That night, I drew my blanket over my head, cursing myself for even letting that happen during the meeting. It wasn't under those terms that I wanted to deal with Seline again. Guilt gnawed at my gut as I turned to my side. It also stole whatever semblance of sleep I would hope to get tonight.
Her words played over and over in my head. Are you really going to abandon me again? They implied I did abandon her at some point. Was that how she felt all that time? I ran through my memories, through all of the years I spent with her. What was I even doing to make her feel that way, even though everything I did had been for her. And only her.
My brain settled on that night, when everything we knew to be right had suddenly become so wrong. We would've been fine without a lot. And what did I answer? I told her we wouldn't because she wouldn't ever be satisfied. Maybe I missed the point of that conversation, and that's what I was paying for at this moment.
I sat up and shoved my fingers into my hair, mussing it greatly. A low curse flitted out of my lips. Okay. Fine. Let's say I did take the Crimsons on their proposition. I'd be stuck with them for a year, helping them to at least raise their ranks so they could stand on their own down the adventuring road. But that also meant having to see and talk to Seline every day that the Divines blessed us. If I so much as hear another tirade about our past, I swore I was going to lose it.
I couldn't believe how much I feared that over letting down Cavya's expectations of me. It's not really a good time for the both of us right now. There's me who was running from that time in my life and then there's Seline who seemed to have nothing else to throw at me other than that. It's hard to decide which one of us was more pathetic.
But sure. Let's go down that route. Perhaps by finally giving Seline what she wanted just this once would get her to shut up and leave me alone. Perhaps, by bending with her childish tirades, she could finally let go of the things she was holding against me. Fine. Whatever.
Like all the hitches I've lived though, I'd survive this one.
I had to.
Come the next morning, I picked up after myself and found the Crimsons waiting inside the meeting room. It was only Cavya who was with them, running them through Dragnasand's rules and regulations. Someone's hell-bent on getting these people to sign up, yeah?
His whiskers twitched when I strode into the room just like I did yesterday. "A good day for a sip, don't you think?" he asked, alluding to their version of coffee in this world. Unfortunately, it's too sweet and could keep me awake for three days even with just a gulp. Was that how Mirani managed to stay up for weeks as she had claimed?
I ducked my head at him before turning to the Crimsons. "Fine, let's do that," I coughed out. "Your proposition, that is."
A huge gash of a smile broke through Heather's lips. Unlike Seline who frowned at me like she's not too thrilled at seeing me first thing in the morning, the dragonkin wore everything she's feeling on her face. I didn't need to think hard on gauging Heather when it comes to her reactions.
"What made you change your mind?" Cavya asked.
I rolled my shoulders as I sank down my usual seat. Without the other three, the room had a different energy to it. "I figured we need the workforce," I said. "We might be able to entice them to blend with us should their levels be high enough."
A glint flashed in Cavya's slitted eyes. "Or, we could have them duel me and whoever wins gets automatically drafted in."
"Very funny, Cav," I said. "What if they lose? Would you ban them from joining any party in Dragnasand too?"
"Wait, is that how you got in?" Trink interjected, apparently watching the whole conversation play out. "Did you beat someone who's one step to becoming a Master? Wow."
"Don't inflate his head further, Trink," Seline had her arms crossed, her frown deepening. "I don't even know why someone like him managed to be ranked a Noble when I started from the bottom."
Cavya turned to her. "Valdyrsi tend to score high in their assessments due to the nature of their magic and special skills. Sadly, there's not a lot of them who are adventurers," he twined his gloved hands together. "If you ask me, it's better that way. They're such a pain to deal with when it comes to friendly matches."
Seline snorted. "With you on that one," she said. "For once."
Cavya hummed—a clear sign of him approving someone's character. Huh. Seeing how easily Seline managed to sway our leader's perception easily reminded me why I had thought I admired her since the start. There was just this...sharpness in her I couldn't quite place.
"So, what's going to happen now?" I asked him. "Do I just hop onto the lobby and make it official?"
Cavya stood up and plucked a couple of glass plates from one of the shelves lining the room. He passed me one and kept the other for himself. Holding it in my hands and watching magigraphs float across the surface, made me think of the touchscreen gadgets we have at home. This one, with its size and thickness, resembled a tablet.
"Have them record their old data in there," Cavya instructed. He tapped around with his own and showed us the exact sequence for it. Why were we not getting the staff in the lobby to process this registration? Strange.
I followed his instructions and passed the tablet around. As I waited for them to finish, I turned to Heather. "Remember that our goal is to raise your ranks so you could eventually make it on your own," I said. "If one of you reaches the Veteran rank, this arrangement is considered terminated. Are you amenable?"
Heather bobbed her head. "All clear, boss," she gave me a mock salute of touching her shoulder with the opposite hand. Was that how they greeted each other in Raventhorne?
A beat of silence passed the room by. Eventually, the tablet made it back to me. I scrolled through all of the data they put. I happened to settle on Seline's form. Her rank was...Lower Artisan. I whipped towards Heather. "Doesn't Raventhorne have lower standards when it comes to approving promotions for scouting parties?" I asked. "You could qualify for an adventuring party there."
Heather clicked her forked tongue. "That witch, Karmi," she said like it explained everything. From my periphery, I noticed Cavya's shoulders flinching like he was tasered from behind. Was there something with the name? "She made sure we don't have anything to do with Raventhorne. I wasn't sure why."
Revery sniffed in disdain and folded her hands over each other. Her blue hair was pulled up in a loose bun, showing off her pointy ears. "Forgive Heather's choice of words," she said. "It's just that Raventhorne's guild rules didn't really line up with our circumstances."
And what circumstance would it be? One glance at Seline, seeing the cloud of guilt and shame pass across her face, gave me more than the hooded statements of her teammates. It seemed like she got more than herself in trouble this time.
"Just sign the thing or whatever," Seline snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. "We'll attend to our own improvement. We just need to have it on paper."
I pursed my lips, reading too much into what she implied. It seemed like she didn't need me, even when it was her who probably convinced her party to come crawling to Dragnasand. It hurt, but what's new when it's Seline who's involved? With nothing but a small nod, I provided my own information and passed the tablet to Cavya once I was done.
He scrolled through it, making sure nothing was amiss. Then, he smiled at the newly-created party. "Welcome to Dragnasand," he said. "I hope to have a lot of collaborations in the future with the Crimson Knights."
I stoked the fire and went back to pore at the magigraph being projected at eye-level from between my feet. The log I've been sitting on creaked underneath my weight. "Let's see..." I swept my hand at it, the stream of lights reacting to my touch much like touchscreens did. "If we go twenty prinks from here, we'd reach the cave system tomorrow at the earliest."
A crunch of boots against dried leaves and Seline dropped next to me, inserting herself into my personal space like she still belonged in it. "Or, we could have just gone to the Demon Springs. It's closer to Mystriae," she said.
I rolled my eyes at her. She must still be thinking of this world as a game. If there was something I learned from living here for as long as I did, it was this world had been anything but. It might contain traces of the Solarlume we had grown up playing, but that's where it ended and this whole new thing started.
"If you don't have anything helpful to add, you can mind your own business," I answered. It might have landed harsher than I thought, but there's no way I could take it back now.
Instead of hurt flickering across her face like I was so used to seeing every time I opened my mouth, she cracked a smile. "Unfortunately, my business is with you," she said. "If it's the Fountain you're looking for, you'd have more luck inducing it in the Demon Springs."
I decided to just let go and treat this conversation as it was and without any hidden meanings being implied in every sentence. "We don't have any way of getting a Divine Ore with at least five cores now, do we?" I said. Thinking of my bursting inventory reduced to the stuff I have now still sent a pang in my heart.
The look on Seline's face told me she was feeling something of the sort too. She pointed to the magigraph. "If we would travel just a wee bit from where we are, we would arrive at the Flambian Mines," she said. "We could get one from there and continue to Demon Springs."
"Or," I moved the magigraph around to show her a third option. "We could go west and find the Key of Goran. It should unlock a few more paths in both of our skills."
Seline snorted, maneuvering back the magigraph to the original plan. "Demon Springs are our best bet in getting the maximum leap with our skills," she said. "The dungeon there is riveting too, if I remember correctly."
Right. That was before the weird symbols and the infestations started. Who knew what well-known dungeons—spaces of land that netherbeast could infest again and again, even after purification—looked like now? I didn't want to be leading another group of people into their doom, not when we barely survived the last time I did that.
"You're playing it safe, yes?" came Seline's observation. My head snapped to her, our gazes locking. It was the longest time we did since we ended up in this world. "What are you worried about?"
I sighed and shook my head. "We'll go to the Distant Caves first. I happen to have a purified ore with me," I said. "We'll take what we can in that place, maybe slay a few beasts too. Then, we will visit the Demon Springs."
My mouth pressed into a hard line. "If we arrive at an infestation I feel we're not qualified to take on, we retreat," I flicked my gaze towards Heather, Trink, Arzo, and Revery who had tuned in at the latter half of our discussion. "Got it?"
They nodded in acknowledgment. I turned to Seline who hasn't moved since then. "Got it, Sel?" I prodded again.
She flinched, as if me shortening her name came as a shock. Thankfully, she bobbed her head as well. "Got it," she said.
I blew a breath and called off the magigraph, picking up the plaque and storing it in my inventory. It was so much better in analyzing our paths instead of relying on my internal map. Which reminded me...
In a flash, my notebook and pen appeared in front of me. I snatched it from its hovering state and opened it to the page I last stopped. "Get some rest," I told the others. "We've got a long day tomorrow."
A collective agreement rang from the other members and they scuffled around in preparation for their nightly rest. Seline didn't budge. Not one bit. It also sunk in that our shoulders weren't that far apart. Not anymore.
"I never got to thank you for agreeing to all of this," Seline said. I whipped to her, unsure of what possessed her to be this nice to me now. Did a spirit replace her soul when I wasn't looking? "So, thanks."
The flames' brightness and heat doubled in a span of seconds. "It's nothing," I said, running the tip of my pen over the notebook's page without really writing anything. I was just making lines upon lines upon lines. "I figured I should try and help you out...since I got you here and everything."
Seline chuckled. It wasn't of pure amusement. A hint of sadness tinged her tone. When I looked at her, with her face softly lit with the soft glow of the fire, I wasn't seeing some game character. I was looking at Hye-jin. "Of course, you took that one to heart," she said. "I should know better than speak crassly around you."
Which made me wonder how much of the things she spouted and threw against me since we got here had been something she meant and how much she didn't. I have no way of knowing, taking only her word for it. She could say she didn't mean stuff all she wanted, but there was no discounting the emotions those words drove in a flurry inside me.
"You do that quite a lot, you know?" I said. "I've grown accustomed to it, really."
A lie. But one made to relieve both sides of unwanted guilt. Hye-jin bit her lip. Slowly, her eyes dropped to the contents of my notebook. "What are those?" she pointed to one.
I shut my notebook in a flash. Hye-jin averted her eyes and moved to stand up. Wait. That wasn't—
"Wait," I reached out and my fingers brushed her hand. I withdrew my hand just as quickly. "I'm sorry...um. Here."
I flipped my notebook open again and raised it up to her. She did me a favor by resting her weight against the log again. "It's...some weird symbols I found in my missions," I pushed my hair away from my forehead. The strands fell back not soon after. "I started documenting them after I noticed them in every infestation I came across. They must have something to do with the rise in the number of nether beasts recently."
Hye-jin stuck her lip out. "Would they happen to be carved into a hard surface and glowing with purple light?"
"How did you know that?" I asked. That's too spot-on to ignore.
She shrugged. "I happened on one during the jjangkai mission," she said. "While you and Mirani were busy bashing the bugs' heads off, I saw one carved in the wall."
I tucked the left leaf of the notebook behind the right one. "Can you recall what the symbol looked like?" I poised my pen over the page in preparation for her description.
She hummed, looking to the dark sky. Night had fallen over us quickly, it seemed. "It looked like twin hooks..." she started.
Within seconds, I had a crude replica of the symbol. I held it up to her. "Is this correct?"
"Yeah, pretty much," she said. "What are you planning to do with that?"
I frowned. "Cavya's looking into it with scholars from other territories," I said. "Not much progress as of now. Even the Great Archive in the Central Empire wasn't of any help."
There was another issue it didn't help with, but I wasn't about to tell her I was even considering that path in the first place. She seemed happy here, going as far as begging me to make her an adventurer. She's not in a hurry to go home.
It's not like I was expecting her to want to go back. To her, the real world probably felt heavier and grimmer than this game-like reality where death seemed to be lurking in every corner. I could understand that. At least, the things that could break us were obvious in Solarlume.
"Well, you let me know how that goes," Hye-jin rose and placed a light hand on my shoulder. It had been the longest we touched. "It seems serious. I don't mind if we investigate it along with our leveling quests."
She didn't wait for me to voice my agreement. She was already striding towards the spot where Heather was lounging when I found my voice.
"I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her," Revery's voice made me flinch as she took Hye-jin's place. "You're not really over her, are you?"
I couldn't have whirled towards her that fast in all my life. "What are you talking about?" I asked, my voice going up to a higher degree.
Revery tucked her elbows in, leaning closer to the fire. "I've heard things here and there," she said. "Not to eavesdrop, but you know...sensitive ears."
Yeah. I forgot spirias had ultra-hearing. Revery took a deep breath before plunging on. "I've been able to piece your story from those and um...your most recent altercation," she was talking about that day in the meeting room. "You've hurt one another and now you wanted to have nothing to do with each other."
Pretty much. My silence must have told her she had been correct in her assumptions. "But you still look like her like she hadn't," Revery continued. "Which can only mean one thing."
"Maybe," I said with a heavy sigh, like how I've done it the past few days. "I wish I could give you a straight answer, but it's all a mess in here," I tapped a hand against my temple.
Revery's boots scratched against the forest floor as she straightened. She placed a gentle hand on my arm. "There's no time limit to figure that out," she said. "The last thing I want is for you to crumble down while in the middle of the task we imposed upon you. I'm here if you need me. Any of us, really. Trink and Arzo's just taking their time warming up to you. But they'll get there if you approached them first."
I nodded. "Thank you," I said. For once, I meant it. I used to hate the looks of pity I received from people getting a whiff of what happened to me, but with Revery, it didn't feel that way. She cared. And it felt nice.
"I'll keep that in mind," I gave Revery a small smile. "Rest up well."
She ducked her head at me even though I explicitly told them not to. She trudged away before I could tell her off.
I glanced at Hye-jin's turned back, curled up against a hastily-spread blanket. Yeah. I might have not been able to move on from the past, but I'd get there. Memories fade as pain and scars do. I just needed the one thing the universe seemed to be running out of—time.