It was the morning of November 8th. To the east, the Americans were dropping bombs beyond the Seille. In his room, Eren still felt drugged as he lay in bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. He could hear the deep rumbles of the battle that was nearly at their doorstep.
Part of him wished one of those bombs would hit this hotel and end it all.
He realized it was nearly nine o'clock, so he forced himself to sit up in bed. Normally, he could drink the whole night and not feel sick in the morning. Now, his head throbbed, although he was unsure if that was from all the wine, or the crash of emotions.
He made a call to the barracks. Jarnach reported no issues and no changes. He urged Eren to rest and heal before they got sent out tomorrow.
Tomorrow!
This was his last full day in this city.
He felt so hollow inside.
Eren bathed, shaved, brushed his teeth, combed out his hair, and decided he really should go to the army's barber today. He had been putting it off, since Levi seemed to like playing with his longer hair.
That had been nice, but it was time to go back to being a soldier!
He dressed, pinned on his medals, tied the Knight's Cross around his neck, stomped his feet into his boots, tugged his cap on, and took a glance in the mirror.
That wasn't him looking back. It was some Nazi. Some mindless, faceless, generic Nazi.
Good! Hide everything!
He stepped out into the hallway and nearly ran into Jean.
"Oh! Kirschtein, good morning. How did you sleep?"
Jean rolled his bloodshot eyes and grumbled. "Worst night of my life. How about you?"
"I took one of Carly's pills that she gave me yesterday, slept like the dead, then woke up wishing I could join them. Are you heading out?"
"Yeah. It looks like the worst of the storm has passed. I'm going to get some food, then check on my men, make sure none of them caught a cold. How about you?"
Eren shook his head. "Jarnach reports that all are fine. I was thinking about going to see Armin." He glanced up and down the hall, but it was empty and the rooms quiet. "For one," he whispered, "let him know I'm not leaving."
"He knew?" asked Jean, and Eren nodded. "Of course you'd tell him. Were you planning to tell me?"
"Hell no."
"Bastard."
"I considered it," Eren admitted, "but I figured you'd talk me out of it."
Jean sighed and also glanced up and down the hall. "No, I might have asked to join you," he mumbled. "I'll check on my men, then look for the maps you were talking about last night."
Eren silently nodded. "I know where he will be, but I don't know how long he will stay there."
"Skip Armin for now. We'll both go to see him after I have stuff to show him. Find your little friend, tell him I will help. The sooner, the better. I don't even like knowing that they spent the night in that prison."
"There is some good news," said Eren. "I asked around last night. Trains aren't running. That's why supplies are so low. So at least they haven't already been deported to a camp."
"Shh!" Jean's ear shifted. Eren heard nothing, but he had learned to trust Jean's instincts. After a few seconds, Eren finally caught the sound of footsteps. "Let's go. If we need to talk more, we'll do it somewhere safe. Come on. I'll take you out for breakfast."
"You!" Eren cried out in surprise.
"Shut up. If it weren't for you, I would have done something stupid yesterday. I at least owe you company at breakfast."
"Here I was worried you were asking me out on a date."
"Fuck you!" Jean snapped, giving Eren a shove. It made them both laugh just as an officer finally reached the fourth floor landing and headed to his room. Jean paused and softly confessed, "I'm going to miss your stupid ass when I go to Saarbrücken."
"Don't go soft on me," Eren teased.
They went together downstairs to the hotel restaurant and took a table. They ate and talked, avoiding the darker issues at hand and focusing on stories of home.
Eren knew that Jean loved to talk about his mother, a woman who annoyed him with how much she doted on him, yet it was easy to see that he deeply loved and respected her. Eren kept the conversation there, listening to Jean talk about home stirred in him a longing for something he knew he would never have. Jean sounded annoyed that after the war, he would have to return to his smothering mother, yet Eren saw the wistfulness in his eyes, the homesickness, and a faint hint of a smile as he silently thought about returning with his sweet Russian girlfriend.
Eren gazed blankly. He had no one to return to. No doting mother. No siblings or cousins. Not even Hannes. Maybe that was why he had never minded the idea of the war dragging on. Once it ended, he would lose the family he had here.
The men were his brothers now.
And he had been ready to abandon them.
"Sir? Um, Oberleutnant Jäger?" came a timid voice.
Eren yanked himself out of his thoughts and over to a very young soldier, pimples on his face, cheeks that had yet to feel the coldness of a razor. The boy looked nervous and excited.
"I ... I just want to say, sir ... you are a huge inspiration. Just being able to serve a Ritterkreuzträger is such an honor."
Eren gulped, and the Knight's Cross tied around his throat suddenly felt tighter. He stood up, and the young soldiers scuttled back, dropping his head.
"I'm sorry for my impudence, Herr Oberleutnant."
"What's your name, soldier?" asked Eren.
He cringed and answered softly, "Soldat Liebrecht, sir."
Eren shot out his hand, and the teen looked at it in astonishment.
"It's nice to meet you," said Eren.
After a moment, the soldier gasped and eagerly shook Eren's hand.
"You'll learn that in war, and in life in general, every meeting is precious, because there is no guarantee that we'll see each other again. Never waste the chance to come up and simply say hello."
"Yes, Herr Oberleutnant," he cried out, eagerly shaking his hand. "Thank you! It really is an honor."
"Go make your family proud," Eren urged.
The boy left, beaming with joy, and Eren took his seat.
Jean snorted a laugh. "Look at you, giving inspirational speeches. I know you hate those."
"I'll forget that boy's name before tomorrow, but he will remember this meeting for the rest of his life." He touched the Iron Cross at his throat. "To give inspiration to others when heroes are needed most. That's what this medal stands for."
Jean's eyes narrowed. "You sound like you're changing your mind about leaving."
Eren's eyes flashed up, warning him to watch his mouth.
"I don't care one way or another," Jean assured him. "I just want to know if Zofia and I should wait for you."
Eren's lips tightened as he gazed down with a pinch between his brows.
After they finished, Jean left to go search for maps and a blueprint of Feste Göben. Eren headed out into the rain, stomping forward as his umbrella sliced a path through the downpour.
He knew Levi was meeting with the survivors at the bookstore, so he headed there. Not even a block away, he realized he probably should have grabbed Levi's Tanakh. At the very least, he could hide it amidst the thousands of other books in that store. He considered turning around, but he was not even sure if Levi was there, and he did not want to be carrying cargo so dangerous for no reason.
Along the way, he saw soldiers stopping cars and pedestrians, checking IDs and inspecting bags. It seemed that Levi's actions yesterday were having an effect all across Metz. Eren tried to avoid these stops by turning down other streets, taking a snaking path. Finally, as he was nearly at the cathedral, he realized there was no way to continue forward without passing a checkpoint. Eren walked up to the barricade, where a soldier stopped him.
"Pardon, Herr Oberleutnant. We must check your ID."
"What is this about?" Eren asked as he pulled out his wallet.
"The Gestapo captured a whole ring of partisans yesterday. It seems, after that, they're cracking down a little harder." The soldier looked over his papers. "Very good, Oberleutnant Jäger. Have a good day." His hand raised. "Heil Hitler."
Eren saluted back. "Heil Hitler." He stowed his ID away, the soldiers allowed him to pass, and he heard them addressing the next pedestrian.
"Sir, we need to check your bag."
"I was just bringing some pastries back to the barracks."
"You'll need to show me the contents."
Eren's face stiffened as he headed forward. Now he was glad he had not brought the bag with the Tanakh.
He reached the bookstore and saw it was boarded up with a sign saying they were closed in French and German. Smart, but he knocked.
"Monsieur de Marly? It's Eren Jäger."
After a minute, he heard something scraping across the ground right in front of the door, a lock turned, and the door opened.
"Monsieur Jäger. Come in, quickly."
Eren stepped into the store only to realize there were a dozen guns pointed at him. He immediately raised his hands.
In what limited French he knew, he said, "Je cherche Levi." I'm looking for Levi.
Rather than alleviate their fears, the Resistance survivors cocked hammers and readied trigger fingers.
Alexeï stepped in between the gunmen and Eren. "Il est un ami de Levi et l'a aidé à s'échapper hier." He is a friend of Levi and helped him to escape yesterday.
One man lowered his gun. "Êtes-vous l'officier allemand dont il a parlé, le petit ami de Levi?" Are you the German officer he spoke about, Levi's boyfriend?
Eren did not catch all of that, but he knew le petit ami meant boyfriend. "Oui. Spricht hier jemand Deutsch oder Englisch?" Yes. Does anyone here speak German or English?
Some shrugged in confusion, others understood enough to shake their heads. Then one small person stepped forward. Eren recognized the little girl from yesterday, Gabi.
"Ja, ich spreche Deutsch," she said, glaring distrustfully at Eren. "I also speak some-eh English."
Eren could tell that her English was not as good, probably not even at a conversational level, so he respectfully stuck to German. "I fetched something Levi left behind at the brothel. My friend is also searching for the maps Levi wanted."
"To free the whores?" she asked with a sneer of disapproval. "Levi should not go on that mission. He is needed here, with these men, not risking his life for some Jewish harlots."
Eren bit back words he knew might upset this girl, and a wrong word from her might convince the men behind her to open fire. "You know, Levi is also a Jew."
"He is French first and foremost! His duty should be to France."
"You don't really know Levi, do you?"
Her lips tightened into a sour pout, and she softly admitted, "Not before today."
"Well, I can tell you, Levi has never once felt that his duty was to France, so I would recommend you never say those words to his face."
Her cheeks went scarlet up to her ears, and Alexeï chuckled.
"She tried that this morning. Levi snapped at her so hard, he made her wet herself a little."
"That is a lie!" Gabi snapped, although the redness in her cheeks went nearly to purple. She scowled up at Eren. "Don't get Levi into trouble with unnecessary mercy missions."
Eren turned to Alexeï. "Ask the men, do they think Levi should not rescue the woman who took them in, gave them shelter, fed them, protected them, and risked everything for them?"
Alexeï addressed the group in French, and while a few grumbled, others were obviously firmly sided with Levi.
Eren kept his eyes on Gabi. "Protecting your allies is part of war. If you're going to be in the Resistance, you need to learn that."
"Look at who is telling me about how the Resistance should be! You with your shiny Nazi medals and Nazi uniform and Nazi gun. Levi should not be anywhere near you."
"You're probably right," he said stoically. "Which is why I won't stick around. Just tell Levi, I have his book, and when my friend has the maps, I will return here." He began to turn but slowly turned around. "Also, warn them that there are checkpoints all throughout the city."
"We already know," Gabi said haughtily. "We don't need your help, German pig."
"Of course not, especially now that Levi has you around," Eren teased, and to the side Alexeï snorted a laugh, while Gabi looked peeved. "Oh, and tell Levi, when he plans to save Madame Carly, my friend Jean wants to help."
"Jean?" Gabi asked, catching the French-sounding name and looking less antagonistic. "Is he from around here?"
Eren thought about telling her Jean was also a German officer, but he figured maybe she would not be so contrary if she thought Levi was getting the help of a fellow Frenchman. "His aunt lives in this city," he said instead, and left it at that.
Eren left the shop, opened his umbrella, and headed out into the rain. He stopped under the cathedral's portal and took shelter surrounded by larger-than-life statues.
He pulled out the cigarette packet from his pocket. This was what he had taken off the dead American. He realized there was only one cigarette left.
After this, who knows how long it might be before he managed to get more, especially if he was going to a fort tomorrow morning. He recalled how hellish his first few days without cigarettes had been in Maizières-lès-Metz. It had coincided with the Americans starting their attacks, so if he snapped at his men a little more than usual, no one noticed. Only Eren could tell how his anxiety had skyrocketed without nicotine. With Armin helping him, he had managed to recover, but with cigarettes right there to be plundered as spoils of war, he had fallen right back into the habit.
"Might as well enjoy it while I can," he muttered.
He tapped out the last cigarette, brought it to his lips, and lit a match. The tobacco caught, and the familiar smell filled his nose. Eren deeply inhaled, determined to fully enjoy this last moment of peaceful solitude.
If he went with Levi, his life would be either on the run, or living with the French Resistance. He just saw what sort of warm welcome awaited him there. If he did not go with Levi...
He paused and thought about that.
He had panicked yesterday at the thought of going back out into battle. Now, gazing out from the safety of this church at the military trucks driving back and forth, a thought drifted into his head.
They're all scared, every last one of them. None of them want to die. Most of them never asked for this war, yet they'll fight to the last man. What right do I have to run away, betray my men, my friends, and my country?
He looked around at the cathedral. Just days ago, Levi and Eren stood on the roof of this building and swore devotion to one another.
I promise I will keep you happy and safe. I promise to protect you even if the whole world falls apart. I promise to love you. All I want is your promise to stay with me, to be mine, forever. Solange wir beide leben werden. It's my oath to you before God.
"How do I keep you happy, but also keep you safe?" Eren whispered to himself, gritting his teeth in frustration.
The answer was right there. Levi already said it yesterday, but Eren had been too stubborn to even consider it.
"Eren, I can't protect you anymore. On your own, your chances of survival are higher. I'm sorry. How things are now, the best way for me to protect you is to not be anywhere near you."
The best way to protect each other...
Eren massaged out his brow. The pounding headache from the concussion he received in Maizières-lès-Metz had faded since returning, but it never fully went away. Now, the mental stress was catching up on him.
Maybe Jarnach was right and he should simply rest today.
Enjoy this final cigarette, lie down, rest, and see what God had planned for them.
Throw his why-questions to God.
He looked at the statues around him, all arching up higher and higher. Above the double doors, Mary lay on a bed surrounded by angels as she gave birth to Christ, and above was God crowning her in heaven.
"I'm throwing all my questions to you," he said to the top-most image. "Whatever happens, it's what you had planned all along. Good or bad ... it's all part of your plan, right?"
He looked down at his cigarette.
What a wasted break!
Eren smoked the cigarette as low as it could go. When finally it was a mere nub, he reluctantly tossed it to the ground and crushed it out under his boot.
He headed out into the rain, making a straight, swift line back to the hotel. He entered and stomped up the stairs to the fourth floor. Inside his room, he removed his coat, uniform, gun, hat, and boots. He collapsed onto the bed in only his undergarments and stared up at the ceiling.
"I know what I need to do. Please, God, give me strength."
He closed his eyes and took a nap
* * *
Eren woke up feeling better. His head hurt less, and his muscles felt loose, relaxed, almost normal. He got up, but there was a slight ache in his leg. He rubbed it, and felt the scar from where Americans had shot him way back in the summer, riding on a horse with Levi. The wound had healed, but once in a while it ached slightly, a reminder of that close call.
He decided to take a bath, although after sensual baths with Levi, it was hard to sit in a bathtub and not remember those moments. Eren slouched in the tub and slowly stroked himself to the memories of Levi on top of him, their bodies grinding together.
"I'll probably get horny in the bath for the rest of my life," he muttered to himself.
Eren did not feel like jerking off completely. He just liked to linger in the warm memories. He gradually stopped stroking and just floated there. Memories of Levi also came with dreams he realized would never come to be.
Just imagine how sweet it would have been to live in Carly's brothel, that erotic red room all to themselves!
It had been a nice dream.
Eren finished up, dressed, combed out his hair, and checked his watch. Was it that late already? He had soaked longer than he thought. He needed to find Jean and see if he had the blueprints to the fort yet. Eren dressed and went to Jean's room, but he did not answer Eren's knocks. Just then, he saw Ian coming up the stairs.
"Oberleutnant Dietrich."
The tall blond turned to him. His hand shot out. "Jäger. Heil Hitler."
"Heil Hitler. Have you seen Kirchstein?"
"He's downstairs, loitering with the rest of that rabble. You're leaving tomorrow, correct?"
"Yes."
"May fortune continue to favor you with a glorious victory."
"And you. Sieg heil."
Eren trotted downstairs, and sure enough he saw Jean standing around in the foyer with the other lieutenants. As Eren drifted over to them. They all stiffened and saluted him in a chorus of "Heil Hitler."
Eren knew, this was simply tradition. As a Ritterkreuzträger—a Holder of the Knight's Cross—they had to salute him first. Even someone higher ranked would have to salute Eren first before he saluted them. It showed just how honored this award was.
"Heil Hitler. I hope you gentlemen are keeping out of trouble."
"Keeping out of the rain," said Samuel.
"Kirchstein—"
"Later, Jäger," he said, but Eren saw in Jean's eyes, he definitely had what they needed.
"As I was saying," Surma said, carrying on the conversation from earlier, "I heard it's getting worse in the forts to the north. They're holding out, but it must be hell, trapped underground with those bombs pounding right above them."
"I told you, those forts will hold," Wim said firmly. "They're the safest places to be."
Holger looked more solemn than usual. "My platoon got orders this morning. Tomorrow we're being sent south."
"Which fort?" asked Eren.
"Württemberg."
"Oh! Same as me."
"Seriously?" he cried out, suddenly looking more excited. "Then we'll be serving together under Sturmbannführer Matzdorff."
Surma rubbed his chin. "I heard he took a special oath never to surrender to the enemy."
"That's true," said Eren. "To fight to the death, if need be."
Wim grunted and muttered, "I like those sort of commanders. You know where they stand."
Holger cheered proudly. "The man can fall, the flag cannot!"
Eren did not feel like celebrating that sort of fatalistic mentality.
"When do you leave?" Holger asked Eren.
"Tomorrow." It did not feel real. How could he go back out there into the bullets, bombs, and grenades?
"Ah, then we can leave together. This is wonderful! I'll have a friend in the fort."
Eren wondered, were they really friends? No, definitely not. Friends could open up to one another, trust each other with their darkest secrets, and hold respect for them no matter what. What would Holger think if he knew Eren was homosexual? He showed such intense disgust when he talked about Oliver being caught with a man. He would be just as appalled if he knew about Eren.
More and more, Eren realized how separated he was from all of these men. They weren't friends. Comrades, sure. Brothers-in-arms, yes. But friends? No.
Then what about his own men?
He trusted Armin and Jean, but they were about to leave Metz. Could he trust his secret with Connie? Jarnach? What about Floch, who knew about Levi but thought the whole thing was part of a top secret mission? Could he admit to any of them, "I'm a homosexual man in love with a Jew"?
Probably not.
If he could not be honest with his own platoon, how could he fight for a country where being homosexual was illegal?
"So, how is Louise?" asked Surma. "I haven't seen her in a while."
Jean raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Eren, curious how he would handle this.
Eren laughed and pointed to the doors. "Have you seen the rain out there? It was wild yesterday."
"Did she leave yet?"
"Was she there for the Knight's Cross ceremony? I was looking around for her. She should have at least been there for that."
"How is the pregnancy going?"
Eren knew he needed to come up with a good story, and quickly. Just then the hotel doors pushed open, sending a blast of icy air into the foyer, and a tiny person in a blue coat hesitantly walked in.
Jean saw the dainty figure first. His mouth dropped, and he cursed softly under his breath. "Speaking of the Devil," he muttered. "Hey, Jäger! Your wife is here."
Eren spun around sharply. Right there in the entrance, wearing the same clothes as yesterday with the blond hair wet and a mess from the poor weather, Levi's narrow eyes darted straight at him.
Eren felt a spike of panic. The Gestapo knew what Levi looked like now, and especially in this building full of Wehrmacht officers, he needed to get Levi out of view, fast! Eren hurried forward and gave Levi a hug, as if he could hide him from view.
"Louise, darling. I wasn't expecting you to come back so soon. Let's get you upstairs and dry you off."
Samuel shouted after him, "Maybe a nice hot bath together!" The men laughed at the teasing.
Levi kept his eyes down as he trekked up the stairs. Daz turned his head to watch the exposed calves as Levi ascended the staircase.
Jean smacked him over the head. "Don't do that."
"Come on, like you've never peeked up a woman's skirt! Have you ever checked out the legs on that lady? Girl's got gams! French farm girls must really be strong."
"None of our business," Jean grumbled, and he cautiously watched as Eren and Levi climbed the stairs. "I need to go. I'll talk to you rascals later." He headed up the stairs, and Jean's hands drew into fists.
# # #
In his room, Eren shut the door and locked it. "Are you okay? You're soaked! Where did you sleep last night? Do you need a hot bath?"
"I don't have time," Levi whispered. "I just wanted to tell you, I found a way to escape the city."
Eren jolted. "You're escaping? What about the women?"
"I'll break them out, and as soon as I'm done, I'm leaving. I found a town to the south that can take them in."
"And the Resistance?"
"Metz is already lost. They don't need to fight anymore. I told them so this morning, but they refuse to listen. If they want to needlessly risk their lives, that's on them." He mumbled, "Plus there's a fucking child trying to tell me what to do. Fuck that!"
Eren chuckled, imagining Gabi trying to tell a trained soldier like Levi how to do his job. "When do you need to leave?"
"As soon as a new General arrives."
"New General?"
"Have you not heard the news? Generalleutnant Lübbe suffered a stroke today."
"What?" Eren gasped, recalling the elderly general who had praised him as he received his Knight's Cross.
"He will be sent to a hospital back in Germany. A train will bring a new General in. They'll be focused on possible American or Resistance attacks on the train itself. During the confusion, I'll get Carly and her girls out, and we can escape south. I don't know when the train will come in, definitely not today, but I need to be ready. I'll have a very narrow window of opportunity."
"Oh, I ... I see." After a moment of shock, he shouted, "Then why the hell are you here? Do you realize how stupid that is? At least don't wear this blue coat. You stick out too much."
Levi seemed stunned and unsure of an answer. "I ... I thought ... you would come with me. This is our chance, Eren. You asked if you could help with the jailbreak, and I'm telling you, yes. We can both get them out, and then we'll leave together. We guide the women to Peltre, and then we can go anywhere we want."
Eren looked at him warily. Escape! It had sounded so sweet before, to be a prisoner and escape the war.
"I..." Eren closed his eyes. If he said the words, Levi might hate him.
Levi saw the expressions battling on Eren's face. Really, he had always been terrible at holding back his feelings. Levi had to admit, part of him had feared from the beginning that if Eren was given the chance to calm down and reconsider, he would refuse to leave the army. His worries seemed to be coming true.
"I see," he whispered, turning aside. "At least I can get my book. You said you could find it."
"The Tanakh?" Eren asked, stunned that Levi was brushing past his rejection so easily.
"Like hell will I leave it with you. You'd probably lose it."
Eren moved slowly, struggling as two halves of his brain battled. He was being asked to abandon the military and go on the run. As much as the thought of going back out there terrified him, as much as he desperately wanted to stay with Levi, he just couldn't abandon his men and betray his country.
At least, not if he had a choice.
As a prisoner, it would have been different. Mentally, at least. A prisoner had no choice. They could not help but go where their captor dragged them.
But choosing to leave his men of his own free will? He couldn't betray them like that!
Eren numbly walked over to the wardrobe, dragged out the bag, and pulled out the Tanakh. He handed it over, and as Levi took the book their fingers briefly met, only to slowly separate.
Levi could not look up into Eren's face. He had to respect Eren's choice, but ... dammit, he was so worried for him. It would have been bad enough, leaving Eren when he was doing fine, but now Levi knew just how not okay Eren was. He was broken, occasionally suicidal. Leaving him with this mental garbage...
It might not be the artillery that killed Eren.
After a long silence, Eren whispered, "You'll be safe. That's all that matters."
Levi's lips tightened. "Safety isn't the only thing that matters in life."
Eren knew he meant that there was also love. How sweet of him! And how different from the way Levi used to be a few months ago. It hurt Eren even more, but he knew this was the smarter choice.
"You shouldn't have come back."
Levi scowled stubbornly. "I couldn't just leave. I couldn't vanish on you again."
Eren shook his head, both touched and angry. He suddenly surged forward, wrapped his arms around Levi, and crushed him in an embrace. "You're an idiot!"
Levi hissed with a clenched jaw, "I know! Dammit, I know."
He clung to Eren as he realized how foolish this was. Walking right into a hotel full of enemy officers! He wasn't even with someone who could translate for him. He came there alone, not thinking about what he would do if someone questioned him. It was so stupidly dangerous!
But he couldn't leave without a word.
Eren nuzzled Levi's wig. "I guess that book is important to you."
A smile fluttered onto Levi's mouth. "It's precious." He gazed up into Eren's eyes with a hint of sadness. "The most precious thing in the world to me."
Eren blushed, knowing Levi definitely did not mean the book. He leaned over and gave Levi a kiss. Levi's mouth met his, sad and eager for this last bit of happiness.
They were both familiar with the bittersweet feeling of being separated. It was not easier the second time. It was merely more acceptable.
In the midst of their bittersweet embrace, there was a knock on the door. Eren instinctively yanked back.
Jean's voice called out through the door. "Jäger, lassen Sie mich rein." Let me in.
Eren rushed over, unlocked the doorknob, and opened it. Jean pushed his way inside.
Jean ordered, "Schließen Sie die Tür." Close the door. As soon as the door was closed, Jean reached under his uniform tunic, pulled out a folder, and handed it to Levi. "Die Baupläne der Festung. Fragen Sie nicht, wie ich es bekommen habe." The blueprints of the fort. Don't ask how I got them.
Levi took the folder, opened it, and saw the schematics. He flipped through multiple pages.
"This will help," he muttered.
"Wann fahren wir?"
Eren translated, "He's asking when we're going."
"The Resistance told me, you came to say your friend Jean wanted to help." He looked at the officer. "Do you realize how hard it will be to coordinate anything with a language barrier?"
Eren translated that to Jean.
Jean shrugged and said to Eren, "Sie können für uns übersetzen." You can translate for us.
Eren pursed his lips hard. His head jerked back and forth, seething at the choice he was making, although he had made up his mind.
"Kommen Sie etwa nicht? Jäger!" Are you not coming?
Jean put a hand on Eren's shoulder, and his voice changed, softer, informal, showing the deep bond they had formed after months fighting together.
"Eren, er braucht dich. Ich brauche dich. Zofia, Carly, diese Mädchen ... Ich dachte, du würdest mit uns gehen. Du sahst so glücklich aus, als du darüber sprachst. Warum solltest du deine Meinung ändern?" Eren, he needs you. I need you. Zofia, Carly, those girls ... I thought you were going with us. You looked so happy talking about it. Why would you change your mind?
Eren tried to think of how to explain himself, the reasoning that had waged a battle in his head, and this was the conclusion of the emotional war. However, words failed him. Instead, he grumbled, "Du sagtest, es sei dir egal, ob ich bleibe oder gehe." You said you don't care if I stay or go.
Jean shouted, "Du bist mir wichtig, Scheißkerl!" I care about you, shithead!
At the shout, Levi had a trench knife out and pointed at Jean in warning.
Jean looked down at him, and his rage calmed. He let out a growl of frustration, and then his eyes narrowed at Eren. "Du machst einen verdammten Riesenfehler." You're making a damn big mistake.
"What's going on?" Levi asked, keeping a tight hold on his knife.
"Nothing," Eren whispered. "One last disagreement between friends."
Levi pouted, but flipped his knife back and slid it into a scabbard on his thigh. He guessed what the issue must be. Jean was trying to talk Eren out of staying in the Wehrmacht. Well, if this horse-faced soldier could break Eren's notorious stubbornness, good luck to him!
Levi said to Eren, "Tell him to meet me at the bookstore tonight. When the cathedral bells ring midnight, the door will be unlocked, and he can step inside. Once they stop ringing, the door will be locked again and anyone who comes knocking will have their throat slit and their body dumped in the river."
Eren relayed this to Jean, including where the bookstore was. Jean nodded, and with one last warning to Eren to think this over carefully, he left. Eren and Levi were alone again, and awkwardness grew between them.
Furrowing his brow, Eren asked, "Do you need anything? Supplies? Money?"
Levi scoffed and grumbled, "More time."
"If I could stop the sun and moon, I would. I grabbed the bag you left in the room. It has your men's clothing and a few supplies."
"Thank God for that. I don't want to be running around the countryside in a dress." He lifted his purse. "I also still have medical supplies from yesterday."
"I'll give you my compass and my torch."
"I don't want Wehrmacht supplies..."
"You're taking them!" Eren cut in sternly.
Levi scowled, but he let him be.
They readjusted Levi's black bag, setting the book on the bottom, wrapped up in a shirt to hide it from a casual inspection, then the rest of the men's clothing on top, and Eren added his own water canteen, torch light, compass, and the medical supplies. A search would rouse suspicion, but Levi seemed unconcerned with that possibility.
Suddenly, Eren handed over a pouch of money.
Levi said, "I have some already."
"You'll need more. It might not get you passage to America, but it could get you a train to the coast."
Levi muttered thanks and took the pouch, storing it in his bag.
He glanced around the hotel room and realized solemnly, this really would be his last time here. He looked at the bed, thinking about tender times with Eren, timid exploration, gentle cuddling, sensual nights, and whispered conversations.
He shook the thoughts out of his head. If he could safely escape Metz, he had a chance at true freedom.
Live, no matter the price.
He glanced up at Eren.
Why did the price have to be so damn high?
"Well, if that's all ... thank you for getting my book."
"Of course," Eren muttered.
"I just came to see if you wanted to ... but you're not," he whispered, sneering slightly to hold back the emotions. "I guess this is goodbye, at least for now." Levi's eyes turned aside, and he grumbled. "Maybe ... Can we walk together one last time?"
Eren's chest ached already. Their last walk! He also knew his orders: hold Metz at all costs. The man can fall, the flag cannot. Retreat was not an option.
"I can walk you back to the bookstore. There are checkpoints."
Levi scoffed. "Yeah, they were an annoyance. The best route is to go down to the river and then head back up."
"You lead the way."
They went downstairs, and Eren kept an arm wrapped around Levi, hoping to rush outside before anyone noticed them. He was not so lucky.
"Jäger, are you heading out?" Samuel called out to them.
"Verdammt," Eren muttered under his breath.
Daz laughed loudly. "He's leaving tomorrow. Of course he wants one last day with her, and a nice long romp tonight."
Eren turned to the lieutenants. "You won't see her again. She's returning to her family this afternoon."
Holger walked up to them and smiled warmly. "It was really nice meeting you, Frau Jäger." He suddenly picked up Levi's hand and kissed it, making Levi's eyes widen as he gulped in disgust. How could women like that from total strangers? "As they say in your country, bon voyage."
"Danke," Levi said, hitching his voice as high as possible.
Eren led Levi out. He opened an umbrella, and they strolled together in the rain on a silent, sad walk.
Once again, they went to the Esplanade and down to the river, now swollen and cresting its banks from the heavy rains yesterday. They walked north, passing Moyen Pont bridge overlooking Temple Neuf that stood boldly on an island. Eren glanced at it and remembered dropping stones into that river, casting away their sins of the past.
He wondered, was the greater sin to abandon his men and go with Levi, or to abandon Levi and let him escape to freedom—which he had no doubt Levi could, and that his odds of success were higher without him.
Rather than going north toward the cathedral and in the direction of the bookstore, Levi turned them south.
"Isn't this the wrong way?" asked Eren.
Levi mumbled, "It's the scenic route."
"Scenic?"
"Shut up. I just want to walk with you a little longer."
That contrary attitude, the same as the first day they met, made Eren smile with a flood of memories.
They strolled slowly for over a kilometer, not wanting to separate. Levi kept feeling Eren's hand suddenly tighten, and whenever he did, a pained look came to his face.
Maybe saying goodbye would be harder on Eren than simply vanishing.
"This way."
Levi pulled Eren off the road and to a gravel path, over some marshy grass, and to the edge of the Moselle. They took shelter under a willow tree with the silvery-green branches drooping around them like a thin curtain.
It might have been a perfect place for a picnic, if the weather had been better. Dazzling autumn trees blocked the area all around in a red, orange, and yellow barrier. Although the river had swollen, it was still picturesque. Eren could only imagine how beautiful this place was in summer.
From here, they could hear nothing but the rush of water, the tapping of rain on the umbrella, and the chirping of a bird. War felt far, far away from this peaceful little area of the world, although they knew there could be American artillery pounding this shore at any moment.
Eren stared ahead as worries flitted through his mind. He had no idea what to say to Levi, and nothing felt adequate. Instead, he felt lost, trying to switch into an analytical mind purely so he could make sense of the alien concept of the two of them being separated.
"You would think I'd feel something," Eren whispered distantly. "Sad. Happy. I'm being hit with so many emotions, I can't feel a single thing."
Levi caressed Eren's cheek. "I know what you mean. I'm too hopeful to be sad, too sad to be hopeful. I almost want this plan to fail, like all the other ones failed, just so I can come back to you."
Eren smiled achingly. "And I wish the Americans would rush this town and force us into a surrender, so I could run away with you without all this guilt."
Levi lowered his eyes. "I know how awful it is to live with guilt. That's why, as much as I want to punch you in the face and beat you into submission so you'll leave with me, I won't. It's your choice."
"I'm sorry, Levi," he whispered, and his throat choked up. "Part of me wants to go with you. You have no idea how much I want to, but I can't." Eren gritted his teeth in anguish. "I've thought about it all day. As your prisoner, I was able to convince myself that I simply had no free will; I had to obey you. Being a prisoner made it ... acceptable." He slowly shook his head. "Now, I would have to choose to abandon my men, and I can't do that. If I did, I'd never forgive myself."
Levi turned to him and looked at those sad, worried eyes. "Don't worry about me. I know how to survive. You have a duty, and I know you'll keep fighting for Germany, no matter what shitty things your leader does, but promise me: survive, even if that means you have to surrender."
Eren smiled without any mirth and slowly shook his head. "I can't do that."
Levi looked pained by that stubborn determination. "Eren..."
"I can't surrender! I could to you, but to them? To the soldiers who wiped out my platoon, who killed Moblit, and Thomas, and Franz, and all the others?" His head stubbornly shook. "Not to them!"
"If it's a matter of surrendering or dying—"
"Listen to me." He cupped Levi's face in his hands, gazing deep into his eyes. "I can't be a traitor to my country, but my goal is not to go out of my way to be a hero. I love my country, but I don't love what it has become. I will fight for my comrades, but I will not die for the Nazis. My goal is to survive so I can find you one day." He caressed some rain out of Levi's face, or maybe it was tears.
Overhead, the rain began to let up. Eren glanced around as the heavy drops turned to a drizzle, and then the storm moved on. Still, softly pattering droplets from the willow leaves dripped onto their umbrella, and the river was now even louder, swollen and raging as it rushed away to freedom.
Levi muttered, "It's finally cleared up."
"Do you need to leave?"
He probably should, but Levi leaned into Eren instead. "A few more minutes."
Eren took off his coat and laid it on the ground. He pulled Levi down and settled him between his legs. "While we can, I want to hold you."
Eren leaned his back against the willow tree. Levi wedged himself between Eren's thighs and leaned back into him. Eren enfolded him in his arms and squeezed him close.
"Let's forget it all for now," he whispered. Eren moved the blond hairs of the wig aside and kissed Levi's neck. He could feel a shiver ripple through the thin body. "Let's make the next hour only about us."
Levi relaxed against Eren's chest. The world around them, with the Moselle babbling and the birds singing, really reminded him of what a paradise France can be.
They just had to wait for the storm to pass.
"You know," Levi whispered, "I never told you something about the word takhshet."
Eren perked up in interest. "You said it meant brat."
"Yes, one use of the word is brat, but that's just a nickname, a Yiddish slang. The Hebrew meaning of takhshet is a decoration, an adornment..." He looked around and gazed into Eren's eyes. "...a precious jewel."
Eren felt his throat choke up. All this time, he thought that word was purely an insult, Levi's way of making fun of his youth and inexperience.
"You started off as a brat: naive, annoying, pestering..."
"Did I really pester you?"
"Constantly," Levi said with a tiny smile, showing he never once minded that Eren was around him so much. "Somewhere along the way, you went from a brat to a jewel: precious and sparkling. My own cherished gem. My takhshet."
Eren's lip quivered, looking ready to cry. "Levi..."
Levi turned around in Eren's lap, leaned in closer, and their lips met. Eren pulled him in tightly, letting their tongues dance against one another in a few seconds of pained passion, only to ease back, light and gentle, a sense of sadness in both of them.
Levi caressed Eren's cheek. "Don't look sad. Cry after I'm gone, not while I'm still here."
Eren sniffed back the grief and blinked away the salty tears starting to form in his eyes. Levi was still with him, and he wanted these last few precious moments to be filled with happiness.
He could cry tomorrow.
Levi sank back into Eren's chest. The arms that wrapped around him were a little too tight, a possessive firmness to them. Levi decided not to complain. He would probably have held Eren far tighter.
Eren's hands caressed his limbs, like he wanted to remember the shape of them. They slid all around Levi's neck, chest, and torso. Truly, he would have loved to caress every inch. Then one hand slid down and rested in the lap of the skirt. Through the loose fabric, he could feel a soft bulge. Hesitantly, he stroked along the outline until he felt a stirring.
Levi cursed in French. "Merde! Eren." It took so little to rile him up. "We're in the open," he hissed.
"No one is around." Eren kissed the back of Levi's ear. "I want to give you what we call an Abschiedsgeschenk. Farewell gift. You gave me a gift last time we thought we would lose one another." He looked down at the golden ring on his hand. "Now, it's my turn." As he felt Levi firming up, he gripped harder. "For how happy you've made me these past few months, I want to make sure you remember me."
"Idiot," Levi sighed, and he turned partly around to look at him. "Like I could ever forget a takhshet like you."
Now knowing what that word fully meant, hearing Levi call him that made Eren blush. His jewel!
Eren nuzzled Levi's neck and listened to every breath as his hand stroked slowly, simply wanting to feel the shape so he could remember it always. As the sun sank closer to the orange and yellow treetops, Eren wished time would stand still, and he could spend a whole day, a whole week, pleasuring and pampering Levi.
He heard a struggling breath from Levi and realized, although he was touching softly, Levi was getting intensely aroused from just that much. Eren slipped his hand down to the hem of the skirt and snaked up the ruffled edge of the knickers. He felt the leather holsters and straps holding the knives. How sexy these were! Then his hand went even higher up.
"May I?"
Levi nodded with tight lips.
Eren's hand slipped the cotton knickers aside and pulled out the hardening shaft. He grew more confident and began a solid, firm, rhythmic stroke.
Levi gasped at the tingling pleasure and the humiliation of doing this in the open. He barely realized how his fingers clutched at Eren's clothes as if he had to hold on for dear life. He chanted Eren's name like a prayer, panting and biting back moans.
Eren's heart raced as he felt his hand getting wet and slick. Levi's bony hips unconsciously thrust up to meet his hand, and Eren felt himself making rutting thrusts against Levi's back, aching to be touched. He watched Levi's face as it flushed red, his eyes closed, his lips opened, drowning in the pleasure.
Eren's half-lidded eyes stared upon that lovely expression, his own cheeks blushing as well. He leaned down and captured the panting lips. Levi grabbed around Eren's neck and kissed him back with wild abandonment, getting lost in the pleasure. Eren drank in the moans, but suddenly Levi yanked away.
"Eren!"
"It's okay," he whispered, feeling a tremble all through Levi's body. "My gift to you, one last time to remember me by."
Levi wanted to protest, but he knew it was too late, he was too far gone, all he could do was give in to it. He barely had time to hoist the hem of the skirt up to not make a mess on it, and Eren got to see the curved arousal in the glow of sunset.
"Beautiful," he sighed.
Right at that moment, Levi let out a quivering grunt as his body stiffened. His fingers dug into Eren's thighs, everything snapped apart, and he felt that glorious la petite mort once again.
Eren watched, wanting to commit every sight, every moan, every drop of moistness covering his hand, to memory. He filed it away deep into his mind, to be dreamed about through the rest of this wretched war.
"Damn you, takhshet."
"You're welcome," he replied with an amused smile. Even in a moment like this, Levi had to act contrary.
As Levi relaxed, Eren pulled his hand back and gazed at the dripping mess like it was a precious ambrosia. He brought his hand to his mouth and licked his messy fingers.
Levi glanced back and blushed as he saw Eren sucking his essence off his hand. "Don't do that," he mumbled.
"I want to remember the taste."
Levi stared ahead.
Remember the taste?
How long would they be separated?
Years, surely!
Years without Eren.
Years without this warmth.
Years without love.
"No!" he lipped silently, anguished at the idea.
Levi looked back around as Eren licked off every last drop like it was a delicacy. Then Eren pulled out a handkerchief.
"I'll clean it up. Sorry, I have no soap."
Screaming protests swirled in Levi's head as Eren wiped up anything that got on his skin. Then he shoved the messy handkerchief back into his pocket. Eren smiled so warmly, but Levi felt like a bomb was inside of him, ready to burst and possibly destroy everything.
Or save everything.
"You know," Levi muttered, his throat tense, "you made a promise. We agreed upon conditions for your surrender. My condition was that, for one week, you wouldn't run from me. You agreed to the terms." Levi glared defiantly at Eren. "Which means, technically, you are still my prisoner."
Eren sighed, wishing he could feel the same way. "You sent me away, remember."
"I changed my mind!" Levi sneered with determination. "I am not leaving you behind. Fuck that! You are my prisoner, and so help me God, I'm taking you with me!"
"Levi..."
"You promised not to escape for a week," he yelled. "You promised! So I'm declaring, right here: you are still my prisoner! I'm taking you with me. For one week, you are mine, and I'm taking you as far away from here as I can. After a week, go ahead and try to run back to the Wehrmacht. I dare you! You can tell them the French Resistance captured you and you escaped. That is, if you make it back, because I won't let you. I will hunt you down, Eren Jäger. I will tie you up and chain you to a bed if I have to. I am not losing you!"
Eren wanted to cry and laugh. He was so serious, it was adorable.
"Do you think I'm joking?" Levi grabbed Eren's wrists. "Will it make you feel less guilty if I tie your hands behind your back and force-march you out of this city? It might raise a few questions, but I would risk it to save you. Or perhaps just knowing I have a gun in my bag is enough. I forced you to leave at gunpoint. Does that make it better?"
"Levi..."
"What will convince you?" he screamed.
"Keep your voice down. Someone will think Americans are here."
"Then maybe I should yell more. Maybe I should send a fucking flare up to General Patton and tell him I've captured a German officer. If you think you'll feel guilty for leaving your men, I would deserve an eternity in Hell if I left you behind. Fuck that!"
Eren flinched and looked sad. He knew Levi was hurting, but this was painful to watch. He was so strong. Why was he now ready to fall apart?
What Eren did not understand was that this was not Levi falling apart. Quite the opposite! This was the strongest he had ever been, driven with a determination that Levi had not felt since he had to protect Petra.
He had failed to protect the one he loved back then. He refused to fail now.
Eren sighed wearily. "You should go." He rose to his feet, but before he could extend a hand to help Levi up, Levi forcefully undid Eren's uniform trousers. Eren's eyes widened in surprise. "What the..."
"My prisoner," Levi said jealously. He reached in and eased out Eren's cock. "Every part of you is mine now."
"Levi," he gasped.
"Shut up," Levi growled. "I'm taking you with me, and that's final. Fight me if you want to stay. You know I'll win." He smirked slyly. "Just try to stop me!"
Down on his knees, Levi began to stroke, watching Eren like he was daring him to turn down all of this. A part of Levi knew Eren absolutely might turn him down. If he was that determined to fight, determined enough to tell Levi to stop touching him, he would stop. He could never truly force Eren to do anything.
So he was relieved when Eren moaned and covered his mouth with his hand. No rejections. No fighting against him.
The true battle was with the brainwashing that made Eren think he had no choice.
Levi's fingers were strong, rough, fierce, yet so warm. The roughness hurt, and Eren flinched. Then he saw Levi edge his tongue out.
"Levi!"
His tongue slid up his cock, moistening it, so the fingers could move quicker. He glanced up from his low position on his knees. "Are you going to fight me?"
Eren cringed as the pleasure reminded him of so many happy memories with Levi. Could he really give all of that up?
Those memories clashed with the faces of his platoon. Could he betray what they fought and died for?
Battling those two sides, he whispered, "You'll have to force me. Keep reminding me."
"Then like this..." He stroked with both hands, one caressing the shaft, one lightly palming the balls. "Like this, I will remind you who you belong to, who captured you."
Eren collapsed back against the willow tree and laughed through the pleasure. Yes, like Armin had said, Levi captured him long ago.
Levi leaned forward and licked the cock again to moisten it. "Tu n'es qu'un enfant gâté, même si tu es militaire." You're just a spoiled brat, even if you're a soldier. "Tu es mon prisonnier. Maintenant que je t'ai, je ne te libérerai jamais."
"What does that mean?" Eren moaned.
Levi smirked and licked up his cock again. "You're my prisoner. Now that I have you, I will never set you free."
Eren clenched at the bark and struggled against the pleasure of Levi's hand and the wetness of his tongue. He needed to stay quiet, but damn it was challenging.
"Le- ... -vi."
He chuckled smugly. "You can barely withstand it, can you?"
Eren gritted his teeth as his toes curled within his boots.
Levi gazed up, watching Eren give in to pleasure. This brat ... this takhshet ... this jewel ... made him smile. Amid all the war and death and pain, seeing Eren flushed, his mouth open and voice groaning, made Levi's soul rise in the deep, burning emotion he knew was love.
It seemed outrageous, though. Love for a man? Love for a Nazi? No. Although he was in uniform, Levi knew Eren was no longer a Nazi.
He had become so much more.
"Levi!"
So much more! And he wanted to give this man more.
More!
Only this man!
Levi's mouth opened, and his lips encircled the cockhead. He once thought that he would never enjoy this sort of act, but to this man ... only to this man...
When Eren felt Levi's mouth sliding down on him, he lost control. His hand went down to Levi's head and accidentally knocked the wig aside as he grabbed him in desperation.
"Gott, ja!"
Levi pulled back, and his gray-blue eyes turned up with a glint of smugness. "Don't hold back, Eren." Then he plunged his mouth back down.
Eren's fingers clutched into Levi's dark hair, holding his head as Levi took him, and his cock thrust into that warm, inviting mouth.
"Le- ... Levi ... Ich..."
Feeling that wet heat, feeling Levi's tongue, the tightness of his lips, it was too much. He had wanted Levi to suck him for so long, yet respected that he was not comfortable with this.
Finally!
He just wished he could last longer to keep on enjoying it.
"Ich kann es nicht ... mehr lang ... zu-zurückhalten..." I can't hold back much longer.
Eren's hips snapped harder. He knew he was thrusting in roughly, but he could not stop. It was too much!
And he never wanted it to end.
He tried to hold back, straining not to give in, not yet. He knew he was groaning loudly now, not even thinking about stealth, completely lost in the beautiful moment.
Just a little more. He wanted to feel Levi's mouth more.
Yet it was so good, all of his struggles were in vain.
"Levi! Levi, now! Now!"
Right as the pleasure erupted, a deep, heady moan escaped Eren's lips. Levi felt Eren's cock jolt, and suddenly his mouth was filled with a burst of bitter-salty liquid. Although his instinct was to pull away, he remained still, letting Eren's lust coat his tongue as his lips felt the pulsing spasms. He gazed up to watch every expression of bliss. He wanted to remember that face, so beautifully defeated in a pleasure he had given.
He had actually sucked a man's cock!
And he had to admit, he rather liked it.
"Levi ... das war ... toll. Unglaublich!" That was great. Amazing!
As he felt Eren's body relax, Levi pulled back and tried to swallow, but the thick fluid instantly choked his throat. He coughed, leaned over, and spit it out.
"Sorry," he muttered. He looked down at the viscous white liquid stringing from his lower lip to the grass below, seeping into the earth.
Eren had slumped against the tree, not even bothering to tuck his penis away. Levi shook his head—such a little boy—and eased it back into the trousers. Eren hummed as those rough hands touched him once again, although he was too spent to react. Levi zipped the uniform trousers back up. Then he rose and dusted off a little mud from his knees from where his leg slipped off the military coat. He gazed at Eren, truly looking defeated. Slumped down, braced up only by the tree, Levi could easily reach his lips.
He gave Eren a soft kiss. All the feelings he could not express in words, emotions that transcended all human languages, seeped through the tender touch of his lips.
Eren looked at him, and his lips began to quiver. Suddenly, he grabbed Levi in a burst of desperation, clinging and shaking with tears.
"Ich ergebe mich! I surrender! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't lose you. I surrender."
Levi stroked through his brown hair, so sad to see how this broke Eren, but glad he was finally changing his mind.
Eren wiped his eyes. "You took me at gunpoint, threatened me..." He chuckled and leaned down to kiss Levi. "You tortured me into submission."
"Was it really torture?"
"The idea of being separated from you was the worst torture."
He hugged Levi tightly as a new warmth sank in.
He would leave all this behind.
They would head out on their own.
It would still be a battle out there, but a different sort of fight.
Eren sighed in bliss, feeling the warmth within his arms and rubbing up and down Levi's back.
Maybe the Western Front was all around them, but for one final moment, he wanted to imagine what a world without war would be like.
He stroked his fingers through Levi's hair, realizing lazily that the wig was gone. His fingers played through the short black strands.
"I hope I never have to see you dolled up as a woman again."
"Amen to that! And I hope I never have to see you wearing a Nazi uniform again."
Eren pulled back, picked up the wig he had knocked off, and handed it to Levi. He placed it on his head and adjusted a few pins to hold it in place. Eren picked up the officer's cap and fitted it back on his head. Then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Are you ready?" asked Eren.
Levi hesitated. "Promise you won't hate me for this."
Eren wrapped his arms around Levi. "Never! I love you."
Levi reached up and cupped Eren's cheek, gazing into those teal eyes in adoration. His lips parted to reply.
They both heard the metallic click of a gun's hammer cocking back. They leaped apart, and Levi's hand went instinctively toward his knives, only to freeze sharply as he saw Kitz Woermann standing on the road with his Webley pointed at them. The man's bulging eyes were wild and murderous. Behind him were two Waffen-SS officers, Porco Galliard and Reiner Braun, both sneering at Eren in revulsion.
"No," Eren whispered in horror.
Levi wanted to curse, but instead he slowly raised his hands. Even if he could reach under his skirt and pull out a knife, he was not faster than a bullet, and with three men there, they were outmanned and outgunned.
Kitz quietly ordered, "Bewegung." Move.
Breathing hard in fear, Eren looked over to Levi. Shit! Right when they were finally ready to leave this hellhole.
"Jetzt!" Kitz bellowed. Now!
Furious at his own stupidity, letting his guard down this horribly, Eren took a step forward. "Bitte, lassen Sie die Frau gehen." Please, let the woman go.
Kitz's upper lip convulsed with disgust. "Das ist keine Frau." That's not a woman.
Eren shook his head. He wanted to protest, but what could he even say? Surely, they had been seen.
"Du bist eine Schwuchtel, Jäger. Ekelhaft!" You're a faggot, Jäger. Disgusting!
Galliard stomped up to Eren and removed his gun from its holster. "Sie sind festgenommen." You're under arrest.
"Festgenommen? Warum?" Arrested? Why?
Galliard scoffed with a sneer. "Muss ich es wirklich für dich aussprechen?" Do I really need to spell it out for you?
Reiner bent over and picked up the bag Levi had been carrying. "Herr Hauptmann, er trug dies bei sich." Captain, he was carrying this with him.
"Ist es interessant? Wertvoll?" Is it interesting? Valuable?
Reiner glanced through the bag. "Männerkleidung." Men's clothes. He pulled out the pouch of coins Eren had prepared for Levi and jangled it. "Geld, eine Taschenlampe, und ein Kompass." Money, a flashlight, and a compass. He next pulled out the folder and flipped through the papers. Reiner's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Karten und Baupläne." Maps and blueprints.
"Baupläne?" Kitz glared at Levi. "Planst du einen Angriff, Widerstandsabschaum?" Are you planning an attack, Resistance scum? "Was hat er noch?" What else does he have?
Reiner pulled out a gold locket Levi had kept on him for months, opened it, and saw a picture of Moses on one side, his girlfriend on the other. He glanced cautiously down at Levi. "Ein goldenes Medaillon." A gold locket. Then digging through more clothes, from the very bottom Reiner pulled out the Tanakh and looked it over with a twisting expression on his face as he saw the Hebrew writing. "Ein jüdisches Buch." A Jewish book.
Kitz scoffed at that. "Nimm das Geld und den Schmuck. Bringen Sie die Baupläne mit. Verbrennt den Rest." Take the money and the jewelry. Bring the blueprints with you. Burn the rest.
"Nein!" screamed Eren.
Not the Tanakh! The precious holy book had belonged to his mother, contained the handwriting of generations of Ackermans, and Levi had diligently protected it for years on the run.
Kitz walked right up to Eren. "Haben Sie etwas zu sagen, Herr Ritterkreuzträger?" Do you have anything to say, Mr. Knight's Cross recipient?
Cringing in anguish, Eren looked around at all three of them. There was one chance—it would not save him, but it might save Levi. "Bitte, lass ihn gehen. Ich war es. Ich habe ihn dazu gezwungen." Please, let him go. It was me. I forced him to.
Kitz leaned in closer to Eren's and spat out so furiously, spittle flew from his lips. "Das ist mir scheißegal." I don't give a shit.
Eren felt ready to cry as hope died. "Ich war es—"
Kitz punched Eren across the face. Levi began to surge forward, but Reiner locked his arm around the Jew's neck to hold him back.
Kitz grabbed Eren's hair and yanked his head up, smiling at the blood dripping from his nose. "Ich werde an diesen beiden ein Exempel statuieren." I will make an example of these two. He roughly released Eren and began to walk away. "Bring ihn zum Auto." Bring him to the car.
Galliard glanced over to Levi. "Was machen wir mit dem Juden, Herr Hauptmann?" What are we going to do with the Jew, Captain?
Kitz suddenly stopped. "Der Jude?" He looked back at the two. His bulging eyes flicked from Levi in his women's clothing, to Eren a few times. "Zur Hölle mit dir und dem Rest deiner Sorte." To Hell with you and the rest of your kind.
He raised his gun and aimed it at Levi.
Eren gasped and screamed, "Nein!"
He leaped in front of Levi and grabbed hold of him just as the gun went off. Eren felt a burning in his left shoulder as the bullet passed straight through with a spray of blood. His teeth gritted, but he opened his eyes to see that Levi was safe.
Levi gasped as he saw the Nazi uniform slowly turning dark with blood. "You idiot," he whispered in horror.
Eren managed a pained smile. "Of course I'd take a bullet for the man I love."
Kitz coldly holstered his gun. "Die Kugel ist zu gut für dich." The bullet is too good for you. He turned again and began to march back up to the road. "Schnell! Macht schon." Quick! Let's go.
Galliard pulled Eren away from Levi. "Komm, lass uns gehen." Come on, let's go.
Reiner had his gun out as he approached Levi. In stilted French, he ordered, "Suivez-moi." Follow me.
Levi lowered his eyes, and he saw Eren's blood splattered on the dress and blue coat. Obediently, he raised his hands and surrendered.
Eren tried to march in front of Galliard, but he began to feel dizzy as his shoulder poured out blood. He ground his fist into the bullet hole, trying to put pressure on the wound before he bled to death.
"Eren," Reiner called out. He grabbed a shirt out of Levi's bag and tossed it at him. "Nimm das." Take this.
Eren nodded in silent thanks and pressed the cloth up against his shoulder. He was shoved forward, and he could not fight, not with a gun to his head. Gnashing his teeth, Eren trudged forward.
He glanced back at Levi, who looked stoic as he was marched ahead. How could he look so detached and calm? Why wasn't he fighting back? How could he just accept being taken prisoner?
Walking behind Eren, Levi stared straight ahead, where he could see the entry wound at Eren's shoulder.
It would have been a bullet straight to Levi's forehead. Levi could tell the moment the muzzle raised. That showed Kitz Woermann was more than just a few ribbons on a uniform. He had deadly accurate aim. Eren's body only barely deflected it, and Levi had seen the bullet fly past his head as it exited through his shoulder, changing the trajectory just enough to not hit him.
He had considered fighting. If his purse had been just a little closer ... if they had just a few more seconds of warning where he could have drawn his gun first ... if he was alone and did not have to worry about Eren ... even now, if Eren was not bleeding heavily and already looking dizzy...
Levi knew when to bide his time. With three armed Germans, Eren wounded, a river too swollen to swim across, and the city borders too heavily guarded, Levi knew that now was the time to wait and watch, accept the moment and prepare for the future.
Cold, detached, observant: yet deep inside he was a mess, hating himself for putting Eren in danger, screaming in rage that his beloved takhshet got wounded, and dreading what cruel fate would befall them both.
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Oh shit...
Soldat Liebrecht – For this random soldier who gets to shake Eren's hand, I decided to honor Ernesto Liebrecht, the English voice actor for Zeke.
Eren takes his smoke break under the Tympanum of the Portal of the Virgin, the southern entrance to the cathedral, constructed in 1225. It used to be the main entrance, and evidence shows that the statues used to be painted in vivid red, green, and orange.
Generalleutnant Vollrath Lübbe – Lübbe took over the Volksgrenadier Division on October 15, 1944. The division was then sent to defend Metz. Lübbe suffered a stroke on November 8th and had to be relieved.
However, I recently came across a history book on the Lorraine Campaign, and it turns out Lübbe didn't leave Metz right away, as I assumed he would after suffering a stroke. He remained in command for nearly a week until a new General could arrive. So in reality, Levi would not have been able to escape this way, at least, not on the 8th. He would have been waiting for his window of opportunity for a long time ... possibly so long that he would say "fuck it" and kidnap Eren anyway.
On November 14th, Generalmajor Heinrich Kittel arrived to take control of Metz, and Lübbe was put on Führerreserve (paid sick leave for high ranking officers). Lübbe may have fared better had he remained in Metz. After he recovered from his stroke, he was reassigned to the Eastern Front, got captured by the Soviets, and was a prisoner-of-war for ten years! Meanwhile, Kittel was captured by the Americans after the Battle of Metz, lived in a posh British country manor used for high-ranked German POWs (so the SIS could spy on them as the officers talked to one another) and was released in 1947.
My inspiration for this little spot came from a few real places in Metz. I came across this pretty spot on Google Maps Street View (good for vicarious exploration while writing stories) with a willow tree and swans, called Le plan d'eau de Metz. However, I realized this little marina doesn't exist on my 1943 map. In fact, the island isn't even the SAME SHAPE!
A part of me was morbidly curious if this bay was blasted out during World War II, but it's nothing that dramatic. It was swampland at the time, and in the 1970s the city decided to dig out the marsh to create a marina and park.
Exploring around a little more, I found a spot that is probably what the shoreline of the Moselle looked like back then.
This picturesque spot is about 5 km from Fort Queuleu (called "Feste Göben" in German) which is where Eren and Levi are headed next.
Takhshet = Brat/Jewel – Finally, we know what Levi has been calling Eren this whole time. I got the idea of using the word "takhshet" after reading about its double meaning. In Yiddish, it means a brat or rascal, but in the original Hebrew it means "jewel." So as Levi takes a journey from barely knowing his Hebrew roots to fully embracing them, he also takes a journey from using "takhshet" in the Yiddish sense, to using it in a more pure Hebrew sense. It also shows the change in their relationship: Eren goes from an enemy who Levi sees as nothing more than a "brat" and turns into an adored and precious "jewel."
Moses' Locket – Back in Chapter 16 "Shattered Pride" Eren removed Moses' locket and gave it to Levi. Originally, I didn't have much description of it, but I later went back, put some description in, even a little footnote about my own photo locket from an ex-boyfriend (we're still friends, I still have the locket) as well as made this picture of Moses and his girlfriend. So if you're one of my long-time readers, here you go... my version of Moses' locket. (It's an awful photoshop, but I really tried to make the screenshot from the anime of Moses Braun look old and stuck on top of a Victorian picture. I'm not an artist!)
I know this is a hellish cliffhanger. You can chew me out in the comments, haha!
Gunshot Wound to the Shoulder – I'm well aware that a gunshot wound (GSW) to the shoulder has become a trope in fiction. I also thought about where Eren would get shot if he was shielding Levi from a headshot, and the back of the shoulder actually was the right height.
In movies and TV, if the hero must get injured for the sake of drama, it's usually in the shoulder. They get shot, or an arrow, or stabbed, there's pain and blood, ooooh the drama! Then within a minute the hero is totally fine, running after the enemy, and even using the wounded arm to shoot a massive gun at the bad guys.
As someone trained in firearms who also has lifelong shoulder problems, I can assure you from personal experience: shoulder injury plus the recoil from even low caliber handguns do NOT mix. Your subclavian arteries are located below each of your collarbones, and they supply blood to your arms, neck, and head. Severe either one of those arteries, and you probably won't make it long enough for an ambulance to arrive. There's also a nerve bundle called the brachial plexus that sends signals from the spinal cord to the shoulder, arm, and hand. Having injured that nerve bundle, let me just say, IT HURTS LIKE A MOTHER!
So while your chances of surviving a GSW to the shoulder are better than, say, a shot to the torso, groin, or head, it's still not guaranteed. One in five victims will die from such a wound. You definitely will NOT be running around shooting bad guys 30 seconds later and hugging your friends at the end of the movie. You will be passing out from blood loss with numbness in the arm and a paralyzed hand.