This is just a quick one. I'm posting this on Monday 10th April (probably 12:01 am) which means tomorrow, Behind Darkness and Deceit becomes available for purchase. Literally in 24 hours.
I just want to take a second to thank you guys. You've all be so overwhelmingly kind and supportive during me writing this series, and I can't express my gratitude enough for that. Engaging with you all has made writing that much more fun, and has truly driven my passion. I can wholeheartedly say, without the support of you, and those who read my other books, I'd have never taken the first step into publishing.
The entire process has felt like a fever dream, and I cannot believe it's literally about to happen. Thank you all, again, for choosing to read what I write. I really do adore you all, and I'm so glad you've found something in my books worth staying for.
With that said, if any of you want to watch me crying when it goes live on Amazon, I'll probably post a vid on my Instagram and embarrass myself a touch.
Now, I'll let you get back to the second book, because Lord knows you've earned it ❤️
———
♔ 𝔑𝔦𝔯𝔞 ♔
I cannot fathom how Libitina can find any comfort in her usual clothes.
Her blouses and pants that I borrowed were fine, but hardly her usual attire. Her leathers are stiff and restrictive, especially in the height of summer. It feels suffocating to pull it on to my body, so awful that I almost consider returning to my initial plan to wear something looser that sits in her drawers, but she would never present herself such a way in company.
She wishes to display every ounce of muscle that she has built across her body. She pronounces the curves of her breasts and hips. She does not hide her shape, instead flaunts it.
It is a single piece, rising to the throat, and buckled over the torso. The top fastening is broken, and so I must leave it open, allowing the skin of my chest to show. My arms are covered by sleeves, and I pull on a pair of her boots that are lifted with a slight heel up to my knees.
There are plenty of fastenings across the attire for all her weapons, and so I sheath myself with as many as I can carry. Then, when done, I run a heavy hand through my hair, leaving it tousled and untamed, rolling in messy waves down my back.
I am sweating, and hugely regretting this idea, but I am too committed to stop now.
As I finish strapping the demon's knives at my waist, commotion from the turning circle stalls me. I press myself against her bedroom window, watching as a carriage pulls to a stop.
First, a winged figure lands beside it. Cenred. His torso is bare, wings unfurled behind him. My heart fills at the sight, knowing he is safe, and I can see him once again. I wish for nothing more than to call out to him, to run downstairs and capture him in an embrace, but I cannot.
My breathing stalls as the carriage door opens and a figure exits. Blonde hair, tamer than it was the last I saw him, in a braid that runs down his back. His features are solemn, and I wonder if Calix was right to say it would have been better for me to kill him. He has no desire to choose a different path to the one that follows behind his Lord.
It is him that exits the carriage next.
Zaire looks the same as he always did. Auburn hair, brighten under the unrelenting sun, cropped blunt at his shoulders. He wears a simple shirt, with dark emerald pants that stand against the crisp white. Unlike Ezekiel, he does not look burdened at all. He looks as though nothing has happened the past few months. Like he did not ruin my life and hide a secret from the entire Realm beneath his roof. Like he did not kill Sloan, simply because she disagreed with his twisted concept of love.
His attention lifts to the window I stand at and I dart from view, my chest heaving as I pant.
I cannot do this. I cannot.
But it is too late now. He is here, and whether I want to face him or not, he will not leave until he is stood across from me. I need to find the strength I have spent so long building, and use it now. He will not return to Abutilon with me. I am not the person I was the last I saw him.
I am so much worse.
♔
I press myself against the door to the foyer.
I am still in the corridor, hiding myself from all those that stand within. I know Tynan stands beside Calix, the latter's voice loud and clear as he drawls a lazy narrative. If the circumstances were not so dire, I would laugh at how he behaves a though he had no idea Zaire was arriving today, and how he pretends to be almost shocked for the reasons he is.
Zaire's voice is distant, no doubt stood at the foot of the stairs. He sounds furious, the same coldness to his tone that he held on the day I escaped. He has said little else than how he wishes to see me, and return me home. I know he does not mean Cracuria. He has made no mention of the plans he has to turn Vrodora against Calix if he is not to hand me over, the ones Cenred shared with us.
I doubt he will admit it at all. Zaire's arsenal is made of lies and secrets and half-truths.
The Lord is the only one that speaks. Neither Cenred or Ezekiel utter a word. They know better. Zaire's anger hangs heavy in the air, and though it deters them, Calix feeds it further.
"So, let me make sure I am clear on what you are asking," Calix begins, though he cannot continue.
"I am not asking." Zaire snaps. The warning in his words keeps my feet glued to the spot. I will not show myself, not until I know that Calix will keep his word. If he bends and gives in to Zaire's demands, I need to be ready to run.
"You will get nothing if you start throwing your weight around in my Court, Zaire." I can hear the humour in Calix's tone. Though it is neither a denial, nor an agreement, my tensed muscles soften somewhat. "You wish for me to hand Daenira back to you out of the kindness of my heart?"
"I know it is a foreign concept to you, doing anything without a price," I can picture the feral grin splitting Calix's lips as Zaire says that. "If you present me with an even trade, then perhaps we can agree on some form of payment."
Calix hums. "I am not sure there is anything that can match the value of the huntress." I bristle at the nickname. It sickens me, more so hearing it come from him mouth. I hate it. He never calls me that. "Besides, what if she does not wish to leave? She sought respite here, and seems to be enjoying it so far. I would say the decision is hers."
"She is mine, or did you forget that?"
Calix's laugh is cold and hollow, and I can picture the rage twisting Zaire's features. "You should have known that you never had the capacity to own such a woman, nor skilled enough to keep her, in any sense." The insinuation in his words is so thick, I can almost taste it.
Zaire sneers, "So she has already found her place warming your sheets then?"
"How much would it trouble you if I told you she was warming them now?" My heart stutters and I have to catch the breathy exhale that threatens to spill passed my lips.
"Bring her to me now," I scrunch my eyes shut as he speaks, so demanding that I already know what is coming next. "Or I will turn over this Court until I find her, even if it means killing your people in the process."
I know that is the most truthful Zaire has ever been.
I push open the door, sauntering into the room with a forced grin on my face. My eyes trail across the three bodies stood in the foyer ahead of me, and I allow them to linger on Cenred for a stolen moment. He does not smile at me, and I force my smile to widen.
Approaching Tynan and Calix, I try not to focus on the confusion that is etched on their features. The latter hides it well, but Tynan looks for answers between me and his Lord, seeking an explanation as to what I am doing here.
"She's gone." I announce, lilting my voice until I sound untroubled. I pause beside Calix's throne, leaning my arm against the backrest. Calix tenses, and I know he has already realised. I can only hope the rest are not so perceptive.
"Nira?" Tynan asks with furrowed brows, and I try not to play the question off as though it is not recognition.
"Yeah," I sigh, studying my nails and the rings that are stacked on my fingers. "Didn't want to hang around to see him, I suppose." I nod in Zaire's direction, and manage a lazy smirk. "I cannot say I blame her. I wouldn't, either."
"As pleasant as always, Libitina." Zaire hisses, and a horrible shiver races up my spine, one almost impossible to suppress. I hate him. But I still meet his eyes and pretend that I do not.
I let my head drop on a slant. "Sorry I'm late to the meeting. I was trying to talk Nira out of making the best decision of her life."
"And what was that?"
"Running from you a second time." I purr, relishing in the anger that turns his face burning red.
He takes a step forward. Calix's shadows shoot out from him, curling in warning before Zaire. Another... it places a light pressure against my back, and I lean into its touch. He knows its me.
I should have predicted he would see passed the ruse as quickly as I presented it. He knows Libitina too well, and knows me almost as much. It does not matter how much I exhaust myself to wear her features, or her attire, or twist my tongue around her strange accent; he will always tell us apart.
Facing Zaire as myself, it was not something I could do. Knowing what he intended, knowing what he has done, I could not have pretend to be fine in his company. I could not have hidden from him the power I have come to control, or buried the fear that swims in my veins. Still, I knew he would not leave without reason, and so I had to give him one.
As Libitina.
It was why I sent her chasing the ghosts of the Pario Telum. I cannot imagine she would have been fond of the idea of me stealing her identity while she hid away. I kept it a secret from Calix for the same reason. After our conversation, I know he thinks me too weak to do what I must when it comes to Zaire. Had I admitted to him that facing my old tormentor petrified me, it would have only solidified his opinion. He might have gone against me; decided that I was a risk that was not worth keeping around. At least now, I have blind-sided him enough that he will not out my schemes, if only to save his pride.
"Do not think I have forgotten the hand you played in her escape." Zaire snaps, straightening his spine as Calix's shadows strike in warning at him.
"I was only a bystander," I tell him, dropping myself to sit on the arm of the throne. Calix's shoulder presses against my arm, a grounding pressure to match the weight of his shadows that crawl up my spine. It is an inappropriate moment to remember the last time he touched me with his shadows – the suggestion that laced his tone.
My back arches against them in an unwarranted reaction, and I can sense the smugness roiling from him at that.
"You came to my Court." Zaire steps forward again. I fix my posture. "You kidnapped her."
I cannot help the sneer that contorts my features. "She summoned me. She Scered us here. She grovelled at his feet for asylum from you. There isn't a single bit of that which sounds as though it was not her choice." Calix's shadows curl around the back of my neck, in either support or restraint. "And just now, she left on her own volition. She was rather enjoying her time here until you turned up. I think we can both deduce the common denominator."
Cenred's wide eyes narrow with concern. "Where did she go?"
I shrug. "Didn't ask. Wouldn't of told you, anyway."
Calix reclines in his seat. "So it seems this is all for nothing. Maybe if you leave now, you will catch up to her." He waves in a dismissive gesture. Libitina would grin at that, so I do too.
Zaire's jaw ticks. "Cenred. Search from the sky." The Kythiran seems prepared to argue, his attention flicking back and forth between the Lord of Abutilon and the Lord of the Night. Then his eyes settle on me, and in an almost imperceivable movement, I dip my head in a nod.
I am not sure if he knows it is me, hiding behind Libitina's skin, or if he trust the demon enough to believe her words, but he agrees to the command and leaves the foyer through the main doors. "Maybe you should get a head start on foot Ezekiel." Tynan comments, taking a step closer to Calix before folding his arms. His smile is chilling.
"Zaire?" Ez asks.
"No." My teeth grit at the harshness of his tone, and the way he denies Ezekiel any sort of acknowledgement. I do not want to feel sympathy for him – I do not – but I cannot help but wonder if this is how it has been since I have left. Zaire on a war path, ready to trample over anyone that gets in his way. He has done that once already.
"I heard about Sloan." I cannot help but say. Zaire's attention lifts back to me. "Are you so surprised so does not wish to return to the place where her friend was murdered?"
"Nira does not understand." He says.
"Understand what? That you killed Sloan in a fit of rage?" His mocking laugh is cruel, and it takes all my will not to launch myself at him.
"You know nothing." I lift my chin, holding his hard glare. His attention flickers to my throat, holding it there for a moment, before he meets my eyes again. "If you had listened to reason, Nira, then perhaps you would have understood." My blood runs cold. Calix's shadows tighten on the back of my neck.
Ezekiel's posture tightens beside Zaire, and he looks at his Lord, and then me. His eyes widen and realisation settles upon him. He looks aghast at Zaire's claim, but I could not hold my shock long enough. I gave it all away with the deep swallow and the flash of fear that coasted across my eyes.
"Nira?" Ezekiel breathes. I do not acknowledge my name. If I can salvage this, I need to do it now.
"I told you; she is gone." Zaire's grin widens.
"Her skin is. But you still stand among us, do you not, huntress?" His eyes trail down my tensed posture, soon skating across to Calix. I know then that he follows the path of the shadows. He saw them at my neck. "I always was keen to underestimate you."
I brave the question. It is too late to continue this ruse. "How?"
"Because Lord Calix never lusted after his demon quite how he lusts after you now. Even in her skin." Like a fool, I let my eyes flicker towards Calix. He does not look at me, but his shadows remain against my back. "To think, you had been so against sleeping with our kind, and now you have bedded two of us."
"I never found pleasure with you Zaire. Can you blame me for seeking it elsewhere?" Tynan barks a laugh.
"Let us not make a display in front of your new... friends. Come now, and I will not take this further." He extends a hand. I grimace at the gesture.
"No."
"It was not a question."
"Neither was my answer a point of discussion." I return. His expression hardens. "Leave, Zaire."
When he moves forward again, Calix's shadows rise, almost blocking him from view. "You are coming with me, Nira. You belong to Abutilon; its flower sits on your chest."
Calix looks at me then, question in his eyes. I refuse to meet his gaze. "I would rather see it carved from my body than ever see it back in the place that it bloomed."
"Zaire, this is not the time." Ezekiel tries to placate. Please, get him to leave, Ez.
"You belong with me, Nira. All I have done is for you, and if I do not get to be the one standing by your side, I will make sure you are not left standing at all." The threat permeates the air, and I can face no more. I need to leave.
When I stand, Calix's shadow follow me, brushing over my fisted hands that tremble. "Try. If you are as smart as you believe yourself to be, you will know it will never get so far." I hurry to the door, head hanging to hide from the weight of everyone's stares. "Good luck in the Equinox, Zaire. I hope it ends the same way for you as it did for me. With a dagger in your chest."
I slam the door behind me, and before I have taken another step, I burst into tears.
———
Did you really think I was going to make Zaire's death that easy? Shame on you for doubting me.
Besides, our girl is still working through some deep rooted trauma when it comes to him. Like, he literally fucked her up - do you not remember he had her smashing her head into the ground while she promised to learn to love him so she could be free?
It was never going to be easy for her, villain or no.