and the one she chose - was to reduce the chances of such a situation occurring, although nothing was ever guaranteed. Having to explain it made her feel repulsed.
"Drunk men plus a young girl with her whole abdomen out plus a cleavage equals a horrible situation. I don't want those idiots looking at me, so pull over somewhere or one of you two give me your jacket right now."
"I'll give you mine," Dean said right away, regretting having asked in the first place. He took off his jacket, sincerely horrible, which belonged to his father, and passed it to the back seat. "We're not too far away," he warned, turning on the radio again.
The hunter's jacket didn't exactly smell good, but the scent didn't faze Lilith, who caught a whiff of strong deodorant and dried blood from the back seat. The fabric had been through the lives of two monster hunters, and Lilith didn't expect the cologne she bought for Dean a couple of days ago to completely cover up the typical Winchester smell.
Lilith slumped against the window, conveying a worried and dejected expression to the empty road ahead. Once again, her safety depended on the brothers. Bobby had gone to visit the Hopkins family after a long call, from which he couldn't gather many details despite his screams demanding his right to know.
"I don't want to give you false hope, Lilith," Bobby said, acting patient. "The Hopkins want to talk to me in person about these witches who tried to abduct you, that's all they said. I'd rather you be with Sam and Dean. They'll take care of you while I'm gone. Do you trust me?"
Lilith trusted him, and that's why she only spent a few more minutes trying to convince him to let her accompany him. Clearly, she didn't succeed. However, it wasn't the only thing that had her looking lost and dejected. It was time to go back to university or leave it to continue searching for Mom. The moment had come; she couldn't postpone it any longer.
The Roadhouse looked cozy from the outside, and without a doubt, it could be Dean's favorite bar! It had everything he liked! Rustic, antique, and not at all modern aesthetics, a jukebox slot machine with a wide variety of rock songs and their variations, and idiotic men to gamble with and win against. Lilith stayed close to Sam, intimidated by the atmosphere. She didn't belong there, and they could eat her alive.
The Winchesters approached a pretty blonde girl counting bills.
"You can't stay away, huh?" she said, implying to Lilith that there was an established relationship, especially with Dean. Interesting.
"Yeah, I guess," Lilith replied. "How are you, Jo?"
"Where's Ash?" Sam asked impatiently. The premonition issue had escalated to an uncontrollable point that was beginning to scare the boys and the girl. It wasn't the powers that frightened her, but how they affected her friend's mind.
"In his room," Jo said with a furrowed brow. Sam disappeared, and Lilith didn't know whether to follow him or stay with Dean. "I'm good, thanks," she said to Dean.
"I'm sorry..." Sam was usually the one with manners and good behavior in public. Lately, the roles had been reversed. "He's running out of time. This is Lilith," Dean introduced her with a wave of his hand and then gestured to the bartender. "Jo Harvelle."
"Pleasure to meet you," Lilith said politely, and the response she got was a questionably fake smile. There was a possibility she was wrong, at least she hoped so.
"Stay here," Dean ordered
Oh great! She had just left her alone in an unknown place and in an uncomfortable situation. Lilith adjusted Dean's jacket, which was falling off her shoulders because she didn't have the body to hold something so big, and made sure her low-rise pants weren't showing any of her underwear. It was the most comfortable outfit she had for hours and hours of travel.
"Then..." Jo took a rag and began wiping down the bar. Lilith looked up curiously. "Are you a hunter too? Are you with Dean?"
"Oh no, not at all!" Lilith responded gracefully. No one had ever assumed she was a hunter, and much less paired her with Dean, always with Sam. "They're my friends, I'm just traveling with them."
Her response didn't elicit any sympathy from Jo. For some reason unknown to her, a tense and artificial atmosphere had developed between them. The college-aged girl took a seat on one of the stools along the bar to wait for the brothers.
"How long have you known them?" Jo said after a while, returning from rearranging some bottles of rum.
"All my life," Lilith responded, despite sensing the coldness. She preferred to converse with Jo, keeping her thoughts at bay. "Are you a hunter?"
"Maybe," she responded proudly. "My mom doesn't want me to be, but I do."
Off in the distance, talking to a man, was her mother. They looked very similar: golden hair, hazel eyes, and empowered toughness. Lilith suddenly felt queasy.
"Well, that's what mothers are for, to show you what's best in your life," she said roughly, leaving behind any education. "You should listen to your mom, it's not a pretty life and I can list a thousand reasons why. Don't be inconsiderate with her, I'm sure she loves you a lot...and you still have her by your side."
"I'm pretty sure I want to be a hunter, thanks for the advice, I guess."
Lilith's eyebrows raised in a movement that expressed how much she didn't care that Jo took offense to her comment. Just preparing the words in her mouth left a bad taste in her mouth. Approaching her current problem in that way pushed her against the stool, barely avoiding falling to the ground. The honesty had come from within so naturally, without going through any filters, and she understood the cantina girl's reaction. It hadn't been nice to hear, and no one liked preachy sermons coming from a young girl, that was for sure. Lilith was constantly attacked for the absence of her mother, and - without playing the victim - it was the main topic in her thoughts when she decided to take it out on Jo
Just by seeing how Jo had her mother in the same room, Lilith's heart filled with envy. She couldn't quantify everything she would sacrifice to have her mom with her right now, to be able to hug her and tell her how much she loved and missed her. She needed her in the same way an eight-year-old girl depended on her parents to take care of her. Mom had been her guide, a role model; without her, she felt lost, exposed as bait to decisions that would determine her future. The return to Cambridge, to the university, the books and subjects managed to pierce her brain every second of the day, like a constant and annoying beep, reminding her that she had to make a decision: Mom or her life. The university was a serious topic for this point in her life, it was the pinnacle of her entry into the job market and the construction of her future... and she had no idea what to do. Which path was better? She wasn't even able to answer what her mom would have told her.
The boundaries between the sentimental and rational had never been so clear. On the one hand, abandoning the university to search for her mom was the cradle of her love and what she purely wanted, if only she relied on a part of her more emotional personality, she wouldn't be having the problem, but unfortunately she was aware of all the effort her mom and grandparents had made for her to apply to Harvard, the university of her dreams, after finishing high school. Years and years of studying mathematics, getting a place in the US Math Olympiad, and participating in political debates organized by her county. Her grandparents had allocated part of their income to a bank account for many years to pay for her entire career. She couldn't simply drop out in her second year.
"What's wrong?" Dean gave her the scare of her life by sitting on the empty stool next to her.
Lilith raised her head for the first time after a long time locked inside her mind. She had formed a shield with her long blonde hair that fell in front of her face. That way, she felt less observed, and therefore, more calm.
"Nothing..." she sighed, composing herself. "I'm just a little tired, that's all
The sounds of glasses clinking on the table, the deep voices of men discussing the hunt for a werewolf, and the slow rock music started a rather unique process of setting the scene, as if she had entered the purity of the supernatural world, experiencing that life from a more cultural point of view. Lilith would have liked to have experienced it under other circumstances. She avoided the invasive gaze of the hunter on her by using her hair as a curtain, but quickly Dean buried his fingertips in the fine strands and tucked it behind her ear, adopting a complicated attitude to decipher, or maybe it was she who didn't want to give it another meaning other than friendship. The interaction developing between Lilith and Dean remained in doubt after the tacit agreement made on the night of the incident.
Since John had died, Dean had begun to have strange looks towards his brother and Lilith, and at that time, Lilith had been able to identify them as the same: Dean would gaze at them with his emerald eyes like a concerned older brother, with something on his mind, and it was better to let him live quietly with his things. Sam and Lilith did not dare to ask him what was wrong, hoping it was just Dean being Dean. However, Lilith had noticed the mutation in her as a mystery that made her blush and left her with a dry mouth. It wasn't a coincidence that she was born after the short kiss; denying it would be stupid.
"You look sad," Dean said with a furrowed brow. "Is there something you want to talk about?"
Damn it! Again with the questions that could be thought of in two different ways! The last thing she needed was to have those kinds of problems with Dean.
"No, I'm fine."
The Winchester brothers were fed up with problems, and Lilith was burdening them with hers. She thought about everything that had happened to them in the past few weeks and concluded that their problems seemed to be those of a rich, white, privileged girl. Sam's premonitions sparked heated discussions inside the Impala. The last time she witnessed that kind of discussion, where both of them hid what they really thought, Sam ended up leaving the family business to start his new life like any other young man. Lilith's attempts to maintain peace had been to present Sam with a totally different vision from his brother's, understanding it as something truly wonderful and fortunate to have, which if he could transform it into something efficient, he could implement it in hunting. For Lilith, the visions of demon-eyed children who had suspiciously been born under the same circumstances as Sam, the killer of Mary Winchester, were not grounds for labeling them as murderers, even if Andrew Gallagher had killed someone or not. It was difficult to convince Sam and Dean otherwise, and it did not help to sustain that having powers did not make him strange but incredibly amazing.
Lilith spent the rest of the night sleeping in the Impala, wrapped in a blanket until the first rays of the sun hit the night sky. It was then that Sam was driving while Dean slept in the passenger seat. Lilith did not know how to drive a car, only motorcycles, but maybe someday she would feel like learning. In the morning, they settled into a motel, and finally, she had the opportunity to clean up. She did it quickly, and when she finished, she met up with the brothers to have breakfast while they kept an eye on Andrew. It was during these moments of the day that she became an entity that followed Sam and Dean everywhere or stayed locked in the Impala waiting for them to finish their things, taking her from one place to another until they collected all the necessary information in the afternoon and started the investigation process. In the best case, they would hunt that same night; otherwise, Lilith helped them with the investigation for days. She had nothing better to do. Helping her mother had become so complicated.
She paid the cashier six dollars and fifty-six cents for her hot coffee and sat at one of the empty tables outside the cafeteria, under the surveillance of the brothers. She left them alone for a moment. She needed it too
She found repulsive the culmination of her mother's case and the thoughts that had entered her mind since the party. She was tired of not moving forward and not knowing how, she had already done everything in her power. From the beginning, she had decided to seek the help of experts and present a folder with all the necessary data to start an exhaustive search. Then, when things took a supernatural turn, she didn't consciously oppose anything because she felt useless. Lilith had argued just a couple of nights ago that knowing why her mom was linked to an alpha witch was the most important thing to find her. If only she had a slight clue, she could link the next unknowns into a reasonable theory, like a big system that fed back on itself. Why did some demons kill Vanessa Smith and Detective Pike? It was obvious to Lilith that both deaths were condemned by their help: on the one hand, Vanessa confirmed seeing her mother with other cards, and Detective Pike was ready to start an investigation. Who was Thomas? Was he the same man that old Mrs. Maud had seen leaving her house? What did Meg mean with her final message? Why did some witches want to kidnap her? Lilith felt completely fed up, with the urge to tear her hair out, kick and scream, and beg for Bobby to call her with news. The meeting between the Hopkins family and Bobby was her last chance.
Oh, how she wished Bobby would call her with a breakthrough! She was only asking for a tiny breakthrough! She didn't know what else to do, she had reached her limit. Reading and searching for a clue in books that would give shape to all that madness, searching for the seal... it was enough. She now understood how witches worked to think that it was of no use to her mom to get involved with them, and needless to say, she had no reason to! Witches turned out to be very selfish and elitist creatures, they didn't like humans or other creatures, and they liked even less humans who wanted or tried to be witches. Besides, they were fighting each other! What did her mother have to do with that picture? That was what was driving her crazy. She didn't know her mother as well as she thought she did, it was evident that she had hidden a secret from her. However, what had the young girl with sporadic hyperventilations was the advent of her second year of college.
Her experience at the party showed how ready she was to leave everything behind and focus on her studies and her life, as if having a missing mother was something she could forget and deal with. She could deal with it knowing that it was a priority in her actions, going back to college would place her career above it, and she didn't want to do that. Her stomach turned just thinking about it. But, reasoning coldly, she knew she was in a compromising situation. God... she needed guidance
Out of the blue, there was a moderate church at the end of the block. Lilith believed in God, always had, although she was more of a science person. The Christian community and religion generated internal moral debates for her that she preferred to keep to herself out of respect for all those who found relief in Christianity. Her grandparents and mother used to take her to church every Sunday when she was a child, but she stopped going out of rebellion and as an adult, she realized it wasn't her lifestyle. Lilith knew what she was about to do was not in line with Christian preaching and that many people would be upset, but her mother had told her that when she didn't know what to do, she could find an answer by talking to God. And as she was desperate enough, she got up, threw her empty coffee in the trash can, and walked towards the church. Inside, there was no one, the solitude intoxicated her in white walls with detailed woodwork. It was a spacious and elegant church, beautiful and bright enough to sweeten the atmosphere of peace. She sat in the first pew that crossed her path out of shame of interrupting someone else's prayer, maybe the priest was in the room next to the Eucharist. For a second, she didn't feel welcome, as if the different sacred sculptures knew the intentions with which she was entering, after having done so many things frowned upon in the Bible. Damn it! She shouldn't curse either!
Lilith brushed her hair back, assuming a more devout posture in the church. She cradled both hands in her lap and bowed her head a little timidly.
"Well, it's been a long time since I've done this... Mom says it helps to think, and I need to understand what's best to do. I miss her too much, every day I wonder where she could be and if she's alive. I haven't wanted to touch that subject, I still refuse to believe she's gone to a better place. I don't know what else to do. I'll keep looking for her all my life if I have to, I don't care about abandoning anything, even my own life and future, I owe it to her, don't I? I'm here thanks to her, it's the least I can do... It sounds like I already know what to do, it seems easy, but I don't think my mom would like this, nor my grandparents, nor Bobby or Sam and Dean. And to a certain extent, I understand them. This situation has escalated to a scale that I don't know, to a world that doesn't belong to me, where I don't fit, and I'm just doing the best I can. There are no clues, nothing to guide me, and this made me wonder if maybe I should leave it to Bobby and go back to university, investigating from there, although I don't feel safe being alone and far from Bobby and the Winchesters. I make so many excuses to stay, well, I want to stay, but I'm not sure..."
"Hey," Sam approached with extreme care and silence that almost scared Lilith— "What are you doing here?" he asked her in a whisper and took a seat next to her.
"People come looking for answers, I hope to find mine," Lilith replied in a guttural tone.
"About your mom?"
Lilith nodded.
"You've been really quiet for how talkative you usually are. I didn't want to pressure you, but you can tell me," Sam said.
"I don't know what to do about college," she said, feeling a sense of release. "I don't want to go back without knowing if my mom is alive, but I don't think she would want me to leave, and neither would my grandparents if they're watching from heaven."
"Your decision is not easy. I... I want what's best for you, and I don't want your life to be ruined by all of this. I know it's about your mom and how much you love her... This may sound a bit hypocritical of me after I went back to hunting after the death of my girlfriend and father, but I would hate to see your life ruined by demons and witches too. Bobby can take care of finding Regina while you study."
"I'd like to be alone for a moment, please."
"Okay, we'll be outside."
• • ⛧ • •
A few hours later, Lilith was still thinking about the matter. While she was buying food for the boys, she sent Bobby a message asking him to call her when he was free. Lilith had decided that, if she made any progress - however small it may be - she would continue her studies. She headed towards where the Impala was parked with a cardboard bag full of fast food and soda. As she turned the corner, the scene didn't surprise the young girl: the guy they had been chasing all day, Andrew Gallagher, was confronting the boys - they had been caught.
"We hunt demons," Dean blurted out, leaving Sam and Lilith gaping, and even more surprised than the boy. "Demons. Spirits. Things you can't even imagine in your nightmares." Lilith, who had stayed with Andrew, got into the car because she couldn't believe what she was hearing, and on the other side, Dean himself seemed to be trying to contain himself, but something wouldn't let him. What had happened? "Sam is my brother."
"Dean, shut up," Sam whispered through gritted teeth, still maintaining his lawyer lie.
"That's what I'm trying to do," he justified. Were they under a spell? "He's psychic, like you, well not really like you. He thinks you're a murderer and fears he will be one too because you're part of something terrible. I hope he's wrong because it's starting to scare me that it's true."
"Oh my God... What happened?" Lilith exclaimed for the first time in days, amused, leaning towards the front seat. "Why did you say all that, crazy?"
"And that one back there is Lilith, my friend - oh no - well... I don't know how much of my friend she is after I stole a kiss from her the other night. Since then I can't stop thinking about her... Man... Have you seen her? She's gorgeous! I don't have very pure thoughts hehe help I can't stop. When she stops crying because her mom's missing, I'm going to invite her to dinner. I really want to kiss her again and if I'm lucky, sleep with her."
"Okay," Andrew nodded, perplexed and disoriented. Everyone was the same way. "Just leave me alone." He almost called them weirdos, there wasn't much of a difference. It wasn't very common for someone to confess that they were a monster hunter, the other a psychic caught in a big problem, and to say in front of everyone that they wanted to sleep with the girl present. Amazing.
Lilith had two options: to laugh or to act indignant. She already had the element of surprise, but Dean's confession was the least of her problems right now, nor was the possible explanation she owed to Sam. He had turned to face her incredulously, and Lilith just smiled pityingly. The situation gave her an attack of laughter while Sam ran after Andrew and Dean kept his head bowed in shame.
"Lilith, shut up!" Dean begged, leaning his forehead against the steering wheel.
"I can't!" she said, holding her stomach that hurt from laughter. "Just like you!" She laughed so hard that she ended up driving Dean away.
Lilith's laughter ended as suddenly and unexpectedly as it had begun. Dean suddenly returned and opened the back door, took her by the arm, and told her to come out. At first, she thought he was upset about her laughing, but Dean added that she should go back to the hotel and stay there until the case was over. The person responsible for the mysterious deaths was not Andrew, as Sam had thought, and at that moment, someone was about to be burned alive. The brothers had learned about it through one of Sam's premonitions. Things were getting intense. Lilith stayed with Sam and Andrew, waiting for news from Dean.
"Then you would make a good dictator," Lilith asked, "everyone would do what you say. You could have the world at your feet right now, wouldn't you like that?" Like Sam, Andrew also had powers.
The boy and Sam looked at her with a frown. Well, it was a bit of an inappropriate comment, but it was true and interesting. If she had those powers, she would be the President of the United States of America right now; that was her ultimate dream, which was why she was studying political science.
"No," he denied, dismissing her idea. "I'm not ambitious, and I don't like power. I'm not a bad person."
"You don't necessarily have to use it for evil; it's absurd to think that way. Look, Captain America has super strength and uses it for good, so do Superman and all the superheroes, duh. If I had your powers right now, you'd be calling me Madam President: Lilith Arduenn, the first female president of the United States of America. What do you think?"
"Why did you kiss Dean?" Sam abruptly asked, bringing Lilith back to reality from her fantasy. It was impossible for him to guess what she was thinking, but his somewhat inquisitive posture revealed traces of anger that led Lilith to take a defensive stance.
"It was a stupid kiss that lasted less than a blink of an eye. We were both drunk, I don't even know how it happened. I don't think it's important," she replied, throwing her arms up. She didn't want to lie and escalate the problem into a conflict. Damn Andrew for using his powers! She didn't want to mess with humanity, but he had ruined her story.
"According to what Dean said, I think it is important. He's my brother, and I was your boyfriend. Are you going to be kissing both of us?"
"What if I want to kiss Dean?" Lilith questioned, crossing her arms. "You broke up with me and asked us to be friends, and that's what we are. It was a stupid kiss; it's not important. And if Dean thinks otherwise, that's his problem, not mine. Besides, what Dean said is very Dean. He probably thinks the same thing about any girl who crosses his path. It's not important."
"I'm sorry if I caused a problem."
"No, it's not a problem," Sam replied as courteously as always. Lilith raised her eyebrows in a gesture that showed how dissatisfied she was with Sam's response. There seemed to be a problem, and Lilith had realized that it wasn't hers. "Can you go back to the motel? We don't know who's causing these deaths. It's better if you stay there in case they find us and want to fight."
"Sure," Lilith agreed without any objections. When it came to hunters, she tried to limit her opinions. "I can walk; it's only four blocks away. If something happens, I'll call you."
• • ⛧ • •
It was past midnight when Lilith woke up with a strange sensation overcoming her body, as if she was being crushed by something very heavy. She sat up in bed, clearing the blonde strands that stuck to her face and obscured her vision. She was alone in the room, illuminated by the yellowish light emanating from the bedside table, and she felt really uneasy, but the sensation came from her mind and not from physical pain. It was really strange, and after everything she had been through, she was afraid she wasn't alone... What nonsense! It was because of what she was dreaming! Soon she was overwhelmed by memories of the dream she had just had. They were not precise like many others, and she regretted not being able to give a picture to the vague scenes that presented themselves in the form of feelings, ones she didn't like at all.
Lilith got up determined to get some fresh air. She was suffocating in the room and needed to calm down, although her exit to the outside world meant knocking on the brothers' door and sleeping with one of them, thus calming what she was feeling.
Outside, a gust of autumn wind raised the hairs on her arms. She looked at the door to her left, doubting whether to knock. It was already too late and she would probably wake them up in the middle of a dream just because she was scared. Damn it... sometimes she really was like a child. Lilith sat on the cold pavement and thought about the possibility of going back to her bed, to her real bed in Massachusetts.
"Lilith," Dean whispered behind her in the same way a psychopath would. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," she responded in the same way. "What are you doing?"
Dean was wearing old, faintly striped pajama pants and a basic black t-shirt. He didn't look like he had just woken up, unlike her, who still had sleepy eyes and swollen lips.
"I was awake and heard your door open, I just wanted to make sure you were safe," Lilith nodded, dispelling his concern, and the older hunter sat in silence for a while, hesitating to go back to his room. Something was gnawing at him, and it was noticeable. "While we're at it," he sat down next to her on the pavement, "I want to apologize for what I said... uh... you know, it was very humiliating. I'm sorry for disrespecting you in front of Sam and Andy. Usually, I keep those thoughts to myself."
"Don't worry, you were forced to. Besides, I know you and I know you have a lot of respect for me, but for the sake of our relationship, I think it's best to forget what happened, although it was very funny for me. You made a fool of yourself, idiot, and Sam looked at you like he was going to kill you for kissing me," Lilith burst into uncontrollable, sincere laughter.
"Please, Lilith, don't mention it again," he said anyway, with a smile. "I'm known for having insomnia, but what are you doing up?"
"I woke up a little agitated and needed to get some air."
"I see," he commented, skillfully inserting himself into her eyes in a way that made Lilith even more nervous. "Sam told me that you're hesitating about going back to university. I have an opinion that might be helpful for you to hear."
"Well, before you force it out of you," she joked, "what is it?"
"That you should go back," he determined, and Lilith's stomach churned. She was the third person to express the same opinion. "Don't throw your life away for these demon and witch issues... no, Lilith, never leave what you have for this. Bobby can take care of looking for your mom with us. Leave it to him and keep your life as it is. In fact, you can even help with the investigation from the campus of your university."
As the hunter's words flowed from his mouth, tears began innocently wetting her celestial eyes. "But I can't," she murmured, containing her emotions and looking down. "You saw it for yourself at that stupid party and how I react when I 'waste' time on something other than my mom. I know I won't be able to concentrate on any of my courses no matter how hard I try. Besides, I'm afraid to go alone... what if the witches show up?"
"You'll be well-protected with a gun and witch-killing bullets, but we'll keep an eye out, or maybe Bobby can live at your house to be closer. We'll figure out the protection issue later. What matters to me is convincing you not to step into this world any more than you already have. Lilith, you know better than anyone what it's like to have a missing father because of the supernatural, and you can't abandon university for this. You can't. Regina has worked so hard to give you the best life. I don't think you remember the argument you caused between our parents: you were playing with Sam while I watched TV and Regina was helping my dad get out of a legal mess when we all heard you tell Sam that if he wanted a room full of toys and books like yours, he should go live with you and have a mom. You wanted to share everything you had... your innocence almost made us never want to set foot in your house again. Sam was little and for the next two years he asked why he couldn't stay with Regina. That night they argued, your mom wanted us to have the chance to have your life and was willing to take care of us. I wasn't interested, I wanted to go kill monsters, but Sam did and Dad said no. The next morning we were in another state."
"I didn't know that story."
"Naah, you were too little," he said. "I think the only thing Sam remembers is comparing his life to yours, he did it a lot as a kid and when he wanted to go to university, in those eternal fights he had with the old man."
After listening to Dean, Lilith's mindset became weak and filled with more doubts than she had just moments ago. In the afternoon, she had a strong conversation with Bobby. Lilith had grown tired of waiting for his call, so she decided to take the initiative. She had to admit that anger and desperation invaded her mouth no matter how hard she tried to control it. She always kept in mind everything that others did or had done for her, and Bobby had helped her a lot for months, but Lilith had a certain patience and the fact that she would have to return to university soon was a burden she had to somehow get rid of. They talked for a while, Bobby just telling her that he didn't know where her mother was, but that he had something else and it was better to talk about it in person. He was coming. Lilith had lost the last condition that favored the university side and when she fell deeply asleep, the idea of submitting her resignation letter became a dream come true. However, Dean was able to push her down the stairs in the most brutal way, with an example that represented his mom's principles.
"Then Mom wouldn't like what I'm doing, right?" she asked out loud, although her intention was a question to herself. Lilith exhaled her worries in a groan.
"I think she would like it if you found a middle ground and didn't give up your studies," Dean commented, approaching subtly. Surely the words "weak girl" were passing through his mind, and Lilith didn't like that. "You know, I trust that you can continue with your studies and keep an eye on your mom."
"Dean," Lilith sighed with a frustrated grimace. It wasn't easy to regain confidence in oneself. Just the thought of sitting in front of a teacher making graphs and talking about econometric models made her want to cry. "I don't even know if she's alive," she murmured angrily.
At that moment, Dean held her in his arms. Lilith was almost petrified hearing the echo of her insinuation. The desperation of a lonely daughter needing her mother back climbed through her body.
"She will appear safe and sound, believe me," the hunter said, separating enough to be able to observe her face and placing one of his hands on the girl's cheek. "I want you to promise me one thing."
Lilith's eyes had an aqueous shine under the moonlight, in which the severity with which the hunter enunciated the words could be reflected. Part of her was frightened by the seriousness and how strongly he held her face. It seemed to be something very important to him.
"What?"
"Promise me that you won't get involved in anything supernatural, not more than you already have, okay?" Lilith had never felt afraid around Dean before, but the harshness in his gaze warned her that he was speaking completely seriously and wouldn't accept an opposing response. "I'll take you home as soon as we talk to Bobby about how we're going to take care of you. Let's do this, okay?"
The young girl's face was cradled in one of the hunter's hands, impatient for her consent. Lilith had barely processed what he was saying, contemplating such an abrupt will oddly. She still hadn't decided what was right, and the mere notion that Dean was insisting so much on returning to university made her look at him suspiciously. It wasn't an opinion; it was an order.
"Dean... I don't know," she tried to justify herself fruitlessly.
"Well, you're going to try," he determined, placing a strand of hair, which the wind had blown onto his face, behind her ear. "And you'll see it was the best for everyone."
God... Dean wasn't going to let her do anything different. Lilith tried to understand the motives that drove him to maintain such a fervent stance, no one had ever behaved that way with her before, and no matter how much she tried to read beyond the characteristic rudeness and mysticism, she only found that the closeness between them was enough to transport her back to that night.
Since then, she had thought little of it. Lilith adorned the memory as a moment of drunkenness in which the pleasant atmosphere created from playing board games confused things for Dean. She held no grudges... nor had she ever, a fact that put her principles and feelings into question. Why wasn't she mad at him? She must have liked him! If it were any other man, she would have slapped him. Lilith's curiosity increased after Dean's declarations in the Impala and what she was seeing with her own eyes: Dean was a bundle of desire. He wanted to kiss her right then and anyone could tell, Lilith had no doubt: he had already caught her cheek in one of his hands, she saw him lick his lips as if he were about to eat one of those cakes he liked so much. There was no more obvious man! He didn't even look at her face! What Lilith wondered was why he didn't kiss her already. Had he been scared off by Sam?
"I'm sorry," he said, retreating from everything he had advanced.
"I'm not stupid, Dean," Lilith replied, looking for his gaze to confirm that his words didn't match reality. "You don't feel anything, if you want to kiss me, just say it."
Lilith lunged forward, tired of waiting, a behavior she certainly didn't remember being characteristic of her. Now they were even, one stolen kiss for another. However, it was far from being like the first one. Their lips had joined together, abusing softness, at first not knowing what she was doing, feeling a little dizzy after having held onto his neck and returned to a much more intimate closeness. Although Lilith had planned for it to last no longer than the first one, the intensity escalated in a matter of microseconds and the rhythm their lips were making extended beyond a few breaths. What the young couple had between them escaped from a simple kiss when Lilith felt Dean's hands land on her waist and stay there. Suddenly she got scared.
"I think that's enough," Lilith whispered between kisses. Dean obeyed and stopped kissing her, just as excited as she was. "Uh..." she didn't even know what to say. "Let's just go to sleep, and about that, I don't want to sleep alone. Can we switch beds?"
"Don't make me feel like I just kissed a little girl," Dean said.
"I'm turning twenty!" she retorted. "But earlier I felt like I was being watched, and I don't want to sleep alone there."
"Okay," Dean said, laughing. "Do you want me to tuck you in and give you a goodnight kiss too?"
"You already gave me one," she joked, making Dean laugh with the moonlight shining over their heads. "Goodnight."
⛧.