"I love you, sensei!!!" Naruto yelled while leaping on to the man and hugging him.
You and the three stooges just got recommended to the chunin exams, and you were not having a good time.
Your mind had been feeling hazy and every now and then you would have these random strikes of pain in your back from when you hit the water back at the waterfall. But since you had the inhumane healing factor along with the total consentration breathing constant, you honestly could not give two flying fucks.
"Hey, (y/n)..."
You were brought out of your thoughts and focused on Kakashi, who stared back at you.
"Hey, if you can't take the chunin exams, you don't have to. I would completely understa-"
"Ok let me stop you there. First off, I'll do it. Second off, stop underestimating me and my ability." you snatched the paper out of his hand and tucked it into the pocket of your haori.
The man lifted an eyebrow at you before shrugging and letting you four go off.
The next day, you guys kinda just did your own thing. You got up early to go on a walk, decided to go and practice the breathing styles for shits and giggles, and then went to look for something to hopefully kill yourself with.
The forest was pretty lively that day, especially with all of the insects and snakes.
A white snake with red eyes was just about to strike a baby rabbit before a hand shot out and grabbed it.
It hissed and turned its head to you but didn't do anything. You let it slither in your hands for a bit before stuffing it into the slayer uniform and digging in the dirt.
The scaly animal slithered around before finally settling itself around your neck enough to be comfortable but not hurt you.
You held a large centipede and a scorpion and played with them for a bit, seeing if you could get a reaction out of them. They only attacked each other but refused to touch you.
When the scorpion's tail accidentally missed the centipede, however, its stinger dug into your flesh.
What came after was silence.
The birds immediately stopped singing and the bugs in your hands stopped squirming. The scorpion looked as though it was trying to shrink as its tail laid beside it in a docile manner.
Even the snake around your neck stopped moving.
You blinked a few times before sighing and placing the bugs down.
Your ear twitched when hearing feet approaching you from behind but opted to just try and ignore them.
Iruka could feel his heart plummet to his stomach for some reason.
The once lively forest just... silenced itself.
The birds that sat near him on a branch looked to be frozen in time as they stared in your general direction.
A fox that was crossing his path also stopped to stare at your hunched form.
This wasn't normal.
When he saw you shift to put something down, the animals silently looked away, going back to their own thing but this time in silence.
Iruka hesitated before deciding to make his appearance as a genin from another village.
"So, you really believe you can become a chunin?" the voice said in a mocking tone behind you.
It was then that you finally realized that someone was talking to you.
"Oh, hi iruka." you said while standing up and stretching out your limbs after poking at a scorpion, the albino snake is still around your neck.
The man paused, shocked that you saw through his disguise but didn't say a word as he approached you.
You watched him before nodding at him. No. not at him, but at someone else.
It was then that something was dropped on his shoulder.
He looked to see what it was and gasped when he saw a massive spider sitting on his shoulder before throwing it off him.
Unfortunately, there were more things that were dropped onto him like centipedes, some small garden snakes, and some other fairly dangerous critters.
He ran off, throwing off parts of his clothes while shouting, leaving you along with the bugs and animals and the albino snake.
You reached up around your neck before petting the albino snake on his head as he hissed in pleasure of the pets as your shadow clones dropped from the trees.
One of your clones blew bubbles out of a smoke pipe, wearing a detective hat while the other two looked relatively normal.
You would later learn the names of these clones as Shit Sherlock, queen, and meeseeks.
And every one of you wanted to die.
It had gotten dark, and you were fucking lost.
While your clones were useless in helping you out of the forest, you were also at fault as you were the one who was lost.
You scanned the dark forest while walking with your talkative group of clones and you felt as though you weren't alone.
I mean, duh. You have clones, of course you're not alo-
Something sharp shot out and embedded itself into the shoulder of your bubble blowing clone before making it poo.
"No! Shit Sherlock!!!" you yelled as your clone died- disappeared.
"I was starting to actually like myself!" you said in disappointment before turning to see who murdered you in cold blood.
Before you stood three familiar characters, one of them you immediately recognized the name of.
"Oh shit! It's rock lee, ninenine, and mean blind guy!"
The three stared at you with dotted eyes, unsure of how they should react.
"How do you know my name?" rock lee asked in surprise.
"Duh, everyone knows you. You're, like, the simple king but awesome." your long nailed clone answered for you.
"Yeah, you make the bowl cut look good and you work under gay!" the other clone enthusiastically said.
"It's pronounced guy." you said while petting your new pet snake who you named kaburamaru.
Blind asshole was glaring at you in suspicion and what appeared to be hate.
'Honestly, this guy just hates everybody.' you thought.
The girl of the group stepped forward and introduced/corrected you while rock lee still introduced himself despite you already knowing his name.
"So, what's your name?" you asked neji.
The boy scoffed and turned away from you.
"As if I should tell you." he answered.
"Fine, blind asshole it is." you shrugged.
The kid looked at you, clearly not enjoying the name you gave him.
"...it's Hyūga Neji," he said.
"Now was that so hard???" you said to him in a jokingly condescending voice.
Boy if looks could kill....
"So anyways, I'm lost. Can you point me towards the village?" you asked the other two.
So the three genin and you walked through the forest as you told you a little life story that started from the day you got reincarnated.
"Really!? That must have been tough!" Lee said in surprise.
"Can you really not die?" TenTen asked in a way that told you she didn't believe a word you said.
"Yeah, I can prove it too." you said before grabbing a kunai and stabbing it into the side of your head.
Immediately, tenten and lee shrieked in horror while neji stared back at you with wide eyes.
You pulled the knife out of your head and let the blood squirt out before the wound healed itself.
"W-W-W-What the hell!?" tenten squeaked out.
"How are you alive!?" Lee exclaimed while checking out where the wound should have been.
"What was that? A ninjutsu? A genjutsu?" Neji demanded from you.
"Um... immortality?" you answered with a question.
The kid only scowled before turning away from you and walking away.
"Damn. What's his deal?" you asked.
"That's just how he is." tenten shrugged, still shaken up.
"You know, you guys remind me of some people i know..." you said while narrowing your eyes at neji.
'He's like 'Suke... that edge lord.'
"Oh? Who?" tenten cocked her head.
"...you'll... meet them soon." you said.
"Whoever these people are, I cannot wait to meet them!" Lee exclaimed.
"The rest of the night was just you talking with the two genin while neji took the lead. When you four finally made it to the village, you all went your separate ways, but not without a hug from tenten.
Today was the first day of the chunin exams.
After Naruto literally dragged you out of your bed, you finally left with your team for the exams.
When you got there, you were met with two guys that stood in the way of your new friends Rock Lee, blind asshole, and tenten, pushing lee back and punching tenten.
You walked forward and then stood between them. The two assholes looked down at you in amusement before you started making hand gestures they hadn't seen before.
"Fuck my ass-jutsu" you said as you made up gestures on the spot before getting on one knee and rearing your fists back.
Before the two could react, you jabbed your fists forward, landing on their intended targets: their balls.
The two wheezed before falling to their knees and clutching their privates while you stood up and looked down on them through your blindfold like they looked down on you.
"Pathetic. Also, nice try, izumo, kotetsu, but not good enough." you said before turning to the rest of the stunned crowd.
"This is the second floor. Not the third." you said while pointing up to the sign next to the door, which changed from 301 to 201.
"...d-damn you (y/n)..!" izumo muttered before groaning when his dick throbbed in pain.
Yeah... you may or may not have applied some chakra from raiju into your fists to curse their balls with pain for like an hour...
And this time, you didn't need to pay back the fatass dragon in fish, the dragon king wanted you to deck them in the balls because it wants to see suffering..
I know, that's evil. But the both of you wanted to have some entertainment.
One of the two gay lovers- i mean gate guards got up and tried to attack you only for you to disappear from their vision and appear behind them with your katana on the side of their neck, making everyone witnessing the scene breathe in a massive amount of air, making the room feel tense from shock of how fast you are.
Pulling your blade away from one of the two disguised idiots who tried to attack, you turn around and sheathed your blade before walking away with your team following you.
"You really showed them, (y/n)-san!" Naruto said, mildly impressed and scared.
You could tell he was scared simpler by him pressing his legs together and shaking like a newborn sheep.
"Tch, you idiot. That's not a real jutsu." Sasuke said.
"Whatever Sauce-gay, go back to having tomatoes shoved up your ass and sucking naruto's di-" before you finished, duck butt forced his knuckles into your head and dug them into your scalp.
"You're a moron." he said flatly.
"Yeah, and you have a 2 millimeter shriveled up cock." you said, earning a scowl from the boy.
Before he could do anything to you, Sakura dragged you away, scolding you for doing something so reckless.
Blah, blah, blah, gay-sauce, blah, blah.
Lee followed after you four to kick 'Suke's ass through the roof. And he would have if it wasn't for that meddling turtle.
Yeah, don't ask, it went by too fast for you to process.
It was like having a fever dream all over again. Just, without all the passing out and shit.
But you definitely were paying closer attention when Gay- i mean guy sensei appeared.
The dude was the master of bushy eyebrows and the yee-yee ass haircut. I mean, the dude literally made that shit look good!
Not to mention he was manly both physically and mentally... wink wonk- oop.
He just punched lee.
You smiled in a stupid way while naruto, sakura, and sasuke looked on in horror.
And then shit got weird.
The two yee-yee as haircut guys started balling their eyes out while hugging each other, becoming super dramatic.
You began laughing like a maniac, earning looks from your teammates.
Guy appeared behind you four with a smile and spoke of his wins and losses against baka sensei and basically flexed on all of you. You were unfazed by this, staring blankly up at the man.
"I suddenly have the desire for dick milk." you said, earning looks of horror from your teammates.
The man gaped at you before clearing his throat.
"Ahem, well, you guys must get to the exam room soon. The exams won't wait for anyone! Good luck, Lee!" the man exclaimed before disappearing.
Naruto looked over to you with a weirded out look.
"What is it with you and dicks?" he asked.
"I like em." you said, deciding to fuck with his brain a bit with your bluntness.
"Ehhhhhhh!!! Can you stop! You're a kid!" Sakura squealed in embarrassment.
"First off, I'm a year older than you, second off, I'm not the one who has fantasies about having millions of little ducklings with duckass over there. And third off, a person can dream." you said with an amused smile as all three of them turned 50 shades of red at the mention of sakura's dream for the future.
"T-tch, stop making inappropriate jokes or we'll tell kakashi." sasuke said while covering his face with one hand and looking away in an attempt to hide his blush.
"You fucking snitch." you growled before turning away from him and started walking to the exam room.
"I see, so you both came too, sakura, (y/n)"
The three of your teammates stared back in surprise upon seeing Kakashi while you dug into your ear for earwax.
"Of course I came. Who do you take me for? An idiot?"
"...anyways.. Now you can formally register for the chunin exam." he finished but not before cautiously eyeing you.
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked in surprise.
"Actually, from the start, only three man squads could apply and take the exams." Kakashi answered.
You looked at your finger before slowly wiping it on the symbol on Sasuke's back. He grunted and looked at you in confusion and suspicion when you looked away, whistling a tune.
"But sainsei, you said that the decision to take the exams was up to the individual." Sakura said.
"Yes... I did say that."
"Were you lying?"
"Yes... I was." Kakashi paused before continuing.
"If I said that earlier, Sasuke and Naruto would probably forcefully convince you to take it. (y/n) not so much... even if you didn't have the will to apply, if sasuke asks you, you would attempt to take the exams half heartedly." he said.
"Then, if... it had only been sasuke, naruto, and (Y/n) who had come here..." sakura trailed off.
"I would've stopped the exam here. I wouldn't have felt like letting them go beyond this point. But... you guys came here on your own will." he finished off.
You suddenly remembered the events from earlier and quickly interrupted the two with excitement.
"Oh, kakashi! I punched a disguised izumo and kotetsu in the dicks!" you said with a proud smile.
The man did a sort of double take and stared you down before rubbing the back of his neck.
"Ehh... ooohhhh..." he said
Your teammates looked your way with different expressions of their own ranging from confusion to blank stares. Kakashi cleared his throat to grab all of your attention.
"Sakura, sasuke, naruto, (y/n). I'm glad you came. You're a team I'm proud of. Now then, go on!" kakashi said before walking out of the way.
The four of you walked in with new found confidence... only for that said confidence to dwindle once seeing all the applicants.
A lot of them looked older than you four, and all of them looked pretty damn strong and intimidating- but not as strong as you were.
The room paused to take a look at your group.
It was obvious that your teammates were uncomfortable as hell, and you couldn't blame them. It was like walking into a den of hungry lions.
Deciding to save them from the texsion of the room and being nice, you let a fraction of bloodlust leak out for just a second and be directed to everyone except for your companions in the room. Focusing the most amount of it on a certain snake's sex toy.
After releasing your bloodlust, you place a smile back onto your face before stepping in front of your team.
"Ayyye!!! What's up, my crackers!?" you yelled happily, deciding to troll your team.
Your teammates looked at you in horror as you started approaching some of the people.
Walking over to a certain silver headed bastard, you stick your hand out.
"Nice ta meet ya! I'm (y/n)! But you may call me brat, bitch, insect, weakling or whatever your heart desires!" you said to the male who tried to back away from you in fear due to the incident you caused earlier.
"Aww~ what's wrong? Is a tiny little harmless thing like me scary?~" you teased as you took a step closer to the male.
Before you could do any more, sakura immediately pulled you away by the collar of your haori and uniform, choking you in the process.
When sakura finished dragging your ass back to the group, she immediately lost her shit upon seeing ino with her arms wrapped around sasuke's neck. The pink haired banshee ran at ino to try and remove the platinum haired banshee 2.0 from her gay-sauce.
Leaving you on the cold floor before getting up.
"Ey, sakura, choke me as much as you want, I really don't care, but DON'T touch the drip." you said while removing the wrinkles that the pink trashcan caused in your clothes.
As the two started acting like basic bitches, you looked up at the two in confusion.
"Y'know, i never got why y'all go after sasuke so much." you said.
Sakura glared at you.
"Because he's amazing!!!" her and ino said at the same time.
"He doesn't even want to date anyone because one: he's a kid. Two: he has goals for the future. And three: he's already someone's bitch." you said with a smirk as you watched them fall right into your little trap.
"Oh yeah? And who else are we supposed to dream about? And who's bitch is he than??? I'll beat that person to the ground!!!" sakura asked in a fit of rage, forgetting her precious duck was even there.
"Woman, we have the finest hoes this empire has ever seen! We got choji with his thickness, shikamaru with his chill smarts, and kiba! Do you have any fucking clue how many bitches want some wolf guy nailing them right in the pussy!?!?" you exclaimed.
The two girls gawked at you while choji, shikamaru, kiba, shino, and hinata, who just arrived, turned as red as a tomato.
"There are those dudes from sandy land, the bug guy, shino, rock lee the mighty, and not to mention the ladies! Have you seen Kiba's sensei!? She's definitely a mommy dom! And hinata!!!" you exclaimed before growing more irritated.
"You got all these fine bitches but you go for a guy with a duck's ass for his hair???"
Naruto started snickering while sasuke glared at you.
"S-shut up, (y/n)!" sakura stuttered.
"Also, Sasuke's already Naruto's bitch at this point since he's already sucking his dick and all!" you said, not bothering to care about what sakura said.
This time, it was naruto and sasuke glaring at you while kiba started laughing at naruto's misfortune.
Shikamaru was complaining as usual, coji just ate his chips, not caring anymore, hinata was looking discouraged, and shino was nowhere to be seen all the while the two banshees were just gawking even more.
You walked over to shino and tugged on his sleeve, making him look down at your slightly shorter stature.
"Got any poisonous bugs?" you asked, to which she shook his head.
"Awwwwwwwwww..." you muttered in disappointment.
"Hey, (y/n)! It's been a while." kiba said after calming down while akamaru barked in agreement.
You turned to him and hummed in thought.
"Yeah... it has been... how's it been?" you said while pulling some berries out of your hidden pocket and eating them.
The boy was about to respond before he caught a whiff of the berries scent which caught his attention.
"Hey... aren't those 'insanity berries'?" he asked while pointing at the deadly berries in your hand.
Before you could answer, another voice nervously called out to your group.
"Y-you should be a little quieter. You guys are the "rookie ten"... fresh out of the academy, right?" the teen asked, sending nervous glances towards you every now and then.
"Carrying on like that with cute faces... man. This isn't a field trip."
Wait. That's not a teen!
"It's kombucha!!!" you exclaimed, spraying berries all over the floor and pointing at the male.
'Kombucha' looked over at you with an unreadable expression before ino yelled at him.
"Who're you? Acting all haughty!"
"I'm kabuto yakushi. Anyway, take a good look around you. Behind you... they're from the rain village. They're hot tempered. Everyone's tense before the exam. I thought I'd warn you guys before you get your butts whipped... I guess it can't be helped. You're rookies who don't know left from right... Excusing some.."
As everyone looked around to stare at the people around them, you stared into the eyes of kabuto before deciding to fuck with the guys head.
Once again, you placed a small amount of bloodlust that was equal to that of kurama's on him for a second as you watched him suffer and seem to be suffocating before removing it before anyone of your friends could notice.
His body visibly tensed, eyes widening as he locked onto your blindfold that covers your eyes. You flashed him a shit eating grin and a peace sign while everyone was distracted.
"Alright, I'm gonna see if there's a snack bar, maybe some booze." you said before trying to make your escape.
but before you could, the pink trash can just had to do it again. She just had to go and place her dirty ahh fingers, ON THE DRIPP!!!
So you used the body replacement technique to get away.
"(y-y/n)!! Come back!"Sakura screeched like the banshee she is.
But... you disappeared amongst the crowd.
It didn't even take a minute before naruto made enemies with the entire room.
"My name's naruto uzumaki! I won't lose to any of you, got it!?!"
You could feel the blood lust just rolling off of everyone and decided that he deserved it since it was coming for him. Meanwhile you were just smiling like an idiot.
"E-everyone, that was a joke. This guys quite an idiot, you see... after all, he says idiotic, spazzy, scatterbrained things and gets carried away, so please don't concern yourself with him." Sakura stuttered out like the suckup she is.
Being the biggest of trolls, you decided to rile them up more.
"Nah, he's right! You ass is grass and he's gonna mow it." you said with a cheeky grin.
Immediately, the people around you turned to you with murderous intent and you returned the favor by leaking out the tiniest amount of killing intent.
The next thing you know, kunai were thrown your way and embedded itself into your shoulder.
Unknown to both you and the genin, however, this pissed off raiju.
An ear shattering roar was all that was heard as it nearly deafened the ears of everyone, and nobody but you knew where it came from. The genin who attacked you soon found themselves pinned to the ceiling with blade-like silver scales appearing from nowhere and marks of ash surrounding them.
The scales pierced their clothing and left some scratches on their body, but otherwise, the genin was left relatively unharmed.
You pulled out the kunai from your arm and stuffed them inside of your pocket without looking up, knowing that everyone was looking at you.
Meanwhile you were wondering if you could use some sort of harry potter magick shit to undo the damage to your clothes.
You shrugged before walking through the parting crowd while whistling, leaving them dazed and confused.
It wasn't long before the proctor with scars littered across his face came in, calling everyone degenerates.
He then scolded the sound village shinobi as well as the guy pinned to the ceiling. He then had all of you sit your asses down for the shitty paper test.
When you finally sat down, the red headed boy next to you flinched and turned to you with wide eyes.
You looked over and cocked your head before muttering a confused hello.
Meanwhile, inside gaara, the beast was screaming in ways he never could have imagined the thing to scream. Usually when shukaku was irritated and wanted to fight, he would want to force himself to come out, but for whatever reason, he wanted nothing more than to hide and disappear into gaara's body.
Gaara would have been relieved if it wasn't for the fact that the monster that tormented him for years was suddenly reduced to that of a scared child.
If something scared the beast, then he should definitely be afraid...
"Hey, trash panda, you alright?"
He grunted in surprise and embarrassment when he noticed that he had been staring at you for quite some time.
"Is that fat bitch inside of you bothering you or something?" you asked.
"...huh?
"The ugly rat dog thing."
...were you talking about the monster? Gaara gripped his pencil. What was he supposed to do, you weren't supposed to know about this, just what the hell are you?
You poked him in the middle of the forehead, making him freeze in shock.
"Hey man, you're starting to shake, whatever vietnam flashback you're having is making you more stressed." you said while keeping the tip of your finger on his forehead.
"...who are you..." he muttered.
"I'm (y/n), the depressed one in this story, and the only one that gets to kill themself. So no self harm, only i self harm." you said before pulling your finger away and turning to your paper.
You bit into your hand and made a small puddle of blood in your palm before dipping your finger in. you started painting dicks on the page.
He stared at you, eyebrows furrowed in concern before turning to his own paper.
"...you have two pencils, you know." he muttered while placing his pencil down.
You paused and processed what he said before face palming with a 'Splat!' allowing blood from your hand to splatter all over your forehead.
"I'm fucking stupid. Thanks panda daddy." you said and took the pencil next to your paper and began drawing more dicks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed this.
Took me the entirety of yesterday and a bit of this morning to finish it.