ATLANTA, GEORGIA - 6:30PM
Prada kept looking over at me as he sat on my bed deciding whether or not he wanted to leave. It was the next day, and he's been asking if I was okay. I'd only reply with yes and we both knew I was lying. I told him he could leave and I'd be fine with Nugget. I'm already knowing he had things to do and he shouldn't have to put that on hold for me.
❝The second you feel like you 'bout to cry, call me. I'm dead ass, Milan. I'm 'bout to do this shit right quick then come back.❞ He told me getting up from off the bed. "Come with me so you can lock the door."
"You don't have to come back, Prada."
"Why you doing this? You ain't never had a nigga care for you before or something? I care, Milan. I dead ass care about you. Ion want you by yourself because I know them words hurt. You might try to do some shit and Ion wanna lose you, mama. That's why I'm trying to be here for you, but you acting like youn want it."
"Of course I never had no one care for me. My momma hates me along with the rest of my family. I would say my grandmother cares but obviously she doesn't if she lied and guess what? I ended up getting my feelings hurt. Only person that truly cared for me is Salim and he's not here." I expressed looking away from Prada.
"You can go. I'll be fine. I'll listen to music, paint, play with Nugget, be productive." I continued finally looking back at him.
"Alright. Come lock the door behind me." He pulled me to walk in front of him. I walked opening up the front door. "I'ma be back for real, Milan. At least for an hour or two."
"I'm going to be fine." I reassured him.
"C'mere." He stated pulling me into a hug leaving no space between the two of us.
Once Prada left I grabbed some clothes to wear so I could sleep in before I went to take a shower leaving me in my thoughts. There was no music playing which was stupid since I didn't need to be in my thoughts. Knowing that'll only lead me into doing something stupid.
Prada was right. Those words that my mom said to me did hurt. I couldn't get them out my head because how could you say that to your own child? How could you continuously blame me for my brothers death even after I told you exactly what happened? And it's like I knew I wasn't the reason, but it still hurt. I still felt a way. And to make it all worse was that my grandma lied.
All she cared about was getting her family back together, but didn't care enough about my feelings. I felt like she slick knew that my mom wasn't going to apologize.
Tears began clouding my eyes as I kept replaying the words she said to me yesterday, 'I don't care. My son is dead because of you. It should have been you instead of him!' It hurt so bad. Maybe if I went away then she'll be happy? She wouldn't have to worry about blaming me for Lim's death.
My shower lasted for 20 minutes since I was zoned out in my thoughts the whole time. I lathered myself down with lotion amd put on deodorant before putting on the clothes I grabbed for myself.
Nugget followed behind me as I walked into the kitchen. I looked inside his bowl making sure he had water and food which he did. I wasn't hungry or anything since Prada cooked before I left his house. He had cooked Lasagna with Corn on the side along with Garlic Bread. It was good and I didn't even know he could cook.
As they days progressed, I learned more about Prada. When I first met Prada, he was this rude and mean ass nigga, but actually getting to know him and being able to see his other side, I realize he was the opposite. And it was honestly a blessing that I was the only one allowed to see it.
I stepped onto a stool as I opened the cabinet above the fridge. I got ahold of some Vodka. I got down and went back into my room, closing and locking the door and began drinking from the bottle. This was how I dealt with my pain. It made everything go away.
While I drunk, Nugget kept barking looking at something so I knew Lim was here and I started crying. He wasn't here physically, he wasn't here to comfort me, and that hurts. I wanted him here. I knew if he was he'd comfort me then minutes after I was okay, make fun of me because of the way I cried. I wish this was all a dream- I woke up and Lim was still here and we were still 16.
"Nugget stop barking, it's just Lim." I told him walking over to the picture of Lim and I. I showed him the picture and he began barking even louder. "Nuggetttttt."
I waved him off as I continued drinking basically all of the Vodka.
✘✘✘
ATLANTA, GEORGIA - 9:39PM
I knocked on Milan's door getting fed up because she wasn't answering the phone nor opening the door. You could hear Nugget barking loudly though and I knew she wasn't sleeping through that. Ian even try knocking on the door again, I just grabbed a bobby pin out my pocket and began doing what I do. I ignored the looks I receiving from people that walked by.
Within a minute or two, I was inside her apartment. Nugget sat in front of Milan's room door and I began walking in that direction. Nugget moved further into the room and into the bathroom that was connected to her room. I walked and as soon as I seen her sitting down next to the toilet I already knew what she done.
I wasted no time helping her up. She was completely weak and unresponsive. I picked her up getting her into the bed and putting the cover over her. I walked back into her bathroom, flushed her toilet, and cleaned it right after.
I was mad. I told her that the minute she felt like she was 'bout to cry or something call me. 'Cause I was gone drop whatever I was doing to make sure she was okay. I cared for Milan whether she knew it or not. It had only been a month of knowing her, but that ain't mean anything. And truth be told, I liked Milan a lot. My feelings grew stronger and stronger for her everyday.
Milan made me feel a way I never felt. She was everything I ever wanted and needed. And little did she know this girl had my heart bruh.
I walked out the bathroom and took off my clothes leaving me in my boxers. I laid in the bed. It was hard for me to go to sleep so I just stayed up making sure that Milan was okay.
NEXT DAY - 7:15AM
Milan walked out the bathroom with her face turned up. I handed her two advils with a water bottle and she took them. She didn't say anything as she cleaned her room up. I understood why she ain't wanna say anything because she was embarrassed, but I wanted for her to tell me what happened.
❝Milan.❞ I called out looking at her and she acted as if she didn't hear me calling her name. "Milan, girl. I know you hear me talking to you."
"There's nothing for me to say."
"Hell you mean ain't nothing for you to say? Yes the hell it is. I'm knocking on the door and calling your phone and shit and you not answering neither. I walked innis bitch and you sitting by the toilet unresponsive and shit. Milan, I told you that you could call me. Why you ain't call me?" I turned her to look at me.
She rolled her eyes looking everywhere else but at me. I sucked my teeth getting irritated 'cause Ion know why she thought I was playing games with her.
"Saylor."
"Don't call me that. Why would you call me that?"
"That's what I gotta do to get you to answer me. You think a nigga playing and Ian playing with you, Milan. A nigga wanna know why you got drunk off yo' fucking ass last night and shit. Sitting by the toilet weak and unresponsive. Answer when I'm talking to you before I leave you innis bitch by yourself."
She rolled her eyes again.
"Aight. You think I'm playing?" I put my shoes on. I grabbed my keys and the gun off my nightstand.
"Okay, Prada." She tried to stop me and I pulled from her. "Prada, I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed. Do you think I wanted for you to see me sitting by the toilet weak and unresponsive? No, I didn't. It just happened because that's how I deal with my pain. After you left I took a shower and I was just full in thought. I completely zoned out and I just did that. I didn't think to call you. And to make it all worse Lim-/ nevermind."
"Lim, what?"
"Nothing."
"Lim, what? What happened, Milan?"
"Please, I don't want to talk about it. I apologize you had to see me like this, but those words hurt so bad."
"I know that, but that doesn't mean do stupid shit, Milan."
"What else was I suppose to do? Deal with the pain? I couldn't. Those words just kept replaying in my mind over and over again, Prada. What was I suppose to do? Huh? Call you and then what? Duke picks up the phone? No, thank you."
"Where did you get Vodka from?" I asked holding the bottle.
"I have a whole stash in the cabinet above the fridge. Don't look at me any different, please. I only drink when shit gets hard like this. I'm not an alcoholic, I promise just please don't leave me." She cried and I sighed pulling her in a hug.
"Ian gone leave you, Milan. I understand but don't let this shit happen no more. Next time you need me I'm gone be here or a phone call a way. Youn gotta worry about Duke picking up the phone or anybody in that matter, aight? I'm here, mama. I'm here. You can vent to me and tell me anything. I care about you and I rather you talk to a nigga. Get dressed."
a/n;
i was going to make this chapter longer buttttt i ended up getting a writers block so ima end it here. it was only right for me to make milan go through pain cs if my momma said sum to me like that ik i'll b hurt asf fr.
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